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Friday, December 6, 2013

Personalities, - Gems of Wisdom Hazrat Abu Bakar Siddique



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*.Two and a half dirham from a hundred is the Zakah (poor tax) belonging to the poor amongst the people of the World while the Zakah of the Siddiques is to give their entire wealth to charity.
*.Extend your charity with humbleness towards the poor for to give charity happily is a sign of acceptance.
*.Wealth cannot be gained by simply wishing for it, nor is youth gained by dyeing or coloring one’s hair, neither can one gain health without medication.
*.Justice and fairness is good, nay it is better.
*.It is necessary to ask forgiveness for one’s sins, nay it is absolutely necessary.
*.Do not bury me in new clothes. The rights of the living and needy is greater upon it.
*.Keep your mouths closed from complaints and vulgarity. By keeping your mouths closed one obtains solitude.
*.Strange are the passing of time yet stranger are the conditions of wanton carelessness (i.e. In remembrance of the Supreme Creator SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala)
*.Adopt abstention, for abstention is profitable and do good deeds, for good deeds are highly accepted in the court of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala.
*.Weep for the days gone by in which you have but earned little rewards.
*.Weeping is for the day in which you have wasted without any good deeds being done.
*.There is no trouble in patience and there is no benefit in complaining.
*.Do not kill any woman, children or cripple.
*.Do not cut down a fruit bearing tree.
*.Do not be lavish or miserly.
*.Striving against the enemies (Kuffar) is regarded as a small striving while striving against one’s (Nafs) desires is regarded as a great striving (Jihad al-Akbar).
*.Fear of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala is likened to knowledge while being oblivious of your Creator SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala is likened to ignorance.
*.Ikhlas (good conduct) is: when one does not require reward in exchange for a good deed.
*.Whosoever gets involved in the work of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala then Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala gets involved in his work.
*.Man is weak, yet it is astonishing that he is insistent in disobeying the commands of the Almighty Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala.
*.He should know that his heart is empty of Faith (Iman) when good advice has no avail upon him.
*.Worship and prayer is a career, It’s business premises is the creation, The fear of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala is it’s wealth and it’s profits is Paradise.
*.It is difficult to be patient but to waste the rewards for patience is worse.
*.Strange are the passing of time yet stranger is the fact when one does not notice this.
*.Life comes to pass yet Death is very much closer.
*.To seek forgiveness in old age is good but to seek it when young is better.
*.To forgive the rich is good but to forgive the poor is better.
*.Sin committed by a young person is bad but an old person committing sin is worse.
*.Being an accomplice by ignorance is bad, knowingly being an accomplice is worse.
*.Laziness in worship by the general public is bad, but a knowledgeable person or a seeker of knowledge showing laziness is worse.
*.The pride of the rich is bad but the pride of the person in need is worse.
*.Humility shown by the poor is good but humility shown by the rich is better.
*.Sajdah of Sahw (Prostration if a mistake is made in Salah) completes Salah if a minor mistake is made. Sadqah-e-Fitr completes one’s Fast, Fidya completes one’s Hajj and Jihad completes one’s Iman (Faith).
*.Those that do not have the strength to cry then they should show mercy upon that person who cries.
*.Stop complaining and you would be blessed with a good life.
*.Cry on that day when you realize that life has passed you by and you have not done any good deeds.
*.Nobody wishes for death except that person who has complete confidence on his good deeds.
*.It is compulsory for the one questioned to answer and to give an excellent reply shows superb ethics and morals.
*.There is a perception as to the rewards for every virtue except patience, for patience is that virtue whose reward is unknown (Infinite).
*.A thankful person is very close to safety.
*.True generosity is to remove the burdens of Creation and place it upon one’s own shoulders.
*.Good manner is not to ask for rewards in exchange for good deeds. Leave the World for the Hereafter and leave the Hereafter to Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala Most High.
*.You are busy pursuing the comforts and luxuries to make your life comfortable in this World while the World is in earnest preparation to expel you from her.
*.It does not benefit the tongue to speak of the losses incurred upon a person’s Worldly investments.
*.No person with knowledge has ever claimed godhead by comparison to those with immense wealth.
*.Whenever one goes to offer his condolences to the bereaving family then one should say – Adopt patience for there is no calamity in it and do not cry for there is no benefit in it. Remember the Messenger of Allah r and the great loss sustained through his departure from this World and your misfortune shall seem small in comparison.
*.The redness of gold and the “pallor of saffron” has destroyed women. (p.s.: Take heed “redness of gold” and “pallor of saffron” are used figuratively and could stand for rich make-up and to laugh instinctively)
*.Those people, who demised at the beginning of the early days of Islam, are very fortunate.
*.If only I was a strand of hair on a Mu'min’s (believer) chest.
*.Oh! People! Be modest in the presence of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala. Thereafter in your actions or deeds think of the omnipotence of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala then continue with fear and modesty. I swear by Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala that whenever I present myself in front of him with any need or desire, I bow my head in modesty.
*.When speaking then talk precisely. That speech is only beneficial which could be listened to with ease. Long speeches tend to bore people who then lose an element of the subject matter.
*.Knowledge is the legacy of the Prophets Alaihim as-Salam while wealth is the legacy of the Kuf’far, the likes of which are Fir’oun and Qaroon etc.
*.The life of a dead heart is knowledge. The life of knowledge is the search of it.
*.Rising early in the morning surpasses the beauty of the rooster thus becoming a reason for repentance/forgiveness.
*.Those 'Ulama are the enemies of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala who seek only the rich while those wealthy are the friends of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala who seek the 'Ulama.
*.Always hold the tip of your tongue and say, you have entrapped me in many places.
*.When the camel’s bridle falls then one gets down and picks it up. The question never arises to ask somebody else to do it. (p.s. endeavour to do things on your own without relying on others to do it for you)
*.When a servant of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala marvels at the beauty of this material World then Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala becomes his enemy until he isolates himself from that beauty.
*.Alas! If only I were a tree so that I could be chopped down and eaten. (The reason for such an extreme is the status of fear and sorrow overpowering it)
*.The heart is the acceptor of advice, Remember! Keep no one more beloved or closer than death.
*.Those people are not preferred who relinquish the Hereafter for the World but inclination is towards those who give preference to both the World and the Hereafter.
*.Make amends for your wrong doings with zeal and replace your bad deeds with good deeds.
*.That amount of knowledge which creates fear of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala Almighty is only necessary for a believer (Mo'min).
*.After journey and shortages a person fears provisions.
*.The foundation for all a persons troubles is his speech.
*.A believers fear and hope when weighed would be equal.
*.When an honourable person obtains knowledge it humbles him and when a legislator obtains knowledge he becomes proud.
*.It is better to be alone than to sit in bad company while it is better to keep and be in good company than be alone.
*.A seeker of knowledge shows excesses in age while a seeker of the World show a high handedness in knowledge.
*.Hadrat Junayd Radi Allahu Anhu says that among the sayings of the Companion of the Holy Prophet regarding Tawheed (oneness of Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala) the saying of Sayyiduna Abu Bakr al-Siddique Siddiq Radi Allahu Ta'ala Anhu is the most excellent and he said this: There is no other road created besides submission/humility and helplessness for the creation and Allah SubHanuhu wa Ta'ala is most high, most pure.
*.If any good deeds, for whatsoever reason is unaccomplished, then endeavour to accomplish it and if a good deed is accomplished then make an effort to accomplish more.
*.When good advice does not affect a change in ones ways then know this that, ones heart is empty from Iman (Faith).
*.The strength of knowledge when it surpasses the boundaries gives birth to deceit and cunningness and when it is deficient or worthless then it gives birth to stupidity and gullibility.





Personalities, - The Dream of Hazrat Abu Bakr Siddique



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Hadrat Abu Bakr Siddique Radi Allahu Ta'ala Anhu was a merchant prior to the advent of Islam and once traveled to Syria on business. While there, he had a dream in which he saw the sun and the moon descend from the sky and fall onto his lap. He took hold of them, placed them against his chest, and then stored them in a sheet. In the morning, he met with a Christian priest and sought an interpretation to the dream.
The priest asked him, “Who are you?”
“I am Abu Bakr, a resident of Makkah.”
“Which tribe are you from?”
“The Banu Hashim.”
“And what’s your means of livelihood?”
“Business.”
The priest then said,
“So listen carefully: The Final Prophet, Muhammad (Peace and Blessings of Allah be Upon Him), has arrived, and he is from your tribe. If it wasn’t for him, Allah wouldn’t have created the Earth, the Heavens, or even another prophet. He’s the leader of whatever came first and whatever comes last. O Abu Bakr! Soon you’ll join this deen and become both a minister and a viceroy of it. This is the dream’s interpretation. Listen too, that I’ve read the praise of this Prophet in the Torah and in the Bible, and I’ve already brought Imaan upon him and accepted Islam – only I haven’t revealed this yet to the Christians out of fear.”
Hearing this, the love for the Holy Prophet began to grow within Hadrat Abu Bakr Siddique Radi Allahu Ta'ala Anhu, and he immediately headed back to Makkah, looked for the Holy Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allah be Upon Him), and cooled his eyes with his blessed sight.
The Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam saw him and said, “Abu Bakr ! You’ve come. Now quickly enter the religion of truth.”
Hadrat Abu Bakr respectfully replied, “Fine, but I’d like to see a miracle.”
The Prophet SallAllaho Alaihi wa Sallam said, “Whatever you saw in Syria, and its interpretation by the priest, was solely my miracle.”
Hearing this, Hadrat Abu Bakr replied,
صدقت يارسول الله انا اشهد انك محمد رسول الله
You’ve spoken the truth, and I testify that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah.”[Jami’ul Mu’jizat, Page 14]
Lesson:We see that Hadrat Abu Bakr Siddique Radi Allahu Ta'ala Anhu is a true Khalifa of Islam, and also that nothing of the happenings of the world is unknown to the Beloved Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allah be Upon Him). We also come to know that had it not been for our Beloved Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allah be Upon Him), nothing else in this world would have been created!!






Personalities, - Virtues of Sayyiduna Abu Bakr Siddiq



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All praise belongs to Allah who made our Master Abu Bakr, the truthful, the best of this nation and raised his rank above all ranks lofty by certainty and truthfulness. I praise Him with the praise of creation. I testify that there is no deity except Allah, the One, He has no partner, speech that widens every restriction, I testify that Muhammad is his servant, his messenger, the Prophet of mercy (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him), his family, his companions, his partners, his offspring and those worthy of guidance and success.
Following are Twenty Two (22) Ahadith (Sacred Traditions) out of many, in accordance to the 22nd Jumada al-Aakhir, the date of his Wisaal (passing away), chosen to be read, memorized and shared for whoever desires piety. I ask Allah to benefit us by connection to him and to gather us and you in the Dar Al-Zalafa (the house of proximity) with him, with Muhammad (may Allah bestow peace and blessings be upon him and his family) O Allah accept, O Allah accept, O Allah accept.
1. Shaykh Ibn ‘Abdi Rabbihi narrates in his book Bahjat al-Majaalis that the Messenger of Allah (Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon Him) has said:
“A throne will be placed near the siraat (bridge) on the Day of Judgement. An Angel will appear and will stand on its first step. The Angel will announce, “O Muslims! Those who have recognized me have indeed recognized me, and those who have not then they should know that I am the Maalik of the hellfire. I have been ordered by Allah to hand over the keys of hell to Muhammad and Muhammad has ordered me to hand over the keys to Abu Bakr. Yes! Yes! Bear witness! Bear Witness!”
Then a second Angel will come and will stand on the second step of the throne and will say, “O Muslims! Those who have recognized me have indeed recognized me, and those who have not then they should know that I am Ridwan of Jannah . I have been ordered by Allah to hand over the keys of paradise to Muhammad and it is the order of Muhammad that I hand over the keys to Abu Bakr. Yes! Yes! Bear witness! Bear Witness!”
(This hadith has also been mentioned by Allama Ibrahim bin Abdullah al-Madani al-Shafi’i in the seventh chapter, Al-Tahqiq fi Fadli Al-Siddiq, in his book, Al-Iktifa Fi Fadli al-Arba’ati al-Khulafa.)
2. Ameer al-Mu’mineen Umar al-Farooq Radi Allahu Anhu narrated that
When the Prophet of Allah asked us to give Sadaqah, coincidentally I had much wealth that day. I said to myself that if I was to beat Abu Bakr Siddiq, then this is the day. I brought half of my wealth to the Prophet. The Prophet asked, “What have you left for you family?” I said, “I have left some for them.” “But how much?” the Prophet asked. I replied, “The same amount.”
Then Sayyiduna Abu Bakr Siddiq Radi Allahu Anhu came with all of his wealth. The Prophet asked, “What have you left for your family?” He replied, “I have left for them Allah and His Prophet.”
Sayyiduna Umar Radi Allahu Anhu said, “I will never surpass Abu Bakr.”
(Narrated by Darimi, Abu Da’ud, Tirmidhi and said that this is a Hasan and Sahih Hadith. Also narrated by Nasa’i, ibn Abi ‘Asim, ibn Shahin in his Sunnan, Hakim in Mustadrik, Abu Nu’aym in al-Hilya, Baihaqi in Sunan and Diya in al-Mukhtar. All narrated from Ameer al-Mu’mineen Umar Radi Allahu Anhu.)
3. The Messenger of Allah (Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon Him) said:
“No wealth has benefited me much like the wealth of Abu Bakr.” Hearing this Sayyiduna Abu Bakr Siddiq RadiAllahu Anhu cried and said: “No one owns my life or my wealth except you O Messenger of Allah!” (Narrated by Ahmad in his Musnad, through a Sahih chain, from Abu Hurairah RadiAllahu Anhu).[Musnad Ahmad bin Hanbal, narrated from Abu Hurairah Radi Allahu Anhu, (Al-Maktab al-Islamiy, Beirut), Vol. 2, Page 253]
4. Sayyidah Aa'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
“Allah and the believers deny those who dispute over you O Abu Bakr.”
5. Sayyiduna ‘Ikramah ibn ‘Amar reports from Iyas ibn Salamah ibn Al-Ikawa’ from his father that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
“Abu Bakr is the best of my nation after me, except if there would be a prophet.”[Ibn ‘Addi, Al-Tabarani in Al-Kabir and others]
6. Sayyiduna Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
“Abu Bakr is my companion, my friend in the cave, so know him for this. If I were to take a bosom friend I would have taken Abu Bakr.”[‘Abdullah ibn Imam Ahmed in Zawid Al-Musnad, Al-Daylami and others]
7. Sayyidah Aa'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) reports that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
“Abu Bakr is from me and I am from him. Abu Bakr is my brother in the world and the afterlife.”[Al-Daylami]
8. Sayyidah Aa'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) reports that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
“Allah has given salvation to Abu Bakr from the fire.”[Abu Nu’aym]
9. Sayyiduna Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
“Jibrael came to me and took me by the hand then showed me the door of paradise from which my nation will enter.” Abu Bakr said, “I would love to be with you when you see it.” He replied, “As for you O Abu Bakr you shall be the first of my nation to enter paradise.”[Abu Dawood and others. Authenticated by Al-Hakim by a different chain]
10. Sayyiduna Ali (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
“Jibrael came to me I asked, “Who shall I emigrate with?” He said, “Abu Bakr he will lead your nation after you and he is the best of your nation.”[Al-Daylami]
11. Sayyiduna Ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with them) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
“Jibrael came to me and said, “O Muhammad, Allah has ordered you to consult Abu Bakr.”
12. Sayyiduna Abu Al-Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) said,
“I saw the Prophet (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) walking in front of Abu Bakr. So I asked, “Do you walk after him and he is better than you?” (He replied) “Abu Bakr is better than what the sun risen or set upon.”
Taken from Abu Nu’aym, on the virtue of the companions, who narrates as follows,
“Do you walk after him and he is better than you?” “Do you not know that the sun does not rise or set on anyone better than Abu Bakr? The sun has not risen or set upon anyone better than Abu Bakr except the Prophets and the Messengers.”
13. Sayyiduna Amr ibn Al-‘Aas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
“The woman I love the most is Aa'isha and from the men is Abu Bakr.”[Muslim and Al-Bukhari]
14. Sayyidah Aa'isha (may Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
“Call Abu Bakr your father and your brother so I can dictate a letter as I fear the claim on he who says, “I am first.” Allah and the believers deny all except Abu Bakr.”
15. Sayyiduna Samarah narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
“I was instructed to consult Abu Bakr first.”[Al-Daylami]
16. Sayyiduna Abu Sa’eed (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
“Allah gave a servant the choice between the world and what is with him, so the servant chose what Allah has.” Abu Bakr wept, he said, “O Abu Bakr do not weep you are the most faithful of the people in your companionship and your wealth. If I were to take a bosom friend other than my Lord I would have taken Abu Bakr as a friend and moreover the brotherhood of Islam is friendship. Do not leave an open door in the masjid except for the door of Abu Bakr.”
17. Sayyiduna Mu’adh (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
“Allah the Exalted dislikes, in heaven, that Abu Bakr is offended.”[Al-Harith ibn Abi Usamah]
18. Sayyiduna Samarah narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said,
“Abu Bakr has the first opinion and his sound opinion is a share of Prophethood.”[Al-Tabarani in Al-Kabir]
19. Sayyiduna Anas (Radi Allahu Anhu) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) said to Sayyiduna Hassan ibn Thabit (Radi Allahu Anhu),
“Do you have anything on Abu Bakr?” He said, “Yes.” He replies, “Speak so I can hear.” He replies,
“The second of two in the lofty cave, the enemy encircle when they climbed the mountain,
the love of the Messenger of Allah was known by creation that cannot be equal to this man.”
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bestow peace and blessings upon him) smiled until his molars showed then said, “O Hassan! He is as you said.”[As-Suyuti, Ibn ‘Adi and Ibn ‘Asakir]
20. It is narrated by Hibr-ul-Ummah, Sayyiduna ‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Abbas (Radi Allahu Anhu) that,
‘Once the Holy Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon Him) and his companions went into a pond. The Holy Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon Him) said, ‘Everybody swim to his closest friend.’ So they all did and then only the Holy Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon Him) and Sayyiduna Abu Bakr (Radi Allahu Anhu) were left. Rasulullah moved towards Sayyiduna Abu Bakr embraced him and said, ‘If I were to make anyone my Khalil it would be Abu Bakr however he is my closest friend.’[Al-Mu’jam al-Kabir, Vol. 11, Page 20]
21. Sayyiduna Jabir ibn ‘Abdullah (Radi Allahu Anhu) has narrated,
‘Once we were present in the service of the Holy Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon Him) when he said, ‘Right now, a person is about to appear in front of you who has been made the best and most noble after me and his intercession will be like the intercession of the Prophets. We were present and then we saw that Sayyiduna Abu Bakr Siddiq (Radi Allahu Anhu) appeared. The Prophet of Allah (Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon Him) stood up, kissed him and then embraced him.’[Tarikh-e-Baghdad, Vol. 3, Page 340]
22. Sayyiduna ‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Abbas (Radi Allahu Anhu) narrates,
‘I saw the Holy Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon Him) standing with the Leader of the Believers, Sayyiduna Ali, when Sayyiduna Abu Bakr arrived. The Beloved Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon Him) greeted him, embraced him and kissed him on the face. Sayyiduna ‘Ali said, ‘The Holy Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon Him) kissed the face of Abu Bakr’ The Blessed Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon Him) replied, ‘O Abul Hasan The status of Abu Bakr in my court is similar to my status in the court of Allah.’[Fatawa Ridawiyyah, Vol. 8, Page 610-612]






Women site, - Mutual Rights-Good Companionship - I

The mutual rights that Allaah The Almighty has enjoined on both the
spouses represent His utmost justice. There are two major rights.
There are two main rights: the right to good companionship, and the
right to overnight stay and equal distribution. In this series we will
address the first of these rights.
First: The right to good companionship
Muslims will never find happiness or tranquility in their homes unless
they live together in a kind manner. Allaah The Almighty enjoined the
right of good companionship because it helps maintain the affairs of
the spouses and brings them happiness. Moreover, it was set to serve
as a real test for the spouses. Allaah The Almighty Says )what
means(:}And live with them in kindness.{]Quran 4:19[ This is a command
from Allaah The Almighty, which implies a sense of obligation.
Scholars said that living in kindness is an obligatory right whose
violator bears a sin while the one who fulfils it deserves reward.
Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Either retain them in kindness
or part with them kindness.{]Quran 65:2[
Good companionship requires essential matters that appear in a
person's heart, which is only known to Allaah The Almighty, in his
speech and words and in his behavior and actions.
Intention:
Good companionship has three aspects, the first and foremost of which
is the intention and what is hidden in the hearts of the spouses. The
husband cannot live in kindness with his wife, nor can she live in
kindness with him unless each has a good intention towards the other.
This is what Allaah The Almighty means by his Saying )what means(:}And
do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress ]against them[.{]Quran
2:231[ If the husband wants to keep his wife, he should have a good
intention towards her. Therefore, scholars have said that Allaah The
Almighty reveals whatever man conceals in his heart, good or bad, in
the slips of his tongue. For the man who intends good when marrying a
woman or bringing her into wedlock with the intention to treat her
kindly and live with her in kindness, Allaah will guide him and grant
him success in his life. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}If
Allaah Knows ]any[ good in your hearts, He Will Give you ]something[
better.{]Quran 8:70[
When Allaah The Almighty finds good intentions in the hearts of the
spouses, He will grant them success in their apparent behavior and
actions and bring about goodness through them.
Thus, the first advice given to the person who wants to live in
kindness is to have good intention. Some scholars said that the
husband has to renew his intention every day so that Allaah The
Almighty would increase his reward, particularly when his wife is
righteous or has an extra right over him, such as being his relative.
He should have in his heart a good intention towards her, and in this
case, Allaah The Almighty would reveal this intention through his
sayings and actions. Similarly, the woman should have in her heart
good intention towards her husband. Once this intention changes,
Allaah The Almighty will change the conditions of the spouses. Allaah
The Almighty Says )what means(:}Indeed, Allaah will not change the
condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.{]Quran
13:11[
When the spouses change their good intentions, Allaah The Almighty
will consequently change their conditions from good to evil, and from
better to worse. Thus, every husband should consider his intention and
look into his heart when he suffers troubles with his wife. In
principle, good companionship emanates from good and righteous
intention, and from a heart that harbors goodness. The effects of
these things are reflected on a person's actions. The Prophet,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"Indeed, there is a piece of flesh
in the body which, if it is sound, the whole body is sound, and if it
is corrupt, the whole body is corrupt. Indeed, that is the heart."
Speech:
The second point related to good companionship in one's speech is that
just as man should have good intention in his heart in order to live
in kindness, his speech should also be in accordance with the Pleasure
of Allaah The Almighty. Some scholars said regarding}And live with
them in kindness{that kindness is everything that is in accordance
with the Sharee'ah of Allaah The Almighty, and that evil is everything
that contradicts the Sharee'ah of Allaah The Almighty. Thus, the
husband, who wants to live on good terms with his wife, should fear
Allaah The Almighty regarding what he say, and likewise for wife. The
principle that the Book of Allaah and Sunnah of the Prophet,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, have affirmed is that every believing
man and woman should preserve his/her tongue and utter good words. The
Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"Whoever believes in
Allaah and the Last Day, let him say something good or keep silent."
The signs of belief in Allaah The Almighty include controlling one's
tongue from saying anything but good to people in general and the
family in particular. Allaah The Almighty enjoined the believers in
the past, addressing us as well, Saying )what means(:}And speak to
people good ]words[.{]Quran 2:83[ Allaah The Almighty ordered us to
say good words that please Him, because good words benefit the person
who says them both in this world and in the Hereafter. On the other
hand, bad words harm the speaker in this life and in the Hereafter.
When words emerge from the tongue, they never return, and when hurtful
and harsh words are uttered, they break hearts, ruin them and alter
affection and love to an extent that only Allaah Knows. Allaah The
Almighty therefore enjoined preserving the tongue in the Quran and
through the words of His Messenger, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam.
Scholars listed the situations in which living in kindness through
speech occurs between the spouses:
1- When the spouses call one another.
2- When they request something from one another.
3- During discussion, conversation and jesting.
4- In disputes and arguments.
1- When the woman calls her husband or when he calls her, it should be
done in a nice manner. The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam,
would call 'Aa'ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, saying: "O
'Aa'ish, O 'Aa'ish." Scholars said that this manner of calling his
wife showed how the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, honored,
jested and fulfilled his role as a good husband to his wives. This is
a method for Muslim husbands - to use words of love and kindness when
calling their wives. Harsh and coarse addressing, which involves a
coercive and forceful style on the part of the husband or mockery and
sarcasm on the part of the wife, ruins love and severs ties of
intimacy between the spouses. Thus, the wife should call her husband
by the best names and so should her husband.
'Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, said that affection and love
increases when a Muslim calls his Muslim brother with the best of his
names. This is one of the three factors that strengthen intimacy among
Muslims, so what would be its effect on the spouses? It is a mistake
when the husband chooses for his wife a name that embarrasses her or
exposes her to ridicule or belittlement. The same thing applies to the
wife with her husband. Some scholars would say that it is preferable
that the spouses do not call one other by their names; it is most
honorable that they call each other by their nicknames )i.e. father of
so and so or mother of so and so(. This is the best manner to adopt.
Scholars have also said that when a husband is used to calling his
wife affectionately, she does the same or even better since women were
created inclined to affection and love for gentleness, mercy and
intimacy. So, when the husband treats his wife on that basis, she
would react with him in a better way.
2- When the man requests something from his wife, he should ask her in
a manner that does not give her the feeling of servitude, humiliation,
contempt or belittlement. Similarly, when the woman requests something
from her husband, she should not overburden, hurt or harm him, nor
should she use troublesome words. This behavior helps to preserve
one's tongue and fulfill living equitably through speech. The Prophet,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, once asked 'Aa'ishah, may Allaah be
pleased with her, while he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, was in the
mosque )Masjid(:"Give me the straw mat."She, may Allaah be pleased
with her, said, "I am menstruating." The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi
wa sallam, said:"Your menstruation is not in your hands."]Muslim[.
Just look at how the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, asked a
Mother of the Believers for something, and when she declined, she
mentioned her Sharee'ah-based excuse. She, may Allaah be pleased with
her, did not say no or that she could not without a justification;
rather, she, may Allaah be pleased with her, said that she was in her
menstruation, awaiting instructions on what to do. The Prophet,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, replied:"Your menstruation is not in
your hands,"meaning that she could simply hand it over since entering
a hand into the mosque is not like entering the whole body.
The lesson we learn here is kindness in calling or requesting
something. Marital problems may arise due to frequent requests.
Scholars mentioned that when a man burdens his wife with many demands
and his manner of demanding is bothersome, this would be one of the
major reasons that ruin affection and love. A woman in this case feels
as if she is a humiliated servant in her husband's house.
Wise men, with the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, before
them, advised giving reward upon request, at least with kind words.
For example, when the husband asks his wife to do something, and she
does it, he should say kind words to her, such as supplicating to
Allaah The Almighty to grant her goodness and bless her. Once the wife
realizes that her favor and goodness are appreciated, thanked and not
denied, she will appreciate this from her husband and will actively do
good to him and fulfill his needs. This will greatly help them live
equitably together.
3- In conversations and jesting. The spouses should not talk to one
another at inappropriate times. Some scholars said that it is harmful
that a woman talks to her husband when he is tired and exhausted or
that a man talks to his wife when she is tired and exhausted. This
entails boredom and contradicts living in the kindness that Allaah The
Almighty enjoined. They added that when a man jests with his wife, he
should use the best words, and when he relates something to her, he
should select the best event that positively and fruitfully affects
her.

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