Engagment, - Dought & clear, - * She falls into sin time after time, and she thinks that her fiancé is the cause of that

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I want to repent from some sins, but I cannot. Every time I intend to repent and regret what I have done, I go back to it again. My fiancé is the cause of these sins. Every time he promises me that he will help me to repent, but to no avail. I do not know what to do. Please note that I wear Islamic hijab. Should I cancel my engagement or what should I do? Please note that my wedding will be in a few months time, and I love him very much and he loves me.
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Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We ask Allaah to guide you and your fiancé, and to bless you by enabling you to repent sincerely and do righteous deeds, and to join you together in a righteous family that honours the rights of Allaah, obeying His laws and practising His religion.
Secondly:
From what we can see from your question, we think that you love goodness and hate evil. Among the signs of that is the fact that you wear shar’i hijab, and you feel bad about returning to sin after repenting from it.
The matter has nothing to do with another person whom we blame for not helping us to obey Allaah or helping us to refrain from sin, rather it all has to do with the individual and his self that is inclined towards evil and his response to the temptations of the shaytaan. We want you to set yourself straight and that will be a cause of your husband being set straight and even your children.
What you are suggesting of cancelling the engagement is not the solution, because you are in love with him and he is in love with you.
If you cancel the engagement, will your situation before Allaah be any better? If the answer is yes, then why isn’t that the case now? You are not married yet, so you can combine sincere repentance and marrying the one you love if you truly return to your religious commitment.
Thirdly:
You should note that it is obligatory to repent from sin immediately according to scholarly consensus. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Turn to Allaah with sincere repentance! It may be that your Lord will expiate from you your sins, and admit you into Gardens under which rivers flow (Paradise)”
[al-Tahreem 66:8]
True repentance has to do with past, present and future. As for the past, it is regret for what you have done. As for the present, it is giving up the sin immediately. As for the future, it is resolving never to return to it.
Al-Shanqeeti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
True repentance is sincere repentance, which includes its three essential parts in the correct manner: giving up the sin if he was still committing it; regretting what he has done that went against the commands of his Lord; and intending never to go back to disobeying Allaah. End quote.
Adwa’ al-Bayaan(6/206)
Fourthly:
If a person repents sincerely, then he wakens and the shaytaan causes him to slip and sin again, that does not cancel out his previous repentance, but he has to repent again from the new sin, and so on; every time he sins again, he must repent again.
Al-Shanqeeti (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
It seems from the words of the scholars that if a person repents sincerely, and Allaah expiates his sins by means of this sincere repentance, then he returns to that sin again, his first repentance that was done in the required manner is not invalidated by the return to sin, rather he must repent anew for his new sin, unlike those who say that his return to sin cancels out his first repentance. End quote.
Adwa’ al-Bayaan(6/206)
He should not forego repenting and praying for forgiveness every time he falls into sin, rather the shaytaan would like to gain victory over the sinner in this manner, until his sins accumulate and he despairs of the mercy of Allaah by failing to repent and seek forgiveness.
Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
It was said to al-Hasan al-Basri: Shouldn’t one of us feel too shy before his Lord to ask for forgiveness of his sins then do them again, then ask for forgiveness then do them again? He said: The shaytaan would love to gain victory over you in this manner. Do not ever get bored of asking for forgiveness.
Jaami’ al-‘Uloom al- Hikam(1/165).
Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali narrated that ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
O people, whoever has committed sin, let him ask Allaah for forgiveness and repent. If he does it again, let him ask Allaah for forgiveness and repent, and if he does it again, let him ask Allaah for forgiveness and repent. Sins are like a yoke on the neck of a man, and doom lies in persisting.
Then Ibn Rajab said: What this means is that a person will inevitably commit whatever sins have been decreed for him, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The son of Adam’s share of zina has been decreed for him and he will inevitably do it.” But Allaah has given each person a way out from whatever sins he commits, and erases it by means of repentance and prayers for forgiveness. If he does that he will rid himself of the evil of sin, but if he persists in sin he will be doomed. End quote.
Jaami’ al-‘Uloom al-Hikam(1/165).
Fifthly:
Our advice to you and your fiancé is to be in the state that Allaah loves, so you should advise him of what we have told you, which is that repentance is essential and it must be sincere. You should both realize that life is short and no one knows when he will meet his Lord, so he should be keen to do acts of worship and obedience and to avoid evil deeds, before the time of regret comes to him, when he cannot delay his death for a moment and he cannot return to this world once he has died and his time has ended.
You have to cooperate in doing good and resolve to give up sin. Spend your time in remembering Allaah (dhikr) and always recite the dhikrs for morning and evening, and perform naafil prayers and say du’aa’. Beware of having any sins, music, mixing or other evils in your wedding, for these are things that anger the Lord.
We ask Allaah to bless you and to join you together in good, and we ask Him to help you to do that which pleases Him.
Sixthly:
If your sin is that which happens between a man and his fiancée of overstepping the mark, then our advice to you is to hasten to get married, so that you will be his wife, and then it will be permissible for you to do that which a man does with his wife, and a woman with her husband.
And Allaah knows best.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI

General Dought & clear, - * (How should she interact with her son whom they abandoned in the hospital as an infant because he was sick and now he is resentful?)

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My eldest son was born premature and had many severe medical conditions and had to be kept in the hospital until he recovered.the doctor
Told us that he had a small chance of survival.since then we started to visit him less often and when i got pregnant with my second daughter we stopped visiting him completely.we got busy and slowly we forgot about him.we even stopped paying for his treatment.when he was 10 an official from the hospital visited us and told us he was cured.we brought him and since then he has been cold to us.he would not talk to us.the only time we saw him talk to was his doctor.hoping he would talk to us we changed doctors but it didnt work.the doctor that cured him treated him like a son.he would bring his daughter to play with my son and even taught him how to read and write and even the quran.we tried to prevent any interaction between them but it just got worse.when the doctor was on his deathbed he wanted to see my son but we prevented him from going and from then our son barely tolerated us.he was 13 at the time.since then we know he can barely tolerate our presence.when he was 19 he told us that he was marrying the daughter of the doctor that treated him.when we forbade it he said it didnt matter he wasnt asking for permission he was just informing us.my husband in anger asked him to get out of the house and he left.recently he visited us told us that his first son was born.since the visit i dont know what to do to reconnect with him.
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Praise be to Allah
First of all, we will not hide anything from you or keep quiet about our feelings. We are shocked by what you and your husband did to your newborn infant.
You abandoned him in the hospital… You left him… And you carried on with your lives… without any sense of responsibility before Allah, first of all, then before yourselves and before society.
You went home and carried on with your lives, as if nothing happened, and you never shed a tear!
You carried on with your lives, as if nothing had ever happened, when he was your baby.
Let us assume that he died – would he not have deserved that you should bury him, then carry on with your lives?
But Allah decreed something else for your child.
Allah, the Most Kind, the Most Merciful, sent to him someone who would take care of your child in a way that most parents do not take care of their children.
Allah showed kindness to him, and sent this doctor to him, whose like is rarely ever found.
So tell me, by your Lord, how many people are there who are patient with their sick child, get medical treatment for him, look after him, raise him to adulthood, educate him, discipline him and teach him the Qur’an?
Glory be to the One who sent this doctor to this little one who had no hope of life and no hope of anyone to look after him!
Glory be to the One Who replaced his father with someone better than his father, and replaced his family with a family better than his family, and a place to live better than his own home, when he was still an infant, sick, with no hope of living or being of benefit, and no hope of anything good being expected from him.
Then this blessing, this free gift, came to you as a boy, having been educated, at the age of ten, and his doctor and caregiver told you that you are his family, his mother and his father, and he was only a trustee who had done his duty and had returned the trust to those to whom it belonged.
“Is there any reward for good other than good?
Then which of the Blessings of your Lord will you both (jinns and men) deny?”
[ar-Rahmaan 55:60].
“He does not show gratitude to Allah, who does not show gratitude to people.” (Hadith)
Would that you had only failed to give thanks to the one who gave you for free his efforts and his life and the apple of his eye, who gave you a son, and said to you: This is your son; he is not of my lineage and his benefit is not for me (in other words, he is all yours).
And all that he said was: Be kind to us with regard to him, allow us to meet him, show me some kindness and allow me to keep in touch with him.
But you refused except to treat him with harshness, and you responded to his kindness and his gift with the opposite, and you prevented two people who loved one another from meeting or seeing one another.
May Allah forgive you and guide you; how harsh you were towards the boy and his caregiver, who was better than his father. How severe was your lack of appreciation for his kindness and your ingratitude for this man’s favour!
What did you expect from this child?
Did you think that he would give precedence to the biological father – whom he did not know and never met or saw for ten long years, until he grew up and became a young man, having reached the age of discernment and been educated – or that he would love and honour with all his heart the “father” whom he knew and who had taken care of him and raised him?!
You did not have to wean him away from the doctor, his caretaker, in this cruel manner; indeed this was an extremely cruel cutting off of your child from that compassionate doctor, until he died, without allowing him to see his child before he departed this world.
Even crueler than that, you tried to erase from his mind all his remaining memories of the good times with his “family” under whose care he had grown up.
What harm would it have done you if you had helped him to get what he wanted and arranged his marriage to that girl?
He wanted to marry her either because he felt an attachment to her, or he wanted to show gratitude and appreciation for kindness and form a bond with their family. So what harm would it have done you, may Allah forgive you?
But all of that is in the past, and what happened has happened, and Allah decrees whatever He will.
Now, the only reason we have mentioned all of this, is so that you will realise – you and your husband – how grievous your mistake was and how it was compounded, one mistake followed by another.
But my Lord is Most Gracious, Most Merciful. So let the first thing you do be to repent to Allah – you and your husband – from what you have done:
“And ask forgiveness of your Lord and turn unto Him in repentance. Verily, my Lord is Most Merciful, Most Loving”
[Hood 11:90].
You should acknowledge the blessing that your Lord has bestowed upon you and your husband, when He gave you your son after the Shaytaan had sown seeds of dissent and prevented the family from reuniting.
“Certainly, my Lord is the Most Courteous and Kind unto whom He wills. Truly He! Only He is the All-Knowing, the All-Wise”
[Yoosuf 12:100].
The best expiation for what you failed to do of showing appreciation and for showing ingratitude instead, is to show the utmost kindness to this girl whom your son has chosen to be his wife. Show her the utmost kindness and honour her as much as you can, so that she becomes like a favoured and beloved daughter to her parents, and even more than that, for she is your daughter, and if you are people of dignity, you should return the favour that her father did to your son, if you can ever repay even a little worth mentioning.
Over and above that, she is the wife of your son, when he is the one whom you treated as you know. So you must show a great deal of kindness to them both, and take good care of them both, and try your best to take care of their well-being.
“Verily, the good deeds remove the evil deeds (i.e. small sins). That is a reminder (an advice) for the mindful (those who accept advice)”
[Hood 11:114].
We do not think you have any way to reach your son’s heart or to bridge the gap, or to bring the family together, except this. So praise Allah that your son, despite all of that, still possesses a remnant of sincerity, love of being in touch, and a desire to reunite with his family.
So bring him and his wife close to you, and strive hard to make him live near you, and keep in touch with them both constantly. Try hard, you and him, to forget the past and the pain of old memories.
We ask Allah to rectify your situation and reconcile you with your son and his wife, in the best way.
And Allah knows best.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI

General Dought & clear, - * No father is accountable for his child’s wrong doing, and no child for his father’s wrong doing

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I have a question abou this verse:
Al kahf - ayah 5
They(christians) have no knowledge of it, nor had their fathers. Grave is the word that comes out of their mouths; they speak not except a lie.
What do they mean with nor had their fathers. For example if the son of a sheikh who knows every single word of the quran converted to christianity. Does that mean his father has no knowledge?
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Praise be to Allah
Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“All the praises and thanks are to Allah, Who has sent down to His slave (Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)) the Book (the Qur’an), and has not placed therein any crookedness.
(He has made it) Straight to give warning (to the disbelievers) of a severe punishment from Him, and to give glad tidings to the believers (in the Oneness of Allah Islamic Monotheism), who do righteous - deeds, that they shall have a fair reward (i.e. Paradise).
They shall abide therein forever.
And to warn those (Jews, Christians, and pagans) who say, ‘Allâh has begotten a son (or offspring or children).’
No knowledge have they of such a thing, nor had their fathers. Mighty is the word that comes out of their mouths (i.e. He begot sons and daughters). They utter nothing but a lie”
[al-Kahf 18:1-5].
The words “And to warn those (Jews, Christians, and pagans) who say, ‘Allah has begotten a son (or offspring or children)” refer to the Jews, Christians and polytheists who uttered these abhorrent words. They were not speaking on the basis of knowledge or certainty, whether that was their own knowledge or knowledge from their forefathers whom they were imitating and following. Rather they were following nothing but conjecture and their own whims and desires.
“Mighty is the word that comes out of their mouths” that is, it is mightily abhorrent and the punishment for it will be severe. What can be more abhorrent than describing Him as having begotten offspring, which would imply imperfection on His part, association of another with Him in the unique attributes of Lordship and divinity, and telling lies against Him?
Hence Allah says: “They utter nothing but a lie” that is, it is pure lies in which there is no truth at all.
Think about how the Qur’an nullifies this view gradually, moving from one thing to another that is even more false. First of all Allah says, “No knowledge have they of such a thing, nor had their fathers”. Undoubtedly speaking about Allah without knowledge is prohibited and false. Secondly, He states that this is a mightily abhorrent thing to say, as He says: “Mighty is the word that comes out of their mouths.”
Then, thirdly, He describes the degree of offensiveness, which is a lie that is contrary to truth.
See:Tafseer as-Sa‘di(p. 469).
What is meant by the words “No knowledge have they of such a thing, nor had their fathers” is that they spoke words of falsehood concerning which they had no knowledge, and neither did their fathers who preceded them in uttering these false words. Then their children came and followed their fathers in that. This is something that neither they nor their fathers from whom they learned it knew or understood.
What is meant by fathers here is their forefathers who spoke these false and corrupt words. They were speaking on the basis of speculation and their own whims and desires, and their children followed them in that. So it is false words that were uttered by the sons without knowledge, following their ignorant, lying forefathers in that. How terrible it is for a man to be ignorant and to follow others in ignorance.
Ash-Shawkaani (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
They had no knowledge of that at all, and neither did their fathers have knowledge. Rather, according to their own claim, they were following misguidance and their children followed them, so all of them went astray. End quote.
Fath al-Qadeer(3/320)
The scholars have stated that what is meant by fathers here is the fathers who spoke these corrupt words, and their children learned them from them.
Ibn ‘Atiyyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The words “nor had their fathers” mean: those from whom these people took this view. End quote.
Tafseer Ibn ‘Atiyyah(3/495).
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
“nor had their fathers” who said such words. They had no knowledge concerning that; it was nothing but illusions that they thought were real, and that is not knowledge. End quote.
Tafseer al-‘Uthaymeen/al-Kahf(p. 13)
Ibn ‘Aashoor (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
They used to say“We found our fathers following a certain way and religion, and we will indeed follow their footsteps” [az-Zukhruf 43:23]. If their fathers did not have any proof for what they said, then they did not deserve to be followed. End quote.
At-Tahreer wa’t-Tanweer(15/251)
As for fathers who do not believe in such corrupt views, rather they believe in Allah and affirm His Oneness (Tawheed), they are not referred to in this verse.
If someone is a believer in the Oneness of Allah, and he has a son who apostatises from Islam and becomes a Christian, and begins to say that the Messiah is the son of God, that monotheist father is not to be criticised or blamed, and he is not to be described as lacking in knowledge because of what his son did. Rather every individual is to be criticised or praised on the basis of what he himself does, not what anyone else does.
Abu Dawood (4495) narrated that Abu Rimthah said: I went to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) with my father, then the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to my father: “Is this your son?” He said: Yes, by the Lord of the Ka‘bah. He said: “Is it true?” He said: I bear witness to it. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) smiled at my resemblance to my father and my father’s oath concerning me, then he said: “You are not accountable for his wrongdoing and he is not accountable for yours.” And the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) recited the verse: “no bearer of burdens shall bear the burden of another” [al-An‘aam 6:164]
Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh Abi Dawood.
Al-Qaari (may Allah have mercy on him) said inMirqaat al-Mafaateeh(6/2272):
“You are not accountable for his wrongdoing” i.e., you are not responsible for his sin; “and he is not accountable for yours” i.e., he is not responsible for your sin. End quote.
Al-‘Ayni (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Thus the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) confirmed what Allah stated, that each person is responsible for his own wrongdoing, just as his good deeds are to his own credit, not the credit of anyone else. End quote.
‘Umdat al-Qaari(8/79).
And Allah knows best.

PUBLISHERM.NajimudeeN. MD,IRI

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