Fathwa, - Do not interfere in domestic affairs

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Question
This person married my sister. He is a reserved type. He does not like to mix around with his in-laws side that is his wife relatives but then he wants his wife to mix with his side. He gets irritated and angry when his wife speaks to her own maternal uncles etc. He also likes to insult and pass sarcastic remarks on people whom in some majlis he likes to create trouble especially at his wife's side. This is causing a lot of unhappiness and misery at our family functions. Advise him, no improvement. He gets jealous easily when my sister mixed around with her side. But he is friendly, nice with his family and friends only. How to change his bad characters. What advise should be given to him according to Quran and Hadith. He does not allow my sister to talk or visit her own brother and he is very authoritative against her. My relatives are trying to avoid him. My poor sister on the other hand is a very nice and polite person with good qualities. Please help her and my family and Dua for us. Recently he went thru some problems but no change in him. My family and my sister are being very patient.
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
Islam legislated marriage for the achievement of great religious purposes, the most important of which is the stability of life.
Allahsays:"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." )Ar-Rum 30:21(
So, both of the spouses have to make their effort to achieve this. If any problem that hinders their life happens, they have to resort to the Shariah to solve that. The husband has to help his wife establish good relations with her kinship in kindness, and should recognize his in-laws rights on him, and he has to do his best to be kind with them.
However, it is obligatory on the wife to obey her husband. If the latter prohibits his wife from visiting her family, she has to obey him. This obedience becomes more obligatory if the visit contains a Haram thing or causes any harm.
But ordering his wife to visit his relatives and mix with them in a way that causes temptation, is not permissible, she does not have to obey him, because there is no obedience to a creature in disobeying the Creator.
Anyway, we advise you not to interfere with what is going on between your sister and her husband in matters like those mentioned in the question. Because it is more appropriate for the husband to look into the interests of his wife, especially that she is patient about what could happen to her from his side and bears his shortcomings.
However, you have to advise him about his mockery about some people, and about his causing some trouble. This is his right on you as a Muslim.
The prophet said: "Religion is advice," reported byMuslim.
Allah knows best.

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Fathwa, - Suffering because his parents are bickering about getting a divorce

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I am 15 and my parents have nothing worked out together and they are planning a divorce. I see a lot of problems in front like shouting and bad words. I feel really bad. I feel that I'm getting sick from inside from all this that I see with my eyes and it will change a lot in my life. I don't know what to do. Please help me.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
We supplicate Allaah to dispel your grief, remove your sorrow and reconcile your parents. We guide you to some important matters:
First, supplicate Allaah as much as possible to reconcile your parents. Make supplications at the recommended times when supplications are more likely to be responded to, such as the last third of the night, during prostration, between Athaan and Iqaamah, and the like.
Second, arrange separate meetings with each of your parents and let them know your feelings regarding the unhappy incidents that are taking place. Try to address them in an appealing way and express your feelings, probably they may become soft and prepare to settle their disputes.
Third, try to convince them to appoint some wise and reliable persons from their families or scholars to look into their matters and settle them.
Fourth, they should be reminded of Allaah and His commands about being good with one's spouse. Allaah says )interpretation of meaning(: }…And due to them ]i.e. the wives[ is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable….{]2:228[. Your mother especially should be reminded of that her husband is her caretaker and should be obeyed. Allaah says )interpretation of meaning(: }Men are in charge of women by ]right of[ what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend ]for maintenance[ from their wealth…..{]4:34[.
On the other hand, your father should be reminded of the commands of Allaah that encourage a husband to be kind-hearted and cordial with his wife as proved from the Prophetthat he commanded: "Be kind to women )i.e. wives(." ]Muslim[
Allaah knows best.

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Welcome to Islam, - Did Islam spread by the sword? Myth and reality

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Among the most widely believed myths about Islam in the West today is the myth of forcible conversion to Islam.
Many Westerners believe that Islam is so widespread in the world today simply because of a "holy campaign of terror" carried out by the early Muslims to convert non-Muslims to Islam. They believe that non-Muslims were offered the freedom to choose between two things: Islam or death.
During a discussion, a Baptist Minister said: "Muslims tend to kill non-Muslims and anyone who disagrees with them". In a syndicated column appearing in over 30 papers )on July 23, 1994( entitled, ‘Muslim Persecution of Christians Increasing’ the author blames many Muslim countries for persecuting Christians, then he quotes the Quran )which means(:"There is no compulsion in religion"]Quran 2:256[ and ends the quote by rudely writing: "Really?"
How to confront such misconceptions? First, there is no need for us to be apologetic. As Muslims, we should search for the truth and present it as it is. This is how we have been instructed by Allaah Almighty )which means(:"Say: The truth from your Lord and let him who will believe and let him who will reject"]Quran 18:29[
Islam is the religion of the Truth and the Quran is the Book which testifies to the Truth; Allaah Says )what means(:"We sent down the Quran in Truth and in Truth has it descended"]Quran 17:105[
And )what means(:"Put your trust in Allaah for you are on the path of the manifest Truth"]Quran 27:79[
Therefore, we should ask ourselves first, before we are asked by anyone else: what is the truth? Did Muslims really force others to convert to Islam? Is there any evidence for consistent forcible conversion throughout Islamic history? In fact, there is no such evidence anywhere in the history of Islam. Many distinguished Western historians have attested to this fact -- foremost among whom is Sir Thomas W. Arnold in his book, The Preaching of Islam. Similarly authors like, Marshall G. Hodgson, in his book The Venture of Islam, Albert Hourani in his book, A History of the Arab People, Ira Lapidus in his book, History of Islamic Societies, L.S. Starorianos in his book, A Global History: The Human Heritage and many others have testified to this.
On the contrary, there is substantial evidence that Muslims were often seen as liberators of the oppressed people everywhere.
The question that remains to be answered is: why have so many people chosen Islam in the 1400 years of its history? Islam has penetrated the Middle East,North Africa,Spain, West Africa, East Africa, Eastern Europe, Asia Minor, the Caucasus, Central Asia,Afghanistan,India, Western China and theMalay Archipelago. In all these regions, Islam replaced so many other well-established religions: Christianity, Zoroastrianism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Paganism and Animism. What are the reasons behind the triumph of Islam over all these religions?
First, Islam is an amazing blend of simplicity and rationality, as Professor Hodgson explains: "Muslims made a personal appeal to people's religious consciousness. On the level of straight argument, they often put forward the populistic intelligibility of Islam. Muslims commonly ridiculed, in the name of intellectual good sense, the more mythically convoluted teachings of older traditions. This could seem attractively straightforward to people dissatisfied with taking things on faith from a learned priest whose mysteries they could not comprehend.
A single Creator, to be worshipped by each person for himself, based on revelation that had been given to a famous prophet whom millions already acknowledged. This was at once intelligible and plausible."
The unambiguous and uncompromising belief in the Unity, Greatness and Wisdom of God, the Creator of the universe, is unparalleled among other religions. The French professor Edouard Montet said: "The dogma of the unity of God...has always been proclaimed in the Quran with a grandeur, a majesty, an invariable purity and with a note of pure conviction which is hard to find surpassed outside the pale of Islam. A creed so precise, so stripped of all theological complexities and so accessible to the ordinary understanding might be expected to possess and does indeed possess a marvelous power of winning its way into the consciences of men."
Besides its simple and rational creed, Islam offers an impressive set of rituals, which has gained the admiration and, subsequently, the conversion of many non-Muslims. The second pillar of Islam, Salaah ]prayer[ has been described as follows by Sir Arnold: "The religion of the Muslim is continuously present with him and, in the daily prayer, manifests itself in a solemn and impressive ritual which cannot leave either the worshipper or the spectator unaffected."
In addition to the prayers, the other pillars of Islam, Zakaah ]alms tax distributed to the poor[, Hajj )pilgrimage to Makkah(, Siyaam )fasting in Ramadan(, have always been factors in attracting many hearts to Islam. To this day, one still meets converts who were impressed by the social justice of Islam, brilliantly expressed in the payment of Zakaah, the unique congregation of the Hajj and Siyaam. Thus, it is the union of rationalism and Divine rituals that explains the power that Islam has exercised over the hearts and minds of so many people.
Islam simply presents the truth in a tangible form, with the help of a miraculous book: the Quran. The marvelous power and beauty of the words of the Quran have also been a decisive factor in the conversion of many people to Islam.
The famous Jewish American convert to Islam, Maryam Jameelah, cited the Quran as the major factor of her conversion. After a deep study of both the Old Testament and the Quran, the contrast between the two scriptures became increasingly evident to her until she firmly believed that the Quran was indeed God's message to the human race.
A conference of Christian missionaries in 1887 was discussing why Islam has almost swept away Christianity from theMiddle East. What did Islam offer these people to forsake Christianity for good? One of the missionaries was insightful enough to say the following: "Islam brought out the fundamental dogmas of the Unity and Greatness of God, that He is Mindful and Righteous. It proclaimed the responsibility of man, a future life, a Day of Judgment and stern retribution to fall upon the wicked, and enforced the duties of prayer, alms giving and fasting. It replaced monkishness by manliness; it gave hope to the slave, brotherhood to mankind and recognition to the fundamental facts of human nature."
The formidable rationalism and clarity of Islam not only led the Christians of theMiddle Eastto forsake Christianity and embrace Islam in the past, it continues to do so with Christians in the West to the present day.
A Muslim sister, fromCalifornia, who was a practicing Christian and an active member in her nearby Presbyterian church, wrote in her conversion story. She said that in spite of her active affiliation with the church, she always had serious questions about the fundamentals of Christianity, which did not make sense to her. She debated her questions with her friends but they never came up with reasonable answers. The church could not give them answers either, but only told them to "have faith". All her questions were answered when she took a course about Islam. Listen to her words:
"This class brought back all of the concerns that I had about Christianity. As I learned about Islam, all my questions were answered. All of us are not punished for Adam's original sin. Adam asked God for forgiveness and our Merciful, Loving God forgave him. God doesn't require a blood sacrifice in payment for sin. We must sincerely ask for forgiveness and amend our ways. Jesus wasn't God; he was a prophet like all of the other prophets. This answered all of my questions about the trinity and the nature of Jesus. I found a teaching that put everything in its proper perspective and appealed to my heart and my intellect. It seemed natural. It wasn't confusing. I had been searching and I had found a place to rest my faith."
Islam is so strong and so self-assured that it does not need to use force to attract others to it. The moral and intellectual superiority of Islam over all other religions has manifested itself clearly throughout the history of Islam. Despite the ills that Muslims are facing everywhere, Islam continues to be the fastest growing religion on earth. Professor Huston Smith of the MIT in his book, The Religions of Man says:
"In some areas where Islam and Christianity are competing for converts, Islam is gaining at a rate of 10 to 1."

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Welcome to Islam, - Islam does not tolerate the killing of innocents

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Islam is portrayed as a religion of “terror” and “killing”, yet this is just one of the most widely held misconceptions about Islam. Allaah Almighty states unambiguously in the Quran )what means(:"Nor take life -- which Allaah has made sacred -- except for just cause. And if anyone is slain wrongfully, we have given his heir authority )to demand retaliation or to forgive(: but let him not exceed bounds in the matter of taking life, for he is helped )by the Law(."]Quran 17:33[
Based on this verse, it is Islamically unlawful to murder anyone who is innocent of any crime. At this point, we would do well to remember the distinction between the Quran and Sunnah, and the Muslims. Only the Quran and Sunnah are guaranteed to be in accordance with what the Creator desires, whereas the Muslims may possibly deviate. Hence, if any Muslim kills an innocent person, that Muslim has committed a grave sin, and the action cannot be claimed to have been committed "in the name of Islam."
It should be clear, then, that the oft-used term "Muslim terrorist" is almost an oxymoron: by killing innocent people, a Muslim is committing a grave sin, and Allaah is Just. This phrase is offensive and demeaning of Islam, and it should be avoided. It is hoped that as the general level of public awareness and understanding of Islam increases, people will keep "terrorism" and "Islam" separate from each other, and not use them in the same phrase.
Jihaad or Holy War?
Another misunderstood Islamic concept is that the Creator has imposed `Jihaad' on us. The term "holy war" has come from the time of the Crusades, and originated in Europe as a rallying cry against the Muslims inJerusalem. Jihaad is an Arabic word, meaning struggle, but in the context of many verses in the Quran, it carries the meaning of military struggle or war. Allaah gradually introduced the obligation of military struggle to the Muslim community at the time of the Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. The first verse ever revealed in that connection is as follows, )which means(:"Permission )to fight( is given to those upon whom war is made because they are oppressed, and most surely Allaah is well able to assist them."]Quran 22: 39[
This verse lays down the precondition for all wars in Islam: there must exist certain oppressive conditions on the people. The Creator unequivocally orders us to fight oppression and persecution, even at the expense of bloodshed as the following verse shows in which Allaah Says )what means(:"And fight in the cause of Allaah with those who fight with you, and do not exceed the limits, surely Allaah does not love those who exceed the limits. And kill them wherever you find them, and drive them out from where they drove you out, and persecution is severer than slaughter, and do not fight with them at the Sacred Mosque )in Makkah( until they fight with you in it, but if they do fight you, then slay them; such is the reward of the unbelievers. But if they desist, then surely Allaah is Forgiving, Merciful. And fight with them until there is no persecution, and religion should be only for Allaah, but if they desist, then there should be no hostility except against the oppressors."]Quran 2:190-192[
As one might imagine, the method of military struggle has been clearly and extensively defined in the Quran and Sunnah. Since this is a vast subject, we can simply summarize part of it by noting that it is unlawful to kill women, children, the sick, the old and the innocent. From the Sunnah, we find: Narrated 'Abdullaah, may Allaah be pleased with him:"During some of the battles of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, a woman was found killed. Allaah's Apostle disapproved the killing of women and children."]Al-Bukhaari[
A related misconception about Jihaad is often propagated by Muslims who say that: "Jihaad is only for self-defense of physical borders." The Quran and Sunnah refute this notion categorically. As the verses cited above show, Jihaad is obligatory wherever there is injustice, and Muslims need not acknowledge imaginary lines around the earth when it comes to upholding this obligation. The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, has also commented on this extensively in the Sunnah. From the study of the Sunnah, we find: Narrated Abu Moosaa, may Allaah be pleased with him:"A man came to the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and asked: 'A man fights for war booty; another fights for fame and a third fights for showing off; which of them fights in Allaah's Cause?' The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "He who fights that Allaah's Word )i.e. Islam( should be superior, fights in Allaah's Cause."]Al-Bukhaari[
Hence, the Creator obligates us to fight wherever people are being deprived of freely hearing or practicing the Message of Allaah, as contained in the Quran and Sunnah. Sayyid Qutb, a famous Muslim scholar eloquently discusses the notion of Jihaad and self-defense in his book Milestones: "If we insist on calling Islamic Jihaad a defensive movement, then we must change the meaning of the word `defense' and mean by it `defense of man' against all those elements which limit his freedom. These elements take the form of beliefs and concepts, as well as of political systems, based on economic, racial or class distinction."
Judicial System of Islam:
A third major area of misconceptions about Islam is that of the Islamic judicial system, which is considered unnecessarily harsh. This assumption is weak in two respects. First, it presupposes that human beings are more just and more merciful than the Creator, and therefore we can change the law. Second, it is often based on gross oversimplifications of Islamic law, such as saying: "all thieves get their hands cut off!"
The Quran and Sunnah make it clear that the law of retaliation )or equality( governs us for murder and physical injury, but forgiveness is better as the following verses from the Quran show; Allaah Says )what means(:"The recompense for an injury is an injury equal thereto )in degree(: but if a person forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due from Allaah: for )Allaah( loves not those who do wrong. But indeed if any do help and defend themselves after a wrong )done( to them, against such there is no cause of blame. The blame is only against those who oppress men and insolently transgress beyond bounds through the land, defying right and justice: for such there will be a grievous penalty. And whoever is patient and forgiving, these most surely are actions due to courage."]Quran 42:40-43[
The Creator ordained the law of retaliation for us, knowing full well that we might question it. In many non-Muslim societies today, there are ongoing debates about the death penalty. In Islam, this discussion is moot: The Creator has decided the matter for us. He has however given us an interesting verse in the Quran, which advises to consider the matter carefully if we want to understand it; the verse says )which means(:"And there is life for you in )the law of( retaliation, O people of understanding, that you may guard yourselves."]Quran 2:179[
Most people are also unaware of the stringent conditions, which must be met for the law of retaliation to be applicable. The Sunnah is full of examples of the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, showing us when the law's preconditions were fulfilled. For example, a thief is only liable to lose his or her hand if the stolen item exceeds a certain value, and if it is proven that the item was taken from its normal resting place. Stealing food is not punishable by the loss of one's hand, and other items are exempt as well. This is just an example of how carefully the law is applied in Islam. Moreover, it must be clarified that penalties in Islam are meant to establish peace and security for the society.
The Sword of Islam:
Finally, another reason advanced for this prevalent misconception is that Islam `spread by the sword'. It should be clear by now that we must always distinguish between the Quran and Sunnah and the Muslims, when it comes to determining what the Creator has asked of us. Allaah has stated clearly in the Quran )which means(:"There is no compulsion in religion; truly the right way has become clearly distinct from error; therefore, whoever rejects Satan )and what he calls to( and believes in Allaah, he indeed has laid hold on the firmest handhold, which shall not break off, and Allaah is Hearing, Knowing."]Quran 2:256[
Hence, it is impossible to accept Islam under duress. Even if misguided Muslims were to try to `force' Islam somehow on others, based on the previous verse, it would not be accepted by the Creator. Historical arguments that try to demonstrate that Muslims did not `convert others by force' are actually secondary to the argument given above. However, it is worth noting that historically, Islam did spread by peaceful means.
The Message of the Creator was introduced inAfricaand southeast Asia by trading Muslims. People started converting to Islam in big numbers when the Muslims liberated them from the clutches of the cruel rulers, who used to tax then heavily and loot precious belongings from them whenever they wished. Today the largest Muslim country in the world isIndonesia. The military expeditions that led to the conquest of large swathes of territory in Europe and centralAsiawere all marked by tolerance of other creeds and faith.

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