She says: “I hate my father so much because he is the reason for my suffering; am I to be blamed for hating him?”

I am a young woman, thirty years old. My problem is that I hate
myfather vehemently and I cannot even listen to anynews of him. My
father transgressed against my rights and the rights of my mother and
siblings. He left me when I was small, eight years old, and travelled
to another city where he married another woman and forgot that he had
two small daughters, me and my sister. We needed him to be with us but
he did not care about that. All he cared about was himself. He left me
and my mother and my sisterwith my married brothers, and their wives
were mean to us. They created troubles and my brothers believed them.
The matter went so far that my mother, my sister and I were kicked out
and went to live for a while in my married sister's house, and we went
through a lot of problems. I blame my father because he did not think
of us and he did not provide us with a peaceful life, and he left us
to our fate, to suffer harshness and injustice. After that, we moved
with my mother to the same city when my father lives. He has had
children from his other wife and he did not treat us fairly. We lived
in difficult circumstances and he did not spend on us; my poor mother
used to sell our used clothes in orderto provide food for us. We have
grown up and Istill do not see any care from my father. I hate him
very much and he does not even deserve tobe called a father. He hasnot
provided a decent life for me and my sister,and he does not care about
our future with regard us getting married and settling down. I have
become hardhearted because of the difficult circumstances I have gone
through. Now he has sold a house of his and given all the money to his
other wife and herchildren, and he did not remember us at all. I hate
him very much; am I to be blamed for hatinghim? What is the Islamic
ruling on that?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to recompense you for your calamity,
and to relieve you of your pain, and decree reward for you. And we ask
Him, may He be exalted, to guide your father, for he has acted very
badly indeed by deliberately neglecting his family whom Allah, may He
be exalted, commanded him to look after and take care of, especially
since those whom he neglected of his family are those who are weak.
Your father has also been unjust towards your mother by not giving her
her rightsof maintenance and not being fair between her and his other
wife. And he has been unjust in terms of giving, as he has given to
his children from his other wife but not to his children from his
first wife. All these things that your father has done are clearly
sins and neglect of the obligations that Allah, may He be exalted, has
enjoined upon him, so he deserves the warningunless he repents to his
Lord, gives up this wrongdoing, establishesequal treatment of his two
families, and sets straight what he has done wrong. If he does that,
he will find that his Lord will accept his repentance and show mercy.
Secondly:
Despite all the things that your father has done, his right to kind
treatment and obedience in that which is right and proper is
stillguaranteed, according to the shar'i texts. If Allah, may He be
exalted,has mentioned the rights of the mushrik father – and even the
one who calls his children to associate others with their Lord, may He
be glorified and exalted – to kind treatment and good companionship,
then theone who is less than himin terms of evildoing is more entitled
to that kind treatment and good companionship. Allah, may He be
exalted,says (interpretation of the meaning):
"But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with
Me others that of which youhave no knowledge, then obey them not, but
behave with them in theworld kindly, and follow the path of him who
turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your
return, and Ishall tell you what you used to do"
[Luqmaan 31:15].
Although the father deserves to be warned (of divine punishment) for
his sin and neglect ofshar'i duties, disobedient children and those
who do not treat their parents kindlyare also warned about their
actions; it is not permissible to repay mistreatment with mistreatment
or wrongdoing with wrongdoing.
Thirdly:
Although children are not to be blamed for feelings of resentment
inthe heart towards the father who commits sin or is a disbeliever,
that does not contradict the duty to treat him kindly and obey him in
that which is right and proper. But you have to hold your tongue and
refrain from speaking badly to him, and also refrain from mistreating
him in practical terms.
As the issue was caused by your father's actions and you have gone
through so much pain and hardship, we advise you to seek reward with
Allah for what you have gone through. And we advise you to offer
du'aa' for your father, praying that he be guided and enabled to
repent and set things right, because he is in the greatest need of the
mercy and forgiveness of Allah, may He be exalted.

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