For Ever After…

In all societies and at all times marriage has been considered an occssion for great joy. The word most used with “wedding” is “celebration.” In fiction, which reflects our inner desires, they “lived happily ever after.” Obviously seeking success in marriage has been a pre-occupation of all societies. Today in the U.S. — a society as advanced as human endeavour alone without Divine Guidance can make it — the average lengthof “ever after” is about seven years. That is the average period a new marriage lasts today. But even this period is not entirely a period of happiness. As the Surgeon General report indicated a few years ago, home had become the most dangerous place for the American woman. The leading cause of injuries to them is beatings by husbands and boy friends. Obviously Science and the Age of Reason have not exactly delivered the happiest homes on earth. The secret to marital bliss eludes the Western civilization, although arrogance and conceit keep it from admitting fundamental flaws and looking elsewhere for solutions. Otherwise it would have found the solution in Islam . Islamic prescription for success inmarried life is based on taqwa, fear and consciousness of Allah. Taqwa — the basis for all aspects of Islamic life — is especialy relevant to the household. That is why Sura Nisa, where many commands regarding rights and responsibilities of spouses are given, begins with repeated reminders of taqwa. A hadith explains why. It descrbes a scene from the court of Iblis (Devil) where his assistants are reporting their achievements but he is not pleased. Then comes an assistant and says: “I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and his wife.” The Devil embraces himin joy saying “Well done.” To fight the Devil, one needs Allah’s help and it comes with taqwa, that is living with the awareness that Allah is watching us and will hold us accountable for our actions. A direct and far reaching consequence of this awareness is that a fight for rights is replaced by a concern for responsibilities. One’s rights are other’s responsibilities. A Muslim husband and wife will be concerned with discharging their duties toward each other. Not a very atractive prospect for those itching to start a fight for rights. But it provides for a home that is a model of peace, love and harmony. Islam emphasises organization and discipline, the five daily congregational prayers being a good reminder of that concern. Iftwo Muslims travel together, they are required to choose one as theleader. Quite naturally the principle extends to the home as well, and husband is the head of the household. He is responsible for handling all outside affairs and providing finances, protection, and over all direction. The wife is his assistant in the home, responsible for taking careof the home and the children. A very famous hadith explains it: “Everyone of you is in charge and everyone will be accountablefor those given in their charge. The man is in charge of the household and the woman is in charge of the home and the children.” [Bukhari]. This hierarchy of authority and responsibility is key to the stability and proper functioning of the society. Authority does carry risk of misuse. The solution does not lie in eliminating authority but in including suitable protections against the possible abuse. On thelegal level this is achieved by delineating the boundaries of thisauthority. The basic ground rule in the Islamic society is that no one can ever ask for anything againt the Shariah. But that is not it. Actually a wife’s legal obligation is very limited. In fact her only legal obligation is to stayin the home of her husband. She is not legally bound even to cook food, much less serve the parentsor other relatives of her husband.The delicate balance between the legal and the moral here is very illuminating. On the moral plane she is expected to take care of household chores, but this is to be taken as a favor by the husband. Too many husbands take these services for granted. Realizing this necessary function as kindness would call for greater kindness in return. And a heavy emphasis on kindness keeps the husband’s authority in check: “The best of you are those who are best in dealing with their wives and I am the best in dealing with my wives.” [Tirmidhi]. A problem may still arise betweenthe husband and wife. No two human beings can always meet the expectations of the other. Human beings are niether perfectnor perfectly matched. What is a husband to do if he sees something in his wife that he does not like? Unless the issue of concern is an unacceptable behaviour according to Shariah — in which case he should use appropriate pursuasion to change it — the husband is askedto ignore the negative and focus on the positive./ - - - :-> Transtors: 1.http://free-translation.imtranslator.net/lowres.asp 2.http://translate.google.com/m?twu=1&hl=en&vi=m&sl=auto&tl=en