Women site, - Building a Happy Home - II

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The wife’s role in maintaining the marital home and living with kindness A Muslim woman should know that happiness, affection and mercy can only be achieved when she preserves her chastity, adheres to her religion, knows her rights and does not exceed them, and obeys her husband as he is her protector and maintainer. A wife should fulfill her tasks efficiently, look after her home and take care of her appearance. This is what a righteous wife, kind mother, and responsible caretaker does at her husband’s home, because she will be held accountable for her trust. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“I was shown Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful.”It was asked, “Do they disbelieve in Allaah?” )or are they ungrateful to Allaah?( He replied:“They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favors and the good )charitable deeds( done to them. If you have always been good )benevolent( to one of them and then she sees something in you )that she does not like(, she will say, 'I have never received any good from you.”]Al-Bukhaari, Muslim, An-Nasaa’i, Ahmad, Maalik[ Therefore, women should overlook and forgive their husbands’ shortcomings; they should not annoy them when they are present and should not betray them when they are absent. This is way to make love, affection and mercy prevail. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Any woman who dies while her husband is satisfied with her, will enter Paradise.”]At-Tirmithi and Ibn Maajah[ ]Al-Haakim: Saheeh chain of narrators[ The Muslim Ummah )nation( should realize that happiness is achieved through living in harmony. This is the suitable atmosphere for raising children who enjoy the love of the mother and the kindness of the father without disputes, conflicts or abuse. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And those who say, "Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous."{]Quran 25:74[ Reforming the family is the key to reforming society as a whole. Any society whose families are unstable can never be reformed. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And Allaah has made for you from yourselves mates and has made for you from your mates sons and grandchildren and has provided for you from the good things. Then in falsehood do they believe and in the favor of Allaah they disbelieve?{]Quran 16:72[ The spouses and their strong relationship, and the parents and their children represent the present and the future of the Ummah )nation(. Thus, when the devil manages to separate one family, he does not destroy just one family or perpetrate just limited evil, but harms the whole Ummah and the reality proves this. May Allaah have mercy upon a husband who is good-tempered, lenient, kind, gentle, merciful to his family, decisive, not over-demanding, and not irresponsible. May Allaah have mercy upon a wife who does not ask for too much, who is righteous, devoutly obedient, and who guards in her husband's absence what she has to guard. Allaah The Almighty Says:}Whoever fears Allaah - He Will Make for him of his matter ease{.]Quran 65:4[ A happy home is a blessing from Allaah The Almighty: One of the greatest blessings from Allaah The Almighty is that the home is a safe haven and place for rest, where dwellers can enjoy mutual love and affection in an atmosphere of purity and protection. It is the home where children grow up, where solidarity is boosted and where souls and hearts grow close. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them.{]Quran 2:187[ It is in such homes, where there are close ties, that honorable traits are developed and where children grow into trustworthy men and well-mannered women. Some causes of marital conflict The reality of life and the nature of human beings, who are created by Allaah The Almighty, prove that some people are not guided by advice or experience any feelings of affection and tranquility, which makes it difficult to preserve the marital bond. A marriage, where one of the two spouses is this type of a partner, does not fulfill the objectives of marriage or provide the suitable atmosphere where righteous children can be brought up. Such cases of restlessness and disagreement may have internal or external causes. Sometimes the cause of this disagreement is the interference of the in-laws. Some parents interfere with the life of their married children which causes the spouses to go so far as to file lawsuits against each other. When this happens the couple’s secrets become known to everyone. All this may have been started by a trivial matter that was worsened by interference, hastiness, unwise actions, and by believing malicious lies. The problem may be caused by ignorance of the teachings of the religion and rules of the Sharee‘ah )Islamic legislation(; adhering to bad habits and adopting weak opinions. For instance, some husbands think that threatening their wives with divorce or professing it, is the right solution for solving marital conflict and family problems. Hence, he trivializes the issue of divorce without realizing that by doing so he is taking the verses of Allaah The Almighty lightly, is committing a sin, and is destroying his family. Is this how we should understand our religion? The method of divorce that the Sharee‘ah has made lawful is not meant to cut the ties of the marital relation, but just stops or suspends it for a stage, for the sake of reconsideration and attempting to solve the problem. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}O Prophet, when you ]Muslims[ divorce women, divorce them for ]the commencement of[ their waiting period and keep count of the waiting period, and fear Allaah, your Lord. Do not turn them out of their ]husbands'[ houses, nor should they ]themselves[ leave ]during that period[ unless they are committing a clear immorality. And those are the limits ]set by[ Allaah. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allaah has certainly wronged himself. You know not; perhaps Allaah will bring about after that a ]different[ matter. And when they have ]nearly[ fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or part with them according to acceptable terms. And bring to witness two just men from among you and establish the testimony for ]the acceptance of[ Allaah. That is instructed to whoever should believe in Allaah and the Last day. And whoever fears Allaah -- He will make for him a way out.{]Quran 65:1, 2[

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Women site, - Building a Happy Home - I

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We all seek happiness, rest, stability, peace of mind and want to avoid the causes of misery, worry and disturbance -- especially at home and within the family. This can only be achieved by believing in Allaah The Almighty alone, relying on Him, entrusting one’s affairs to Him as well as utilizing all lawful means.
Importance of establishing a family and infusing affection at home
One of the most effective factors that influences individuals and the society is the righteousness of the family as Allaah The Almighty has made it a haven for humans, both males and females, where they can settle down and rest. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.{]Quran 30:21[ This verse indicates that both husband and wife find tranquility with each other at times of worry and find happiness at times of distress.
Marriage is based on the companionship and closeness that emerges from mutual love and affection. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}They are clothing for you and you are clothing for them.{]Quran 2:187[
Moreover, the marital home is the environment in which children are raised and this can only be achieved through an affectionate mother and a hardworking father.
What other environment could be better than a good family atmosphere?
Pillars of the Muslim family structure:
There are many pillars upon which the Muslim family is based, which safeguard the family from disunity and separation:
• Believing in Allaah The Almighty and fearing Him
The foremost and most important of these pillars is adhering to the most trustworthy handhold of faith: believing in Allaah The Almighty and the Hereafter and fearing Him as well as avoiding oppression or despotism. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}That is instructed to whoever should believe in Allaah and the Last day. And whoever fears Allaah -- He will make for him a way out. And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allaah -- then He is sufficient for him.{]Quran 65:2, 3[
Faith increases by striving to worship Allaah The Almighty and obeying Him, especially when the husband and the wife continually advise each other to do so. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said in an authentic Hadeeth:“May Allaah have mercy upon a man who gets up at night and prays, and awakens his wife; if she refuses, he sprinkles water on her face. And may Allaah have up at night and prays, and awakens her husband ]to pray[; if he refuses, she sprinkles water on his face.”]Ahmad,An-Nasaa’i, Abu Daawood and Ibn Maajah[ ]Ibn Khuzaymah, Al-Haakim and Ath-Thahabi: Saheeh[
The relationship between the spouses is not just a worldly mateialistic relationship or a lustful one. On the contrary, it is an honorable, spiritual relationship and when this relationship is achieved, it lasts even after death, in the Hereafter. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Gardens of perpetual residence; they will enter them with whoever were righteous among their fathers, their spouses and their descendants.{]Quran 13:23[
• Living in kindness:
Living in kindness can only be achieved when each spouse knows his/her rights and duties. It is not wise to seek perfection for the household and its members, because perfection is impossible and unattainable for humans.
It is sensible to have realistic expectations and accept each others' shortcomings. A man, who is the head of his household, is required to be more patient than the woman, as he knows that she is physically and emotionally vulnerable by nature. If she is held accountable regarding every big and small matter, she will feel restricted and unable to achieve anything. Besides, exaggeration and over-zealousness in admonishing women in an attempt to rectify their affairs could lead to divorce.
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Treat women gently, for a women is created from a rib, and the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper portion; so, if you try to straighten it, it will break and if you leave it as it is, it will remain crooked. So treat women gently.”]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ Al-Haafith ibn Hajar, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, “This is advice to reform women gently without exaggeration or leaving them as they are. The criterion for this is that he should not allow her to commit sins or abandon an obligation, but he may leave her as she is with regard to lawful matters.”
A husband should not give free rein to feelings of distress regarding his wife, but he should disregard some of her shortcomings and remember her strengths, as he is sure to find many, if he is fair-minded. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.”]Muslim and Ahmad[
A husband should be patient in this regard as he does not know what is better for him. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allaah makes therein much good.{]Quran 4:19[
How can there be any affection or tranquility between the spouses if the husband is bad-tempered, narrow-minded, foolish, hasty, difficult to satisfy, easily angered, keeps reminding his wife of his favors when he comes and has ill thoughts of her when he is outside the house? Happiness and living in kindness can be achieved through leniency, avoiding bad conjectures and baseless illusions. Sometimes, jealousy leads some people to have negative thoughts and to suspect their spouse's behavior -- a matter that could potentially disrupt one's marital life and create discord without any sound proof. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And do not harm them in order to oppress them.{]Quran 65:6[
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“The best one among you is the one who treats his family well and I am the best one among you towards my family.”]At-Tirmithi, Ad-Daarimi, Ibn Maajah, Ibn Hibbaan: Saheeh[

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Dought & clear, - Conditions of Laa ilaaha illa-Allaah.

Can you please explain the conditions of Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah
(knowledge, certainty, etc), and tell us the rulings on one who does
not attain them and one who is ignorant of the meaning of Laa ilaaha
ill-Allaah?
Praise be to Allaah.
The conditions ofLaa ilaaha ill-Allaah. Shaykh Haafiz al-Hukmi said in
his poemSullam al-Wusool:
"Knowledge, certainty, submission and following. So listen to what I say.
Truthfulness, sincerity and love. May Allaah help you to do that which
He loves."
The first condition is knowledge, in the sense of negating what is
negated in theShahaadahand affirming what is affirmed therein - as
opposed to being ignorant of that.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings):
"So know (O Muhammad) that Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah (none has the right
to be worshipped but Allaah)..."[Muhammad 47:19]
"except for those who bear witness to the truth knowingly"- i.e.,
that there is no god except Allaah (laa ilaaha ill-Allaah) -"and they
know"- in their hearts the meaning of the words that they utter with
their lips.[al-Zukhruf 43:86]
It is narrated in al-Saheehfrom 'Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with
him) that the Messenger of Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Whoever dies knowing that there is no god except
Allaah will enter Paradise."
The second condition is certainty, in the sense that the one who says
these words is absolutely certain of their meaning. Faith is not
sufficient unless it is based on certain knowledge with no element of
speculation, let alone doubt. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):
"Only those are the believers who have believed in Allaah and His
Messenger, and afterward doubt not but strive with their wealth and
their lives for the Cause of Allaah. Those! They are the
truthful"[al-Hujuraat 49:15]
The sincerity of their faith in Allaah and His Messenger is
conditional upon there being no element of doubt therein, As for the
doubter, he is one of the hypocrites. Inal-Saheehit is narrated that
Abu Hurayrah said: "The Messenger of Allaah(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: 'Bear witness that there is no god except
Allaah and that I am the Messenger of Allaah, for no person meets
Allaah with these two, not doubting in them, but he will enter
Paradise.'" According to another report: "No person meets Allaah with
these two, not doubting in them, and is denied Paradise."
And it was also narrated from Abu Hurayrah in a lengthy hadeeth that
the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent him and
said, "Whoever you meet behind this wall who bears witness that there
is no god except Allaah, believing in it with certainty in his heart,
then give him the glad tidings of Paradise."
Thus we see that a person's entering Paradise for saying these words
is conditional upon his believing in them with certainty in his heart,
with no element of doubt. If this condition is not met the target is
not met.
The third condition is acceptance and submissionto what these words
imply, both in one's heart as well as verbally. Allaah has told us the
stories of those who came before, who were saved by their acceptance
of these words from the punishment of those who had rejected them.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"(It will be said to the angels): 'Assemble those who did wrong,
together with their companions (from the devils) and what they used to
worship,
Instead of Allaah, and lead them on to the way of flaming Fire (Hell);
But stop them, verily, they are to be questioned.
What is the matter with you? Why do you not help one another (as you
used to do in the world)?'
Nay, but that Day they shall surrender.
And they will turn to one another and question one another.
They will say: 'It was you who used to come to us from the right side
(i.e., from the right side of one of us and beautify for us every
evil, enjoin on us polytheism, and stop us from the truth, i.e.
Islamic Monotheism and from every good deed).'
They will reply: 'Nay, you yourselves were not believers.
And we had no authority over you. Nay! But you were Taaghoon
(transgressing) people (polytheists, and disbelievers).
So now the Word of our Lord has been justified against us, that we
shall certainly (have to) taste (the torment).
So we led you astray because we were ourselves astray.'
Then verily, that Day, they will (all) share in the torment.
Certainly, that is how We deal with Al-Mujrimoon (polytheists,
sinners, disbelievers, criminals, the disobedient to Allaah).
Truly, when it was said to them: Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah (none has the
right "to be worshipped but Allaah)," they puffed themselves up with
pride (i.e. denied it).
And (they) said: 'Are we going to abandon our aalihah (gods) for the
sake of a mad poet?'"[al-Saffaat 37:22-36]
So Allaah has made the reason and cause of their punishment their
arrogant refusal to sayLaa ilaah ill-Allaah, and their disbelief in
the one who brought this message, so that they did not negate what
this word negates and they did not affirm what it affirms, rather they
said, arrogantly denouncing:
" 'Has he made the aalihah (gods) (all) into One Ilaah (God -- Allaah).
Verily, this is a curious thing!'
And the leaders among them went about (saying): 'Go on, and remain
constant to your aalihah (gods)! Verily, this is a thing designed
(against you)!'"[Saad 38:5]
So Allaah showed them to be liars and threw their words back at them
through the words of His Messenger(peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him). He said (interpretation of the meaning):
"Nay! he (Muhammad) has come with the truth (i.e. Allaah's religion --
Islamic Monotheism and this Qur'aan) and he confirms the Messengers
(before him who brought Allaah's religion -- Islamic
Monotheism)"[al-Saffaat 37:37]
Then He said concerning those who accept it (interpretation of the meaning):
"Save the chosen slaves of Allaah (i.e. the true believers of Islamic
Monotheism).
For them there will be a known provision (in Paradise),
Fruits; and they shall be honoured,
In the Gardens of Delight (Paradise)"[al-Saffaat 37:40-43]
Inal-Saheehit is narrated from Abu Moosa (may Allaah be pleased with
him) that the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
"The guidance and knowledge with which Allaah has sent me is like
abundant rain which falls on the land. Some of the land absorbs the
water and brings forth much grass and vegetation. And some of (the
rain) falls on another part of the land which is like a smooth plain
and does not hold the water, so no vegetation grows. That is the
likeness of the one who understands the religion of Allaah and
benefits from that with which Allaah has sent me, so he learns and
acts, and the likeness of the one who pays no heed and does not accept
the guidance of Allaah with which I have been sent.
The fourth condition is followingthat which is indicated, as opposed
to not following it. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And whosoever submits his face (himself) to Allaah, while he is a
Muhsin (good-doer, i.e. performs good deeds totally for Allaah's
sake), then he has grasped the most trustworthy handhold" - i.e., Laa
ilaaha ill-Allaah - "And to Allaah return all matters for
decision"[Luqmaan 31:22]
What is meant by "submitting one's face" is following, when one is
also a doer of good and a believer inTawheed. Whoever does not submit
his face to Allaah and is not a doer of good has not grasped the most
trustworthy handhold. This is what is meant by the following aayah
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And whoever disbelieves, let not his disbelief grieve you (O
Muhammad). To Us is their return, and We shall inform them what they
have done..."[Luqmaan 31:23]
According to a saheeh hadeeth, the Messenger of Allaah(peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "none of you truly believes
until his desire is in accordance with that which I have brought."
This is the ultimate meaning of following.
The fifth condition is truthfulness, as opposed to lying. This means
that one says it (Laa ilaaha ill-Allaah) sincerely from the heart,
with harmony between what is in the heart and what is said on the
lips. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: 'We
believe,' and will not be tested.
And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allaah will
certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will
certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars,
(although Allaah knows all that before putting them to
test)"[al-'Ankaboot 29:2-3]
And He said concerning the hypocrites who spoke these words falsely
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And of mankind, there are some (hypocrites) who say: 'We believe in
Allaah and the Last Day,' while in fact they believe not.
They (think to) deceive Allaah and those who believe, while they only
deceive themselves, and perceive (it) not!
In their hearts is a disease (of doubt and hypocrisy) and Allaah has
increased their disease. A painful torment is theirs because they used
to tell lies"[al-Baqarah 2:8-10]
Inal-Saheehaynit is narrated from Mu'aadh ibn Jabal (may Allaah be
pleased with him) that the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said, "there is no one who bears witness that there is no
god except Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger,
sincerely from the heart, but Allaah will make him forbidden for the
Fire."
The sixth condition is sincerity, which means that actions are free
from any element ofshirk. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Surely, the religion (i.e. the worship and the obedience) is for
Allaah only[al-Zumar 39:3]
"Say (O Muhammad): 'Allaah Alone I worship by doing religious deeds
sincerely for His sake only'"[al-Zumar 39:14]
In al-Saheehit is narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet(peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The most deserving of my
intercession are those who sayLaa ilaaha ill-Allaahsincerely from the
heart or from the soul."
The seventh condition is lovefor this word and for what it implies and
indicates, and love for the people who act upon it and adhere to its
conditions and hate whoever or whatever goes against it. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And of mankind are some who take (for worship) others besides Allaah
as rivals (to Allaah). They love them as they love Allaah"[al-Baqarah
2:165]
Allaah tells us that those who believe love Allaah more, because they
do not associate anything with Him in that love, as is done by those
among themushrikeenwho claim to love Him but who also take others as
rivals to Him whom they love as they love Him.
Inal-Saheehaynit is narrated from Anas that the Messenger of
Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No one of you
truly believes until I am more beloved to him that his son, his father
and all of mankind."

Dought & clear, - Praise and Thanksgiving to Allah Accompanied by Gratitude to Parents.

Is it permissible for me to say: All praise and thanks be to Allah,
and thanks to my parents. According to Allah's verse: "Show gratitude
to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) goal".
Praise be to Allah
Honouring one's parents is one of the greatest means of drawing close
to Allah and one of the best acts of obedience. It is an important
right that they are given in Islamic sharee'ah (law), so much so that
Allah has mentioned obedience to parents alongside obedience to Him,
and their rights alongside His rights, in more than one place.
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents.
His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and
hardship, and his weaning is in two years - give thanks to Me and to
your parents. Unto Me is the final destination." [31:14].
Al-Qurtubi (may Allah have mercy on him) said in his Tafseer
(exegesis): The scholars said: Those who are most deserving of
gratitude, kindness, honour and obedience after the Creator are those
whom Allah mentions kindness towards alongside worship, obedience and
gratitude to Him; namely one's parents. Allah says (interpretation of
the meaning):
"Give thanks to Me and to your parents." [31:14].
It was narrated that 'Abd-Allah ibn 'Amr ibn al-'As (may Allah be
pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said: "The Lord is pleased when the parents are
pleased and He is angry when the parents are angry." Al-Albani said:
It is hasan li ghayrihi (sound because of corroborating evidence).
Clearly expressing gratitude to the parents and acknowledging their
virtue is undoubtedly included in the meaning of the verse, but the
verse should not be understood as meaning this only, rather what is
meant by giving thanks here is more general than that: a person should
fulfil the rights that his Lord has over him in his heart and his
words as well as his physical actions, and he should fulfil his
parents' rights over him in a like manner.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Madarij al-Salikeen:
Gratitude is based on five foundations:
Humility of the thankful one towards the One Who is thanked, his love
for Him, his acknowledgement of His blessing, his praise of Him for
that and not using it for anything that He hates.
These five are the foundations of gratitude which is built on them. If
one of them is missing, then one of the foundations of gratitude is
missing. Whoever (of the scholars) speaks of gratitude as an
independent quality must be referring to all of these five
foundations.
Gratitude is shown in the heart by humility, on the tongue by praise
and acknowledgement, and in one's physical actions by obeying and
submitting. End quote.
In his commentary on this verse, al-Shaykh al-Sa'di (may Allah have
mercy on him) said: When He enjoined fulfilling His rights by giving
up shirk, which means establishing Tawheed, He also enjoined
fulfilling parents' rights, and said: "And We have enjoined on man"
i.e., We have commanded him and made it an obligation upon him, and We
shall question him about his fulfilment thereof, did he fulfil it or
not? And We have enjoined on him "(to be dutiful and good) to his
parents" and have said to him: "give thanks to Me" by worshipping Me
and fulfilling your duties towards Me, and not seeking the help of My
blessings in disobeying Me; "and to your parents" by treating them
kindly, speaking gently to them, treating them nicely, being humble
towards them, honouring them, respecting them, taking care of them and
avoiding mistreating them in any way, in word or deed.
We have enjoined this upon him and We have told him that "Unto Me is
the final destination" i.e., you will return, O man, to the One Who
enjoined this upon you and ordained these duties for you, and He will
ask you: Did you fulfil them? In which case He will reward you
greatly, but if you failed, He will punish you severely. End quote.
There is nothing wrong with accompanying thanksgiving to Allah with
thanksgiving to one's parents, and combining the two, but he should
not do that all the time as if it were a dhikr (form of prescribed
remembrance) narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah
be upon him), because there is no such report from the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him).
There are a number of questions on our site that discuss the command
to honour one's parents.
And Allah knows best.