Plural marriage and fair treatment of co-wives, Dought & clear, - * Is it permissible for a man who has two wives to go to his first wife every day of the week?

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Share - Is it permissable for a man with two wives to visit his first wife everyday of the week. My husbands current arrangement is as follows. He comes to my home around twice a week, late in the evening after eshaa, and leaves before fajr, he takes my co-wife to work and takes their children to school. He leaves me to take our children to school and get to work. He repeats the same routine in the evening. He goes to her house kicks he feet up lounges around and if he has no errands that involves their household he comes to my home late in the evening.
He designates no days for me and my children. He thinks that he can do what he wants during the day time, even if its with his other family as long as he comes to my home at night. He spends the hole rammadaan at the masjid with her. How can this be equal time, when their are seven days a week and he spends two nights (several hours) not days with me and the rest are at her home. My husband is showing disregard for my rights. His only justification is that because we don't get along he chooses to handle it the way he does.
The situation has cause serious discord in our marriage, I don't really like him, their is no intimacy not because of me outright being disobedience towards him but because of hatred that I feel towards him for his outright disregard of my rights, and his preferential treatment towards my co-wife. My husband takes this lightly and does not understand that hes driving me away from him. I would like to divorce my husband because of the sins that I incur on myself because I can not be intimate with him under the current conditions because my husband doesn't fear Allah (swt) enough to make him see what he is doing is wrong and punishable on the day of Qiyammah so its not likely that he will change which is unaceptable to me.
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has permitted men to marry up to four wives, because of the great interests achieved by that, which we cannot explain in detail here. But the matter is not left to the whims and desires of men, rather it is subject to conditions and guidelines so that the purpose of plural marriage may be achieved.
The problem that you are suffering from stems from neglect of some of these rules and guidelines, namely neglect of the duty to divide one's time fairly among wives. The man is obliged to share his time, night and day, equally among his wives. It is not permissible for him to spend more time with one of them, unless one of them willingly gives up her time as a favour to the other. Otherwise it is not permitted at all. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“and live with them honourably”
[al-Nisa’ 4:19]
Favouring one of the wives does not come under the heading of living with them honourably. There follow some of the comments of the scholars which will explain this further.
Al-Shaafa’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah and the view of most of the Muslim scholars indicate that the man must divide his time, night and day, among his wives, and must do so fairly.
Al-Umm, 5/158.
And he said:
I do not know of any differing opinion concerning the fact that a man must share his time equally among his wives.
Al-Umm, 5/280.
Al-Baghawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
If a man has more than one wife, he must share his time among them equally, if they are free woman [i.e., not slaves], whether they are Muslims or women of the people of the Book [Jewish or Christian]… If he fails to share his time among them equally, then he has disobeyed Allaah and has to make up the time for the wife whom he has wronged. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has two wives and inclines more towards one of them, he will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body leaning.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2/242; al-Tirmidhi, 3/447; al-Nasaa’i, 7/64; Ibn Maajah, 1/633. classed as saheeh by Ibn Hajar inBuloogh al-Maraam, 3/310 and by al-Albaani inIrwa’ al-Ghaleel, 7/80).
What is meant by this inclining has to do with actions; he will not be brought to account for his heart being more inclined (towards one of his wives), if he treats them equally with regard to the division of his time. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them”
[al-Nisa’ 4:129]
What this means is that you will never be able to do perfect justice as far as what is in the heart is concerned, so do not incline too much towards one of them, i.e., do not follow your whims and desires in your actions.
Sharh al-Sunnah, 9/150-151.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said:
He is obliged to treat both wives equally according to the consensus of the Muslims. In the fourSunansit is narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has two wives…” So he is obliged to divide his time equally. If he stays overnight with one for one or two or three nights, then he must stay overnight with the other for the same amount of time, and he should not favour one of them in the division of his time.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/269.
Ibn Qudaamah said:
We do not know of any different opinion among the scholars with regard to the obligation to share one's time equally among co-wives. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“and live with them honourably”
[al-Nisa’ 4:19]
And there can be no honourable treatment when one is more inclined towards one of them.
Al-Mughni, 8/138.
Based on this, what your husband is doing by not dividing his time equally is a great sin in the sight of Allaah. Allaah does not like wrongdoing or oppression, and he does not like those who do wrong. The fact that he thinks it is permissible for him to go on the day allotted to you to his other wife is a mistaken notion.
Shaykh Mansoor al-Bahooti said:
“It is haraam for him to enter upon the one whose turn it is not, at night except in case of necessity, and during the day except if there is some need.
Al-Rawd al-Maraaba’ Sharh Zaad al-Mustanqa’, 6/449.
His justifying his actions by saying that you do not get along with the first wife is another mistake, and cannot be solved by doing wrong to others. Rather he should adhere to the rulings of sharee’ah in order to solve this matter, and should not do whatever he thinks is appropriate. What is the benefit of this action on his part? Will it solve the problem, or just make matters worse?!
With regard to your asking him for a divorce, perhaps if you can be patient and put up with him, and also try to reform him, that will be better. You know that divorce is the last resort, because of the many bad consequences that result from it. So you have to offer him a lot of sincere advice and remind him of Allaah, and that this world is transient, and that tomorrow he will meet Allaah, so how will he answer Him about this blatant wrongdoing?
You can also frighten him with the idea that if this state of affairs continues, you may ask him for a divorce, and perhaps he will understand from that that you cannot put up with this treatment that is not acceptable according to either sharee’ah or reason. You can also seek the help of wise people among your family and ask them to speak to him about that.
As well as being patient with you, you have to strive hard in making du’aa’ sincerely asking Allaah to guide him and accept his repentance from that.
With regard to your saying, “it’s not likely that he will change”, this is what you think, but how many wrongdoers and evildoers, and even kaafirs, have been guided and set straight by Allaah, for men's hearts are between two of the fingers of the Most Merciful and He turns them however He wills.
We ask Allaah to guide your husband and help you both to do that which is good. -

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Plural marriage and fair treatment of co-wives, Dought & clear, - * How can he treat his two wives fairly?

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Share - Is it permissable for a man to be unfair to his wife if he has two wives or one of his wives by not splitting up up the time properly . he sometimes leaves the second wife house two or three hours late causing the first wife to be upset because of his lateness .
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Islam requires the man who has more than one wife to treat his wives equally and fairly.
What is meant by that is fairness with regard to spending the night, accommodation, spending and clothing.
What is meant by fairness in spending the night is that he should divide his time equally among his wives, so if he spends one or two nights with the first, he must spend the same amount of time with each of his wives.
Al-Shaafa’i said:
The Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah and the view of most of the Muslim scholars indicate that the man must divide his time, night and day, among his wives, and must divide it equally, and that he is not allowed to be unfair in that.
Al-Umm, 5/110
What is meant by fairness in accommodation is that each of them should have her own accommodation where he comes to her, and their accommodation should not vary with the intention of favouring one over the other.
Ibn Qudaamah said:
The man does not have the right to make his two wives live together in one house without their consent, whether they are young or old, because that causes them harm due to the enmity and jealousy that exists between them, so making them live together provokes arguments and fighting, and each of them can hear sounds when he is intimate with the other, or she can see that. But if they agree to that then it is permissible, because they have that right but they are also allowed to forego it.
Al-Mughni, 7/229.
Al-Kaasaani said:
If the husband wants her (his wife) to live with her co-wife or her in-laws, such as his mother, sister or daughter from another wife, or with his relatives, and she refuses, then he must accommodate her in a separate house, because they may annoy her or harm her if she lives with them. Her refusal is an indication of that annoyance and harm. Also he needs to be able to have intercourse with her and be intimate with her at any time that suits him, and that is not possible if a third person is present.
Badaa’i al-Sanaa’i’, 4/23.
What is meant by fairness in spending and clothing is that he should spend on them as much as he can afford.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
With regard to fairness in spending and clothing, this is also Sunnah, following the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), He used to spend equally on his wives, and also used to divide his time equally among them.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/269.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to treat them equally as regards staying the night, spending time with them and spending on them.
Zaad al-Ma’aad, 1/151
With regard to other things, it does not matter if he does not treat them equally, such as giving a gift to one of them, or being more inclined towards one of them in his heart, or giving her more clothing than he is obliged to, or having intercourse with one of them more than another, without intending to harm the other. But if he treats them all equally that is better.
Ibn Qudaamah said:
He does not have to treat his wives equally in spending and clothing if he does what he is required for each of them.
Ahmad said – concerning a man who had two wives – he has the right to give one more than the other with regard to spending, desire and clothing, if the other has enough, and he may buy a finer garment for her, so long as the other has enough.
This is because it is too difficult to treat them equally with regard to all these matters, and if it were made obligatory he would not be able to do it, except with great difficulty. This is why it is not obligatory, such as treating them equally with regard to intercourse.
Al-Mughni, 7/232.
Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said:
If he gives each of them her rights with regard to clothing, spending and spending time with them, then it does not matter if his heart is inclined more towards one or if he gives one a gift…
Fath al-Baari, 9/391.
Al-Nawawi said:
Our companions said: If he treats them equally (in the matters where that is required), he does not have to treat them equally with regard to intercourse, rather he should stay overnight with all of them but he does not have to have intercourse with each of them. He may have intercourse with some of them when it is their turn for him to stay with them and not others. But it is mustahabb for him not to neglect intimacy with some of them and to treat them all equally in this matter.
Sharh Muslim, 10/46.
Ibn Qudaamah said:
We do not know of any dispute among the scholars regarding the fact that it is not obligatory to treat one's wives equally as regards intercourse, which is the view of Maalik and al-Shaafa’i, because intercourse has to do with desire and inclination, and there is no way to treat them equally in this regard. A man's heart may incline more to one of them than the other. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire”
[al-Nisa’ 4:129]
‘Ubaydah al-Salmaani said concerning love and intercourse:
If you are able to treat them equally with regard to intercourse, that is better, because it is more fair and just… But it is not obligatory to treat them equally with regard to intimacy that is less than intercourse, kissing, touching, etc, because if it is not essential to treat them equally with regard to intercourse, then that applies even more to the things that lead to it.
Al-Mughni, 7/234, 235.
Secondly:
With regard to the husband going out when it is one wife’s turn, if that is because of some need and he does not intend to hurt her and he is not going out to the other wife, there is nothing wrong with that in sha Allaah. The basis of equal sharing of time is staying the night: he has to spend most of the night with the wife whose turn it is. Allaah has not created any hardship in religion, and it does not prevent the husband from going out or going shopping or attending classes during the time of one of his wives, if he does not intend to hurt her by going out, and he does not spend most of the night outside the house of the wife whose turn it is.
Dr Ahmad Rayaan said:
Some of the scholars have spoken in strict terms about fairness in dividing his time, and they say that everyone who goes against that is not treating his wives equally. Some of them even say that if he comes to the first wife after sunset and to the second after ‘Isha’, he is not treating them equally.
What that means is that the husband must finish with all his business during the day, before the sun goes down, so that he can control the time when he goes to his wives each day, so that he goes at a specific hour each day. That may have been possible in the past when life was simpler and there were less necessities and people could live with less. But it is not possible now. How many men now can regulate their movements in such a way as to make sure they enter the house before the sun goes down each day, so that their division of time and their spending the night with each wife is completely equal?
Rather it is more appropriate to suggest that he must spend most of the night in the house, without specifying the time when he should come in or go out, because his living circumstances or other people’s rights or the pursuit of knowledge and other circumstances may require him to go home late or leave home early. So what matters is that he should stay with the wife whose turn it is for most of the night, because the point of staying with his wife is to keep her company and be intimate with her, which can be achieved by the husband spending most of the night with her. We have seen from the ahaadeeth quoted above the way in which this division of time was achieved in the family of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him. The fact that he visited his other wives by night or by day, or met with them in the house of the wife whose turn it was did not contradict this fair division of time, even though it is well known that these visits and meetings might detract somewhat from the rights of the wife whose night it was, because it took some of her own time, and she had the exclusive right to this time where the others did not.
Hence I think that what matters with regard to the issue of dividing the husband’s time among his wives is that he should spend most of the night with her whilst stipulating that his coming late should not be done with the intention of harming the wife whose night it is, rather it is the result of the husband’s everyday work.
And Allaah knows best. -

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Da'eef (weak) hadeeths, Dought&clear, - * Why did we not mention the fact that Shaykh al-Albaani classed the hadeeth about the virtue of an-nusf min Sha‘baan (the middle of Sha‘baan) as saheeh?

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When you answered the question about the soundness of the hadeeth of Abu Moosa – “Allah, may He be exalted, looks down on the night of the fifteenth of Sha‘baan and forgives all His creation except a mushrik or one who harbours hatred against the Muslims” – you gave an answer, may Allah reward you, but you did not mention the fact that this hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani, as I have read on some other websites. I trust you much more than I trust other websites, because of your methodology and your academic precision and honesty. But my question is: did Shaykh al-Albaani really class this hadeeth as saheeh? Because you mentioned the opinion of Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allah have mercy on him) in your fatwa, so why did you not mention it here? Is it the case that he did not say this at all, and that what is mentioned in those other websites is not correct, or what? Please note that the verdict of it being saheeh, as I have read, is to be found in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, hadeeth no. 1819.
Praise be to Allah.
We thank you for your trust in our website, and we pray to Allah that we will live up to your expectations. We also ask Him, may He be exalted, to benefit people by means of this website and to reward with good all those who take care of it.
It is clear to everyone that we usually rely on the verdict of Shaykh al-Albaani with regard to whether a hadeeth is saheeh (sound) or da‘eef (weak). But sometimes we research a hadeeth and find a verdict by a scholar other than Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allah have mercy on him), and perhaps we may think that the vedict of the other scholars concerning a specific hadeeth to be more likely to be correct, or sometimes based on our methodology of research we that it is more appropriate not to follow the shaykh’s verdict (may Allah have mercy on him) in the case of a particular hadeeth. We may see that the view of Shaykh al-Albaani concerning a hadeeth is well known and that there are few who disagree with him, so we mention his verdict and comment on it; but sometimes we see that there are many who disagree with the verdict of Shaykh al-‘Albaani, so we decide not to mention his verdict and comment on it, and are content with what we have mentioned of the view of other scholars.
This latter scenario is what happened when we did not mention the verdict of Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allah have mercy on him) with regard to this hadeeth, and we quoted the words of Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali (may Allah have mercy on him), who said that most of the scholars classed as da‘eef the hadeeths that speak of the virtues of the middle of Sha‘baan.
However, we should point out an important matter here, which is that Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allah have mercy on him) thought that the isnaad of the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash‘ari (may Allah be pleased with him) was da‘eef! This is in harmony with what we have mentioned above about its isnaad being da‘eef, but we did not quote it from him because he – may Allah have mercy on him – thought that the hadeeth could be classed as saheeh when all its isnaads were taken into consideration.
He – may Allah have mercy on him – said:
With regard to the hadeeth of Abu Moosa, it was also narrated by Ibn Luhay‘ah from az-Zubayr ibn Sulaym from ad-Dahhaak ibn ‘Abd ar-Rahmaan from his father who said: I heard Abu Moosa (narrate) something similar from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him).
It was narrated by Ibn Maajah (1390) and Ibn Abi ‘Aasim al-Laalkaa’i.
I say: This is a da‘eef isnaad, because of Ibn Luhay‘ah and ‘Abd ar-Rahmaan, who is Ibn ‘Arzab and the father of ad-Dahhaak, is unknown. Ibn Maajah regarded him as weak when he narrated from Ibn Luhay‘ah.
As-Silsilah as-Saheehah(3/218)
The Shaykh (may Allah have mercy on him) mentioned the isnaads of the hadeeth and its corroborating evidence in his bookas-Silsilah as-Saheehah(1144), and he concluded that the text of the hadeeth of Abu Moosa (may Allah be pleased with him) is saheeh.
But in our view, we do not think that what the shaykh (may Allah have mercy on him) said is more likely to be correct, and we do not think that those isnaads are fit to strengthen one another. At the end of our answer, we referred to the essay by Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him),Hukm al-Ihtifaal bi Laylat an-Nusf min Sha‘baan(Ruling on celebrating the night of the middle of Sha‘baan), in which he said:
What the majority of scholars are agreed upon is that celebrating it is an innovation, and that the hadeeths that speak of its virtues are all da‘eef, and some of them are fabricated. Among those who pointed this out is al-Haafiz Ibn Rajab in his bookLataa’if al-Ma‘aarif.
End quote.
This is what is more likely to be correct in our view. The issue of whether a hadeeth is to be classed as saheeh or da‘eef is one of the areas of ijtihaad, in which the scholar acts upon that which is more likely to be correct in his view, and in which the seeker of knowledge follows that scholarly view which is more likely to be correct in his opinion. This is not a matter in which one may denounce someone who holds a different view.
And Allah knows best.

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