Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * Dealing With a Wife Who Visits Her Family Too Often and is Demanding

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I am a young man who got married three years ago and I have two children. My wife is falling short in her duties towards the house such as cleaning, and she has worn me out with her demands. She goes to her family’s house too often; whenever any holiday come she wants to go to her family’s house on the basis that her sisters are getting together, and I wish that she would stay with me and my children during the holiday, but she does not listen to me; rather she wants to go there. I could force her but it is against my principles.
Now I am thinking of divorcing her, because this is not a life. On any holiday she wants to go to her family’s house, even during the New Year and Eid Holidays. Indeed matters have gone so far that the husband of one of her sisters is travelling and my wife wants to stay with her sister in her house. What is the solution? Please advise me, may Allah reward you, because by Allah I am very tired. I do not have any problem with taking another wife, but without this one being present, because I am not well off. Please do not tell me to give her advice, because by Allah I have tried to give her advice to no avail.
Praise be to Allaah.
You should not hasten with regard to the matter of divorce, and you should implement all the means prescribed in Islam to set your wife straight and solve the problem between you. Part of that is what Allah has taught us of admonishing, then refusing to share their beds, then hitting them lightly (meaning not injuring them in any way, shape or form and only if there is some benefit anticipated from it), then seeking the help of arbitrators from your family and hers. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) hit them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.
If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allah is Ever All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with all things”
[an-Nisa’ 4:34-35].
You could seek help in admonishing or exhorting her by means of some tapes (or CDs etc, of lectures), or by advising her to ask scholars about her behaviour and attitude, or taking her to listen to a lecture that deals with family life and the marital relationship. You should try to find out the reasons why she is not keen to stay home and why she wants to go to her family. There may be some harshness in your treatment of her, or some shortcoming with regard to her rights. The way to deal with that is to speak frankly and try sincerely to resolve the differences. If you try to implement all the ways and means of dealing with the matter but you do not succeed in setting things straight, and you do not think that you could be patient with her, then there is nothing wrong with divorce in that case and you should divorce her with one revocable talaaq (pronouncement of divorce), in the hope that that will bring her to her senses and prompt her to pay attention to her husband and her health.
There follows some advice that the scholars have given in this regard.
Shaykh as-Sa‘di (may Allah have mercy on him) said:“As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct”[an-Nisa’ 4:34] that is, their refusal to obey their husbands by disobeying in word or deed. He should discipline her with the lightest method, then the next lightest. “admonish them” that is, explain the ruling of Allah about obeying and disobeying the husband, encouraging her to obey and discouraging her to disobey. If she stops, then this is the desired outcome, otherwise the husband should refuse to share her bed, not sleeping with her or having intercourse with her to the extent that will achieve the desired result. Otherwise, he may hit her lightly. If the desired outcome is attained by means of one of these things and they (wives) obey you (husbands), then “seek not against them means (of annoyance)” i.e., you have got what you want, so do not keep on at her about things that are in the past or comment on faults the mention of which is hurtful and will cause problems. End quote.
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked (19/225):
I have a wife who has five children, including an infant who is nursing and one who is walking. Their mother, my wife, does not take care of her duties towards the house or her marital duties, and does not pay attention to the cleanliness of her children, or take care of me, and she does not accept any advice from me.
They replied:
If the situation is as you describe, then advise her and explain to her the rights that the husband has over his wife. Use tact and kindness in explaining to her how she should perform her duties. If she mends her ways, then praise be to Allah. If she refuses, then refuse to share her bed. If that does not work, then hit her (lightly) as a kind of discipline, not a means of revenge or taking out your anger on her. If she obeys, then treat her kindly and nicely. But if she refuses and it is not possible to reconcile between you, then you have no choice but to bear it with patience or separate. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husbands absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husbands property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see illconduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.
If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allah is Ever All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with all things.”
[an-Nisa’ 4:34-35].
End quote.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said: If it is not possible to be patient, we try to bring about reconciliation, as Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from hers; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation”
[an-Nisa’ 4:35].
This applies if there is fear of separation (a breach) between the two parties.
End quote fromFataawa Noor ‘ala ad-Darb.
And Allah knows best.

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Kind Treatment of Spouses, - Dought & clear, - * He lives in America and has done the marriage contract with her; can she travel to join him?

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I am a young woman living in Jordan, and I got engaged on the basis of a contract to a young man who is religiously committed and fears Allah, and he lives in America. We have been engaged for a year and a half, and he is still studying. My question is: is it permissible for me to travel to be with him and his mother until he finishes his studies, then we can go to where he is going to work? Please note that until now there is no place where we can get married and live together. In other words I would stay with him until he finishes his studies. Please note that I cannot stay away from him more than that, and my being with him will help him to keep away from the fitnah that surrounds him.
Praise be to Allaah.
If you mean that the marriage contract has been done for you and there remains nothing but consummation of the marriage, and that he wants to consummate the marriage with you there, then there is nothing wrong with that; rather it is something good and we encourage you and advise you to go ahead, because it is better for you to be with your husband and it is more chaste for you and for him, and will keep both of you further away from fitnah.
Your family and his should announce news of the consummation of the marriage everywhere and publicise it in the place where you are. It is not essential for the consummation to actually take place in the country where you are; rather that may be easier for you and it may be more affordable to get married this way in the beginning, then after that you can prepare your home gradually.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
It is better for a woman to travel overseas with her husband than to stay in her country; that is better for her and for him too. I do not see anything wrong with it.
End quote fromLiqa’ al-Baab al-Maftooh, 81/17
See also the answer to question no. 3477
In that case he has to come and travel with you, or one of your mahrams should travel with you to take you to him, because a woman can only travel with a mahram. See the answer to questions no. 316and 34380
If you mean that you will travel to him without that which is customarily called consummation, meaning that you would be travelling to him thinking that you are married in the sense that a marriage contract has been done but the marriage has not been consummated, in spite of all that you mention, and that the actual consummation of the marriage will come after he finishes his studies and gets a house and a job, when he can afford the expenses of marriage and the consequences and costs thereof, this is a kind of messing about and fooling oneself, and that is something that is not acceptable at all.
This idea of yours seems to be based on the way you phrased your question, “I got engaged on the basis of a contract” i.e., a marriage contract, as some people call this period an engagement period, even if the shar‘i marriage contract has been done.
But if that does not mean a marriage contract, then it is not permissible for you to travel to him and none of the aims of marriage result from that. Rather you should look at what your words really mean.
It says inFataawa al-Lajnah ad-Daa’imah(18/69): Mere engagement between a man and woman does not mean that it is a marriage contract. Both the man and the woman may change their minds if they see fit during that period, whether the other party agrees or not.
And Allah knows best.

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Pilgrimage, & Dought & clear, - * The age that the animal should have reached for hadiya and udhiyah

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M NajimudeeN - INDIA
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Is there a specific age for the hadiy and it is not permissible to slaughter an animal younger than that? What is the meaning of the words of Allah (interpretation of the meaning): “sacrifice a Hady (animal, i.e. a sheep, a cow, or a camel) such as you can afford” [al-Baqarah 2:196]?.
Praise be to Allaah.
The shar’i evidence indicates that what is acceptable in the case of sheep is that which has reached the age of six months; in the case of goats it is that which has reached the age of one year; in the case of cattle it is that which has reached the age of two years; and in the case of camels it is that which has reached the age of five years. Anything younger than that is not acceptable as a hadiy or udhiyah. This is what is meant by “a Hady such as you can afford,” because the texts from the Qur'aan and Sunnah explain one another.
And Allah is the source of strength; may Allah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and Companions. End quote.
Standing Committee for Academic Research and Issuing Fatwas.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Qa’ood - -
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Pilgrimage, & Dought & clear, - * He did all the actions of Hajj except tawaaf al-ifaadah, then he died. Can tawaaf be done on his behalf?

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What is the ruling on a person who did all the actions of Hajj apart from tawaaf al-ifaadah, then he died? Can tawaaf be done on his behalf or not?.
Praise be to Allaah.
If a person did all the actions of Hajj apart from tawaaf al-ifaadah, then he died before that, tawaaf should not be done on his behalf, because Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: Whilst a man was standing with the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), he fell from his mount and broke his neck and died. They mentioned that to the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and he said: “Wash him with water and lotus leaves, and shroud him in his two garments, but do not perfume his body or cover his head, for Allah, may He be exalted, will raise him on the Day of Resurrection reciting the Talbiyah.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, Muslim and the authors ofal-Sunan. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) did not say that tawaaf should be done on his behalf; rather he stated that Allah would raise him on the Day of Resurrection reciting the Talbiyah, because he remained in his ihram as he did not do tawaaf and tawaaf was not done on his behalf.
And Allah is the source of strength; may Allah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and Companions. End quote.
Standing Committee for Academic Research and Issuing Fatwas.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ghadyaan, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Munayyi’

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