Engagment, Dought & clear, – * His son got to know a girl through chat rooms, and he wants to marry her

Share ::-

My adult son who is twenty-one years old got to know a girl in another city through chat rooms. They kept in touch through the chat rooms, then he spoke to her on the phone and he liked her and she liked him. The relationship between them developed over a number of months until they agreed to marry, knowing that – according to what he tells me – they have not met. Then he asked me to arrange his marriage to this girl, but at first he did not make it clear to me that he had gotten to know her through chat rooms. At first he went to his paternal aunt who has a job and spoke to her confidentially, and he asked her to say that she knew this girl through one of her female colleagues at school and to get in touch with the girls’ mother and tell her that his family was keen to get to know them with a view to arranging a marriage with one of their womenfolk. His aunt indeed did that, but I absolutely refused to agree to his request to marry her for a number of reasons:
1 – The way in which he got to know this girl was not Islamically acceptable.
2 – He does not know a lot about how she really is. All that he knows about her is through telephone calls only.
3 – He lied to me at first, and went to his aunt about a sensitive subject which should have been kept secret even from the closest of people until arrangements were complete, then it could be announced to others.
4 – We – praise be to Allaah – are a conservative family, and this way of getting in touch with a girl is not in accordance with our principles and values, let alone our traditions and customs.
To sum up, I am very confused about this matter, because now it is affecting his university studies and he has become withdrawn.
Please note that he was previously a high-achieving student. Every time we try to tell him to forget about this matter and to focus on his studies, he insists that if we agree to let him marry this girl it will make him happy again, and that we will accept this girl and like her.
What is your opinion on this confusing problem?.
-
Praise be to Allaah.
This problem – and many others – confirm the truth of what many daa’iyahs and reformers are saying about the necessity of being careful about how our sons and daughters are using the internet, and to beware of entering conversations between men and women in chat rooms, because of the very real fitnah (temptation] to which that may lead, with subsequent contact and meetings.
Undoubtedly your son made a mistake by forming this relationship with a non-mahram woman who is not permissible for him. He made a mistake by lying to you and by discussing this matter with his aunt. But we do not agree with the idea of refusing his marriage to this girl, especially if you think that your son is deeply attached to her. That is for the following reasons:
1 – Not every girl who acts in this manner can be judged to be deviant, badly brought up or of bad manners and attitude. This may have been a mistake on her part, as in the case of your son.
2 – What is happening to your son now, with his wanting to be alone and his falling behind in his studies may be because of intense love for this girl on his part. In such cases it may be that the only efficient remedy is for him to marry the one whom he loves. According to a hadeeth narrated by Ibn Maajah (1847), “There is nothing better for two who love one another than marriage.” (This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah).
3 – The fact that your son does not know much about the attitude and character of this girl may be dealt with by asking about her and finding out more about her background.
Hence we think that you should hasten to find out about this girl and her family. If her character is not good, then this will convince your son to stop thinking about her.
But if, after thoroughly investigating the matter, you like what you find out about her and her family, then there is no reason why your son should not marry her, rather this will be the best remedy for him and for her.
This suggestion applies if you feel that he is strongly attached to her and is keen to marry her, as referred to above. But if it is simply the matter of an idea that has occurred to him, and it is not the matter of love or deep attachment, and you hope that he will forget about her, then be firm in your refusal and help him to look for a woman who has good manners and is religiously committed and chaste. There are so many righteous and chaste women who have never had anything to do with men and have never faced temptation.
Turn to Allaah and ask Him to guide you, and seek His help by praying Istikhaarah concerning all the matters in which you want to take a decision.
And Allaah knows best.

PUBLISHER :
-
Published by,
NAJIMUDEEN M - INDIA,
On behalf of " ISLAMIC RESEARCH INSTITUTIONS "
:
:

General Dought & clear, - * How did the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) braid his hair when it grew long?

Share ::-

I understand that our prophet braided his hair, is it possible to know how, (for example was it the ponytail that was braided)?
-
Praise be to Allah
Al-Bukhaari (3551) and Muslim (2337) narrated that al-Bara’ said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) was a man of medium height, broad shouldered with thick hair hanging down to his earlobes.
According to a report narrated by Muslim: I have never seen any man with long hair more handsome in a red suit than the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), with his hair reaching his shoulders. He was broad shouldered …
Al-Bukhaari (5903) and Muslim (2338) narrated from Anas that the hair of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) came down to his shoulders.
Abu Dawood (4187) narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: The hair of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) came between his earlobes and his shoulders.
Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
Al-Mannaawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Abu Shaamah said: The saheeh reports indicate that his hair came to halfway down his ears; according to one report it reached his earlobes, and according to other reports it came between his earlobes and his shoulders, or it came down to his shoulders. No report has reached us to suggest that it was ever longer than that, and these differences reflect differences in circumstances. These reports reflect different circumstances, and he shaved his head in the case of Hajj or ‘umrah. End quote.
Fayd al-Qadeer(5/74)
Abu Dawood (4191) narrated that Umm Haani’ (may Allah be pleased with her) said: The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) came to Makkah with four braids.
Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh Abi Dawood.
Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
What the hadith indicates is that the hair of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) was almost shoulder length in most cases, and that sometimes it might become so long that he would braid it. This is to be understood as referring to situations in which a long time passed during which he paid little attention to his hair, such as when he was very busy or travelling and the like.
End quote fromFath al-Baari(10/360)
The hair of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) came to above his shoulders and below his earlobes. His hair reached his earlobes, and when it grew long he would wear it in four braids. Umm Haani’ (may Allah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) came to us in Makkah with four braids. This is a saheeh hadith. End quote.
Zaad al-Ma‘aad(1/170)
Conclusion:
When his hair grew long because of travel or other reasons, the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) would put it into four braids, which was in accordance with the custom of the Arabs. So he would put his hair back, then make it into strands and twist them together, then they would become four braids.
However we should note that letting the hair grow long is not in and of itself part of the Sunnah for which a Muslim will be rewarded, because this comes under the heading of traditions and customs. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) both let his hair grow long and shaved it, and there is no reward in letting it grow long and no sin in shaving it. Rather he enjoined us to take care of the hair, and he did not do anything (with regard to his hair) that was contrary to the custom of the Arabs.
If it so happens that customs change in some time or place, and having long hair becomes something that is only for women, then it is not permissible for men to let their hair grow long in that place. And if that becomes a sign of evildoers or fools, then people of good character and dignity should not do what they do or adopt their ways.
And Allah knows best.:
-
Published by,
NAJIMUDEEN M - INDIA,
On behalf of " ISLAMIC RESEARCH INSTITUTIONS "
:
:

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI

Psychological and Social Problems, Dought & clear, - * How should the family deal with a disobedient son?

Share ::-

How should a son who is disobedient towards his parents be dealt with? How should they deal with a son who threatens to kill his mother and challenges his parents, and accuses his sister of promiscuity and zina, causes scandal for his family, and always argues with guests, insulting them, reviling them and threatening them?
-
Praise be to Allah.
Parents should give their children a good upbringing and take care of them so that they will be in a good state in both religious and worldly affairs.
If a child grows up disobedient and rebellious, then the parents must do more and try harder to guide him and make him righteous, by reminding him and advising him, showing patience towards him, praying for him, choosing good friends for him and choosing righteous acquaintances who can visit him, and advise him and befriend him.
His brothers, friends and neighbours should help his parents with that as much as they can.
See the answer to question no. 106443
But if the son becomes worse and the evil and trouble he causes increases, as mentioned in the question, and admonition and discipline do not succeed with him, then it is obligatory to denounce his evil by all possible means, by threatening to hit him or actually hitting him, or seeking the help of other men in the family against him, or taking the matter to the authorities, if it is not possible to stop his evil by any of the other means mentioned. His evil should not be taken lightly or be overlooked; rather it should be stopped before it goes further and causes greater harm.
So first of all they should follow the steps mentioned above of offering advice and guidance, reminding him of Allah, instilling hope and fear; telling him about the rights that his parents, his sister and his guests have over him; telling him that his committing this evil will make him hateful to his family and neighbours and the people around him, and they should persist with him in that, whilst being gentle and patient, and using wisdom and beautiful preaching.
His brothers should try hard in that regard, and use wisdom and patience with him, exhorting him gently and not being harsh towards him in speech.
But if he persists in what he is doing of severing ties with his parents and his brothers and sisters, and shunning them, then they should not speak to him or interact with him, in the hope that Allah will set him straight, and they should keep praying to Him to guide him.
But if he does not come back to his senses and he persists in his evil ways, then they should report him to the relevant authorities and the security forces who can restrain him from doing evil and deter him from what he is doing.
He should not be left to persist in this transgression, because of the severity of his evil and the harm that he may do to his family and the people around him.
Over and above all that, his parents and family members should turn to Allah, for most such calamities come about because of the sins that bring evil and corruption to the household. Ibn al-Haaj (may Allah have mercy on him) said, when speaking about matters contrary to Islamic teaching that may be done by one or both spouses:
Undoubtedly reconciling between these spouses is very rare, and even if there is harmony between them, it is not free of ills, and if they happen to have a child, he will most likely grow up disobedient and doing all manner of inappropriate things, and all of that is the result of both of them not paying attention to their duties towards Allah, may He be exalted.
End quote fromal-Madkhal(2/170)
And Allah knows best.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI