Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * She loves her husband madly and is looking for a solution

Share::-

















- - -
Published by,
-
M NajimudeeN - INDIA
-


I love my husband madly and he is perfectly happy with me. When he went away for work and I was waiting to join him, I began to miss him and could not rest until he spoke to me. Although I do my religious duties, I feel something lacking when he is not here. What do you advise me to do so that I can be patient until I see him?.
Praise be to Allaah.
It is wonderful to see Muslim homes that are filled with love and compassion. When we see that love and compassion between the spouses in particular, we are very happy about it, because that love and compassion will have a good effect on the family members. One of the greatest signs of Allah is that He created woman from man and it is a sign of His wisdom that He created woman to be a course of comfort and tranquillity for the man. Allah, may He be exalted, mentioned that with regard to Adam and Hawwa’, and all people in general, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“It is He Who has created you from a single person (Adam), and (then) He has created from him his wife (Hawwa (Eve)), in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her”
[al-A‘raaf 7:189].
This has to do with Adam and Eve. With regard to humanity in general, Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them”
[ar-Room 30:21].
And Allah, may He be exalted, created love and compassion between the spouses, as He says at the end of the verse from Soorat ar-Room quoted above (interpretation of the meaning):
“…and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect”
[ar-Room 30:21].
Ash-Shanqeeti (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
Allah, may He be exalted, says:“and (then) He has created from him his wife (Hawwa (Eve)), in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her”
[al-A‘raaf 7:189].
In this verse we see that Allah created Hawwa’ from Adam so that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her, i.e., find comfort in her. Elsewhere Allah said that He created the spouses of Adam’s offspring likewise. That is the verse in which Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy.”
[ar-Room 30:21].
Adwa’ al-Bayaan, 2/304, 305
Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
There is no love between any two souls greater than that that exists between the spouses.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/525
But we do not mean that the love should be “mad” or “crazy” as people say. Rather it should be moderate and appropriate. Zayd ibn Aslam narrated that his father said: ‘Umar ibn al-Khattab said to me: O Aslam, do not let your love (for anyone) be obsessive and do not let your hatred (of anyone) be destructive.
I said: How is that?
He said: When you love, do not go to a level of obsession as a child does with the thing he loves, and when you hate, do not hate in such a way that you want your opponent to be destroyed and doomed.
Narrated by ‘Abd ar-Razzaaqin al-Musannaf, 20269; its isnaad is saheeh.
The Rightly-Guided Caliph (‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab) gave this advice because obsessiveness in love (loving madly) has negative effects on the one who loves and the one who is loved. Its effects on the one who loves are:
(a) His thoughts are focused on his beloved, which causes him anxiety and tension, and this distraction causes him to waste time and leads to mental and physical illness
(b) Another of the effects of loving madly is that it makes the one who loves turn a blind eye to any shortcomings in his beloved’s performance of duties and to his committing any haraam actions. And if his beloved asks him to join him in his actions, then his insane love will lead him to do so.
(c) Another of the negative effects of this love is that it dominates his heart in such a way that there is no room for love of Allah and His Messenger, which is the means of his salvation, let alone love for anyone else such as family and children
(d) Another of the negative effects is that the one who is madly in love cannot cope with the absence or illness of his beloved, let alone his death!
The negative effects of insane love on the one who is loved include the following:
(a) He may suffer tension because of the lover’s insistence on seeing him and sitting with him, which may lead to his neglecting his work or falling short in tasks on which he should focus his mind and heart, such as seeking beneficial knowledge and doing righteous deeds.
(b) Another of the negative effects it may have on him is that he will never find this lover offering him sincere advice; rather he will turn a blind eye to his mistakes and shortcomings. As it is said, your love of a thing makes you blind and deaf!
(c) Another of its negative effects is that if he responds to the one who loves him, he will waste his time with him, and if he does not, he will cause him anxiety, which may lead him to hate him in the end.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
If a man’s heart is attached to a woman, even if she is permissible for him, he will remain captive to her and she will be able to control him as she wishes. Outwardly he will appear to be her master because he is her husband, but in reality he is her captive and slave, especially if she realises his need for her and his love for her, and that he cannot find any alternative to her. In that case she will have control over him like an unjust, domineering master over his weak slave who cannot free himself from him, or even worse! Because captivity of the heart is worse than physical captivity and enslavement of the heart is worse than enslavement of the body. The one whose body is enslaved will not care if his heart is free and at peace; rather he may be able to find away to freedom. But if the heart that is in control of the body is that is enslaved and infatuated with something other than Allah, then this is true humiliation, the worst kind of captivity and enslavement to that which enslaved the heart. … True freedom is freedom of the heart and true enslavement is enslavement of the heart, just as true richness is richness of the soul. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Richness is not having a great deal of accumulated wealth; rather richness is richness of the soul.” This applies if what has captured his heart is something permissible; as for the one whose heart is enslaved by something haraam, such as a woman or boy, this is pain and suffering from which there is no way out, and these are the people whose suffering will be the worst and their reward will be the least, for if a person’s heart is devoted to something and remains attached and enslaved to it, then this will cause him all kinds of evil and corruption that cannot be enumerated except by the Lord of mankind, even if he manages to avoid committing the greater act of immorality.
End quote fromMajmoo‘ al-Fataawa, 10/185-186
We are very happy to hear of your honouring your husband and of your love for him, but we would be even happier if you made your love for him reasonable. You should understand that bothering your husband, always calling him, or insisting that he stay at home or not undertake a particular trip will all cause him stress and make it difficult for him to get on with different tasks in life. We want there to be in your house a healthy atmosphere of love that could help the family and future children, in sha Allah, to achieve high goals and to strive to support His religion and be a help to His righteous slaves.
What we also advise you to do is:
(a) Fulfil the religious duties that are required of you and do naafil acts of worship too.
(b) Regularly recite the adhkaar of the morning and the evening
(c) Seek knowledge by reading or listening
(d) Call women among your neighbours and relatives to Allah
(e) Try to have shar‘i love in your heart towards Allah and His Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) by following the commands, heeding the prohibitions, loving the religion of Allah, defending it and spreading it among people, and having natural love towards your parents and children.
All of that will give a meaning to your life that is more sublime than devoting your life only to your husband and loving him only.
We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to make the love and compassion between you lasting and to bless you with righteous offspring,
And Allah is the source of strength.
- -
:: Share ::

free software, wallpaper, mp4, news, search box, google yahoo mail and many more downloads - OPEN & USE

Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * Wife Wants to Leave But He Doesn’t Want to Divorce Her

Share

My wife refuses to have sexual relations for last 3 months, does not let me touch her, says I am fat and ugly, wants to separate and is forcing me to say that we should separate.
I do not want to let her go , I love her very much, But I just dont know what to do?
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
It is not permissible for the woman to refuse to go to bed with her husband without a valid excuse such as menses, sickness or an obligatory duty such as fasting, Hajj and the like. If she does that then she has exposed herself to sin and curses. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning comes.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2998.
And it was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “If a woman stays away from her husband’s bed, the angels will curse her until she comes back.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4795.
Based on that, what your wife is doing of refusing to come to your bed is a haram (impermissible) action; in fact it is a major sin and is nushooz (wilful defiance) because of which her right to maintenance and a fair share of your time (in the event of plural marriage) is waived.
It says inal-Haawi al-Kabeerby al-Mawardi (11/438): There are two conditions that the woman must meet in order to be entitled to maintenance:
1. Allowing him to be intimate with her
2. Agreeing to move with him wherever he wants in the city in which he married her or to any other city, if the roads are safe.
If she allows him to be intimate with her but does not agree to move with him, then he is not obliged to spend on her maintenance.
If she responds to him with regard to moving but does not allow him to be intimate with her, if that is for a reason that makes intimacy haraam, such as menses, ihram (ritual state one is in for the pilgrimage)and fasting, then her right to maintenance is not waived, because it is forbidden for him according to sharee‘ah (Islamic law), so it is an exemption from what is required in the marriage contract. But if her refusal is for no good reason, then her right to maintenance is waived, if intimacy was possible. End quote.
Secondly:
If the wife does not want to stay with her husband and it is not possible for them to live together, and she thinks that she will never be able to fulfil the rights he has over her, then Islam gives her a way out and relief from this situation that is unbearable for her, as she cannot bear to live with him and she is unable to fulfil the rights he has over her. So Islam allows her to separate from him by means of khula‘.
Al-Bukhaari (4867) narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I do not blame Thaabit ibn Qays for any defect in his character or his religious commitment, but I would hate to commit an act of kufr (disbelief) when I am a Muslim.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Will you give him back his garden [which he had given as mahr/dowry]?” She said, “Yes.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said (to Thaabit), “Accept the garden, and divorce her once.”
See also the answer to questions no. 1859and 91878
Thirdly:
Our advice to you is: so long as your wife is asking you for a divorce and does not want to stay with you, then you should divorce her, because there is no interest for a man in staying with a wife who does not love him and does not obey him in what he wants from her or give him the least of the rights he has over her.
As for your love for her, there will be no joy for you in that so long as she does not reciprocate in kind. You should ask Allah to bless you with another wife whom you love and who loves you.
In this case it is permissible for you to refuse to divorce her until she ransoms herself from you with some money or wealth. This is the khula‘ which we mentioned above. In his commentary on the verse in which Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):“Nor should ye treat them with harshness, that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them,-except where they have been guilty of open lewdness” [an-Nisa’ 4:19], Ibn Katheer said: Ibn Mas‘ood and Ibn ‘Abbaas said: What is meant thereby is zina, i.e., if she commits zina (adultery), then you have the right to take back from her the mahr you gave her and to put pressure on her until she gives back the mahr, then divorce her through khula‘.
Ibn ‘Abbaas, ‘Ikrimah and ad-Dahhaak said: “open lewdness” refers to wilful defiance and disobedience.
Ibn Jareer favoured the view that it includes all of that: zina, disobedience, wilful defiance, a sharp tongue and so on. In other words, all of that makes it permissible to put pressure on her until she gives him his dues or some of it, or he leaves her. And this is good.
End quote fromTafseer at-Tabari, 8/115-118
We ask Allah to make things easy for you and to guide you and help you to do that in which is good.
And Allah knows best.

Share

Commentary on Hadeeth, - Dought & clear, - * Commentary on the hadeeth, “A woman may be married for four things…”

Share::-

















- - -
Published by,
-
M NajimudeeN - INDIA
-



I have read your Article No. 22 on ( Rulings on Marriage ) I particularly did not understand the following phrase. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: (Women may be married for four things: wealth, beauty, lineage or religious commitment)
Does this mean the woman has to be wealthy, beautiful, come from a good ancestral family and be religiously committed? The final one on religious commitment is very clear to me and I too firmly believe in it; but the others arent. Please clarify. .
Praise be to Allaah.
This hadeeth was narrated by al-Bukhaari (4802) and Muslim (1466) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) who said: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Seek the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).”
There is nothing in this hadeeth to suggest that it is enjoined or encouraged to marry a woman for her beauty, lineage or wealth. Rather what it means is that these are things that people look for in marriage. Some look for a wife who is beautiful, some look for a wife who is descended from a noble family, some look for a wealthy wife, and some look for a wife who is religiously-committed – and this last is what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged when he said: “Seek the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).”
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said inSharh Muslim:
The correct view concerning the meaning of this hadeeth is that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) spoke of what people usually do, for they seek these four characteristics, the last of which in their view is religious commitment, but you who are seeking to follow the right way should seek the one who is religiously committed. This is not a command to do so… This hadeeth encourages us to seek the company of religiously-committed people in all things, because the one who keeps company with them will benefit from their good attitude and good ways, and will be safe from any bad influence from them.
Al-Mubaarakfoori said inTuhfat al-Ahwadhi:
Al-Qaadi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: It is the people’s custom to seek certain characteristics in women and to choose a wife for a certain quality. It befits those who are religiously-committed to base their actions on religious guidance, especially with regard to matters that are serious and have lasting effects.
The scholars differed greatly as to the meaning of the words, “May your hands be rubbed with dust.” Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said inSharh Saheeh Muslim:
The most correct view is that of the muhaqqiqeen, that this is a phrase which originally ‘May you become poor’, but the Arabs customarily used it in a sense other than its original meaning, so they would say things such as, ‘May your hands be rubbed in the dust,’ ‘May Allaah kill him, how brave he is!’, ‘May he have no mother,’ ‘May you have no father,’ ‘May his mother be bereft of him,’ ‘Woe to his mother,’ and so on which they would say in the context of denouncing, rebuking, criticizing, expressing outrage encouraging an action, or expressing admiration, and so on.
And Allaah knows best. - -
:: Share ::

free software, wallpaper, mp4, news, search box, google yahoo mail and many more downloads - OPEN & USE

Commentary on Hadeeth, - Dought & clear, - * There is nothing in Islam to say that anal intercourse is permissible

Share

Please help me for fining the truth.In Bukhari sharif hadesh no-4170 & 4171,said that anal sex is halal/jayaj.But you said (in mail a & q)that its haram.Now i'm confusied.
I want to know what's the truth?Is anal sex haram or not?please response my quetion.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
There are many saheeh ahaadeeth which show that anal intercourse is haraam, such as the following:
1 – It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The one who has intercourse with his wife in her back passage has disavowed himself of that which was revealed to Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).” Narrated by Abu Dawood (3904); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh Abi Dawood.
2 – It was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah will not look at a man who has intercourse with a woman in her back passage.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1165); classed as saheeh by Ibn Daqeeq al-‘Eid inal-Ilmaam(2/660) and by al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Tirmidhi.
3 – It was narrated that Khuzaymah ibn Thaabit (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah is not too shy to tell the truth” three times. “Do not have intercourse with women in their back passages.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah (1924); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh Ibn Maajah.
And there are many similar ahaadeeth. Al-Tahhaawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said inSharh Ma’aani al-Athaar(3/43): The reports concerning that reach the level of tawaatur. End quote.
Hence the views of the scholars are based on these ahaadeeth.
Al-Maawardi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said inal-Haawi(9/319):
Because that is the consensus of the Sahaabah. It was narrated from ‘Ali ibn Abi Taalib, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Abbaas, Ibn Mas’ood and Abu’l-Darda’. End quote.
It says inal-Mughni(7/32):
It is not permissible to have intercourse with one’s wife in her back passage according to the majority of scholars, including ‘Ali, ‘Abd-Allaah, Abu’l-Darda’, Ibn ‘Abbaas, ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr and Abu Hurayrah. This was also the view of Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyab, Abu Bakr ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan, Mujaahid, ‘Ikrimah, al-Shaafa’i, ashaab al-ra’y and Ibn al-Mundhir.
We have discussed this in some detail previously on this site; please see the answers to questions no. 1103and 52803.
Secondly:
Some people imagine that it is permissible to have intercourse with one’s wife in her back passage. They understand from the verse (interpretation of the meaning):“Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]that Allaah has permitted everything in this verse, even intercourse in the back passage. This misinterpretation is reinforced for them when they read the hadeeth narrated by al-Bukhaari in hisSaheeh– and perhaps this is the hadeeth referred to by the questioner – in which it says: It was narrated that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Jews used to say that if (the man) had intercourse from behind, the child would be born with a squint. Then the verse“Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]was revealed.
But this is a misunderstanding of the verse. Allaah says “so go to your tilth when or how you will” which means that all variations of intercourse are permitted, so long as it is in the place of tilth, i.e., the vagina, not the back passage. So it is permissible for a man to have intercourse with his wife from behind or from in front or lying on their sides so long as it is in the place of tilth and not the back passage.
The evidence for that is Muslim’s report (1435) of the hadeeth of Jaabir quoted above about the reason for the revelation of this verse, in which it says: If he wishes, when she is lying on her front and if he wishes when she is not lying on her front, so long as that is in only one opening.
In Abu Dawood’s report of the same hadeeth (2163) it says: It was narrated that Muhammad ibn al-Munkadir said: I heard Jaabir say: The Jews say that if a man has intercourse with his wife in her vagina from behind, the child will have a squint. Then Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning):“Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223].
InSunan al-Tirmidhi(2980) in a report which he classed as hasan, it was narrated that Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: ‘Umar came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allaah, I am doomed! He said: “Why are you doomed?” He said: I changed my direction last night. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not say anything. Then this verse was revealed to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) (interpretation of the meaning):“Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]. So approach from the front or the back, but avoid the back passage and the time of menses. Classed as hasan by al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Tirmidhi.
These ahaadeeth and reports explain what is meant by the verse. So it is not permissible for the Muslim to go beyond that and understand it in ways that are not indicated by the reports or by linguistic usage.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said inZaad al-Ma’aad(4/261):
The verse indicates that it is haraam to have intercourse with her in her back passage for two reasons. The first is that it is permitted to have intercourse with her in the tilth, which is the place of birth, and not in the anus which is the place of filth. The place of tilth is what is referred to in the verse“then go in unto them as Allaah has ordained for you”. [al-Baqarah 2:222].
The second reason is that Allaah says “when or how you will” i.e., however you wish, from the front or from the back. Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “go to your tilth” means the vagina. End quote.
Thirdly:
Perhaps the question is also referring to what al-Bukhaari narrated from Naafi’ from Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him): “so go to your tilth when or how you will”; he said: “He may approach her from …”
Ibn Hajar said inFath al-Baari(8/189):
This is how it appears in all the texts. It does not mention what comes after the word “from”. End quote.
And he quoted what is mentioned in some reports elsewhere than inSaheehal-Bukhaari, that Ibn ‘Umar said: He may approach her in her back passage.
But the scholars answered that in two ways:
1 – That it was a mistake on the part of some of those who narrated it from Ibn ‘Umar, and they understood from it that it was permissible to have intercourse in the back passage, when in fact he was narrating that it is permissible to have intercourse with one's wife in her vagina from behind, based on what is mentioned in saheeh reports from him that he regarded it as haraam to have intercourse with one’s wife in her back passage. And al-Nasaa’i narrated inal-Sunan al-Kubra(5/315) with a saheeh isnaad that Ibn ‘Umar was asked about that and he said: Would a Muslim do that?!
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said inTahdheeb al-Sunan(2/146):
It is narrated in a saheeh report that he interpreted the verse as referring to intercourse in the vagina coming from the back, which is what was narrated from Naafi’. Those who thought that Naafi’ improved of intercourse in the back passage are gravely mistaken; rather what he meant was having intercourse from the back in the vagina. Thus they were confused when they thought that when he said “from the back” he meant the back passage; but what he meant by that was coming from the back but putting it in the place of intercourse, namely the vagina. Those people were confused when they understood the words of Naafi’ “from the back” as meaning “in the back (passage)”. End quote.
The second answer is:
That this was ijtihaad on the part of Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) about the meaning of the verse. The Sunnah and the views of all the Sahaabah indicate that it was an incorrect ijtihaad. Abu Dawood (2164) narrated, in a report that was classed as hasan by al-Albaani inSaheeh Abi Dawood, that Ibn ‘Abbaas said:
Ibn ‘Umar – may Allaah forgive him – imagined, and this was a tribe of the Ansaar who had been idol-worshippers, along with this tribe of the Jews, who were people of the Book, and thought that they (the Jews) were superior to them in knowledge; they used to follow their examples in many of their deeds.. The people of the Book did not have intercourse with their wives except on their sides, and that was most concealing for the woman. This tribe of the Ansaar had adopted that from them. And this tribe of Quraysh used to make the woman lie in whatever position they wanted and enjoy them in various ways. When the Muhaajiroon came to Madeenah, one of their men married a woman of the Ansaar, and he went to do that with her but she objected and said: We have intercourse lying on our sides, so do that or keep away from me. Their problem got worse until news of that reached the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning):“Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will” [al-Baqarah 2:223]., i.e., from the front or the back or lying, meaning the place of birth.
This could support the reports that Ibn ‘Umar used to say that it was permissible to have intercourse in the back passage, but then perhaps he came back to the correct view, after Ibn ‘Abbaas or someone else explained to him the reason why this verse was revealed and what its correct meaning was. Hence it is proven – as stated above – that he said that it was haraam, and he said: Would a Muslim do that?!
To conclude: Islam forbids this action, and there is nothing to indicate that it is permissible. The one who thinks that there is anything in the Qur’aan and Sunnah to indicate that is mistaken.
And Allaah knows best.

Share