Islamic Marriage Articles, - Reviving Our Sense of Gheerah

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We live in societies in which most men and women have lost their sense of modesty, women are obsessed with their appearances and wear clothes to be seen by others and to attract the attention of other men even if they are married! They have lost their sense of shame. Marriage is often looked upon as old-fashioned and short term affairs and frivolous relationships are the norm, everyone waiting to attract a better partner and feeling totally justified to dump one partner for another at the drop of a hat. Feminism too has reached its peak and men and women are told to suppress their natural emotions. Men are not even embarrassed when their wives are dressed up and attract the attention of other men, they don’t mind if another man sees, chats, laughs and even dances with their womenfolk and if they do mind, they are told not to be so possessive!
In Islam we have a concept of Gheerah. Gheerah is an Arabic word which means protectiveness or jealousy. It is a good type of jealousy, like when a man feels jealous or protective over his wife or sisters and other-womenfolk and doesn’t like other men to look at them. It is a natural inbuilt feeling Allah has given men and women. The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) had the most Gheerah for his wives and all of the companions were known for their Gheerah.
All Muslim men should have a collective sense of protectiveness for Muslim women as Allah says in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is:“The Men are the protectors and maintainers of women…”(Surah An-Nisaa, Ayah 34).
Men who do not care about how their women behave and appear in front of other men and don’t enforce hijaab upon their wives or women-folk are calledDayyooth. Being a Dayyooth is a major sin and a detailed discription of this evil characteristic can be found in adh-Dhahabee’s book of Major Sins (Kitaab ul-Kabaa’ir).
A Story of Gheerah
To further understand the quality of Gheerah, we can look at an incident that Asmaa’ radiallahu 'anhaa) the daughter of Abu Bakr As-Siddeeq (radiallahu 'anhu) and sister of Aisha (radiallaahu 'anhaa), relates about herself. Abu Bakr was a wealthy merchant and he married his daughter Asmaa’ to the great companion Az-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwam (radiallahu 'anhu) who was a very poor man but a man of great piety and one of the companions who were promised Paradise.
Asmaa’ relates: “When az-Zubayr married me, he had neither land nor wealth nor slave…”, so Asmaa’ had to work very hard kneading dough, going far off to get water. “And I used to carry on my head,” she continues, “the date stones from the land of az-Zubair which Allah’s Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) had endowed him and it was a distance of two miles from Madeenah. One day, as I was carrying the date-stones upon my head, I happened to meet Allah’s Messenger (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam), along with a group of his Companions. He called me and told the camel to sit down so that he could make me ride behind him. I felt shy to go with men and I remembered az-Zubair and his Gheerah and he was a man having the most Gheerah. The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) understood my shyness and left. I came to az-Zubair and said: “The Messenger of Allah (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) met me as I was carrying date-stones upon my head and there was with him a group of his Companions. He told the camel to kneel so that I could mount it, but I felt shy and I remembered your Gheerah.” So Asmaa’ declined the offer made by the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam). Upon this az-Zubair said: “By Allah, the thought of you carrying date-stones upon your head is more severe a burden on me than you riding with him.” (related in Saheeh Al-Bukhari)
Look at the sense of dignity and modesty of Asmaa’! See how she felt shy in front of men? See how careful she was about her husband’s feelings? She knew that her husband had a lot of Gheerah so she didn’t want to upset him by accepting the Prophet’s (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) help even though the Prophet was the purest of men and even though it meant bringing hardship on herself! And look at Az-Zubair (radiallahu 'anhu), even though he had a lot of Gheerah, he didn’t want to inconvenience his wife. What a beautiful relationship they had!
Nurturing Our Sense of Gheerah
Sometimes Muslim women don’t understand if their menfolk want them to cover their faces or if they ask them to change something about the way they dress or speak in public, thinking that the men are being over-protective. But my dear sisters! If your husband asks you not to wear a certain colour of khimaar because it brings out the beauty of your eyes, or if he wants you to cover your face – by Allah, be thankful! Be proud of the fact that your husband has a sense of Gheerah for you and that he values you and cares for your hereafter. He knows what men can be like more than you do and so never try and suppress his Gheerah in these types of matters. And his concern for you should incite your own sense of honor! Why should any man be able to see your beauty and think indecent thoughts about you? We must nurture our own and our menfolk’s sense of Gheerah by behaving and dressing modestly ourselves and paying attention to their valid opinions. We expect certain behavior from them and they expect it of us. And besides, if our husband asks us to do something that it not haraam, we must do it.
And Brothers! How can you allow your wife or sister to walk around attracting the attentions and evil-thoughts of other men? How can you not mind if she smiles as she talks to other men. Nobody has the right to enjoy her and her company but you and her Maharim men. You are not being overbearing if you first encourage and then enforce the hijaab on your womenfolk because YOU will be asked about it on the Day of Judgement and it is also a major sin upon YOU! It is upon the men to enforce these things in their homes and you cannot use the excuse that your wife didn’t want to. Women need a firm, balanced, guiding hand from their men, so with wisdom you must enforce hijaab in your home. You are a shepherd and are responsible for your flock! Allah reminds us all in the Qur’an, the meaning of which is:“Oh you who believe, Protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is men and stones.”(At-Tahreem, Aayah 6)
There is a big difference between how Islam values and protects women and how cheaply women are treated outside of Islam! As Muslims we have to be careful that our Hayaa’ (sense of modesty and shame) and Gheerah don’t wear out in a society in which people have lost it.

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Islamic Marriage Articles, - Pearls of Wisdom: A Mother's Advice to Her Daughter

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Abd al-Malik (Radiyallaahu 'anhaa) said: "When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, as she was made ready to be taken to the groom, her mother, Umamah came into her room to advise her and said:
*."O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.
*."O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of her father's wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men just as men were created for them.
*."O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.
*."Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for you:
*."The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and obeying one's husband pleases Allah.
*."The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of beautification to be
found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.
*."The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing his sleep will make him angry.
*."The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees) and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants shows good management.
*."The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his heart will be
filled with hatred towards you.
*."Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset, and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.

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Dought & clear, - The non Muslims ask who created Allaah.

I tell non-Muslims that Allah created everything in this universe.
They ask me who created Allah ? How can Allaah have been there since
the beginning?
How can I answer them ?
Praise be to Allaah.
This question which the non Muslims have asked you is inherently false
and self-contradictory. If we were to say – for the sake of argument –
that someone created Allaah, then they would ask you, Who created the
creator of the Creator? Then, who created the creator of the creator
of the creator?! And so on, ad infinitum. This is irrational and
impossible.
All of creation goes back to the Creator Who created all things. No
one created Him; He created everything other than Himself. This is
what makes sense and is logical. This Creator is Allaah, may He be
glorified and exalted.
With regard to what our religion tells us, the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us about this question, where it
comes from, and how to respond to it.
Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "People will
keep on asking questions until someone will say, 'Allaah created the
universe, but who created Allaah?' Whoever encounters anything like
that, let him say, 'Amantu Billaah (I believe in Allaah).'"
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "The Shaytaan will come to one of you and say, 'Who created the
heaven? Who created the earth?' He will say, 'Allaah'" – then he
mentioned something similar (to the previous report), and added, "And
His Messengers." [i.e., amantu Billaah wa Rusulihi = I believe in
Allaah and His Messengers]
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "The Shaytaan will come to one of you and say, 'Who created such
and such?' until he says to him, 'Who created your Lord?' When it
reaches that stage, let him seek refuge with Allaah [say A'oodhu
Billaahi min ash-shaytaan ir-rajeem = I seek refuge with Allaah from
the accursed Shaytaan] and stop thinking about it."
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "The Shaytaan will come to a person and say, 'Who created such
and such…'" and he narrated the whole report. (Imaam Muslim, 134).
In these ahaadeeth (Prophetic narrations) we see:
Where this question comes from – from the Shaytaan;
How to deal with it, which is:
to stop pursuing these thoughts and these tricks of the Shaytaan
to say, "I believe in Allaah and His Messengers"
to seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan.
It was also reported that one should spit drily three times to one's
left, and recite Qul Huwa Allaahu ahad.
(See "Problems and Solutions" in the Shaykh's Books section of this website).
3. With regard to the prior existence of Allaah, our Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has told us about this, for
example:
He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "O Allaah, You
are the First and there is nothing before You; O Allaah, You are the
Last and there is nothing after You." (Narrated by Muslim, 2713)
He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah existed
when there was nothing apart from Him." According to another report:
"There was nothing before Him." (Narrated by al-Bukhaari; the first
report 3020; the second report 6982).
This is in addition to what is stated in the aayaat (verses) of the
Qur'aan. The believer believes without a doubt, the non Muslim denies
and the munaafiq (hypocrite) doubts. We ask Allaah to grant us sincere
and certain faith with no doubts. And Allaah is the Source of
strength.

Dought & clear, - Ruling on saying “We arethe children of Allaah”.

What is the rulling on, when a Muslim say "We believe we are all
children of Allah" Basing it on the weak Hadeeth (All creations are
sustained by Allah). Please provide details of the ruling.
Praise be to Allaah.
The hadeeth mentioned was narrated by al-Bazzaar and Abu Ya'la from
Anas, and says, "All of mankind are the dependents of Allaah, and the
most beloved of them to Allaah are those who are most helpful to their
dependents." This is a very weak (da'eef jiddan) hadeeth as al-Albaani
said inDa'eef al-Jaami', hadeeth no. 2946.
Any Muslim who says, "We believe that we are all the children of
Allaah" should be asked to explain what he means before any judgement
is made concerning him.
1 – If what he means by being children is the metaphorical meaning,
which is that people are dependent upon Allaah, and he is using this
word for a purpose allowed in sharee'ah, such as refuting the
Christians who say that the Messiah is the son of God, then there is
nothing wrong with that if he uses it only with Christians in order to
show that their belief is false, but he should not use it with others
lest that generate confusion and misunderstanding. That is because one
of the means of showing the Christians' beliefs concerning 'Eesa
(peace be upon him) to be false is to use the same expressions as are
mentioned in their holy Book (the Bible) to prove that others were
described as "sons of God" as well as 'Eesa, which clearly indicates
that what is meant by being a son of God in the texts of the Gospels
is not "sonship" in the literal sense, which St. Paul claimed for
Jesus in order to lead them astray from belief in Divine Oneness
(Tawheed). St. Paul based his argument on the confusion that may arise
from the use of the words "father" and "son". Some of the Bible texts
that may used to refute their argument are as follows:
In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus said of those who believed in him:
"They are like the angels. They are God's children since they are
children of the resurrection."
[Luke 20:36]
And in the Book of Isaiah:
"Bring back My sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth"
[Isaiah 43:6]
And this is what was said describing God as the Father, as it is
narrated in the Gospel of Matthew that the Messiah said to his
students:
"If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven."
[Matthew 6:1]
In the Gospel of Luke:
"When you pray say, 'Our Father, Who art in heaven…'"
[Luke 11:2]
In the Gospel of John:
"I am returning to my Father and your Father, my God and your God."
[John 20:17]
The Christians do not say that the angels, the Children of Israel and
the Disciples were sons of God in a literal sense, or that God was
their father in a literal sense, rather they interpret that in a
metaphorical sense, i.e., that He is a father to them in the sense of
blessing them, being kind to them, protecting them and taking care of
them, and they are His children in the sense that they worship Him,
need Him and are dependent upon Him.
This demonstrates the falseness of their understanding of 'Eesa being
the son of God, basing their argument on some texts that say that he
is the son of God.
2 – If he means that all people are children of Allaah just as 'Eesa
is the son of Allaah, in the sense of the Christian belief, then this
is kufr (disbelief) that is worse than the kufr of the Christians.
3 – If he means that we are all children of Allaah or dependent upon
Him, with no difference between Muslims and kaafirs, and he means that
the Jews, Christians and idol-worshippers are not kaafirs, then this
is riddah or apostasy from Islam, because whoever doubts that the Jews
and Christians are kaafirs or approves of their religions is a kaafir,
according to scholarly consensus.
4 – If he means thereby to justify using the word "brother" for Jews
and Christians, because we are all the children of Allaah, this is
false, because there is no brotherhood between the believers and the
disbelievers. The hadeeth (which some may interpret as meaning that
all men are brothers) has been proven to be not saheeh. Even if it was
saheeh, it could not be interpreted in this fashion.
We must beware of using confusing words which may cause a person to
fall into something haraam or make people think badly of him,
especially words which have to do with the Oneness of Allaah (Tawheed)
and His Uniqueness in His names and attributes. For the rights of
Allaah take precedence and must be taken care of, and we must avoid
anything that may violate them, especially when those words are used
by the Jews and Allaah quotes them in the Qur'aan in the context of
condemnation.
"And (both) the Jews and the Christians say: 'We are the children of
Allaah and His loved ones.' Say: 'Why then does He punish you for your
sins?' Nay, you are but human beings of those He has created…"
[al-Maa'idah 5:18 – interpretation of the meaning]
And Allaah knows best.