Protecting our children from sexual abuse - III

What should a parent do if he or she suspects abuse?
If you are worried that your child has been sexually abused, it is
important to put your trust in Allaah and stay calm. Children arevery
intuitive and can easily sensethere is something "up". Allaah Says
)what means(:"…Indeed, Allaah is with the patient."]Quran 2: 153[
It is imperative that you stay completely casual when you ask your
child the following question:
"I'm wondering if someone has been touching you in a way you don't
like or don't understand.")this question was taken from 'Protect Your
Child from Sexual Abuse'(.
Did anyone ask you to keep a secret?
Stay away from questions like:"Did anyone touch you in a place that
you didn't like?")A common question(.
Generally speaking, a child who has never been abused may just
complain about somebody tickling him or her. But for the child who has
been sexually abused, more than likely they willeither act
uncomfortable about the questions or avoid it completely. It is
important to understand that they are still in the cycle of violence.
They may have been possibly threatened or made promises that they
"feel" they should keep. The abuser has probably spent hours and hours
gaining the child's trust and being their "personal friend". This
makes it very difficult for thechild to say anything about the abuser.
It is important that you remain both relaxed and open. Try to pray
Salaat –ul-Istikhaarah )the prayer of seeking Allaah's Guidance( for
help before you start opening the communication. Allaah Says)what
means(:"And seek help through patience and prayer…"]Quran 2: 45[
It is natural for the parent to feel rage, anger, pain etc. But it is
essential that you remain calm. Mujaahidsaid: "Beautiful patience is
patience without any panic."'Amr Ibn Qayssaid: "Beautiful patience
means to be content with adversity and to surrender to the will of
Allaah."The child will probably think that you are angry with him or
her and not with the abuser. They may not even know that by talking to
you they had incriminated their "friend". Your reaction is very
important to keep the lines of communication open. It is important to
be reassuring and to let the child know that he had done nothing
wrong.
Once opening the "can of worms", the child might start feeling scared
and insecure. He orshe may need lots of hugs and reassuring words.
From the moment that the child opens up, everything after that will
affect him or her for the rest of the life. Your being stable and a
"rock" for him or her is impetrative.
Depending on what country you live in, you need to then follow
procedure in order to insure proper legal steps are taken. You can't
just leave the situation thinking "ok, I won't let him or her with­
again." This is not enough. Reread Characteristics ofthe Sexual Abuser
and see how many children they abuse in theirlife. Is this fair to
allow a criminalto go free, knowing very well that he will strike
again. I know itis very hard to do this, especially if it is a family
member. But thesepeople are very sick. Think about Prophet Lootewhen
hedealt with the homosexual issue.Left undone, the sickness spread
throughout the entire city. The same happens with innocent children,
many may have multitude of sexual issues when they grow up. The effect
of even just one incident can permanently damage them for the rest of
their lives. It is important to note that young boys who are sexually
abused caneither withdraw into theirselves or actually become sexual
abusers themselves as they grow up.
They are so mixed up and feeling shame and powerlessness that they may
end of repeating the same cycle. Like the man who is yelled at by his
boss, then comes home and yells at his wife, then the wife yells at
the kids and the kids kick and yell at the neighbor kids or guard dog.
It is a vicious cycle that will not go away.
One thing in Islamic communitiesis that they worry more about
protecting their girls than their boys. This is a big mistake! We need
to wake up and care about both our girls and boys the same.Just
because they are boys doesn't mean that they cannot be sexually
abused.
Please note that your child may feel very guilty for "causing" all the
problems in the family. It is of course worse if the offender is one
of the family members. Your child may have to repeat over andover to
different authorities whathappened. You do not want the child to close
down. It is important that you offer your unconditional love and
support for the child. Help the child understand that the move he
or she made, Allaah willing, will protect him or her and other
children from the offender. Read to children stories of those who
stood up to injustice no matter how hard it was. Let them know that it
is their right as Muslim children that they are protected and cared
for.
It is important not to let too many people know about what had
happened. Your child's privacy is very important. Also take care of
yourself and get the support you need. Remember! Allaah wrote
everything that was to happen, and you shouldn't beat yourself up for
this. We must believe that Allaah has Wisdom behind every incident.
Allaah Knows and Sees everything. With His infinite Wisdom call on
Allaah by His most beautiful Names and Attributes.
Allaah Says )what means(:"…But give good tidings to the patient, who,
when disaster strikes them,say, "Indeed we belong to Allaah,and indeed
to Him we will return.Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from
their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the ]rightly[
guided."]Quran 2: 155-7[

Dought & clear - • If some of the members of the congregation are praying outside the mosque and the power cuts out.

I came to the mosque late for 'Isha' prayer, and there was no room
inside the mosque, so we prayed outside the mosque. During the last
rak'ah the power cut out, and the sound of the microphone was cut off
from us and we could not hear the imam. What should we do in this
situation?.
Praise be to Allaah.
If some of the members of the congregation were outside the mosque,
and they were unable to follow the imam because the power cut out,
then what is prescribed in this situation is for one of the
worshippers who are near the door of the mosque to say the takbeer out
loud so that those who are outside the mosque can hear and can follow
the imamin the prayer. If he does not do that then they have the
choice of eithercompleting the prayer individually or sending one of
their number forward to lead them in completing the prayer
incongregation. This is better, so that the worshippers will not be
confused and frustrated as a result of the imam's voice being cut off.
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: A group of
people prayed Jumu'ah in the basementof the mosque, and during the
prayer the power cut out, and they could no longer hear theimam's
voice. One of them went forward and led them in the rest of the
prayer. What is the ruling on their prayer, knowing that he completed
the prayer as if it were Jumu'ah? Whatwould be the ruling if noone
went forward to lead them – should each person complete his prayer on
his own? If that is permissible, should they complete it as Zuhr or as
Jumu'ah, since they had listened to the khateeb and started to pray
with the imam and prayed one rak'ah with him?
He replied:
If the situation is as the questioner has described, then the prayer
of all of them is valid, because whoever catches up with a rak'ah of
Jumu'ah has caught up with Jumu'ah, as is stated in a saheeh hadeeth
from the Messenger of Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him). Even if no one went forward to lead them and each person prayed
the second rak'ah by himself, that is sufficient,just as the one who
joinsthe prayer late prays whatever he catches up with with the imam,
then he makes up the other rak'ah by himself, because of the general
meaning of the words ofthe Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him): "Whoever catches up with a rak'ah of prayer has caught up
with the prayer." End quote fromMajmoo' Fataawa Ibn Baaz(12/331).
And Allaah knows best.

Dought & clear - • Zakaah on monthly salaries and how is zakaah to be paid by one who is in debt?.

I keep my money in the bank, as my monthly salary is deposited
directly by my work, andI withdraw it to pay my expenses. I do not
know the amount for which one year has passed, so that I can pay
zakaah onit. I decided on the first on Ramadaan as the dayfor paying
zakaah, by working out how much is in my bank account, even if the
last payment of my monthly salary was deposited a few days before
Ramadaan.
I have two questions:
1 – Is what I am doing towork out my zakaah valid?
2 – I recently took a loan from my work to buy a house and I will be
paying it off in monthly installments deducted from my salary during
the coming year. Should I subtract the outstanding loan from the
calculation for zakaah, knowing that I have savings in my bank
account? For example, if I have savings of one hundred thousand riyals
in the bank when Ramadaan comes, and the outstanding loan that I owe
is seventy thousand riyals, what is the correct calculation?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
It is not permissible to put money in riba-basedbanks unless that is
essential in order to protect it, so long as thatis without interest.
See the answers to questionsno. 23346, 22392and 49677.
Secondly:
If one full year has passed since you acquired the nisaab (minimum
threshold) then zakaah must be paid immediately, and it is not
permissible to delay it beyond that when one is able to pay. A person
does not have the choice of selecting a particular month for paying
zakaah on his wealth, rather that month should be after one year has
passed, unless he is paying it in advance in Ramadaan, before the year
has passed, in which case there is nothing wrong with it. But after
the year has passed, it is not permissible to delay it until Ramadaan.
See the answer to question no. 26716and 8400.
Thirdly:
If you pay zakaah on all your wealth, even your monthly salary, this
is safer and is the easiest way of paying zakaah on what you have
saved of your salary.
See the answer to question no. 26113and 50801.
Fourthly:
We have already explained that riba (usury) is haraam, and it is
haraam with regard tobuilding and buying houses. If that loan is
riba-based, then you must hasten to repent and get rid of it,
seekingthat which is with Allaahand fearing His punishment.
See the answer to question no. 45951, 21914, 22905
Fifthly:
With regard to the zakaah of one who is in debt, the correct scholarly
view is that thedebt cannot be subtracted from the wealth on which
zakaah is due. In the example which you mention, you have to pay
zakaah on the full one hundred thousand, and you cannot subtract from
it the debt that you owe.
And Allaah knows best.

Dought & clear - • They lived under Communist rule and did not know anything about praying and fasting; do they have to make it up?.

I am a Muslim woman from Bulgaria. We were living under Communist rule
and we did not know anything about Islam; in fact many acts of worship
were banned. I did not know anything about Islam until I reached the
age of twenty, and after thatI began to adhere to thelaws of Allah.
My question is: do I haveto make up what I missed of prayer and fasting?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We praise Allah for saving you from unjust and oppressive communist
rule after it suppressed the Muslims for more than forty years, during
which mosques were destroyedand some were turned into museums, Islamic
schools were abolished and they strove to change Muslim names and wipe
out Muslim identity.
"but Allâh will not allow except that His Light should be perfected
even though the Kâfirûn (disbelievers) hate (it)" [al-Tawbah 9:32 –
interpretation of the meaning].
Communist rule, with its tyranny and oppression, ended in 1989, to the
great joy of the Muslims, who went back to their ancient mosques,
which they refurbished and renovated. They went back to teaching their
children Qur'aan and thehijab of Muslim women appeared again in the
streets. We ask Allah to bring the Muslims back to their religion in
the best way and to support them and grant them victory and defeat
their enemies.
Secondly:
A generation of Muslims grew up in Bulgaria under the oppression of
Communist rule and theydid not know anything about Islam apart from
the fact that they were Muslims. The communist regime prevented them
from learning Islam and even banned the import of the Holy Qur'aan and
Islamic books into Bulgaria.
Those who did not knowanything about the rulings of Islam and Islamic
worship and other duties are not obliged to make up any of those acts
of worship. If the Muslim was not able to acquire Islamic knowledge
and the rulings of sharee'ah did not reach him, then he isnot obliged
to do anything because Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation
of the meaning):
"Allâh burdens not a person beyond his scope"
[al-Baqarah 2:286].
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
There is no difference of opinion among the Muslims that if a person
was living in dar al-kufr (non-Muslim lands) and he believed but he
was unable to migrate (to a Muslim land), he is not obliged to observe
Islamic rituals and laws that he is unable to; rather he is only
obliged to do what he is able to. The same applies to matters
concerning which he did not know the rulings. If he did not know that
prayer was obligatory for him and he did not pray for a while, he does
not have to make up those prayers according to the more correct of the
two scholarly opinions. This is the view of Abu Haneefah and the
literalists, and it is one ofthe two views of the madhhab of Ahmad.
The same applies to all the other duties such as fasting the month of
Ramadan, paying zakaah, and so on.
If he did not know that alcohol is haraam and hedrank it, then he is
not to be subjected to the hadd punishment, according to Muslim
consensus. They only differed with regard to whether he has to make up
the prayers…
The basic issue with regard to all of this is: are the laws obligatory
for one who did not know them or is it the case that no one is under
any obligation until after he comes to know?
The correct view concerning this matter isthat there is no obligation
to adhere to a ruling unless there is the possibility of acquiring
knowledge thereof, and nothing hasto be made up if it was not known
that it is obligatory. It is proven inal-Saheehthat some ofthe
Sahaabah ate after dawn in Ramadan until they could tell the white
thread apart from the black thread, but the Prophet (blessings and
peace of Allah be upon him) did not instruct them to make up those
fasts. Some of them usedto remain in a state of janaabah (impurity
following sexual activity or nocturnal emissions for which ghusl or
full ablution is required) for a while and not pray; they did not know
that itis permissible to pray with tayammum (dry ablution) – as
happened to Abu Dharr, 'Umar ibn al-Khattaab and 'Ammaar. But the
Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) did not instruct
anyof them to make up the prayers.
No doubt some Muslims in Makkah and in the wilderness continued to
pray facing towards Jerusalem until news reached them that that had
been abrogated (and the qiblah had been changed to the Ka'bah), but
they were not instructed to repeat those prayers. And there are many
similar examples. This reflects the principle that the early
generation and themajority of scholars followed, namely thatAllah
burdens not a person beyond his scope. Things are only obligatory when
one is able to do them, and thepunishment only applies when one fails
to do something that is enjoined or does something that is forbidden,
after proof has been established. End quote.
Majmoo' al-Fataawa, 19/225
Based on that, you do not have to make up anyof the acts of worship
that you did not know were obligatory.
Our advice to you is to focus on learning the rulings of Islam and
gaining understanding of the religion; try hard to learn Islam and
followit, and teach the next generation of Muslims, so that they will
be able to face the challenges that face all Muslims, andespecially in
your country.
We ask Allah to cause Islam and the Muslims to prevail.
And Allah knows best.