Family Issues, - Guidance for the Muslim Wife - Complete book. (Part 2)

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SOCIAL CONDUCT
There are two guardians appointed for every home : the man and the woman. For the upkeeping of the home it cannot be said that one has less responsibility than the other. The responsibility of each one can be realised from the following points:
1. The gale that has blown from Europe today concerning the equality of men and women has ruined many Muslim homes. Both have their separate limits within which they must pass their lives. If these limits cease to exist, the home becomes an example of hell as is the occurrence in Europe. Those people who are inviting women to this destruction in the veil of good advice are not helpers of women but great enemies.
2. The relationship between husband and wife has to be endured throughout their entire lives.
If both their hearts are united, there can be no greater bounty, and if there is some difference between them, (may Allah forbid) there can be no greater calamity. As far as possible obey your husband. Bear the little difficulties of this world to achieve the bounties of the hereafter.
3. The tongue is a means of disgrace and honour for a human. Great virtue can be derived if it is protected. Some women utter certain statements due to lack of understanding and without contemplation. These can offend their husbands. They utter statements at unsuitable occasions, accuse or say something enraging in their anger which can hurt the man's feelings. This could have disastrous consequences. Remember well that once a man's heart has been injured due to some statement you made and you console and please him after a few days, then too the situation will not be as before. You can make a thousand excuses and apologize, but the love will not be as it was before. The human memory is very strong in remembering a past misery. It will continue to haunt his memory.
4. Women are said to be the garments of men. Just as a garment remains with a person during hot and cold weather, so should the husband and wife live together. Do not ask for more than what the husband can afford. Be satisfied with whatever you get even if it be bread. Do not look at a woman whose status is higher and become greedy. On the contrary, look at one who is lower than you and be thankful and patient. If at any time you like some jewellery or clothing and the husband cannot afford it, do not ask him for it nor grieve or express regret at not having it; in fact do not even mention it.
5. A woman should conceal her husband's secrets. If she is experiencing a difficult time she should not reveal this to anyone. She should always express joy so that the husband is not grieved. In this manner she will win him over and her respect will increase in his sight.
6. Also remember that if he brings anything for you, always express happiness whether you like the present or not. Do not criticize the present, for that will hurt his feelings and he will never want to bring anything for you, but if you praise it and take it happily it will please him and he will bring something better the next time. Do not be ungrateful to your husband because the one who is ungrateful to any person is ungrateful to Allah. This is the reason why more women will go to hell as mentioned in a hadeeth. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said "I saw many women in hell." Someone asked: "O Prophet of Allah, why are there going to be more women in hell?" Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said " They curse others excessively and are very ungrateful to their husbands". From this, one can gather how sinful it is to be ungrateful to a husband.
7. A successful wife is one that recognizes the husband's nature. You should try and understand his temperament. If he is angry, do not utter something that will increase his anger. Always watch his mood before speaking. If he responds to jokes by expressing happiness then continue doing so, otherwise not. If he is displeased with you, do not sit with a sullen face. Instead plead with him for forgiveness and try to win him over whether it is your fault or not. This will result in his love increasing for you.
8. There are many etiquettes of love without which the claim to love is baseless. Understand well that the relationship between husband and wife cannot arise from a hollow love. With love the respect of the husband is also essential. It is totally wrong to regard the husband's status as your own.
9. The husband's status is more than your father's. Therefore do not ask him to serve you in any manner. If he, out of love begins serving you, do not let him do so. Ask yourself if your father were to do the same would you allow it?
10. Some women first search their husband's pockets when they return from a journey and ask them how much money and how many goods they have brought not realizing that the greatest treasure is the husband himself who has returned safely. Why not be happy and thankful for that? When the husband returns from a journey inquire about his health, his stay and if he experienced any difficulties. Firstly ask him if he is hungry so that you can feed him. When he lies down after having meals, massage his hands and feet. Fan him if it is hot. In short, make him as comfortable as possible.
11. The rights of the husband's parents are very great. When their rights over your husband are so great that without obeying them he cannot be forgiven, then what is your position? You have been commanded to obey your husband and he has been commanded to obey his parents. From this you can gauge how great their rights are upon you. The husband's other relatives also have rights upon you according to their stages.
12. Whatever impression you make in the beginning will be always remembered. From the outset have respect for the elders and mercy for the young. Do not leave any of your work for others nor let your possessions lie around.
13. You may have read the condition of Rasulullah's daughter who used to grind wheat on the mill-stone. Who is a greater princess than her? Therefore do not shy away from any hard work. Do not be hesitant in doing what your mother-in-law and sisters-in-law do. Do it yourself without them telling you. In this way the in-law's love for you will increase.
14. Rasulullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam has regarded an eavesdropper as a very evil person. Therefore if two persons are speaking softly to each other, separate from them and do not try to find out what they were speaking about. Also do not unnecessarily feel that they were speaking about you as this creates hatred in the heart which wipes out all good deeds.
15. Regard your husband's house as the centre of your hopes. Do not live with dissatisfaction even though the new home and new people cause uneasiness.
16. Every action of yours will be scrutinized. Therefore inculcate a habit of being moderate. Be careful when conversing. Do not chatter too much because it is an evil habit nor be so quiet because this is regarded as pride.
17. If you dislike something at the in-laws, do not backbite about it at home. To inform your mother of every minor thing about your in-laws and for the mother to find out about them is an extremely abominable act. It leads to mutual arguments and disputes and eventually leads to separation.
18. The adage "a slovenly woman's home is in darkness" is famous. Never be negligent in cleanliness. Keep the husband's possessions neat and tidy. Also keep the room clean. You should do all the work yourself. Safeguard all your belongings. Fold the clothes and keep them away. Do not make excuses in doing any task, nor lie because it removes trust and even when the truth is spoken there won't be certainty.
19. The love between husband and wife offends Shaytaan the most. He plans to sow hatred between them, causes doubt and suspicion. Bear this in mind and do not slander on minor doubts, for instance by saying: you joke too much with so and so (female), or you go there very often, or you always sit there. If the husband is innocent you can imagine how hurt he will feel. Added to this is the sin of the hereafter. Even if he has such an evil habit, it will not be remedied in this manner. To do this you will have to use wisdom. Discuss the matter with him in secret. If this method fails to make him realize the evil of the habit, be patient. Do not go around telling everyone and disgracing him. Do not become stern and harsh in order to suppress him as this will only make him adamant and you will eventually suffer. Remember that the simplest way of making him submit is to be loyal and obedient. To express anger and become enraged is a grave mistake and shows lack of intellect.
20. There are many instances to be found where a woman's gentleness and patience have changed the man. If the husband is so wicked that he reaches the extremes in oppressing her, then Allah Ta'ala has destroyed him. Women should not become impatient under any circumstances.

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Hajj & Umrah, - Encouragement to Perform Hajj - I

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O people, fear Allaah The Almighty and perform the obligations that Allaah The Almighty has enjoined upon you, one of the most important among which is performingHajjto His House whenever you can afford to do so. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And ]due[ to Allaah from the people is a pilgrimage to the House - for whoever is able to find thereto a way. But whoever disbelieves - then indeed, Allaah is free from need of the Worlds.{]Quran 3:97[
The Prophet,, said:"Islam is to testify that none has the right to be worshipped but Allaah, and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allaah; to observe prayer, pay Zakaah, observe fasting of Ramadan and perform Hajj of the House, provided you have the resources to make the journey to it."The Prophet,, told us that Islam is built on these five deeds, which means that the Islam of a person will not be complete or stand firm until he performsHajj.
‘Umar ibn Al-Khattabsaid,"I was about to send men to these regions to see who should pay Jizyah )meaning the rich people( who have not performed Hajj and to take Jizyah from them. They are not Muslims, they are not Muslims."The obligation ofHajjis established by the Quran, theSunnah)Prophetic tradition( of the Messenger of Allaah,, and the absolute consensus of Muslims. So, whoever denies the obligation ofHajjhas disbelieved, and whoever acknowledges it but abandons it out of negligence is at great risk.
Allaah The Almighty, after mentioning its obligation on people, Says )what means(:}But whoever disbelieves - then indeed, Allaah is free from need of the Worlds.{]Quran 3:97[ This is the reason why some scholars say that a person who can performHajjand does not do it is a disbeliever and an apostate from Islam although the majority of scholars hold otherwise, and this is the preponderant opinion. If a Muslim abandonsHajjwhile he is able to perform it, he is at great risk.
Dear Muslims, how can a believer leaveHajjwhile he is financially and physically able to perform it, knowing that it is one of the duties and chief acts of worship of Islam? How can he withhold money in order not to perform this duty while he spends a lot of money in what his soul desires? How can he spare himself the hardship involved inHajjwhereas he exhausts himself in pursuing his worldly affairs? How does he find the obligation ofHajjheavy although it is not obligatory except once in man's life? Why does he delay performing it, when he knows not whether he will have access to it again? So, fear Allaah, O slaves of Allaah, and performHajjthat Allaah has enjoined upon you as an act of worship to Him and an act of accepting His rule and obeying His order if you are believers. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}It is not for a believing man or a believing woman, when Allaah and His Messenger have decided a matter, that they should ]thereafter[ have any choice about their affair. And whoever disobeys Allaah and His Messenger has certainly strayed into clear error.{]Quran 33:36[
O Muslims, when the believer performsHajjand‘Umrahonce after reaching the age of puberty, he has discharged himself of the obligation and completed one of the main obligations of Islam. After that, he is not required to performHajjor‘Umrahunless he vows to do so. Whoever vows to performHajjor‘Umrahmust fulfill his vow, because the Prophet,, said:"Whoever vows to obey Allaah, let him obey Him."
O Muslims, it is the very mercy of Allaah The Almighty and His profound wisdom that He has set limitations and conditions for the religious obligations so that they would be regulated and that responsibility can be defined. He made such limitations and conditions in a very appropriate manner including the time, the place and the person who should do the act.Hajjis one of these obligations. It has its limits and conditions that should be met before it becomes obligatory on the Muslim. These conditions include attaining the age of puberty.Hajjis not obligatory for Muslims who have not reached the age of maturity. The age of puberty in males occurs with one of three signs: the discharge of semen, the attainment of fifteen years or the growth of pubic hair. In females, puberty occurs with these three signs, in addition to a fourth one, which is menstruation.
Hajjis not obligatory on a Muslim who has not reached puberty, even if he is rich; but if he performsHajj, it would be valid voluntaryHajjfor which he is rewarded. When he reaches puberty, he must perform the obligatoryHajjbecause hisHajjbefore puberty does not discharge him of the obligation.Hajjdoes not become obligatory before the age of puberty; it is as if he gives away some money with the intention of payingZakaahbefore he owns the minimum amount on whichZakaahbecomes obligatory. Therefore, if a Muslim performsHajjwith his young sons and daughters, he would be rewarded and the children would have the reward ofHajj. If they did not performHajj, there would be no blame on them.
The opinion of Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih Al-Uthaymeenis that today, due to conditions like overcrowding and other hardship, a person should not take his young children to performHajjwith him. He should not allow them to enter the state ofIhraamforHajjor‘Umrahbecause of the hardship that he and they will undergo. Allaah The Almighty loves and wants to make matters easy for His slaves; He does not want to place hardship on them. If the matter is easy, the schedule is flexible, and people are few in Makkah, it would be fitting to take children along to performHajj. However, in times of congestion and seasons ofHajjand the days ofRamadan, young children should not be taken forHajjbecause of the hardship on them and on their parents as well.
In theSunnah, a woman asked the Prophet,, when she raised a young boy saying, "Is there Hajj for that boy?"He said:"Yes, and you will receive reward."There is no record in theSunnahthat the Prophet,, ever ordered his Companions to let their young children enter the state ofIhraam, but he approved of it.
Another condition ofHajjis that the Muslim is financially and physically able because Allaah The Almighty laid this condition for the obligation ofHajjSaying )what means(:}for whoever is able to find thereto a way.{]Quran 3:97[Hajjis not obligatory on the Muslim who is not able. Being financially able means that the Muslim owns enough money forHajjwhich is over and above the needs of his home and what he needs of provisions and clothing for him and his dependants, rental accommodation and settling immediate debts. If a person has money that he needs for what has been mentioned, he is not obliged to performHajj. Whoever owes an immediate debt, is not required to performHajjuntil he has paid it off.
Debt in this context includes loans, the price of a commodity, rent and others. The person who owes one dirham that must be settled now is considered an indebted person on whomHajjis not obligatory until he is discharged of it by paying it off or by forfeiting it. Settlement of debts is very serious in the sense that if a man is killed in the cause of Allaah The Almighty as a martyr, martyrdom remits everything except the debt. Also, if the indebted man dies, his soul is suspended by that debt until it is settled, as it was narrated from the Prophet,. Even when a man was brought to the Prophet,, to offer his funeral prayer, he would ask if the deceased was in debt. If they said that he has a debt that will not be settled, the Prophet,, would go back and not pray for him, saying,"You offer the funeral prayer of your companion."
It is amazing that some people today take the issue of debt lightly and borrow a lot of money without necessity or need at a time when the heirs no longer care for the debt of the deceased and do not pay it off immediately. Sometimes the deceased is heavily indebted and has real estate, but the heirs wait until this real estate commands higher prices. The heirs are indifferent to the deceased, who is more entitled to his money than them. Thus, it is not permissible for an heir to take one dirham until the debt of the deceased is paid off. As for deferred debts, if it is documented by mortgage enough to cover it, the obligation ofHajjis not waived. So, if the Muslim owes a debt for which he gave a mortgage that covers the debt and he has money and is able to performHajjprovided that the debt is deferred,Hajjbecomes obligatory because he is able to afford it. However, if the deferred debt is not documented by a mortgage that covers it,Hajjis not obligatory upon him until he pays

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Hajj & Umrah, - Lessons from the First TenDays of Thul-Hijjah... Paradise Is Valuable

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Being physically able means that the Muslim is able to travel to the Sacred House without difficulty. If he cannot travel to the House or can only reach it with severe difficulty like a sick person or an elderly person; in such a case, if there is no hope of recovery from his sickness he should authorize a relative or someone to performHajjor‘Umrahon his behalf. However, if he dies before authorizing someone to performHajjon his behalf, his heirs should performHajjon his behalf. If a woman does not have aMahram,Hajjis not obligatory on her because she does not find the way to performHajj. A woman is forbidden by theSharee‘ah)Islamic legislation( to travel without aMahram )non-marriageable male(.
Ibn ‘Abbaassaid that he heard the Prophet,, say in aKhutbah:"No man should be alone with a woman without a Mahram, nor should a woman travel except with a Mahram."A man stood up and said, "O Messenger of Allaah, my wife set out to perform Hajj and I have been recruited in such-and-such a battle." The Prophetsaid:"Go and perform Hajj with your wife."The Prophet,, ordered him not to go to the battle but to performHajjwith his wife. He did not investigate whether the woman was young, or in a company of women or otherwise. This indicates that it is forbidden for a woman to travel without aMahramin all cases, whether by plane or car. The woman'sMahrammight be her husband or any man whom she is permanently forbidden to marry such as her father, grandfather up to all levels, and her son, her grandson down to all levels, her brother, the son of her brother down to all levels, the son of her sister down to all levels, her paternal and maternal uncle, or the paternal uncle of her father or mother or the maternal uncle of her father or her mother. The maternal uncle of a person is his maternal uncle as well as all his descendants until the Day of Resurrection. So, is the paternal uncle, whether through biological factors or breastfeeding.
Mahramsalso include theMahramsthrough a marriage relation, such as the father of the husband up to all levels, the son of the husband down to all levels, the husband of the daughter down to all levels and the husband of the mother up to all levels provided the husband has consummated the marriage. TheMahrammust be sane and have already reached puberty. The male who has not reached puberty cannot be aMahrambecause the purpose of theMahramis to guard the woman and protect her, and this is not achieved by a young boy.
If a person finds that he has satisfied the conditions of the obligation ofHajj, let him perform it as early as possible. The commands of Allaah The Almighty and His Messenger are to be carried out immediately without delay. Ibn Al-Qayyim, the renowned student of Shaykh-ul-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah, said,"Whoever abandons Hajj deliberately while he is able to do it until he dies, or withholds Zakaah and does not pay it until he died, the proofs and principles of Sharee‘ah indicate that he is not discharged of them even if they are done after his death, nor will they be accepted from him. The truth is most deserving to be followed."
Man does not know what will happen in the future, and so, you should be grateful for the blessings of Allaah The Almighty by thanking Him and performing what Allaah made obligatory upon you before death comes to you and you regret when regret is of no avail. Listen to what Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And return ]in repentance[ to your Lord and submit to Him before the punishment comes upon you; then you will not be helped. And follow the best of what was revealed to you from your Lord before the punishment comes upon you suddenly while you do not perceive, Lest a soul should say, "Oh ]how great is[ my regret over what I neglected in regard to Allaah and that I was among the mockers." Or ]lest[ it say, "If only Allaah had guided me, I would have been among the righteous." Or ]lest[ it say when it sees the punishment, "If only I had another turn so I could be among the doers of good."{]Quran 39:54-58[
A Muslim who performsHajjaccording to the guidance of theSharee‘ahand follows the Messenger of Allaah,, hisHajjshall be complete whether or not‘Aqeeqahwas slaughtered on his behalf. Some of the common people think that there is noHajjfor the Muslim for whom‘Aqeeqahwas not slaughtered on his behalf. This is not correct, and there is no connection betweenHajjand‘Aqeeqah.Hajjis also valid even if a person did not make up for the days of fasting missed inRamadanbecause there is no relationship betweenHajjand fasting.
O slaves of Allaah, fear Allaah The Almighty Who Says )what means(:}And fear a Day when no father will avail his son, nor will a son avail his father at all. Indeed, the Promise of Allaah is truth, so let not the worldly life delude you and be not deceived about Allaah by the Deceiver.{]Quran 31:33[
O Muslims, performHajjthat Allaah The Almighty prescribed for you. Do not neglect or be slow.Hajjis one of the great pillars of Islam on which it is built and without which Islam will not be perfect. Perform it with sincerity to Allaah and following the Messenger of Allaah,. The Muslim who is in charge of workers, who have not performedHajj, should facilitate the matter for them and help them do it. Let him not prevent a worker from performingHajjbecause the Muslim is rewarded for making these matters easy for others. The Prophet,, said:"Whoever prepares a fighter in the cause of Allaah will be considered fighting in His cause."
When we see a person who has not performed the obligatoryHajjand he needs assistance, we should help him as much as we can, especially if he is under our responsibility and at our disposal. We should help and assist him in order to receive the reward and achieve goodness. We will not incur a great loss. A Muslim can go on the sixth day or the seventh or even the eighth day ofThul-Hijjahand return on the thirteenth day. So,Hajjtakes only five days or so. When the Muslim quits work on these days for the sake of Allaah The Almighty, Allaah will compensate him with goodness and blessings. Help your brothers, for Allaah helps the person as long as he helps his brother, and whoever fulfills the need of his brother, Allaah The

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Dought & clear, - He gave charity on the basis that by doing so all hissins would be forgiven

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MY question is, if someone lies to you by saying all ur sins we be removed and u will be like a new born baby if you give zakat every month. and u ask them for daleel and them give u some made up daleel(proof) and u do that act such as giving zakat every month. so even if that wasn't true and the person lied to u but u searched the the daleel and found it but actually the daleel wasn't true would all ur sins still be erased?
Im asking this question because this problem happens to many people.
Praise be to Allaah.
With regard to the one who deliberately tells a lie about Allah and His Messenger, he is promised the punishment of Hellfire. It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever tells a lie about me deliberately, let him take his place in Hell.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (110) and Muslim (2).
Some of those who tell lies about Islam think that they are doing something good if the lie is about virtues or encouraging people to do good deeds or deterring them from doing bad deeds.
Al-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
When he forbade lying about him, the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) did not differentiate between that which has to do with rulings and that which does not have to do with rulings, such as encouraging people to do good deeds, deterring them from doing bad deeds, exhorting and so on. All lies about him are haraam and are major sins and abhorrent actions, according to the consensus of those Muslims whose opinions are qualified to be taken as part of consensus, in contrast to the innovators of the Karaamiyyah group who falsely claimed that it is permissible to fabricate hadeeths with regard to encouraging people to do good deeds and deterring them from doing bad deeds, and they were followed in that regard by many ignorant people who claimed to be ascetics or who were classified as such by ignorant people. Their opinions, actions and evidence are indicative of a great deal of ignorance and negligence, and are the clearest proof that they have no knowledge of any of the basic rulings of Islam. In their views, they have combined many flaws that are suited to their foolish minds and corrupt way of thinking. They have gone against the words of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted (interpretation of the meaning):“And follow not (O man, i.e., say not, or do not, or witness not) that of which you have no knowledge. Verily, the hearing, and the sight, and the heart of each of those ones will be questioned (by Allaah)” [al-Isra’ 17:36]. And they have gone against the clear meaning of these mutawaatir hadeeths and well known hadeeths which regard false testimony as a very serious matter. And they have gone against the consensus of the scholars and other definitive evidence that proves that it is haraam to attribute words falsely to any individual, so how about the one whose words are part of sharee‘ah and regarded as Wahy (Revelation)? If you look at their words, you will find that they are telling lies about Allah, may He be exalted. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):“Nor does he speak of (his own) desire. 4. It is only a Revelation revealed” [al-Najm 53:3].
End quote fromSharh Muslim, 1/70, 71
What is based on an invalid foundation is invalid. Whoever does any act of worship thinking that he will have a specific reward, then finds out that that is not so, will not have the reward that he thought he would get, because the issue of reward rests with Allah and does not depend on weak and fabricated hadeeths.
This does not mean that he is sinning, because of the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever is given a verdict that is not based on proper knowledge, his sins will be on the one who gave him the verdict.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (3657) and Ibn Maajah (53); classed as hasan by Shaykh al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Jaami‘, 6069.
So this person who gave charity will have a reward for his charity, and charity is one of the causes of forgiveness for sins. But as to whether all sins will be forgiven because of charity, Allah knows best.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said, when discussing innovated acts of worship:
There is no doubt that the one who does them on the basis of his own misinterpretation or because he is following (a shaykh or scholar) will have one reward for his good intention and will be rewarded for his deed inasmuch as it is in accordance with sharee‘ah, and whatever there is of innovation in it may be forgiven on the basis that he tried to work out what was correct or he was following someone and thus may be excused. The same applies to whatever is mentioned of benefits of certain actions; whatever benefit is gained may be because of whatever in his action was in accordance with sharee‘ah, such as fasting, dhikr, reading Qur’aan, bowing, prostrating and good intentions in worshipping and obeying Allah and calling upon Him. And whatever it included of things that are disliked in sharee‘ah may be forgiven by Allah because he based his action of what he thought was best or he followed the example of someone else. And this is applicable to everything that may be mentioned of the benefits of some innovated actions that are disliked, but nevertheless this possible benefit does not cancel out the fact that it is disliked and forbidden, and one should do what is prescribed and has no innovation in it.
Iqtida’ al-Siraat al-Mustaqeem, p. 290
And Allah knows best.

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