Two paths, two aims, but what kind of friend?

Have We not given him two eyes…and shown him the two highways
(Surat al-Balad; 8,10)
All human beings seek a true friend . They look for people to share
their happiness with, who willsupport them in times oftrouble, who
will show them solutions when they can find none, who will love them
unconditionally, be loyalto them, protect them, treat their errors
gently, and who will not abandon them when they are ill, in the same
way that they will not abandon them when they are healthy, or when
they grow old.
However, a person has two ways of finding such a friend. One of these
is the way of the Compassionate One, a requirement of Qur'anic moral
values and the path chosen by believerswho seek solely the approval of
Allah. The other is the way of friends who seek to serve only their
worldly interests, a path based on advantage. In this article, in
which we lookat the reasons underlying these two states of affairs, we
reveal clear differences between the powerful bonds in relationships
between believers and relationships between non-believers based onlyon
worldly gain.
Friendship that attaches importance to moral values: In order to be a
true friend , a person must love someone else solely for their proper
moral values . These are a person's fear and love of Allah, faith,
sincerity and takwa . Only friendships built upon these values are
permanent. The friendship of people with such elevated moral values
achieves anunshakeable nature.
A never-ending friendship: There can be no doubt that the true friend
that everyone feels the need for and seeks is a great blessing. A true
friend is someone who will be there for a person in good times and
bad, who unconditionally wishes the same for his friend as he wishes
for himself, who wants him to be at least as happy and as well as he
wishes himselfto be. He is someone who avoids such emotions as
jealousy, intolerance and rivalry, who loves the other party sincerely
and always wants the best for him.
A friendship aimed at the Hereafter: The precondition for being atrue
friend is to aim for the other party's happiness in this world and in
the Hereafter. One important attribute of such a friendship is
speaking honestly and openly, telling the other party of any
deficiencies of faith, and affectionately showing him ways by which
thesecan be remedied. Only a true friend who truly loves the other
person can behave in this way.
A friendship based on love and respect: In an environment where people
live by Qur'anic morality, fear of and faith in Allah are values
whereby people can truly feel love and respect for one another. The
love, trust and loyalty that believers feelfor one another is shaped
totally in accordance with the endeavors they make onthe path of
Allah. A believer who uses all he possesses for good in order to gain
the approval of Allah, who presses forward undeterred on that
path,will obtain the love of his Muslim brothers and set an excellent
example to them. The powerful loyalty between them will increase the
love, devotion and trust they feel towards one another. Therefore, if
friendship and closeness are built on people's fear of and faith in
Allah and on proper moral values, then physical alterations due to
sickness or age will haveabsolutely no effect on them. On the
contrary, even greater affection and compassion will be felt for the
believer.
A friendship based on honesty: Sincerity means a person being the
sameon the inside as on the outside, an external reflection of what he
feels and experiences in his heart. It means beingsincere, open and
straightforward, revealing one's true character without hiding one's
real thoughts and feelings, not engaging in calculating behavior or
trying to appear different to how one really is. According to Qur'anic
moral values, a person is worthy to the extent of his honesty, and his
friends and loved ones love him because they know that he is sincere
towards them.
Your friend is only Allah and His Messenger and those who believe:
thosewho perform prayer andgive the alms, and bow. (Surat Al-Ma'ida;
55)
A friendship condemned to loneliness: Despite all their longing,
people who fail to take the moral values of the Qur'an as their guide
cannever find a true friend. That is why one frequently finds them
saying such things as "I am very lonely," "I don't have a single
friend in the world," or "They have left me all alone, sothey were
just fair weather friends."
A friendship based on prestige and rank: The friendships that some
people build on the basis of such values as wealth, beauty,
prestige,rank or social status are never long-lasting. Because as
soon as thereis a change in these values on which it is based, that
friendship comes to an end. For example, someone possessed of such
moral values who adopts a friend because that person is very
attractive and impressive will immediately lose all interest in them
the moment they become unrecognizably flawed, needy and helpless as
the result of an accident.
A friendship based on rivalry: People who are competitive and regard
others as rivals generallyonly tell others of their mistakes when they
have to. Because they are generally unwilling for others to be better
than them, or even if they see their flaws, theystill behave
insincerely out of a fear that this could damage their friendship, and
so say things like "You are a very good person," or "We love you just
the way you are."
A friendship based on self-interest: People wholive according to their
own self-interest experience many psychological ups and downs during
the courseof their lives. They may lose their attractiveness, youth,
health, possessions and wealth. They see that people they once
imagined to be their friends attach no value to them when they become
old and frail. These people, who were very close and swore undying
loyalty toone another in happier times, become so distantas not to
speak to or even recognize one another. They see that they have no-one
to share a problem with, toadvise them, whom they can ask for help
from or place their trust in. They realize that even the people they
described as my closest friend put their own interests above their
friendship.
A friendship dominated by insecurity: It is impossible for people who
do not live by the moral values of the Qur'an to feel true love,
respect or trust towards one another in the knowledge of each other's
moral failings. It is impossible to truly love and respect someone if
one knows that they lie and are false and hypocritical and if one sees
that they use other people for their own advantage. A person will be
aware that although this individual may say that he is their closest
friend, he actually behaves in exactly the same way towards him as
well.
The Day when a wrongdoer will bite his hands and say, 'Alas for me! If
only I had gone the way of the Messenger!'
'Alas for me! If only I had not taken so-and-so for a friend!'
'He led me astray from the Reminder after it came to me.' Satan always
leaves man in thelurch.
(Surat Al-Furqan; 27-29)