Invalid Marriages, - * He lived in sin with his girlfriend and had a child from her and he wants to marry her

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I live in the west and during the last three years I got to know a kitaabi girl (from the people of the Book – Jewish or Christian), and the relationship between us deepened. That was with the approval of her family and mine. After that we had a daughter and we applied for a civil marriage, but the court refused to marry us because the girl has not yet reached the age where marriage is allowed in that country. I had no choice but to go to the imam of our mosque and the girl’s guardian, and two witnesses of good character came, and we got married in this manner. Is the marriage legitimate according to sharee’ah? Do I have to do anything because of the previous years that I spent with this kitaabi girl without being married? Please advise me, may Allaah reward you with good.
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Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Undoubtedly you did something very wrong for yourself and your religious commitment when you agreed to form a haraam relationship with a Christian woman. As for yourself, that is by committing the sin of zina for which Allaah warns of a severe punishment and decrees the hadd punishment in this world: one hundred lashes for one who is not married and stoning to death for one who is married. As for your religious commitment, that is by giving a bad example of Islam and its morals and rulings to those kuffaar, whether in the land where you live or the family of the woman with whom you are living. How can they respect Islam and the Muslims when they do not see any difference between you and others of the people of the Book?
What you –and your family who knew of your sin – must do is repent sincerely from this great sin. You should realize that you did not only fall into the sin of zina which Islam warns against even approaching, but you persisted in that and lived with the woman as man and wife. This makes your sin worse than the sin of others who may fall into the sin of immorality without continuing or persisting in it.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse __and whoever does this shall receive the punishment.
69. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace;
70. Except those who repent and believe (in Islamic Monotheism), and do righteous deeds; for those, Allaah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allaah is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful”
[al-Furqaan 25:68-70]
For more information on the greatness of Allaah’s grace in accepting the repentance of His slaves and that He accepts the repentance of the penitent no matter how serious and numerous their sins, please
Secondly:
It should be noted that it is not permissible for you to marry this kitaabi woman unless you repent sincerely to Allaah, and until you are certain that she will not commit immoral actions with anyone and that she will not have boyfriends. This is one of the conditions of marriage to a kitaabi woman.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them. (Lawful to you in marriage) are chaste women from the believers and chaste women from those who were given the Scripture (Jews and Christians) before your time when you have given their due Mahr (bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage), desiring chastity (i.e. taking them in legal wedlock) not committing illegal sexual intercourse, nor taking them as girlfriends”
[al-Maa'idah 5:5]
What you should have done was to tell the one who did the marriage contract for you about your situation and hers, so that he could have enjoined you to repent and told you of the conditions of her being chaste and avoiding zina, and so that you could wait for one menstrual cycle until it was established that she was not pregnant, or until she gave birth if she was pregnant.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
If a woman commits zina, it is not permissible for the one who knows of that to marry her unless two conditions are met:
1- That her ‘iddah has ended. If she is pregnant as the result of zina then her ‘iddah ends when she gives birth, and it is not permissible to marry her before she gives birth.
2- That she repents from committing zina.
And he said: If both conditions are met, it is permissible for the zaani (the man who committed zina) or anyone else to marry her according to the majority of scholars, including Abu Bakr, ‘Umar and his son, Ibn ‘Abbaas, Jaabir, Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyab, Jaabir ibn Zayd, ‘Ata’, al-Hasan, ‘Ikrimah, al-Zuhri, al-Thawri, al-Shaafa’i, Ibn al-Mundhir and ashaab al-ra’y.
Al-Mughni(7/108, 109)
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
It is not permissible to marry a woman who has committed zina until she repents. If a man wants to marry her then he must wait for one menstrual cycle to establish that she is not pregnant before doing the marriage contract with her. If it turns out that she is pregnant, it is not permissible for him to do the marriage contract with her until after she gives birth.
Al-Fataawa al-Jaami’ah li’l-Mar’ah al-Muslimah(2/584)
You do not have the right to do the marriage contract in the courts that govern by man-made laws, or in their churches, rather what you did by asking the imam of the mosque to do the marriage contract was the right thing to do. There is nothing wrong with confirming it in the courts for official purposes.
The scholars of the Standing Committee said:
If the proposal and acceptance are completed, along with all the other conditions of marriage, and it is free from any impediments, then it is valid. If confirming it legally (in the civil court) could serve some shar’i interests of both parties, both now or in the future, then that must be done.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah(18/87).
And they said:
If the marriage contract is not recognized and no rights will be granted unless it is confirmed in a non-shar’i court, then this does not affect the validity of the marriage, but there is nothing wrong with confirming it in a non-shar’i court if the aim is to record it for official purposes.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah(18/87).
Thirdly:
As for your daughter, she is the product of an illegitimate relationship and it is not permissible for her to be named after you, rather she should be named after her mother.
It was narrated from ‘Amr ibn Shu’ayb from his father that his grandfather said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ruled that whoever was born to a slave woman whom his father did not own or to a free woman with whom he committed adultery, then he cannot be named after him and he does not inherit from him, even if the one whom he claims is his father acknowledges him. So he is the product of zina, whether his mother was a free woman or a slave.
Narrated by Abu Dawood (2265) and Ibn Maajah (2746); classed as hasan by al-Albaani inSaheeh Abi Dawood.
The scholars of the Standing Committee said, concerning a similar case:
The daughter mentioned, who is the result of illicit relations with her mother, is not your daughter according to sharee’ah, and it is not permissible for her to be named after you, because she was born from haraam water, which is zina. So she should be named after her mother and not after the one who committed zina with her.
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah(18/321, 322)
If it is not possible to name the child after the mother in the land where the mother lives, she may be given a name which does not belong to anyone in particular, so she may be given a name to use in official papers and documents.

We should also remind you that it is haraam to settle in a kaafir land, and you should learn a lesson from what happened to you and try to leave that land and settle in a Muslim country where you will see Islam being practised openly and you will be able to raise your children to follow Islam, be chaste and have good attitudes.
And Allaah knows best.

How 2 manage yourself, - 5 Types of people who will always put you down, -

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Do you feel hurt?
You have been criticized badly? or Humiliated by someone?
The good news i have for you is that this person might be mentally unstable!
First of all there is a great difference between constructive criticism that comes from family members or close friends who care about you and want to see you doing better in life and the other type of criticize that reflects insecurities and deep psychological issues.
Before you start looking for flaws in yourself when you get mockedyou should first examine the person who mocked you to find out whether he is the one who really needs help or not.
5 reasons those who mock and humiliate you are mentally unstable
*.1) Projecting their own flaws:One of the best ways People who are so scared to admit the existence of their flaws is to deny their existence and reaffirm their self deception by accusing others of having those flaws. I am You know that person who has a certain flaw but always mocks youfor having it?
*.2) Too insecure to see you doing well :Not everybody feels comfortable in his own skin. Some people feel insecure to the extent that they can't tolerate seeing other people doing things right. By mocking those people and humiliating them the insecure person eases some of his emotional turbulence. It's a fact that cowards don't compliment others because they are too afraid to be left behind if people did what they believe they can't do themselves.(see also How to deal with people who criticize you)
*.3) Failed to have a useful role in life:In the Solid Self confidence programi said that if a person failed to make significant achievements in life he is very likely to turn to useless victories if he was a coward. While brave people start again and keep trying to achieve their goals cowards go for cheap victories by criticizing any person who seems more successful or happier than them.
*.4) Very low self esteem:Why do people feel jealous of others? There are many reasons but the most popular one is believing that someone did what they can't do. Had a person been sure he can make that same achievement his friend did he would have hardly felt jealousof him. Those who have low self esteem feel extremely jealous of people who do things they can't do and so find no better way to feel good than to mock them or humiliate them
*.5) Strong feeling of inferiority:We all experience inferiority feelings at some points of our lives but the brave ones of us usually move in directions that helps them ease this inferiority. For example when a brave person finds that he is earning a very low salary compared to his friends he will usually use this inferiority as a motivating forceto have a better career. But what if the person was inferior and too insecure to do that? He will just criticize and humiliate people to feel good because he can't do any better!
Why you should never take criticism personally
Because the world is full of psychos and mentally unstable people who disguise in the form of sane humans. In most cases you will be criticized or humiliated because of psychological issues that the attacker suffers from and not because you are really bad or defective.
The majority of people don't have a high self esteem.
Brave ones who actually have the courage to follow their dreams are a minority.
Most people feel insecure and hate to see others doing better than them.
Do you still think you should feel bad when you get mocked?
2knowmyself is not a complicated medical website nor a boring online encyclopedia but rather a place where you will find simple, to the point and effective information that is backed by psychology and presented in a simple way that you can understand and apply. If you think that this is some kind of marketing hype then see what other visitors say about

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Marriage Contract, - * She got married without writing the marriage contract – should she repeat the marriage?

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I have been married for a year and a half and when i got married it was to a muslim man and i became muslim after a year and a month of being married we did the marriage islamically correct ie: he asked my fathers permission and had two witnesses and he asked me what i wanted for dawry but we did not make a marriage contract do we need to make one and is the marriage valid?and also i do not have a Wali do i need one?.
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Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
May Allaah bless you; we congratulate you for the blessing of Islam, for it is the greatest of blessings. We also congratulate you for your marriage, and we ask Allaah to continue to bless it, and to bless you with a righteous husband and righteous offspring.
Secondly:
If the marriage was done with the agreement of your father and in the presence of two witnesses, then it is a valid marriage, and it does not matter that the marriage contract was not written down or that the mahr (dowry) was not recorded. But the marriage contract should be written down because that helps to protect people’s rights. As your marriage was done before you became Muslim, then your wali (guardian) was your father who was of the same religion as you, so if you want to write it down and document what is in the marriage contract, there is nothing wrong with that.
But now your father is not qualified to act as your guardian, because of the difference in religion.
But you do not need a wali now, because the previous marriage contract is valid, as stated above.
And Allaah knows best.