* Very stressed and suicidal over what is the right thing to do?

A 22 year old boy. I recently got into a relationship with this girl
that i really liked. Around 6 months ago. I wanted tomarry her and
even informed my sister about her and everything. My family knows the
girl sincethe two families are quite close. In the beginning it was
just normal conversation regarding how we would get married. But then
later wegot really close and attached emotionally. One day, she told
me that she got a marriage proposal and I said that it would bebest if
she forget about me then if her parents have found someone else. But
somehow, we could not let go of each other.
It was very heart breakingfor me to realise that she was going away.
One day when we met, I don't know how this happened but we got
physical and sexual. We are both still virgins though. We did notlose
our virginity. Alhamdulillah. But after that incident no matter what I
try to do, I can not make the guilt go away, no matter how much I
regret my actions. I still like the girl you know. In order to set
things straight, I even talked to my momabout her so that I can fix
what went wrong but by then it was too late since the two families got
into aterrible feud and are not on speaking terms. It was just all too
much for me totake and I had to be placed on anti depressantsand am
diagnosed with OCD and a few other disorders. I suspect I have
developed Scrupulosity.
Brothers and sisters, I'm soupset with myself. I honestly, truly,
wanted to marry her right from the first day we started talking about
it. That was my intention. I'm very upset with the way things turned
out and no matter how much I tried to fix it . Nothing worked. I spoke
to family also but still nothing. It's like I am not able to set right
my wrongs. I became depressed and suicidal andthere was a point when I
resorted to self harm.
Alhamdulillah, after that incident, we have never met each other in
solitude and neither have we got into any kind of sexual activity (
except holding hands once for a short while ) . And now she says, it
is not at all possible since her family will never agree to it. What
should I do brothers and sisters? I can't go back in time and undo
those few wretched days when we involved ourselves in sins and
shameless behaviour. I regret it all so much now. What do I do
brothers andsisters? In my attempts to fix all the wrongs , I have
ended up upsetting her also since she thinks that I'm doing it without
any consideration for her feelings. I do like her still. But she does
not want to marry me anymore. I evenconvinced my brother , sister and
mother. :( .
What do I do now brothers and sisters?? . How do I remove this
guilt???. How do I fix all that I broke. ??? What do Ido.??? I do not
want to leave her side still and if she wants to marry me even now I
will do whatever it takes to make it happen INSHAALLAH. Butshe says
she doesnt want it , since there is no hope.
After she said that, I thought the only other way to fix it would be
to stop thinking of her in that way and think of her as a muslimah
sister. Is that wrong brothers and sisters???Please help me . I'm all
alone in a new town and I feel suicidal now and then again. ( can
help anyone)/