Women site, - White Lies: Are They Permissible?

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Many take the permission of the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, to lie in three exceptional cases in the wrong way as a justification for white lies. The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said:"A liar is not one who tries to bring reconciliation amongst people and speaks good )in order to avert dispute(, or he conveys good."]Muslim[
Commenting on this Hadeeth, Ibn Shihaab, one of the transmitters, said that he has not heard that the exemption was granted with regard to the typical lies that people tell but in three cases: In war in order to cause reconciliation among people and in the narration of the words of the husband to his wife, and the narration of the words of a wife to her husband )in a euphemistic way in order to cause reconciliation between them(.
Some may take this as a license to take truthfulness lightly and tell what they think to be white, harmless lies. The case is the opposite. What people misunderstand is the Arabic usage of the word `kadhib.' In particular in the Prophet's usage of it, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, `kadhib' means anything less than the complete truth, even if it is not a lie in our ordinary usage of the term. This becomes clear in the following Hadeeth narrated by Muslim:
The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said:"Ibraaheem, may Allaah exalt his mention, never `lied' except in three cases, two for Allaah, when he said ]as an excuse when asked by his people to join them in celebration of their idols[ `I am sick'; and ]when they came back and asked who broke their idols, he said[ `Rather, it was the biggest among them who did that.' And the third was about Saarah, and that was his saying: `When he asks you, say you are my sister, because you are my sister in Islam.']Muslim[
Imaam an-Nawawi explains that these lies were "lies only with regard to the understanding of their immediate audience, but not in and of themselves." Ibraaheem, may Allaah exalt his mention, indeed was "sick" of their idol-worship, and his response that it was the biggest idol who broke the rest was simply a rhetorical ploy, which is not ordinarily considered a lie in our speech. For instance, when a friend sees you sipping on a cup of tea and asks, "What are you doing?" and you say: "What do you think? I am flying in the air"—that is not a lie, but a rhetorical expression to convey your annoyance. The Prophet Ibraaheem, may Allaah exalt his mention, made this clear in the third example by adding that Saarah was his sister "in Islam," for she, indeed, was. But the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, still called it a lie because it was less than the whole truth.
The scholars of Islam agree, reports Imaam an-Nawawi, that a Muslim is permitted, indeed, required, to hide an innocent or wrongly persecuted person from oppressors, and if he must lie in this pursuit, he can. But even in such cases, lying should be avoided if possible. Abu Bakr al-Siddeeq the most truthful man of the ‘Ummah who accompanied the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, on his flight to Madeenah, was accosted by an acquaintance of his who did not know the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, by face but had probably heard of the Makkan search for him. He asked Abu Bakr, may Allaah be pleased with him, about his companion, to which Abu Bakr, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: "He is my guide. He shows me the way." Abu Bakr did not lie even in such dire circumstances, but simply equivocated.
The case of "lying" allowed for a husband speaking to his wife )or vice versa( is similar. When a wife asks her husband if he loves her or thinks she looks beautiful, the answer is not always clear even to the husband. Depending on his state of mind and their relationship, the woman who looks perfectly beautiful and loveable to him most of the time might look not so at the moment. Especially, when influenced by Satan's whispers, one's wife often looks less attractive than other women, even if the opposite is true.
Since the usual standard of truthfulness in Islam is so meticulous and high, the husband is allowed to say what pleases her or helps reconcile her heart, even if at that moment he does not feel exactly that way.
Saying that he loves his wife is likely in fact to recall in his mind what he loves about her and bring happiness and incite more love in her heart. Thus, the statements made to please one's spouse are not, strictly speaking, "lying" in our ordinary usage.
With this exception, lying to one's spouse in any other situation or any other way is as prohibited and despised as in any other. A relationship built on lies cannot last for very long, let alone be blessed with "mercy" and "love" that Allaah promises to place between spouses ]Quran 30:21[.
Finally, take the case of war. War is fought to overcome and often destroy the other side. But even in this situation, the rule in the Quran is to never deceive in principle. People often misunderstand what the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, famously said, namely, that "War is khud'ah )stratagem(." Khud'ah is stratagem, a tactical maneuver to mislead the enemy. It is not treachery, deception, or breach of agreement, which would be khiyaanah, and Allaah emphatically prohibits that.
Allaah Almighty Says )what means(:}If you fear treachery )khiyaana( from any group, openly throw back )their covenant( to them, )so as to be( on equal terms: for Allaah loves not the treacherous.{]Quran 8:58[
Imagine the level of integrity required, such that even when you fear the enemy's breach of treaty and attack, you do not simply unilaterally end the treaty and attack them, but, rather, let your enemy know that the treaty is over.
What the Quran and Hadeeth teach us is that the requirement in Islam of truthfulness and integrity is so high and the agreement between our outsides and insides must be so meticulous that even equivocation, telling half the truth, and evading the straightforward fact is termed as kadhib, a lie. Under normal circumstances, such differences between one's words and true feelings would be considered lying, but they are allowed in uniquely exceptional circumstances.

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Women site, - Gossip: Sisters, beware!

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Gossip is perhaps the main menace responsible for the biggest volume of lies. Gossip, including, backbiting )gheebah(, slander, and more precisely calumny, )buhtaan(, sows the seeds of unending dissension and pain in many Muslim communities. Our communities are festering with this disease. A student of mine, a Muslim girl who recently had become religious and joined the company of Muslim girls, told my class roughly the following: "My non-Muslim friends gossiped and lied too, but that was a rare annoyance. But when I began to hang out with Muslim girls, gossiping, lying, and belittling others were at a totally different level.
It is hard to get through one conversation with a friend without engaging in some kind of gossip about someone."
The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said:"To convey all that one hears to others is sufficient to make one a liar."]Muslim[
Solution? Worry about the accuracy and impact of every word you utter—specially if you have friends in whose company you tend to engage in gossip, or who have a habit of gossiping with you. Be extra careful, and remind them again and again not to talk about others at all.

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Women site, - Liars and Lying

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Lying is the source of all evils. It is the negation of faith. It can never exist in a person who has true faith in Allaah Almighty. It is universally condemned by all humans with a minimally sound nature. But because it is so universally condemned, we have prettier names for it: It is often mitigated and excused as "forgetting," "stretching the truth a bit," "interpretation," "miscommunication," and so forth. Lying comes in many forms, and all of them are common among Muslims: Gossip, slander, misrepresentation, breaking of promises, and most of all, making deliberately misleading and vague statements.
If you said to someone, "Insha'Allaah, I will be there," while you knew you could not be there for whatever reason, you have lied.
If you say, "I will be there around six," and you do not intend to get there until seven, you have lied.
If you say to your child, "I will get you some ice-cream if you do this" while you did not mean to do so, you have lied. If you say to someone who is waiting, "I will be right there," while you know you are running one hour late, you have lied.
You get the idea. These are all innocent, little white lies, but they are lies nonetheless. There are millions of ways to try to make yourself feel that you haven't lied, but deep down, you know that you are misrepresenting the truth. If you feel that, it is very likely that you have lied. And liars cannot be true believers. That is a contradiction in terms.
Lying is the source of all evils, because those to whom lying comes easy believe they can get away with any misdeed by crafting suitable lies, so they commit other sins or crimes with ease and impunity.
For those who become desensitized to lying, the act brings excitement and pleasure. A psychologist writes: "The liar may feel excitement, either when anticipating the challenge or during the very moment of lying. Afterwards, there is the pleasure that comes with relief, pride in the achievement, or feelings of smug contempt towards the target."
This observation is captured in the teaching of the most truthful teacher, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam:"Verily, truthfulness leads to righteousness )birr(, and righteousness leads to the Garden. A man speaks truths until he is written with Allaah as a truthful person )siddeeq(. Lying leads to wickedness )fujoor(, and wickedness leads to the Fire. A man lies until he is written with Allaah as a liar."]Al-Bukhaari, Muslim[
The worst thing about lying is that hard-core liars never admit that they are lying. In most cases, no matter how hard you try, a well-oiled liar can get out of the conclusion that he or she lied. In fact, their inner conscience may be so clouded by their lies that they do not even notice that they are lying.
Lying perpetuates itself. Those who have perfected the art of lying do not tell simple lies that can be proved to be false. We learn the power of lying as children. Children tell innocent lies, and by how their parents, teachers and peers allow, sanction and approve of those lies, their habit of lying grows and matures. Any lie in any given social context needs more lies. As one author puts it, a lie "must be thatched through with another or it will rain through."
Lying is the most pervasive of the great evils that spreads by example. A French author observes, "Nothing is so contagious as an example. We never do great good or great evil without bringing about more of the same on the part of others." When we lie, most people can feel that we have lied, but they do not openly challenge it unless it directly contradicts their interests.
The opposite of lying is not a tactless, heartless, statement of facts, which some psychologists call "truth-dumping." The opposite of lying in Islam are sidq and ikhlaas, both of which convey the sense of sincerity of expression and action, the agreement of the outside expression and inside feeling. Truthfulness does not violate wisdom )hikmah(, but requires it.
The definition of what is a lie can become a problem. Seasoned liars are very good at manipulating such problems. They misrepresent and justify their behavior by raising the bar of truth so high that everybody seems to always be lying. Once, for instance, I pointed out to someone that he had lied by misinforming me of what a friend had said. He came right back to me by saying that I too had lied because I had said that I was afraid someone might fail a certain test, and I was, in his view, wrong. In this case, this person conflated misreporting, a relatively clear lie, with an expression of opinion, whose validity really depends on the sincerity of the speaker. Such tricks of evasion are many. What seasoned liars want to say is that since everybody lies, there is no point in trying to be truthful.
These tactics are dishonest, and the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, was told to avoid arguing with such people. Allaah Says )what means(:}Take the way of forgiveness, command what is good, and avoid the ignorant )jaahileen({]Quran 7:199[. ‘Jaahil’ is not merely one who does not know, but one whose inner stubbornness does not let him or her acknowledge and submit to the truth.
I recall another incident in which a well-meaning Shaykh inflated the definition of sincerity to such an impractical level that it seemed unattainable. The hall was full with an eager audience when the Shaykh, admittedly tired after having given a few lectures at the conference, excused himself saying that he did not really want to talk, being so tired, and if he did, it would be a kind of hypocrisy and lack of sincerity. He walked out as the audience stared at each other in puzzlement. I was not sure if this was a good thing: He may have gotten out of a responsibility by using sincerity as an excuse one time, but I wondered how many other lectures he would go on to give while being tired. Would he think of himself as a hypocrite or liar for that? The point merely is that careless definitions and hairsplitting, used by us sometimes to excuse ourselves from one thing or another, can become justifications for continuing to lie.
This is why the way of the Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, and the best scholars of the Ummah, the righteous predecessors; was not to engage in hairsplitting definitions and arguments, but to create a burning sense of Allaah's presence, the urge to be critical of oneself, and an awareness of the nature of various weaknesses of character, so that people could become their own critics.
The Prophet, sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said:"Truthfulness is tranquility, and lying is restlessness.”)At-Tirmithi, graded hasan saeeih(.
It has also been said: "Truthfulness is the identity of the hidden and the evident. The outside of a disbeliever or a hypocrite is better than his inside." Also, "Truthfulness is to proclaim the truth even at occasions of great harm."
Al-Junayd of Baghdad said: "The truthful person changes )his state( forty times a day, while an ostentatious person stays on the same state for forty years." Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, writes in explanation of these words: "The thoughts and objections that occur to the truthful do not occur to the liar. Even Satan does not interfere with the liar too much, for there is no good inside of a liar to begin with which he would want to corrupt. The truthful is challenged by these objections or threats, and moves from one action to another, one state to the next, fearing complacency and losing his ultimate goal, Allaah Almighty. This is the state of the one truthful in seeking Allaah. Similar is the case with one who is truthful in seeking knowledge, or this world, and so on. Anyone who is truthful in his search is never stuck in the same state."
It has also been said: "Three things never part from a truthful person: Sweetness ]of being truthful[, saltiness ]of consequences[, and awe ]of the Truth God[."

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