stories - I think I am going to die...

Hello,
I want to tell you what happened to me and how this story turned my
life upside down, and I am not the same person any more......
It was during last year's summer. I used to live in a small town near
the capital, I studied and lived there. I had a steadyboyfriend for
almost 2 years; we loved and respected each other. He studied in the
same university I did. We would see each other every day, take a walk
together, we took pleasure in the love that filled us, we were more
than happy, but…as you know all good things come to an end.
Problems started when after my last annual examI decided to go to the
seaside with my friends from the town where my parents live. My
boyfriend didn't come cause he didn't have the opportunity ( he had
work in the town). So one morning my friends and I left for the
seaside. We arrived somewhere around 1 am at night. Wewent to the
hotel to check in, took a quick shower and went to bed, cause we were
all dead tired. On the next morning we went to the beach. The first
thing I noticed was the most amazing man I have ever seen, a handsome
man sitting alone on the beach, obviously waiting for someone. I told
my friends to go and I will catch them later.
I approached him and with some cheek I sat on the sand next to him, I
looked at him and smiled. He immediately gave me his hand as if hehad
been waiting for thisall day long. So we introduced each other and
chatted for over an hour, he told me a lot about himself, and I
basically told him everything. And suddenly, when we both paused
talking and as if we were enjoying one another, he said that obviously
the friend he was waiting for, won't be coming. He invited mefor a
coffee and I accepted, of course. I wasso happy and pleased with him,
it was a long time since I had so much fun. He was treating me (
someone he didn't know)so well, making me laugh, I felt so good….I
didn't want this moment to end. So we went for a coffee and we chatted
for almost 2 hours. He told me how much he loved the sea, and I
supported him fully in this. We liked each other so much, we felt
we've know each other forever.
When I was leaving for the seaside, despite my good mood, I thought I
would not stop thinking of "my man" and would not have good time, but
while I was with Mario ( that was the name of the boy I met at the
beach) I did not think of Steve ( my friend in the town) not even
once. I was so happy and enjoying the moment.......
After that I started going out with Mario, and not with my friends,
day after day. Days would pass and I kept feeling amazing………. but then
the day I had to leave came. I felt terrible. Mariowas from other city
and the distance was so huge…I think I loved him.. He also felt bad
thatwe I had to leave, but that's life. We promised to write and to
see each other next summer.
I left for my home town, and he remained at the sea, we were so far
from each other.........
After a long and boring trip I came back home and when I arrived my
parents called me to see if I was all right. After that Steve called,
my God,I had totally forgotten about him, but fate reminded me where I
was....
A couple of hours after I arrived I met Steve and you know what……my
heart beat faster. SO my "previous love" for him burst out again after
20 days absence??? We spent 2 hours together and he kept asking how
Ispent at the seaside and Iwas forced to think of something, I wasn't
ready to tell him the truth. After all I was cheating on him the whole
time...
Everything was back to normal, but I wasn't the same. In my thoughts
he was " my prince Mario". God, you should hear my heart beating when
I think of him, my heart was filled with love.
A couple of days later Steve and I went to my parents' place. We
thought of spending some time with them. One day as I was sitting and
having lunch with Steve and my parents, I felt sick. My mother said
she would come with me to the doctor. I was told I was pregnant. My
God, I stood shocked, we had sex the previous night with Steve, but it
was notpossible that I got pregnant. I was certain, the child was
Mario's. How would I tell my parents, they would certainly drive me
away, they loved Steve so much.So I kept it all to myself and
everybody was happy. I was most happy cause I would give birth to a
child from my loved one. ..
In the meantime I kept receiving letters from Mario almost every week
and was so happy. One day in one of my letters I shared that I was
pregnant from him; I thought he would be happy and that he wouldwant
to see me, but alas….......after this letter he stopped writing and I
never got an answer from him.
I was tempted to look forhim, to find out what he was doing and
thinking, but I realized he left the address he was living on.
Now, months after this, I am pregnant, married to Steve and unhappy.
Where is the love of my life? So his I- love-you's were all lies?
Maybe I am to blame, cause I cheatedon the man who loved me and was
truthful to me? What is wrong with me? Why do I keep lovingthe one
from the sea who hurt me so much?
I live with my parents with Steve now, he loves me dearly and I
pretend. I don't know how much I would stand this.
My parents want to buy us a house, for me, my husband and the innocent
baby that is going to be born.
How do I live with this lie? The child will remind me of my big,
seaside love…….and it is not guilty, it has the right to live, and I
would need to keep living with Steve and pretend I am happy…What if in
the meantime I die of sadness for my beloved one???