He withheld from her many details about himself and his family; should she ask for a divorce?

I met my husband at work, we became friends and he had asked me to
marry him;although he lived on his own at the time and was not keeping
in touch with his parents. The story that he told mewas incomplete; he
had told us about his abuse as a child although did not advise that
his mother also beat up his father, on a regular basis. My parents
objected to his parents not being involved in the wedding, although
agreed eventually,based on what my husband had told them about the
parents being well educated with good careers. My husband kept the
details to himself in the fear of my parents not letting him marry me.
Also, because of an abusive childhood,my husband got involved in bad
habits when he left home at the age of 19 ; to cure his depression he
had taken up the hobby of pot smoking. When I methim, I felt bad for
him and after much speculation, agreed to mary him on one condition,
that he wouldgive up pot smoking.
7 years and two childrenlater, last yr, I find out alldetails on how
his parents and other familyis,(that his mother is a sadist)& also
discovered that he still smokes up on rare occasions.
This puts me off completely and I am not attracted o him anymore. I
discussed thiswith him in details and when I asked him to promise him
not to smoke weed again, he exclaimed that he cannot promise me this.
This breaks my heart, I feel like I was taken advantage of, and was
very naive to have believed in him. I regret my decision and think I
could have done so much better than him. We dont make a good
couple...because of his lifestyle pre-marriage, he is overweight and I
find it hard to feel attracted towards him.
Mind you he does pray maghrib at the mosque every now and then.
Please advise if I am crazy for thinking this and should I just move
on ignoring this.
Praise be to Allaah.
With regard to your husband smoking hashish (weed, pot), or consuming
other intoxicants or drugs, thisrequires a great deal of struggle and
advice, andseeking help from good and righteous people, sothat he can
give up this evil habit. If you find that he responds and is sincere,
this is what you want, but if you do not get that response from him,
then in that case there is no doubt that you have the right to askfor
a divorce and to annull your marriage with him.
But in fact dealing with this matter requires looking at various
aspects of your life, including your children if you have children,
andwhat will happen to them after this divorce; will you be able to
take care of them and look after them, or not? If youdo not have
children, then the matter is easier.
You mentioned that he prays. If he prays regularly or he prays most of
the time, but he does not pray in the mosque, then even though he has
done something reprehensible, there is still hope for him so longas he
still prays.
But if he does not pray at all, there is nothing good in him for you
and such a person does not deserve to have you staywith him.
See the answer to question no. 47335 and 172999 .
We advise you to fear Allah, may He be glorified and exalted.
Fulfilling the rights of Allah and obeying Him, and fulfilling the
husband's rights, are among the most important means of solving
marital problems. Moreover you should understand that whatever trials
befall an individual in his wealth, his family or his child, may stem
from himself in the first place: "And whatever of misfortune befalls
you, it is because of what your hands haveearned" [ash-Shoora 42:30].
So we advise you to be patient with your husband whilst continuing to
offer sincere advice and praying for him, until Allah sets him
straight. Please see the answers to questions no. 9497 , 142326 and
32450 for means that will help you to deal with the problems you have
mentioned.
If he mends his ways, all well and good; otherwise you can ask for a
divorce if you cannot be patient with your husband's annoyances and
can no longer carry on living with him, or if you fear for yourself,
your religious commitment oryour children if you stay with him.

He feels distressed and sad when he remembersthe past, before he repented

am a born muslim,alhamdulillah.i started practising from last year
until now.i have full beard,i dont smoke,no girlfriend,dontwatch
films.i am always try to spend more times for gaining knowledge.but
recently ifeel depressed,my past memories are killing me,i always feel
scared when talking to peoples,i am getting ill so often,which hurting
me,even when i pray i feel that my prayer,my duaa is not gonna
accept.i am on hardship,difficulties as well.but i dont speak about
this problems to anyone,because i believe that only Allah can help me
out from this problem.i feel like i am doing something seriously
wrong.notice that sometimes i dont pray fajar on time.is it the main
reason?
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly, we congratulate you for having repented to Allah; He has
blessed you by enabling you to give up sin and disobedience and a life
of idle pursuits. This great blessing requires you to protect it by
turning to Allah, calling upon Him, beseeching Him and always
remembering Him, may He be glorified and exalted. All of that will
strengthen the heart and make you steadfast in adhering to the path of
obedience, and it will ward off the doubts and hesitations that have
come to you recently.
Secondly, with regard towhat has befallen you recently, there are
several reasons for that:
· Part of it is because you have become very withdrawn after
you were guided, but being guided has nothing to do with this
withdrawal.You could have chosen good people to mix withand make
friends with; in fact even if you mixedwith people who were not like
that, you could have focused on showing them the way to repent and
turn back to Allah. Being religiously committed does not mean at all
thatyou should stay away from people. Even when seeking knowledge, a
person can always look for friends to sit with in the class and who
can help you to revise. This ishow the social nature of human beings
always is, but their aims and behaviour may vary. Undoubtedly keeping
away from the friends you had in the past is a beneficial kind of
withdrawal, and it may be obligatory in some cases. But it will be
helpful to you to replace the friends of the past with other friends
who are righteous and can help you to adhere to the path of guidance,
console you and strengthen your resolve. Allah, may He be exalted,says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"And keep yourself (O Muhammad SAW) patiently with those who call on
their Lord (i.e. your companions who remember their Lord with
glorification, praising in prayers, etc., and other righteous deeds,
etc.) morning andafternoon, seeking His Face, and let not your eyes
overlook them, desiring the pomp and glitter of the life of the world;
and obey not himwhose heart We have made heedless of Our Remembrance,
one who follows his own lusts andwhose affair (deeds) hasbeen lost"
[al-Kahf 18:28].
· Part of it may be your thinking of some memories of the past.
This will inevitably happen, because you areat the beginning of the
path and the Shaytaan will never leave you alone; he will put in
yourmind images and scenes and thoughts that you used to be part of,
not solong ago. But be of goodcheer, for this difficulty and these
thoughts will soon disappear, in sha Allah, so long as you remain
steadfast on the path of guidance and adhere to righteous conduct.
· The doubts that arise in your own mind and the thoughts that
come to you from everywhere are the whispers of the Shaytaan that you
must ward off forcefully, seek refuge with Allah from them, and
constantly callupon Allah (in du'aa') and ask Him to make youstrong
and to save you from the Shaytaan and his whispers. Remember that
Allah, may He be exalted, has no need of us and our deeds, and that
Allah accepts our imperfect worship by Hiskindness and grace, and He
will reward for it and multiply the reward, out of His grace, kindness
and generosity. For Allahis Appreciative and Forbearing, may He be
glorified; He accepts a little and gives much. He is as His slave
thinks He is, may He be glorified and exalted, so do not think
negatively of your Lord, for Allah is Most Kind and Most Generous.
· As for your negligence with regard to Fajr prayer, it is
undoubtedly a major shortcoming on your part and is something that you
should hasten to set straight. A good start is indicative of good
progress on the path, so how about if your day begins with
disobedience towards Allah and heedlessness concerning one of His
greatest commands, and one of His greatest rightsover His slaves,
which is prayer offered on time? The Prophet (blessings and peace of
Allah be upon him) said: "Whoever prays Fajr is under the protection
of Allah, but anyone who falls short with regard tothe rights of
Allah, then Allah will seize him and will throw him into the Fire of
Hell." Narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh, 657. So do not deprive
yourself and do not exclude yourself from the protection of your Lord
and His shielding ofHis slave against his enemy. Do not deprive
yourself of all of that by being careless with regard to praying Fajr
atthe beginning of its timewith the congregation in the mosque, lest
your enemy gain power over you when you are the one who is bringing
thatupon yourself if you do that (neglect Fajr).
May Allah make things easy for you, relieve your worry and distress,
and make you steadfast in adhering to the straight path.
And Allah knows best.

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Does Islam allow wife beating?

Respected scholars! Does Islam allow wife beating?Some husbands are
violent and they say that the Qur'an allows them tobeat their wives.
Is there any logical explanation given regarding men being allowed to
beat their wives, as stated in surat An-Nisa', verse 34?
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be
upon HisMessenger.
Dear questioner, we would like to thank you for the great confidence
you place in us, and we implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His
cause and render our work for His Sake.
The verse you mention has been greatly misconceived by many people who
focus merely on its surface meaning, taking it to allow wife beating.
When the setting is not taken into account, it isolates the words in a
way that distorts or falsifies the original meaning. Before dealing
with the issue of wife-battering in the perspective of Islam, we
should keep in mind that the original Arabic wording of the Qur'an is
the only authentic sourceof meaning. If one relies on the translation
alone, one is likely to misunderstand it.
Commenting on this issue, Dr. Muzammil H. Siddiqi, former President of
the Islamic Society of North America, states:
"According to the Qur'an the relationship betweenthe husband and wife
should be based on mutual love and kindness. Allah says: "Andamong His
Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves,
that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and
mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who
reflect." (Ar-Rum: 21)
The Qur'an urges husbands to treat their wives with kindness. [In the
event of a family dispute, the Qur'an exhorts the husband to treat his
wife kindly and not to overlook her positive aspects]. Allah Almighty
says: "Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If yetake a
dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and Allah brings
about through it a great deal of good." (An-Nisa': 19)
It is important that a wiferecognizes the authority of her husband in
the house. He is the head of the household, and she issupposed to
listen to him.But the husband should also use his authority with
respect and kindness towards his wife. If there arises any
disagreement or dispute among them, then it should be resolved in a
peaceful manner. Spouses should seek the counsel of their elders and
other respectable family members and friends to batch up the rift and
solve the differences.
However, in some cases ahusband may use some light disciplinary action
in order to correct the moral infraction of his wife, but this is only
applicable in extreme cases and it should be resorted to if one is
sure it would improve the situation. However, if there is a fear that
it might worsen the relationship or may wreak havoc on him or the
family, then he should avoid it completely.
The Qur'an is very clear on this issue. Almighty Allah says: "Men are
the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the
one more strength than the other, and because they support them from
their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and
guard in the husband's absence what Allah would have them to guard. As
to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct,
admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last)
beatthem (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seeknot against
them means (of annoyance); for Allah is most High and Great (above you
all). If you fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters,
one from his family and the other from hers. If they wish for peace,
Allah will causetheir reconciliation; for Allah has full knowledge and
is acquainted with all things." (An-Nisa': 34-35)
It is important to read the section fully. One should not take part of
the verse and use it to justify one's own misconduct. This verse
neither permits violence nor condones it. It guidesus to ways to
handle delicate family situation with care and wisdom. The word
"beating" is used in the verse, but it does not mean "physical abuse".
The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) explained it"dharban
ghayra mubarrih" which means"a light tap that leaves nomark". He
further said that face must be avoided. Some other scholars are of the
view that it is no more than a light touch by siwak, or toothbrush.
Generally, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to
discourage his followers from taking even this measure. He never hit
any female, and he used to say that the best of men are those who do
not hit their wives. In one hadith he expressed his extreme repulsion
from this behavior and said, "How does anyone of you beat his wife as
hebeats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?"
(Al-Bukhari, English Translation, vol. 8,Hadith 68, pp. 42-43)
It is also important to note that even this "light strike" mentioned
in the verse is not to be used to correct some minor problem, but it
is permissible to resort to only in a situation of some serious moral
misconduct when admonishing the wife fails, and avoiding from sleeping
with her would not help. If this disciplinary action can correct a
situation and save the marriage, then one should use it."
Dr. Jamal Badawi, professor at Saint Mary's University in Halifax,
Nova Scotia, Canada, and a cross-appointed faculty member in the
Departments of Religious Studies and Management, adds:
"If the problem relates to the wife's behavior, the husband may exhort
her and appeal for reason. In most cases, this measure is likely to be
sufficient. In cases where the problem persists, the husband may
express his displeasure in another peaceful manner, by sleeping in a
separate bed from hers. There are cases, however, in which a wife
persists in bad habits and showing contempt of her husbandand
disregard for her marital obligations. Instead of divorce, the husband
may resort to another measure that may save the marriage, at least in
some cases. Such a measure is more accurately described as a gentle
tap on the body, but never on the face, making it more of a symbolic
measure than a punitive one.
Even here, that maximummeasure is limited by the following:
a. It must be seen as a rare exception to the repeated exhortation of
mutual respect, kindness and good treatment. Based on the Qur'an and
Hadith, this measure may be used in the cases of lewdness on the part
of the wife or extreme refraction and rejection of the husband's
reasonable requests on a consistent basis (nushuz).Even then, other
measures, such as exhortation, should be tried first.
b. As defined by Hadith, itis not permissible to strike anyone's face,
cause any bodily harm or even be harsh. What the Hadith qualifies
as"dharban ghayra mubarrih", or light striking, was interpreted by
early jurists as a (symbolic) use of siwak! They further qualified
permissible "striking" as that which leaves no mark on the body. It is
interesting that this latterfourteen-centuries-old qualifier is the
criterion used in contemporary American law to separatea light and
harmless tap or strike from "abuse" in the legal sense. This makes it
clear that even this extreme, last resort, and "lesser of the two
evils" measure that may save a marriage does not meet the definitions
of"physical abuse," "family violence, " or "wife battering" in the
20th century law in liberal democracies, where such extremes are so
commonplace that they are seen as national concerns.
c. The permissibility of such symbolic expression of the seriousness
of continued refraction does not imply its desirability. In several
hadiths, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) discouraged
this measure. Here are some of his sayings in this regard:
"Do not beat the female servants of Allah";
"Some (women) visited my family complaining about their husbands
(beating them). These (husbands) are not the best of you."
In another hadith the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is
reported to have said: "How does anyone of youbeat his wife as he
beats the stallion camel and then he may embrace (sleep with) her?"
d. True following of the Sunnah is to follow the example of the
Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) who never resorted to that
measure,regardless of the circumstances.
e. Islamic teachings are universal in nature. They respond to the
needs andcircumstances of diverse times, cultures and circumstances.
Some measures may work in some cases and cultures or with certain
persons but may not be effective in others. By definition,
a"permissible" act is neither required, encouraged or forbidden. In
fact it may be to spell out the extent of permissibility, such as in
the issue at hand, rather than leaving it unrestricted or unqualified,
or ignoring it all together. In the absence of strict qualifiers,
persons may interpret the matter in their own way, which can lead to
excesses and real abuse.
f. Any excess, cruelty, family violence, or abuse committed by
any"Muslim" can never be traced, honestly, to any revelatory text
(Qur'an orHadith). Such excesses and violations are to be blamed on
the person(s) himself, as it shows that they are paying lip service to
Islamic teachings and injunctions and failing tofollow the true Sunnah
ofthe Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him)."
You can also read: IslamicGuidance on Treating Wives Read also: Islam
& Wife Beating (Special Folder)
Allah Almighty knows best.

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Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal

Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal was born in the city of Baghdad during the month
of Rabi-ul Awwal 164 A.H. His father passed away either before he was
born or shortly afterwards, and itwas his mother who diligently
brought up theImam.
Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal's Education
He acquired his childhood education through the Maktab but even there
his piety and scholarly character were recognised. Abu Afeef (r.a)
has reported, AhmadIbn Hanbal (r.a) was within our learning group at
the Maktab. At that time he was very young, and we, as students were
aware of his piety. Having completed his basic education at the age
of 16, the Imam went on to study ahadith by attending the study
circles of Qazi Imam Abu Yusuf (r.a).
Having acquired knowledge from the scholars of Baghdad, his zeal for
learning took him to different parts of the world including
Kufa,Basra, Yemen, Makkah , Madinah and Syria, to benefit from their
great scholars. Sometimes, during long and difficult journies to
acquire ahadith, the Imam had toresort to manual work in order to
cover his expenses.
Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal's Teachers
Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal had many teachers, amongst the most prominent
was Imam Shafiee (r.a) whom he met on several separate occasions and
each time he took full benefit of the opportunity. Imam Ahmad ibn
Hanbal commented, 'Only after sitting in the Majlis of Imam Shafiee
(r.a) did I understand and comprehend nasikh and mansukh hadith.' One
should remember , the Imam was an accomplished scholar even before he
met Imam Shafiee.
It was only at the age of forty, in 204 A.H., the Imam began formally
teaching hadith. Whilst his teachers were still alive he refused to
teach and narrate hadith out ofhumility and respect for them. Imam
Ahmad was acknowledged by the Ulama of his time as the Imam ul Hadith.
Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal's books
Amongst his publications,the more famous are Kitab ul Musnad (based
upon 30,000 ahadith), Kitab ul Tafseer, Kitab us Salaah, Kitab us
Sunnah, Kitab un Nasikh and Mansukh and others.
The Imam dressed very simply and disliked clothes which created a
false awe. He wore a turban, white clothes and a shawl. He never
accepted gifts offered by rulers and the affluent out of caution.
Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal died on the blessed day of Friday in Rabi ul
Awwal 241 A.H at the age77, after a period of illness which lasted
nine days. The news of the Imams death soon spreadand after Jumuah
more than 850,000 people performed his janazah prayer with the rows
formed in the city, streets, bazaars and evenon boats on the river
Tigris. Even the non-Muslims mourned the passing away of Imam Ahmad
ibn Hanbal.