Innovations in Religion and Worship, - Dought & clear, - * Why do the Muslims not celebrate the birthday of‘Eesa (Jesus – peace be upon him) as they celebrate the birthday of Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)?

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If the Muslims celebrate the birthday of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), why do they not celebrate the birthday of the Prophet of Allah ‘Eesa (peace be upon him)? Is he not a Prophet who was sent from Allah, may He be glorified and exalted? I heard this idea from someone, and I know that Christmas and the celebration thereof is haraam, but I want an answer to this question. May Allah reward you with good.
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
Believing in ‘Eesa (peace be upon him) as a Prophet and Messenger who was sent by Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, to the Children of Israel is part of believing in Allah and His Messengers. No one’s faith is valid unless he believes in all of the Messengers of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon them). Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“The Messenger (Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)) believes in what has been sent down to him from his Lord, and (so do) the believers. Each one believes in Allah, His Angels, His Books, and His Messengers. They say, ‘We make no distinction between one another of His Messengers’”
[al-Baqarah 2:285].
Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
The believers believe that Allah is One, unique and Self-Sufficient; there is no god but He and no Lord other than Him. And they believe in all of the Prophets and Messengers, and the Books that were sent down from heaven to the slaves of Allah, the Messengers and Prophets. They do not differentiate between any of them, believing in some and disbelieving in others; rather in their view they are all truthful, righteous, rightly guided, and they guided people to the ways of goodness.
End quote fromTafseer Ibn Katheer(1/736).
As-Sa‘di (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Disbelieving in some of them is disbelieving in all of them; in fact it is disbelieving in Allah.
End quote fromTafseer as-Sa‘di(p. 120).
Secondly:
Celebrating the Mawlid or birthday of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) is an innovation (bid‘ah). This was not done by the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) or by any of his Companions after him, and it is not known from any of the imams (leading scholars) of the Muslims that he regarded it as permissible or recommended, let alone participated in it. All of that comes under the heading of prohibited things and reprehensible innovations.
The scholars of the Standing Committee said:
Celebrating the occasion of the Prophet’s birthday is a prohibited innovation, because there is no evidence for that in the Book of Allah or in the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). It was not done by any of his rightly-guided successors (the Rightly-Guided Caliphs) or the best generations.
End quote fromFataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa’imah(2/244).
Please see also the answers to questions no. 70317and 13810
What the common folk and ignorant among the Muslims do of celebrating the Prophet’s birthday is one of the innovated matters that should be opposed and prohibited. Referring to the celebration of the Prophet’s birthday as proof that it is permissible to celebrate the Gregorian New Year (or Christmas) is a notion that is based on false premises, because celebrating the Prophet’s birthday is not permissible, as it is an innovation that has been introduced into the religion, and whatever is compared to an innovation (for the purpose of justifying it) is also an innovation.
Thirdly:
The Christian celebration of what they call Christmas is an innovated and polytheistic (shirki) celebration. It is not permissible for the Muslims to imitate them in that, and ‘Eesa (Jesus – peace be upon him) has nothing to do with it or them.
Rather for the Muslims – in addition to it being an innovation – it comes under the heading of imitating the disbelievers in matters that are unique to them and their religion. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.”
Narrated by Abu Dawood (3512); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheehSunan Abi Dawood. Its isnaad was classed as jayyid by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, who said:
The least that can be said about this hadith is that it implies that it is prohibited to imitate them. However the apparent meaning indicates that the one who imitates them is a disbeliever, as Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):“And if any amongst you takes them as Awliya’ ((friends, protectors, helpers, etc.)), then surely he is one of them” [al-Maa’idah 5:51]. End quote fromIqtida’ as-Siraat al-Mustaqeem(p. 82-83)
Shaykh al-Islam also said:
It has become clear to you that one of the causes of the diminishing of the religion of Allah and its teachings, and the prevalence of disbelief and sin, is imitation of the disbelievers, just as one of the foundations of all good is adhering to the ways and teachings of the Prophets. Hence the introduction of innovations into the religion is regarded as a serious matter, even if it does not involve imitating the disbelievers, so how about if the two matters are combined?!
End quote fromIqtida’ as-Siraat al-Mustaqeem(p. 116)
Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Congratulating the disbelievers on the occasion of Christmas or any of their other religious festivals is haraam according to scholarly consensus, because it implies approval of what they follow of disbelief and approving of it for them. Even if he does not approve of this disbelief for himself, it is haraam for the Muslim to approve of rituals of disbelief or to congratulate someone else for them. Similarly, it is haraam for the Muslims to imitate the disbelievers by having parties on these occasions, or exchanging gifts, distributing sweets or plates of food, taking time off work, and so on, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.” Narrated by Abu Dawood.
End quote fromMajmoo‘ Fataawa wa Rasaa’il Ibn ‘Uthaymeen(3/45-46)
For more information on the ruling on joining the disbelievers in their festivals, please see the answers to questions no. 1130and 145950
To sum up: the harm that results from Muslims celebrating the Gregorian New Year (or Christmas) may be summarised in the following points:
1. It involves imitating the mushrik disbelievers whose motivation in holding these parties is their shirk and disbelief in Allah the Almighty. It is not in accordance with the true teachings of the Prophet of Allah ‘Eesa (Jesus – peace be upon him), because according to our consensus and theirs he did not prescribe such celebrations for them. So they are a combination of shirk and innovation, in addition to what they mix with that of immoral and evil actions in these parties, as is well known. So how could we imitate them in that regard?
2. Celebration of the Prophet’s birthday is not permissible, because it is an innovation that has been introduced, as stated above. So it is not permissible to use it as an analogy, because if the basis of the analogy is corrupt, the entire analogy is corrupt.
3. Celebrating Christmas is an evil act in all circumstances, and we cannot say that it is permissible, because its very foundation is corrupt, because of what happens during it of disbelief, evildoing and sin. Such a thing is not fit to be used as an analogy for anything, and it cannot be said that it is permissible under any circumstances.
4. If we say that this corrupt analogy is sound, then we should be consistent and say: why do we not celebrate the birthday of every Prophet? Are they not all Prophets who were sent from Allah? And no one says this.
5. Knowing the exact date of the birth of any of the Prophets is not possible, even our Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). The exact date of his birth is not known, as the historians differed concerning this matter, to the extent that there are nine or more different opinions. So the celebration of the Mawlid is invalid both in terms of the date and of sharee‘ah. Hence the matter in its entirety, whether it has to do with the birthday of our Prophet or the birthday of the Prophet of Allah ‘Eesa (Jesus – blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), has no basis at all.
Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Celebrating the eve of the birth of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him and his family) is not valid, whether from the point of view of the date or the point of view of Islamic teachings.
End quote fromFataawa Noor ‘ala ad-Darb(19/45)
And Allah knows best.
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Innovations in Religion and Worship, - Dought & clear, - * How should he deal with his family who celebrate the Prophet’s birthday (Mawlid) and make comments about him because he does not join them?

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I do not celebrate the Prophet’s birthday (Mawlid), unlike the rest of my family who do celebrate it, and they say that my Islam is a “new Islam” and that I do not love the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). Can you offer me any advice about that?
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
You have done well by not celebrating something that is an innovation (bid‘ah) that has become customary and is widespread among the people, and you should not pay any attention to those who criticise your following the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and make comments about you because of your adherence to the teachings of Islam. For there is no Messenger whom Allah, may He be exalted, sent to his people but they ridiculed him, and cast aspersions on his soundness of mind and religious commitment, as Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):“Likewise, no Messenger came to those before them, but they said: ‘A sorcerer or a madman!’” [adh-Dhaariyaat 51:52]. You have a good example in the Prophets of Allah, so be patient in bearing what you are faced with of annoyance, and seek reward for that with your Lord.
Secondly:
Our advice to you is to turn away from debating and arguing with them, unless you see anyone among them who is reasonable and will listen and benefit from it, in which case you can select some of these people to tell them about the reality of the Mawlid, the rulings on it and the evidence for its invalidity, and you can explain to them the virtue of following the (Sunnah of the) Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and the evil of innovation. If you see any such people, there follow some suggestions that may help you in debating with them and advising them:
-1-
First of all we may start with where they are at, which is that they have told you that your Islam is a “new Islam”. We say: which one is following the older Islam: the one who celebrates the Prophet’s birthday (Mawlid) or the one who does not celebrate it? The answer in the mind of any rational and fair-minded person will undoubtedly be that the one who does not celebrate it is following the older Islam. The Sahaabah (may Allah be pleased with them), the Taabi‘een and their followers, and those who came after them – until the ‘Ubaydi era in Egypt [the ‘Ubaydis followed an extreme form of Shi‘ism] – did not celebrate the Mawlid. Rather that was introduced after their time, so who is it that is following a “new Islam”?
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We should see who loves the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) more. Is it the Sahaabah (may Allah be pleased with them all) or those who came after them in later centuries? The answer in the mind of any rational and fair-minded person will undoubtedly be that the Sahaabah loved the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) more. Did they celebrate his birthday or not? So how can these people, by celebrating the birthday of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), be competing with the noble Sahaabah in love for their Prophet?
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We should ask: what does it mean to love the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)? In the mind of any rational and fair-minded person, loving him means following his teachings and his path (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). If these people who celebrate his birthday really followed the teachings of their Prophet and followed his path, they would be content with what the Sahaabah were content with, who loved and followed their Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), and they would realise that goodness lies in following those who came earlier and evil lies in the innovations introduced by those who came later.
Al-Qaadi ‘Iyaad (may Allah have mercy on him) said, in a chapter on the signs of love of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him):
It should be understood that the one who loves a thing gives it precedence and gives precedence to what is in accordance with it, otherwise he is not sincere in his love, and he is a mere pretender. The one who sincerely loves the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) is the one in whom signs of that appear, the first of which is following his example, adhering to his Sunnah, emulating him in word and deed, complying with his commands, avoiding that which he prohibited, and striving to follow his teachings in times of hardship and of ease, when one feels energetic and when one feels reluctant. This is what Allah, may He be exalted, refers to in the verse in which He says (interpretation of the meaning):“Say (O Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) to mankind): ‘If you (really) love Allah then follow me (i.e. accept Islamic Monotheism, follow the Quran and the Sunnah), Allah will love you’” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:31]. So we should give precedence to what he prescribed and encouraged over our own whims and desires. Allah, may He be exalted, says (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him):“And those who, before them, had homes (in Al-Madinah) and had adopted the Faith, love those who emigrate to them, and have no jealousy in their hearts for that which they have been given (from the booty of Banu An-Nadeer), and give them (emigrants) preference over themselves, even though they were in need of that” [al-Hashr 59:9]. And another sign of love is that one should be prepared to anger people for the sake of pleasing Allah.
The one who has this characteristic has attained perfect love for Allah and His Messenger; the one who goes against that in some of these ways has fallen short in his love, although he has not failed completely.
Ash-Shifa bi Ta‘reef Huqooq al-Mustafa(2/24-25)
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We should look and see whether anything is proven about the date of the birth of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). Then, on the other hand, we should look and see whether anything is proven about the date of his death (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). The answer for any rational and fair-minded person is that the date of his birth is not proven, although the date of his death has been proven with certainty.
If we look at the books of Seerah (Prophet’s biography), we will find that the writers of the Seerah differed concerning the date of the Prophet’s birth, and there are several opinions, as follows:
1. Monday 2ndRabee‘ al-Awwal
2. 8thRabee‘ al-Awwal
3. 10thRabee‘ al-Awwal
4. 12thRabee‘ al-Awwal
5. Az-Zubayr ibn Bakkaar said: He was born in Ramadan.
If any issue was connected to the date of his birth (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), the Sahaabah (may Allah be pleased with him) would have asked him about that or he himself (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) would have told them about it, but no such thing happened.
With regard to his death, there was no difference of opinion concerning the fact that it occurred on 12thRabee‘ al-Awwal 11 AH.
Then after that we should look at when these innovators celebrate: they celebrate on the date of his death, not his birth! The baatini (esoteric) ‘Ubaydis – who fabricated their lineage and called themselves the Faatimis (Fatimids) after Faatimah (may Allah be pleased with her) – convinced the people of their bid‘ah and the people foolishly accepted it. Those people were heretics who wanted to express joy on the occasion of the death of our Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), so they invented this occasion and held celebrations at that time. Their aim was to express their joy, but the simple-minded among the Muslims thought that those who went along with them in those celebrations were only expressing their love for the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him). Thus their evil plot succeeded and they also succeeded in distorting the meaning of love and turned it into the reciting of qaseedahs for the Mawlid and distributing barley and sweets, and holding parties in which there is dancing and mixing between men and women, accompanied by music, wanton display and immoral actions, in addition to these innovated kinds of supplication and words of shirk that are spoken in those gatherings and circles.
On our website we have previously explained in detail what is wrong with this innovation. Please see the answers to questions no. 10070, 13810and 70317
Please see also the book by Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan criticising this innovation, which is entitledHukm al-Ihtifaal bi’l-Mawlid an-Nabawi.
Thirdly:
Be patient and steadfast in following your Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and do not be deceived by the large numbers of those who go against it. We advise you to seek knowledge and be keen to benefit people, and do not let these actions on the part of your family be a cause of separation between you and them. For they are only imitating others who have given them fatwas stating that these parties are permissible or even mustahabb (encouraged). So you have to deal with them kindly when objecting to it, and strive to show them the best words, deeds and attitude. Show them the effect of following the Sunnah on your conduct and worship. We ask Allah to guide you and give you strength.
And Allah knows best.

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Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * She loves her husband madly and is looking for a solution

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I love my husband madly and he is perfectly happy with me. When he went away for work and I was waiting to join him, I began to miss him and could not rest until he spoke to me. Although I do my religious duties, I feel something lacking when he is not here. What do you advise me to do so that I can be patient until I see him?.
Praise be to Allaah.
It is wonderful to see Muslim homes that are filled with love and compassion. When we see that love and compassion between the spouses in particular, we are very happy about it, because that love and compassion will have a good effect on the family members. One of the greatest signs of Allah is that He created woman from man and it is a sign of His wisdom that He created woman to be a course of comfort and tranquillity for the man. Allah, may He be exalted, mentioned that with regard to Adam and Hawwa’, and all people in general, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife (Hawwa (Eve)), in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her”
[al-A‘raaf 7:189].
This has to do with Adam and Eve. With regard to humanity in general, Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them”
[ar-Room 30:21].
And Allah, may He be exalted, created love and compassion between the spouses, as He says at the end of the verse from Soorat ar-Room quoted above (interpretation of the meaning):
“…and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”
[ar-Room 30:21].
Ash-Shanqeeti (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Allah, may He be exalted, says:“and (then) He has created from him his wife (Hawwa (Eve)), in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her”
[al-A‘raaf 7:189].
In this verse we see that Allah created Hawwa’ from Adam so that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her, i.e., find comfort in her. Elsewhere Allah said that He created the spouses of Adam’s offspring likewise. That is the verse in which Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy.”
[ar-Room 30:21].
Adwa’ al-Bayaan, 2/304, 305
Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
There is no love between any two souls greater than that that exists between the spouses.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/525
But we do not mean that the love should be “mad” or “crazy” as people say. Rather it should be moderate and appropriate. Zayd ibn Aslam narrated that his father said: ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab said to me: O Aslam, do not let your love (for anyone) be obsessive and do not let your hatred (of anyone) be destructive.
I said: How is that?
He said: When you love, do not go to a level of obsession as a child does with the thing he loves, and when you hate, do not hate in such a way that you want your opponent to be destroyed and doomed.
Narrated by ‘Abd ar-Razzaaqin al-Musannaf, 20269; its isnaad is saheeh.
The Rightly-Guided Caliph (‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab) gave this advice because obsessiveness in love (loving madly) has negative effects on the one who loves and the one who is loved. Its effects on the one who loves are:
(a) His thoughts are focused on his beloved, which causes him anxiety and tension, and this distraction causes him to waste time and leads to mental and physical illness
(b) Another of the effects of loving madly is that it makes the one who loves turn a blind eye to any shortcomings in his beloved’s performance of duties and to his committing any haraam actions. And if his beloved asks him to join him in his actions, then his insane love will lead him to do so.
(c) Another of the negative effects of this love is that it dominates his heart in such a way that there is no room for love of Allah and His Messenger, which is the means of his salvation, let alone love for anyone else such as family and children
(d) Another of the negative effects is that the one who is madly in love cannot cope with the absence or illness of his beloved, let alone his death!
The negative effects of insane love on the one who is loved include the following:
(a) He may suffer tension because of the lover’s insistence on seeing him and sitting with him, which may lead to his neglecting his work or falling short in tasks on which he should focus his mind and heart, such as seeking beneficial knowledge and doing righteous deeds.
(b) Another of the negative effects it may have on him is that he will never find this lover offering him sincere advice; rather he will turn a blind eye to his mistakes and shortcomings. As it is said, your love of a thing makes you blind and deaf!
(c) Another of its negative effects is that if he responds to the one who loves him, he will waste his time with him, and if he does not, he will cause him anxiety, which may lead him to hate him in the end.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
If a man’s heart is attached to a woman, even if she is permissible for him, he will remain captive to her and she will be able to control him as she wishes. Outwardly he will appear to be her master because he is her husband, but in reality he is her captive and slave, especially if she realises his need for her and his love for her, and that he cannot find any alternative to her. In that case she will have control over him like an unjust, domineering master over his weak slave who cannot free himself from him, or even worse! Because captivity of the heart is worse than physical captivity and enslavement of the heart is worse than enslavement of the body. The one whose body is enslaved will not care if his heart is free and at peace; rather he may be able to find away to freedom. But if the heart that is in control of the body is that is enslaved and infatuated with something other than Allah, then this is true humiliation, the worst kind of captivity and enslavement to that which enslaved the heart. … True freedom is freedom of the heart and true enslavement is enslavement of the heart, just as true richness is richness of the soul. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Richness is not having a great deal of accumulated wealth; rather richness is richness of the soul.” This applies if what has captured his heart is something permissible; as for the one whose heart is enslaved by something haraam, such as a woman or boy, this is pain and suffering from which there is no way out, and these are the people whose suffering will be the worst and their reward will be the least, for if a person’s heart is devoted to something and remains attached and enslaved to it, then this will cause him all kinds of evil and corruption that cannot be enumerated except by the Lord of mankind, even if he manages to avoid committing the greater act of immorality.
End quote fromMajmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 10/185-186
We are very happy to hear of your honouring your husband and of your love for him, but we would be even happier if you made your love for him reasonable. You should understand that bothering your husband, always calling him, or insisting that he stay at home or not undertake a particular trip will all cause him stress and make it difficult for him to get on with different tasks in life. We want there to be in your house a healthy atmosphere of love that could help the family and future children, in sha Allah, to achieve high goals and to strive to support His religion and be a help to His righteous slaves.
What we also advise you to do is:
(a) Fulfil the religious duties that are required of you and do naafil acts of worship too.
(b) Regularly recite the adhkaar of the morning and the evening
(c) Seek knowledge by reading or listening
(d) Call women among your neighbours and relatives to Allah
(e) Try to have shar‘i love in your heart towards Allah and His Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) by following the commands, heeding the prohibitions, loving the religion of Allah, defending it and spreading it among people, and having natural love towards your parents and children.
All of that will give a meaning to your life that is more sublime than devoting your life only to your husband and loving him only.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to make the love and compassion between you lasting and to bless you with righteous offspring,
And Allah is the source of strength.
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Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * Wife Wants to Leave But He Doesn’t Want to Divorce Her

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My wife refuses to have sexual relations for last 3 months, does not let me touch her, says I am fat and ugly, wants to separate and is forcing me to say that we should separate.
I do not want to let her go , I love her very much, But I just dont know what to do?
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
It is not permissible for the woman to refuse to go to bed with her husband without a valid excuse such as menses, sickness or an obligatory duty such as fasting, Hajj and the like. If she does that then she has exposed herself to sin and curses. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning comes.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2998.
And it was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If a woman stays away from her husband’s bed, the angels will curse her until she comes back.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4795.
Based on that, what your wife is doing of refusing to come to your bed is a haram (impermissible) action; in fact it is a major sin and is nushooz (wilful defiance) because of which her right to maintenance and a fair share of your time (in the event of plural marriage) is waived.
It says inal-Haawi al-Kabeerby al-Mawardi (11/438): There are two conditions that the woman must meet in order to be entitled to maintenance:
1. Allowing him to be intimate with her
2. Agreeing to move with him wherever he wants in the city in which he married her or to any other city, if the roads are safe.
If she allows him to be intimate with her but does not agree to move with him, then he is not obliged to spend on her maintenance.
If she responds to him with regard to moving but does not allow him to be intimate with her, if that is for a reason that makes intimacy haraam, such as menses, ihram (ritual state one is in for the pilgrimage)and fasting, then her right to maintenance is not waived, because it is forbidden for him according to sharee‘ah (Islamic law), so it is an exemption from what is required in the marriage contract. But if her refusal is for no good reason, then her right to maintenance is waived, if intimacy was possible. End quote.
Secondly:
If the wife does not want to stay with her husband and it is not possible for them to live together, and she thinks that she will never be able to fulfil the rights he has over her, then Islam gives her a way out and relief from this situation that is unbearable for her, as she cannot bear to live with him and she is unable to fulfil the rights he has over her. So Islam allows her to separate from him by means of khula‘.
Al-Bukhaari (4867) narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I do not blame Thaabit ibn Qays for any defect in his character or his religious commitment, but I would hate to commit an act of kufr (disbelief) when I am a Muslim.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Will you give him back his garden [which he had given as mahr/dowry]?” She said, “Yes.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said (to Thaabit), “Accept the garden, and divorce her once.”
See also the answer to questions no. 1859and 91878
Thirdly:
Our advice to you is: so long as your wife is asking you for a divorce and does not want to stay with you, then you should divorce her, because there is no interest for a man in staying with a wife who does not love him and does not obey him in what he wants from her or give him the least of the rights he has over her.
As for your love for her, there will be no joy for you in that so long as she does not reciprocate in kind. You should ask Allah to bless you with another wife whom you love and who loves you.
In this case it is permissible for you to refuse to divorce her until she ransoms herself from you with some money or wealth. This is the khula‘ which we mentioned above. In his commentary on the verse in which Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):“Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness” [an-Nisa’ 4:19], Ibn Katheer said: Ibn Mas‘ood and Ibn ‘Abbaas said: What is meant thereby is zina, i.e., if she commits zina (adultery), then you have the right to take back from her the mahr you gave her and to put pressure on her until she gives back the mahr, then divorce her through khula‘.
Ibn ‘Abbaas, ‘Ikrimah and ad-Dahhaak said: “open lewdness” refers to wilful defiance and disobedience.
Ibn Jareer favoured the view that it includes all of that: zina, disobedience, wilful defiance, a sharp tongue and so on. In other words, all of that makes it permissible to put pressure on her until she gives him his dues or some of it, or he leaves her. And this is good.
End quote fromTafseer at-Tabari, 8/115-118
We ask Allah to make things easy for you and to guide you and help you to do that in which is good.
And Allah knows best.

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