Teaching children good manners

Just as a child should be taught ritual acts of worship, he should
also be taught good habits and etiquettes until they become second
nature to him.
The Prophet said: "The believers who have the most perfect faith are
those who have the best manners." [Abu Daawood]
Good manners are an acquired trait that must be adopted from a young
age. Of such manners arethe following:
Being respectful and dutiful to parents:
The first person from whom a child learns good manners is the father.
If a child is raised in a good Islamic home, then it would be natural
for him to treathis parents respectfully.
Allaah Says (what means): "And your Lord has decreed that you worship
none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them
or both of them reach old age in your life, never say 'uff' (an
expression of displeasure), nor shout at them but address them in
terms of honour. And humble yourself to them out of mercy and say, 'My
Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercyas they did bring me up when I was
small.'" [Quran, 17:23,24]
Maintaining good relations with relatives:
Sound cultivation also stipulates teaching children to maintain good
relations with their relatives.
Allaah Says (what means): ''Worship Allaah and associate none with Him
in worship, and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, the needy, the
neighborwho is near of kin, the neighbor who is a stranger, the
companionby your side, the wayfarer (you meet), and those (slaves)
whom your right hands possess. Verily, Allaah does not like such as
are proud and boastful. " [Quran, 4:36]
The fulfillment of this Divine command can be accomplished only by
sound cultivation which makes them grow attached to their relatives
out of obedience to Allaah.
Since relatives are an extension ofthe family, then strengthening ties
with them strengthens the whole family and it is like strengthening
the whole community and this reflects an Islamic community that enjoys
a cohesive structure. The Prophet said: "The example of the believers
in their reciprocal love and mercy is like a human body, when one of
its organs suffers, the rest of the body remains awake and suffers
fever." [Muslim]
Inculcating brotherly love:
Brotherly love and believers' solidarity must be embedded in
children's minds and that the believers are brothers-in-faith. For
example to follow the pious predecessors, the Muhajireen andthe Ansaar
whose brotherly love and altruism Allaah commands in His Book.
Giving a friendly gesture or a happy greeting to Muslim brothers
generates friendliness intheir hearts and, strengthens the love among
the believers. This indeed is a fine trait, which is instructed by
Allaah, the Exalted. He describes the believers by saying (what
means): "Muhammad is the Messenger of Allaah, and those who are with
him are severe against disbelievers, and merciful among themselves…"
[Quran, 48:29]
Allaah also addressed His Messenger saying (what means): "Had you been
severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you…"
[Quran, 3:159]
Guarding the tongue:
Giving a good word is a type of remembrance of Allaah, telling the
truth, guarding one's own tongue against slandering other Muslims are
good deeds. The bestMuslim, according to the Prophet is the one from
whose tongue the Muslims feel safe.
Parents should make their children aware of the gravity of abusing
others with their tongueand of the fact that the tongue is a
double-sided and dangerous weapon. Therefore, they should be warned in
particular against abusing it.
· Warning children against backbiting and slandering:
Children should be taught that backbiting is speaking slanderously
about an absent person. The Prophet said: "Doyou know what back biting
is?" They (companions) said: "Allaah and His Messenger know best." He
said: "It is to attribute to your brother what he dislikes." He was
asked: "What do you think if what I say about my brother is true?" He
said: "If what you attribute to him is true,then you have backbitten
him, and if it is not true, then you havelied about him." [Muslim]
While talebearing is to circulate slanderous rumors between two
persons to damage or sever the ties between them. The Prophet said:
"Talebearer will not be admitted to Paradise." [Muslim]
Deriding people in their presence by making negative facial
expressions or by hand gestures while they are unaware is also
forbidden in Islam.
· Warning children against lying:
Children must be taught to tell the truth and to keep away from lying,
which is the most horrible habit. The Prophet said: "There are four
traits whoever possesses them is a sheer hypocrite, and he who
possesses one of them, possesses a trait of hypocrisy unless he quits
it. They are: when he speaks, he lies; and when he enters into an
agreement, he acts unfaithfully; when he promises, he breaches his
promise; and when he litigates, he behaves treacherously. While the
liar receives the anger of Allaah on the Day of Resurrection."
[Al-Bukhaari]
Parents should not take this evil habit lightly, or consider it funny
when their children tell lies because later on, it becomes easyfor
them to lie without any compunction.
· Abusing others:
Among the worst of manners is reviling people and swearing at them. If
this bad habit is not redressed while the child is growing up, it
becomes hard for him to avoid it later on.
Islam enjoins guarding the tongues. The Prophet said: "He who
guarantees, what is in between his jaws (tongue), and what is in
between his thighs (private parts), I guarantee Paradise for him."
[Al-Bukhaari]
This means guarding one's own tongue against uttering anythingthat
displeases Allaah, and guarding one's own private partsagainst
committing illicit acts or fornication.

Smile to Make Your Children Happy

Lines from the diary of a child speaking about his happy childhood,
"My father was always cheerful and his smile never left his face, even
in the most difficult situations. This smile meant a great deal to us
as it revealed how much our father loves us. This smile used to force
us to behave properly and avoid mistakes so as not to anger our father
and miss his smile even fora second.
My father's smile was the source of our psychological balance. It
provided us with warmth, confidence, frankness and courage in the face
of hardships. May Allaah reward him with the best."
Protagonists of the frowning approach:
Some parents and educators adopt the frowning method in dealing with
their children. Hence, they avoid speaking with them cordially or
smiling at them. They believe that there should be strict limits
between parents and their children so thatthey can succeed in their
upbringing.
They think that smiling and cheerfulness with children will spoil
them, while frowning and sullenness represent the discipline and
resolve that are necessary for any successful upbringing.
Unfortunately, we are sorry to tell such people that this is the
approach of the weak, who have not mastered the art ofentering into
the hearts, even thehearts of the closest people to them: their
children!
People with great souls are the only ones who can always be cheerful
with their children, while they control the process of upbringing in
such a way that ensures their children are close enough to learn from
them and obey their orders within a warm family environment.
The wise educator can direct his child through his smile and look,
embrace him compassionately, and treat his mistakes with patience.
This little smile may be of great importance and influence on the
child, especially that he receives itfrom his source of protection
androle model.
Cheerfulness is from the guidanceof the Prophet :
The guidance of the Prophet regarding cheerfulness, is amazing. He was
always cheerful and used to smile at his Companions. Jareer bin
'Abdullaah Al-Bajali said, "Whenever the Prophet saw me after I had
embraced Islam, he would receive me with a smile." [Al-Bukhaari]
This was not confined to Jareer as 'Abdullaah bin Al-Haarith said, "I
have never seen anyone who smiles more than the Prophet ."
[Al-Albaani: Saheeh]
Umm Ad-Dardaa' said, "Abu Ad-Dardaa' used to smile whenever he spoke.
So I told him to stop doing this for fear that people may think that
he was simple minded. However, Abu Ad-Dardaa' said, 'I have never seen
or heard the Prophet speaking without smiling.'" Hence, he used to
smile whenever he spoke in imitation of the Prophet .
The Prophet was very, caring, thoughtful and compassionate towards
children. It was never reported that he frowned at any child
throughout his life; rather, whenever he met them, he would smile at
them even if he was accompanied by his honorable Companions.
In a Hadeeth (narration) on the authority of Jaabir he said,"We were
with the Prophet when we were invited to have food. On our way, we saw
Al-Husayn playing with the boys in the street. The Prophet hurried and
opened his arms. Al-Husayn started running here and there while the
Prophet was laughing with him. The Prophet took him and put one of his
hands on his chin and the other between his head and ears, then, he
embraced and kissed him and said: 'Husayn belongs to me and I belong
to him, may Allaah The Almighty love whoever loves him. Al-Hasan and
Al-Husayn are two of the noblest of men.'" [At-Tabaraani] [Al-Albaani:
Hasan]
The Prophet also taught us that a smile may sustain others, especially
those who are under our care. The Prophet said: "You cannot please all
people with your money, but you could do this through your
cheerfulness and good morals." [Muslim]
Is there any of us who does not need to please his children through
his cheerfulness and good morals? Is there anyone who does not need to
do so today, when he sees that the educator's mission has become one
of the most difficult on earth? The protection of children against
immorality and other social problems have become issues that require a
great deal ofsupplication and great balance in the personality of the
educator, to be able to sustain his children and establish a
successful relationship with them. This relationship serves as gravity
thatalways attracts them to their good origins and strengthens them in
the face of the wild storms of immorality that blow from all
directions.
This is the default principle in dealing with one's children:
Smiling at our children is the default principle as we learned from
the Prophet while frowning should be an educational punishment that
should be used wisely and only when necessary. Certainly, cheerfulness
strengthens the relationship between the educator and the child, while
frowning causes the child to dislike his parent and weakens their
mutual love.
'Umar bin Al-Khattaab said, "One should be like a young boy among his
family, but when he is needed as a man, he should be so." The meaning
is that cheerfulness and good morals as well as joking with one's
family and children is the best way to lead them, provided that this
does not affect the parent's respect.
You may even use what is called (the angry smile) when you punish or
blame your child as a form of silent-yet-effective punishment. The
Prophet taught us how to use the smile even when we are angry. Ka'b
binMaalik narrated his story when he did not participate in the Battle
of Tabook without a valid excuse. He said, "When news reached me that
the Messenger of Allaah was on his way back from Tabook, I was greatly
distressed… I greeted him, he smiled, and there was a tinge of anger
in that. He then said to me: 'Come forward' . I went forward and I sat
in front of him. He said to me: `What kept you back?'" [Al-Bukhaari
andMuslim] Therefore, smile, dear educator!
Cheerfulness and smiling is important to have a calm child:
A sense of humor helps children get rid of the feelings of anger and
embarrassment. It also spreads happiness in the house and warmth in
the heart in addition to providing children with a feeling of safety
that they would miss if their educator was one of those who adhere to
the frowning method.
Good growth:
German psychiatrists' studies proved that laughter from the bottom of
the heart has a deep influence on the child's growth during his early
years. Based on the results of these studies, psychiatrists confirmed
that laughter is as important as food and that the child who laughs
much grows well.
Educational excellence:
Psychiatrists always stress the positive influence of a smile on the
educational process. They saythat fun creates a psychological
environment full of happiness and satisfaction, and this releasesthe
mental abilities to learn easily. That is because joyfulness prepares
the mental abilities to expand and grow contrary to the environment of
sadness and pessimism that gives a despondent impression about life.
Smiling attaches the child to his parents:
If your smile springs from your heart and expresses true love for and
admiration of your child, then it will have a good psychological
impact on the childand provide him with happy memories and strong love
for his parents, particularly if they use eye contact to convey their
true love and appreciation to him.
Dear readers and educators, this shows us that the more a parent is
cheerful, the stronger his relationship with his children willbe, and
vice versa. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {Andif you had been
rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from
about you.} [Quran 3:159]
Do not forget to smile at your child when he enters upon you… when you
leave the house…when he leaves the house…when you receive him upon
returning from school…when you enter upon him returning from work…do
notforget to smile when you wake him up and let him see your smile
before anything else.
When you put him to bed, do notforget to smile at him to have thebest
dreams ever. Smile when you ask him about his faults so he can feel
safe and tell you the truth. Finally, smile to immunize your children
against feelings of fear and sadness and to turn yourrelationship with
them into an uninterrupted and wonderful series of successful
communication. In such a case, they will respond to your directions
and long to meet you. They will never think of doing anything that
angers you, because they do not want to loseyour sweet smile for any
reason.

Can she wear perfume when she goes out with her husband?

Is it permissible for a woman to wear perfumewhen she goes out with
her husband, knowing that she will not pass on men? If she has an
accident or any urgent matter, will she be sinful if a man smells her
perfume?.
Praise be to Allaah.
When a woman wears perfume, the ruling depends on the situation:
1 –
Using perfume for the husband.
This is mustahabb and recommended, because it is part of treating him
kindly, and it helps to increase love between the spouses, when each
of them pays attention to what the other likes.
Al-Mannaawi said in Fayd al-Qadeer (3/190):
As for putting on perfume and adorning herself for her husband, it is
required and is something that is liked. One of the wise men said: For
a woman to adorn herself and put onperfume for her husband is one of
the strongest causes of love and affection between them, and wards off
dislike and disdain, because the eye is the pioneer of the heart; if
the eye looks at something attractive, the message will reach his
heart and love will be created, but if it looksat something ugly or
that it does not like of outfits or garments, that that message will
reach the heart and dislike anddisdain will be created. Hence the
advice that Arab women gave to one another was: Beware of letting your
husband see anything that does not please himor letting him smell
anything from you that he finds off-putting. End quote.
2 –
Putting on perfume and going out with the aim of letting non-mahram
men smell it. This is haraam, and is a major sin.
It was narrated from AbuMoosa (may Allaah be pleased with him) that
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "If a
woman puts on perfumeand passes by people so that they can smell her
fragrance, then she is such and such," and he spoke sternly - meaning
an adulteress. Narrated by Abu Dawood (4173) and al-Tirmidhi (2786);
classed as saheeh by Ibn Daqeeq al-Eid in al-Iqtiraah (126) and by
Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
al-Mannaawi said in Fayd al-Qadeer (1/355):
"She is an adulteress" means: because of that she is exposed to zina,
and implementing the means that lead to it andcalling those who seek
it. Hence she is called an adulteress in a metaphorical sense, because
desire may prevail and real zina may take place. Her passing by men is
likened to her sitting in their path so that they pass by her. End
quote.
3 –
If she puts on perfume and goes out, and thinksit most likely that she
will pass by a group in which there will be men who will smell her
perfume and fragrance, this is also haraam, even if she does not
intend to tempt men and that is not her aim, because thisaction is a
fitnah (temptation) in and of itself. There is also an indication in
sharee'ah that it is haraam and notallowed.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at
forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal
sexualacts) and not to show offtheir adornment except only that which
is apparent (like both eyes for necessity to see the way, or outer
palms of hands or one eye or dress like veil, gloves, headcover,
apron), and to draw their veils all over Juyoobihinna (i.e. their
bodies, faces, necksand bosoms) and not to reveal their adornment
except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband's
fathers, or their sons, or their husband's sons, or their brothers or
their brother's sons, or their sister's sons, or their (Muslim) women
(i.e. their sisters in Islâm), or the (female) slaves whom their right
hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigour, or small children
who have no sense of feminine sex. And let them not stamp their feet
so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And all of you beg
Allaah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may be successful"
[al-Noor 24:31]
So women are forbiddento show their adornments to non-mahram men, and
perfume is undoubtedly one of the woman's adornments, so it is
included in this prohibition.
And it was narrated that Zaynab, the wife of 'Abd-Allaah ibn Mas'ood,
said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said to us: "If one of you attends the mosque, let her not put on
perfume." Narrated by Muslim (443).
If the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade
women to go out to the mosque wearing perfume, because men will
usually smell some of the fragrance becauseof close proximity and
there being no barrier between men and woman, then it is more likely
that women are not allowed to go out to the marketplace and gatherings
wearing perfume, although it is not regarded as a major sin, rather it
is something that is clearly haraam.
Ibn Hajar al-Haytami saidin al-Zawaajir 'an Iqtiraab al-Kabaa'ir (2/71-72):
The ahaadeeth which count it as a major sin should be interpreted as
meaning that this applies if the fitnah is certainly there; when there
is merely the fear of fitnah, then it is makrooh, or when she thinks
it will cause fitnahthen it is haraam but is not a major sin, as is
obvious. End quote.
See also the answer to question no. 7850
4 –
When she puts on perfume and thinks it most likely that her fragrance
will not reach people and that men willnot smell any of it, such as if
she is going out in her husband's car on a trip to an isolated place,
or to visit her family, or she is going out in her husband's car to a
gathering for women only, or she is going to the mosque in the car and
she is going to get out at the entrance to the prayer-hall that is
forwomen only and is completely separate from the men, then she is
going to come straightback in the car without walking in the street,
and other such situations where the woman does not expect to pass
through the streets and her aim in putting on perfume is to keep
herself clean in general as enjoined by sharee'ah. In that case there
is nothing wrong with her using perfume, because the reason for the
prohibition, which isthat the fragrance mightreach other men, does not
apply.
The evidence for that is as follows:
(i) The apparent reason for the prohibition in the
evidence quoted above does not apply in this case, so there is no
fitnah and there is no provocation of desire.
(ii) In Sunnah there is an indication that the womenfolk
of the Sahaabah used to use perfume when they thought it most likely
that it would not be smelt by men.
It was narrated that 'Aa'ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said:
We used to go out with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) to Makkah, and we would apply perfume to our foreheads when
entering ihraam, then if one of us sweated it would run down her face,
and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would see
it but he would not rebuke her.
Narrated by Abu Dawood (1830) and classed as hasan by al-Nawawi in
al-Majmoo'(7/219) and as saheeh byal-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
This is to be understood in the light of the conditions that were
known in earlier times, when the caravan of women was separate from
that of men, or the woman would be in her howdah and did not mixwith
men or pass by the places where they were.
Shaykh 'Abd al-'Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in
Majmoo' al-Fataawa (10/40):
It is permissible for her to apply perfume if she is going out to a
place ofwomen and is not going to pass by men in the street. End
quote.
It says in Jalasaat Ramadaaniyyah (1415/al-Majlis al-Khaamis/Majmoo'at
As'ilah tuhimm al-Usrah) by Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allaah have
mercy on him):
But if the woman is going to ride in the car and her fragrance will
only be apparent to those before whom she may show the fragrance,and
she will exit the car and go straight to her workplace without
therebeing any men around her, then there is nothing wrong with it,
because there is nothingharaam involved. When she is in her car it is
as if she is in her house. But ifshe is going to pass by men then it
is not permissible for her to wear perfume. End quote.
If an emergency arises inwhich some men happen to smell the perfume of
this woman, because of a car accident, for example, ora sudden illness
because of which she is taken to the hospital and the like,then this
is something that is forgiven, in sha Allah, because Allaah does not
burden any soul beyond its scope and the shar'i ruling is tobe
followed in cases where one has the choice, not in cases of necessity.
And Allaah knows best.

He invented a product and sold it to a middleman to sell it to the company where he works without the company knowing

I have been working as an engineer in a petroleum services company for
ten years. My basic job is maintaining the company's equipment and
providing technical support, but other tasks have been added to my job
over the last ten years. My company treatsme like anyone else, or less
than that, because I do not demand increases in my salary as others
do; rather I wait for the company to evaluate me, which has only
happened once or twice. I began to invent things for my company and I
was promised more than once that I would be rewarded, but this has not
happened. On the contrary, I was rebuked because I askedto be
rewarded. I have introduced many inventions and huge improvements. But
that was to no avail; all I get is moral support and words of praise.
Now I have invented something but this time Idid not give it to my
company directly; rather I gave it to an intermediary company to
submit it in its name to my company in returnfor commission that I
agreed to give to this intermediary company, after it gets the price
for my invention when it sells it to my company. This invention
already exists in America, but it is very expensive, at least 50%
more. My company has benefited greatly from this product. My question
is: is what I have done halaal or haraam?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Patents, inventions, copyright and so on belong to the inventor or
author, and he has the right to receive payment for them, because it
is customary that these rights have financial value in the
marketplace.
The Islamic Fiqh Council has issued a statement to this effect, the
text of which is as follows:
"The Islamic Fiqh Council,in its session held duringits fifth
conference in Kuwait, 1-6 Jumaada al-Awwal 1409 AH/10-15 December 1988
CE, after studying the research presented by members and experts on
the topic of intangible rights, and listening to the discussions that
were held concerning this topic, has determined the following:
Firstly: trade names, company names, trademarks, writings and
inventions are all the copyright of their owners or authors, which in
modern practice have acquired monetary value. These rights are
respected by sharee'ah and it is not permissible to transgressagainst
them.
Secondly:
If your work to invent this thing did not involve using any of the
products belonging to the company, and you did not do it on company
time, meaning that you worked on it outside of working hours, or at
times when you were not required to work, then this is yourexclusive
right as stated above, and there is nothing wrong with selling it to
your company or to an intermediate company who can sell it to your
company.
But if that was at the expense of your work for the company, or you
used the company's materials, products or laboratory, then you have
done wrong because you got distracted frin your work and because you
used the company's resources for a purpose other than that for which
they were intended, and you have to compensate the company for what is
their due. The basic principle is that you should tell them and work
out an agreement to be paid for your efforts and invention. If you
will be harmed by admitting this or you think it most likely that the
company will not give you anything, then try to give them their due by
any means possible after working out what you owe them with the help
of experts in that field.
This right of the company, if it is proven, does not make it
permissible to transgressagainst the company on the grounds that they
did not give you an increase in your salary or that they did not
appreciate your work and inventions, because two wrongs do not make a
right. You shouldstrive to improve your standing in the companyby
proper means, such as asking for it.
And Allah knows best.

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And Allah Knows the Best!

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Published by :->
M NajimudeeN Bsc- INDIA

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