Marriage in Islam, - 10 Tips on How to Be a Successful Husband

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1.Dress up for your wife, look clean and smell good.When was the last time us men went shopping for designer pajamas? Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. Remember that Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.
2.Use the cutest names for your wife. Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - had nicknames for his wives, ones that they loved. Call your wife by the most beloved names to her, and avoid using names that hurt their feelings.
3.Don't treat her like a fly. We never think about a fly in our daily lives until it 'bugs' us. Similarly, a wife will do well all day - which brings no attention from the husband - until she does something to 'bug' him. Don't treat her like this; recognize all the good that she does and focus on that.
4.If you see wrong from your wife, try being silent and do not comment! This is one of the ways Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - used when he would see something inappropriate from his wives - radi Allahu 'anhunn. It's a technique that few Muslim men have mastered.
5.Smile at your wife whenever you see her and embrace her often. Smiling is Sadaqah and your wife is not exempt from the Muslim Ummah. Imagine life with her constantly seeing you smiling. Remember also those Ahadith when Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would kiss his wife before leaving for Salah, even if he was fasting.
6.Thank her for all that she does for you. Then thank her again! Take for example a dinner at your house. She makes the food, cleans the home, and a dozen other tasks to prepare. And sometimes the only acknowledgement she receives is that there needed to be more salt in the soup. Don't let that be; thank her!
7.Ask her to write down the last ten things you did for her that made her happy. Then go and do them again. It may be hard to recognize what gives your wife pleasure. You don't have to play a guessing game, ask her and work on repeating those times in your life.
8.Don't belittle her desires. Comfort her. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam set the example for us in an incident when Safiyyah - radi Allahu 'anha - was crying because, as she said, he had put her on a slow camel. He wiped her tears, comforted her, and brought her the camel.
9.Be humorous and Play games with your wife. Look at how Rasul Allah - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam - would race his wife Aisha - radi Allahu 'anha - in the desert. When was the last time we did something like that?
10.Always remember the words of Allah's Messenger - sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam:"The best of you are those who treat their families the best. And I am the best amongst you to my family."Try to be the best!
In conclusion:Never forget to make Dua to Allah - azza wa jall - to make your marriage successful. And Allah ta'ala knows best !!

PUBLISHERNajimudeen M

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Marriage in Islam, - A Wife

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By getting married you are not just getting a wife, you are getting your whole world. From now until the rest of your days your wife will be your partner, your companion, and your best friend.
She will share your moments, your days, and your years. She will share your joys and sorrows, your successes and failures, your dreams and your fears. When you are ill, she will take the best care of you; when you need help, she will do all she can for you; when you have a secret, she will keep it; when you need advice, she will give you the best advice. She will always be with you: when you wake up in the morning the first thing your eyes will see will be hers; during the day, she will be with you, if for some time she is not with you by her physical body, she will be thinking of you, praying for you with all her heart, mind, and soul; when you go to sleep at night, the last thing your eyes will see will be her; and when you are asleep you will still see her in your dreams. In short, she will be your whole world and you will be her whole world.
The best description that I personally have ever read describing the closeness of the spouses to each other is the Qur'anic verse which says:"They are your garments and you are their garments."(Surah Al Baqarah 2:187). Indeed, spouses are like garments to each other because they provide one another with the protection, the comfort, the cover, the support, and the adornment that garments provide to humans. Just imagine a journey in the winter of Alaska without garments! Our spouses provide us with the same level of comfort, protection, cover, and support in the journey of our lives on this earth as garments would do in the Alaskan journey.
The relationship between the spouses is the most amazing of all human relations: the amount of love and affection, intimacy and closeness, mercy and compassion, peace and tranquillity that fills the hearts of the spouses is simply inexplicable. The only rational explanation for these most amazing of all human feelings is that: it is an act of Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala,"And Allah has made for you Mates (and Companions of your own nature ..."(Surah Al Nahl 16:72)
Only our Almighty Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala in His Infinite Power, Boundless Mercy, and Great Wisdom can create and ingrain these amazing and blessed feelings in the hearts of the spouses. In fact Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is reminding those who search for His signs in the universe that these feelings in the hearts of the spouses are among the signs that should guide humans to His existence as He says in the Qur'an,"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect."(Surah Al Rum 30:21)
But Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala knows that the human heart is not a static entity, it is sometimes weak and at times dynamic. Feelings can and do change with time. Love may wither and fade away. The marital bond might weaken if not properly cared for. Happiness in marriage cannot be taken for granted; continuous happiness requires constant giving from both sides. For the tree of marital love to remain alive and keep growing, the soil has to be sustained, maintained, watered and nurtured.
Remember that our Prophet Muhammad Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam had found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha. She outran him but later after she had gained some weight, he outran her. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam took his wife to watch the young Ethiopians playing and dancing their folk dances. The show of emotions is necessary to keep the marital bond away from rusting and disintegrating. Remember that you will be rewarded by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala for any emotions you show to your wife as the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said"One would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife"
Never underestimate the importance of seemingly little things as putting food in your wife's mouth, opening the car door for her, etc. Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.
Try to always find some time for both of you to pray together. Strengthening the bond between you and Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala is the best guarantee that your own marital bond would always remain strong. Having peace with Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala will always result in having more peace at home.
Remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam gave glad tidings for those couples who wake up at night to pray together. The Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam even urged the spouse who rises up first to wake the other spouse up, even by splashing cold water on his/her face.
Always try your best to be good to your wife by words and by deeds. Talk to her, smile to her, seek her advice, ask for her opinion, spend quality time with her and always remember that the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam said,"The best of you are those who are best to their wives"
Finally, it is common that spouses vow to love and honor their spouses until death do them part. I do believe that this vow is good or even great, but not enough! It is not enough that you love your wife. You have to love what she loves as well. Her family, her loved ones must also become your loved ones. Don't be like my colleague who was unhappy about his wife's parents coming to visit for few weeks. He candidly said to her "I don't like your parents." Naturally she angrily looked at him straight in the eye and said, "I don't like yours either." Also, it is not enough that you love her until death do you part. Love should never end and we do believe there is life after death where those who did righteousness in this world will be joined by their spouses (Surah Al Zukhruf 43:70) and offsprings.
The best example in this regard is the Prophet Salallaahu 'aliahi wa'sallaam whose love for Khadija, his wife of 25 years, extended to include all those she loved; this love of his continued even after her death. It was many years after her death and he never forgot her and whenever a goat was slaughtered in his house he would send portions of it to Khadija's family and friends and whenever he felt that the visitor at the door might be Khadija's sister Hala, he would pray saying,"O Allah let it be Hala."

PUBLISHERNajimudeen M

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Fathwa, - Her uncle sexually abusedher when she was young

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Question
A girl was child sex abused when she was 3rd or 4th grade. Her uncle asked her to remove her clothes, just made her slept on his body for 2 times. Her uncle just asked her mom to take the girl along with him to his home,her mom sent thinking granny will be there, as she use to go granny place. As soon as this happened, her mom came in search of the girl, the girl thought)oh if my mom had come just before, we wud had been caught( The girl knows its wrong thts why she thought in mind )oh my mom had come just before we wud had been caught(, but dint tell to her uncle she removed the clothes. wht i wud like to know, does she did wantedly. how girls reach with adult oral sex when they are in 3rd grade or 4th grade)7or 8yrs(. Does the girl has to tell her parents now? The girl is now 34yrs old. she is suffering from pain, depression. She constantly thinks, why dint i stop or tell to her mom. Thts wrong she knew that why she thought in mind)oh my mom had come just before we wud had been caught(. Her uncle called her other time, she thought in mind)oh he will make me to remove my clothes, but dint stop she went and did again( When she grew up, she fell in love with lot of guys, one after other just came in her life, they just played with her body,she dint had intercourse. she allowed them to touch her. Now she regrets for what she did, she always thinks of past and regret worried abt akhirah and day of judgement, she cannot lead a normal human life. she is married and has 2 kids. Recently she got to know, she has jinn on her body. Why did so allowed lot of guys in her life just to play with her body. she was not remembering allah and not praying. Now she does, the more she get close to allah, the more pain she has, she remember this past incidents. What wud u suggest for her? is there any solution. will allah forgive her sins, bcoz she cannot lead a normal life. she is struggling with past bitter experience.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, is His slave and Messenger.
It is indeed a great calamity that evil comes from someone whom we usually feel safe from his evil, so how does an uncle dare to do these evil matters with the daughter of his brother/sister especially that she is a young girl and it is expected that he would discipline her and guide her instead of him abusing her like a wolf? There is no might nor power except with Allaah!
In any case, we advise this sister to take it easy as she is not held accountable for these evil acts that took place with her uncle as she did so before the age of puberty. Even if she did them out of her own free will, she will not be held accountable for her acts as at that time she was under the age of Takleef )accountability(. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 92178.
Therefore, she should completely refrain from thinking about these unfortunate events and not let the devil make her feel bad or make her life miserable. Moreover, she should not inform anybody about this, neither her parents nor anyone else.
However, she must repent from the illicit relations which she established with some young people after she had reached puberty, and she should regret what she did and think good of Allaah. Indeed, whoever repents, Allaah will accept his repentance. Also, she should be careful not to despair of the mercy of Allaah as this is a great sin. Allaah Says )what means(: }Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allaah except the disbelieving people.{]Quran 12:87[
For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 86527and 88529.
Finally, we advise this sister to preoccupy her time with what benefits her religion and her worldly life and to keep company with her pious Muslim sisters so that she would forget the past because whoever repents from sin is like the one who has never committed a sin.
Allaah Knows best.

PUBLISHERNajimudeen M

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