Fathwa, - The children believe theirparents are in a bad marriage

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Question
My parents have throughout their marriage always argued and never liked each other and they have made us really miserable. They have reached divorce many times. Lately, things have gotten worse and although I have tried to keep them together and calm them down so many times they just hate each other. My brothers are now thinking that the best thing is to do is take my mum to live with them i.e. separate them. If they did this I am sure my dad will divorce her for real. I don't know what to do, I tell them its wrong but they think they are 'saving' her from him because he treats her really bad and they say they are doing it out of mercy for her. I do not want this to happen because I feel its Haraam to come between a man and his wife, and I do not approve of what my brothers will do but at the same time I too feel really bad that my mum is suffering with him. What do I do in a situation like this? What does Islam have to say about 'saving' someone from a bad marriage even if it is one of your parents?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
Allaah legislated marriage in order to achieve high objectives, the most important of which is stability within the family, so that it can instill the correct and real meaning of worship to Allaah Alone, and lead to population the Earth. The most important way to achieve this is for the husband and wife to observe their obligations towards each other and fulfil the rights that Allaah has ordered them to fulfil. Allaah says )which means(: }And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable.{]2:228[. There is no doubt that the arguments that your parents are having is a great affliction, so we advise you to be patient and fear Allaah in their regard and advise them. You can also seek the help of righteous and pious people of your family and others in order to reconcile them. If they succeed to do so then all perfect praise be to Allaah, otherwise even if your father is mistreating your mother, you still have to be kind and dutiful to him. Moreover, it is not permissible for your brothers to take your mother away from the house of your father without his permission because that could worsen the problem. However, it is permissible for your mother, if she fears any harm, to consult an Islamic centre or organization to look into the matter and remove the harm from her.
Allaah knows best.

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Family Issues, - Choosing The Desired Wife

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All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the worlds, the Merciful, the Hearer of supplications, and peace and blessings upon our beloved and humble prophet Muhammad, and upon his family and companions.
When marriage is spoken of during these"modern"times, Muslims become horrified, conjuring images of an arranged marriage, trying to find that"perfect"companion, how much of a financial burden it will become, and so on.
The reality is that Islam came to solve these problems, not exacerbate them, yet unfortunately we have integrated our local traditions and customs with Islam so that marriage has become a major concern for a man rather than a delightful experience.
When living in a free, perverted and corrupt Western society, the Muslim male youth finds many temptations and tests, as a result of mixing with females, which he must face and overcome. He must constantly resist these temptations, which are thrown at him in the streets, on the media, and at work. And so the wisdom of the Prophet (s.a.w) echoes on, when he said:"O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains the eyes from casting (evil glances), and preserves one from immorality..."
When seriously considering marriage, you must pose the question to yourself as to just what kind of wife you want, what her qualities should be in order to establish an Islamic and peaceful household, and how you will know who she is. As Muslims, we believe that Allah wants the best for us, and that His Prophet (s.a.w) illustrated this through his own life. So note that by following the advise of our own Creator, and that of His beloved servant, we can only be successful.
Who To Marry
Islam is clear on the kind of wife you should be seeking. The Prophet (s.a.w) said:"A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed."This specifically defines just what kind of a companion we are seeking, for if we marry her for anything other than her religious piety, our marriage is bound to fall into misery.
True, beauty and charm is hard to resist, yet beauty does not last forever and does not guarantee you her obedience and religiousness. Financial status is dynamic, and so is worldly status, yet religion strongly establishes a household, and it may be that through your intention of marrying her for her religion, the rest is given to you anyway.
In another hadith, the Prophet (s.a.w) said:"The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman."Imagine! Nothing in this world is as valuable as a pious woman! This point has been stressed many times by Rasulallah (s.a.w), who himself, when asked what three things he loved the most, mentioned a pious woman.
Once the following ayah was revealed:"They who hoard up gold and silver and do not spend it in the way of Allah, unto them give tidings of a painful doom. On that day when it will (all) be heated in the fire of Jahannam, and their foreheads and flanks and their backs will be branded therewith (and it will be said to them): 'Here is what you hoarded for yourselves, now taste of what you used to hoard.'"[al-Taubah: 34-35]
Umar (r.a.) has been quoted to say that, when this ayah was revealed, he approached the Prophet (s.a.w), submitting that the ayah weighed heavily on the minds of the Sahaba. Rasulallah (s.a.w) replied that the best thing to be treasured is the devoted wife who causes pleasure when seen, obeys orders instantly and takes full care of herself and her husbands property when he is away.
Abu Bakr(r.a.) once asked Rasulallah (s.a.w) what was the best thing to be treasured, and he (s.a.w) replied:"the tongue in remembrance of Allah, the heart filled with thanks to Allah, and a pious wife who helps in virtuous deeds."Look at how valuable such a woman is in the sight of Allah! How can a man live unhappily with such a person.
Qualities of The Pious Woman
Alright, you say, you've convinced me, but what actually makes her a pious woman? The answer is simple: Allah himself has described those qualities most loved by Him in the Qur'an, and in the ahadith there are numerous accounts of the virtuous attributes of a pious woman.
The following are some ayahs on the attributes of the wife you should be seeking, so note those fine and appreciative qualities."And women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity."[An-Nur: 26]"Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husbands) absence what Allah would have them guard."[An-Nisa': 34]
"It may be, if he divorced you (all), that Allah will give him in exchange consorts better than you, who submit (Muslims), who believe, who are devout, who turn to Allah in repentance, who worship (in humility), who travel (for faith) and fast..."[At-Tahrim: 5]
And then, in surah Ahzab, is a full list of those qualities loved by Allah, qualities which by the way should be evident in both males and females. So, my dear brother, choose her for the following attributes: -a Muslim woman -a believing woman -a devout woman -a true woman -a woman who is patient and constant -a woman who humbles herself -a woman who gives charity -a woman who fasts and denies herself -a woman who guards her chastity -a woman who engages much in Allah's praise.
Among the four known perfect women was Maryam. She was loved by Allah because of her religious qualities:"O Maryam! Worship your Lord: prostrate yourself, and bow down (in prayer) with those who bow down."[Al-Imraan: 43]
Another was the wife of Pharaoh:"And Allah sets forth, as an example to those who believe, the wife of Pharaoh: behold she said: 'O my Lord, build for me, in nearness to Thee, a mansion in the Garden.'"[At-Tahrim: 11]
The Prophet (s.a.w) loved his wives because of their religious qualities. Aisha once related the fine qualities of Zainab:"(Zainab) was the one who was somewhat equal in rank with me in the eyes of Allah's Messenger (s.a.w), and I have never seen a woman more advanced in religious piety than Zainab, more God-conscious, more truthful, more alive to the ties of blood, more generous and having more sense of self-sacrifice in practical life and having more charitable disposition and thus more closer to Allah, the Exalted, than her."Ahh, you think, but you'll never find such a woman! Well, if that was true, Allah would not have described her in the first place, and furthermore those qualities were emanating from the women described above. Islam deals with reality, not fiction. Sure, the perfect woman doesn't exist, yet"if you take a dislike to them, it may be that you dislike a thing, and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good."[An-Nisaa: 19]Remember also that you are not perfect either.
Knowing Who She Is
To find that pious woman, there are two steps to be taken, and that first one relies on your personal observation. In surah Nisaa, Allah asks the believing women that they should"lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments,"and also that they"should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments."[An-Nur: 31]
If you notice a woman acting modestly, being not too obvious through her actions (by lowering her voice when around men), one who attempts to hide her attractions (which includes her external beauty as well as her internal charms), then you know she has some of those precious qualities. When you see a woman unashamedly flirting, unconcerned about her revealing clothes, and freely converses with males- keep far, far away. I'm sure when you get married you want your wife to devote her love to you, not to twenty other"just good friends."
Through simple observation, you can get a glimpse of her nature; for example, the way she stands when conversing, how she maintains eye-contact, her clothes, where she spends her time etc. Look for her strong points, and don't stress on her weak ones. Yet, after all this, we still have to come to the most important topic. You can look all you want at her, set a private investigator to track her movements, read her diaries (all of which I consider extreme and unIslamic), yet, my dear brother, no-one knows her heart and intentions, no-one knows whether she will turn sour or more religious, or whether you are suitable for each other, except for Allah.
Trust in Allah
We are choosing our wife for her permanent values; namely her religious devotions, moral integrity, character etc. But believe me, if we try ourselves to combine a marriage, we are almost sure to fail, because we have no knowledge. Allah loves a servant when he puts his trust in Him. When we do so, it is illustrating how we rely upon Him for help, and proving our sincerity to Him, establishing that we recognise His infinite knowledge and wisdom. Islam is likened to being as a house, and in my estimation nothing cements that house together as well as putting our trust in Allah.
It is related on the authority of Jabir ibn 'Abdullah that the Prophet (s.a.w) used to teach his companions to seek, through a special du'a (known as an istikharah), the guidance of Allah in all matters which affected them. Rasulallah (s.a.w) said:"When you are confused about what you should do in a certain situation, then pray two rak'at of nafl salaat and read the following du'a (du'a of istikharah)."
I am surprised at the criticisms thrown at this du'a, and of its negligence. We are humans, powerless in this sphere of life, knowledgeable only enough to survive. So why shouldn't we turn to Allah and seek His perfect help whenever we require it? Allah responds to the call of His servant when he asks for guidance, and we are after all seeking to do something in order to please Him. Many wrong notions exist concerning istikharah. Many Muslims will pray, read the du'a, and run to bed expecting to see a dream showing them their future wife, what her favourite colour is, and some other weird fantasy. That is not the purpose of this salaat.
The results of an istikharah can take many forms. Basically, you go by your feelings, whether you now feel more favourable or not. Also, you may notice events have changed, either for or against you. Finally, as a wonderful gift from Allah, you may be blessed with a dream. Note that you must follow the results of an istikharah, because not doing so is tantamount to rejecting Allah's guidance once you've asked for it.
Also, you should firstly clear your mind, not have your mind already decided, and then afterwards follow the results willingly. The Prophet (s.a.w) once sent Zainab a proposal of marriage. She refused to accept the proposal straight away, expressing her intention to refer the matter to Allah:"I do not do anything until I solicit the will of my Lord."Allah, the Responsive, answered her plea for help and revealed an ayah approving of the marriage.
We may seem shocked at her refusal to accept a proposal from what is the best husband any woman can have, yet she was just recognising that it is Allah who knows how successful such a marriage will be, and as a sign of appreciation, that reply is now preserved in our Holy Book: al Qur'an.
The Prophet (s.a.w) once said to Aisha:"I saw you in a dream for three nights when an angel brought you to me in a silk cloth and he said: 'Here is your wife', and when I removed (the cloth) from your face, lo, it was yourself, so I said: 'if this is from Allah, let Him carry it out.'"
Marriage is a serious step, and requires the right attitude. If marriage completes half our faith, shouldn't that half be the best half? A woman married for the wrong reasons can only weaken the Muslim household. Consider that she will be your life-long companion, the rearer of your children.
Don't marry her for her worldly wealth, but for her wealth in Islamic wisdom and knowledge. Her status in this life is but illusionary, so choose her for her status in the sight of Allah. Beauty is but superficial, but the beauty of Iman is transcendent. When asking Allah for a wife, call upon Him by His beautiful names, as He has commanded us:"For Allah are certain and dignified names: therefore call upon Him by them."[Al-A'raf: 189]Ask for a companion who is devout, pious, patient and so on. Be among those who say:"Our Lord, may our spouses and our offspring be a joy to our eyes and make us leaders of the righteous."[al-Furqan: 74]
I cannot provide a better conclusion than saying that you must put your trust in Allah. You must have trust in His concern for us, and His ability to help us.
Allah says:"Put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves those who put their trust in Him."[Al-Imran: 159]
May Allah help us in our sincere efforts in following His commandments and the way of His beloved servant, and provide us with wives whom He loves."When my servants ask you concerning Me, I am indeed close (to them): I respond to the prayer of every supplicant when he calls on Me: let them also, with a will, listen to my call, and believe in Me: that they may walk in the right way."[Al-Baqarah: 186]

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Family Issues, - The Pleasant Companionship

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"And among His signs is this: that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them. And He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect."[ar-Rum 30:21]
The relationship between a husband and wife is one of the closest bonds which exists between two human beings. Through the ties of marriage, each becomes aware of the other's secrets, their faults and their virtues like no one else.
As the aforementioned ayah from the Qur'an shows, the institution of marriage does not set the agenda for a domination of one sex over the other, as many nowadays perceive. Rather, marriage is one of the great bounties of Allah through which both men and women achieve tranquility, love, security and companionship. This is why Allah describes the husband and wife as being garments for one another:
"They are garments for you and you are the same for them"[al-Baqarah 2:187]
This may, at first, seem like a strange and unusual analogy to make. But with closer thought and reflection, we can realize what a beautiful and apt similitude Allah has given here. For just as a garment covers and protects a person, so too does the husband or wife protect his or her companion: by providing security; by helping to keep the eyes restrained and the private parts protected (from illicit sex); by covering each other's mistakes; and also by shielding them, not only from worldly harm, but, more importantly, from the Hellfire as well. The use of this analogy also gives an indication of the intimacy and closeness that exists between man and wife, just like the closeness there is between the garment and a person's skin: nothing separates them, nothing comes between them.
Rights in the Marriage
Very often we find that discussions about marriage tend to become centered around the issues of rights and duties in a marriage (eg. does the wife have to cook and clean for the husband, can the husband strike his wife, etc). Although these questions are undoubtably important, this is not the place to start. Marriage is not simply about demanding rights and discharging duties. Marriage is principally about mutual co-operation and about encouraging one another towards obedience to the Lord, Most High. The act of marriage itself is considered to be"half the religion", or"half of iman"[1]. This is why the Prophet (saw) advised the men:"A woman is married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty and her Religion; so try to get the pious one that you may be successful".[2]
As far as rights and responsibilites are concerned, then anyone who studies the commands in the Qur'an and the Sunnah in this regard will find that Allah has divided these up in a very wise and just manner. Thus, although the rights and duties of the wife are different to that of the husband, they are nevertheless fair and in proportion. This fact is indicated to in the following ayah:
"And they (women) have rights (over their husbands) similar (to those over their husbands) over them to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them."[al Baqarah 2:228]
Explaining this verse, Ibn Abbas said,"I verily adorn myself for my wife the same as she adorns herself for me. Also I would not ask her to fulfill all the rights which she owes me, so that it would become binding upon me to fulfill all the rights which I owe her."[3]This is how Ibn Abbas - one of the foremost of the people of Paradise - understood the relationship between the husband and wife. He understood how many rights his wife had over him and that is why he feared that if he were to ask for all the rights which his wife owed him, then she too, in turn, would ask for all her rights and he would not be able to fulfil them.
But oh how different the scenario is today amongst the Muslim communities, where the wife is expected to be dutiful and bear all sorts of hardship and oppression, whereas the behaviour of the husband seems to be of no consequence whatsoever! Who from amongst the Muslim men today do we find the attitude of Ibn Abbas in?
There can be no doubt whatsoever that the rights that the husband has in a marriage are tremendous and he is the one at the head of the family, but he must be very careful not to exploit his rights and his authority in order to oppress the wife and be unjust to her. In the same way, the wife too must not constantly be demanding her Divinely bestowed rights whilst being woefully neglectful of her duties to her husband. She should always bear in mind that it is more important for her to discharge her duties to her husband than it is to receive the complete rights which her husband owes to her.[4]This is because by discharging her duties as a wife, she is not only fulfilling the rights of her husband but also fulfilling her obligations towards Allah. Ths Prophet (saw) said:"By the One in Whose Hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman has fulfilled her obligations to her Lord until she has fulfilled her obligations to her husband - even if he were to ask her for himself when she is mounted in the saddle, she would not refuse his request."[5]
So just because a man is failing in his duties as a husband, this does not give the wife the right to withold some of his rights, since ultimately when a woman serves her husband, she should be doing so to seek the pleasure of Allah rather than the pleasure of her husband alone.
Thus, to use the old cliched expression, marriage is all about a little"give and take."Its not about"giving as good as you get", for that kind of attitude wil only create an environment of hostility and ill-feeling. On the contrary, Allah says to the men:
"And live with them (ie your wives) honourably."[an-Nisa 4:19]
The famous commentator of the Qur'an, al-Haafidh Ibn Kathir, explained that living with them honourably included"using soft speech to them (i.e. not speaking to them harshly) and ameliorating your deeds and appearances as much as you can."He then said,"As you would like that FROM her, so do the same FOR her."
Above all, it must be remembered that this pleasant companionship - which the Prophet saw exemplified perfectly in his relationship with his wives, as did of course his Companions - can only truly come about if both partners regard the marriage first and foremost as an Islamic duty. And as with all Islamic duties, there are limits: he who transgresses them has, in the end, harmed only himself. As Allah says:
"Whosoever transgresses the set limits (hudood) of Allah then indeed he has wronged himself."[at-Talaaq 65: 1]
As for those who keep to the limits and deal justly with each other, then Allah grants them a good and happy life together; a life of obedience towards Allah swt which - if Allah wills - He will reward with eternal happiness in the life of the Hereafter:
"Whoever works righteousness, whether male or female, while he (or she) is a true Believer (in tawheed), verily to him we shall give a good life (in this world) and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)."[an-Nahl 16:97]
Footnotes
(1) As the Prophet saw said: "When the servant marries, then he has completed half of the deen. Then let him fear Allah with regard to the remaining half" (Saheeh ul-Jaami no.443)
(2) Narrated by Abu Hurairah and collected in Sahih Muslim (eng trans. vol. 2 pg. 749 no. 3457)
(3) Tafsir Ibn Kathir. Its chain of narration is declared to be hasan by Shaikh Muqbil ibn Haadee in his checking of Ibn Kathir.
(4) This is what is meant is Surat ul-Baqarah that "men have a degree of responsibility over them" (2:228).
(5) Saheeh. Collected in Sunan Ibn Maajah, Musnad Ahmad and others.

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Family Issues, - 60 ways to Keep your wife happy

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The Prophet (SAW) "The most perfect of the believers is the best of you in character, and the best of you are those among you who are best to their wives."
1.Make her feel secure; ( tranquility) QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE
2. When you go home say 'Assalmualikum. ' It kicks the devils out of your home!
3. Prophet (saw) described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel that’s fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.
4. When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as it’s a type of slandering.
5. Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED
6. Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.
7. AVOID ANGER. HOW? Keep your love at all times. Prophet saw said if your angry, sit down, if you’re sitting, then lie down. Follow the sun-nah!
8. Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!
9. Don’t be rigid. It will break you. Prophet (saw) said 'I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife'. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.
10. Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER
11. YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. Al zawai said 'When Allah (swt) wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves'.
12. Prophet (saw) said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet (saw) called Aisha 'ya Aish' as an endearment.
13. Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.
14. Preserve your tongue! Prophet (saw) said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!
15. All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah (swt) will put barakh in your marriage.
16. TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.
17. Encourage her to keep good relation with her relative, her mum and dad etc.
18. Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.
19. In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/ realise that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.
20. Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Prophet (saw) said gifts increases love.
21. Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!
22. Husnul zaan- We have a demand from Allah (swt) that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.
23. Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. It was a practice of Ali (RA). It’s like putting a hole in your memory. Don’t save it in your memory!
24. Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.
25. Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha (ra) used to get jealous.
26. Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your successes.
27. Don't put your friends above your wife.
28. Help your wife at home. Prophet (saw) used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.
29. Help her respect your parents, you can’t force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.
30. Show your wife she is the ideal wife.
31. Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.
32. Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. It’s not your business. The past is for Allah (swt).
33. Don't try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. It’s also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah (swt)
34. Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say i have made a person steal, or i have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say i have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.
35. Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet (saw) taught us this. It’s a blessing. The food doesn’t just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.
36. Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devils and shitaan.
37. Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. IT’S A CHARITY.
38. Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn't like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don’t ignore them as it can become big.
39. Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of prophet (saw) 'if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.' It confirms prophet (saw) was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.
40. Respect her thinking. It’s strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.
41. Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.
42. Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. Prophet (saw) said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.
43. Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah (swt).
44. Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.
45. Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.
46. Let her know you are traveling. Don't tell her out of the blue as it’s against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.
47. Don't leave the house as soon as trouble brews.
48. The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.
49. Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together,or go to a dars together etc.
50. Know her rights, not only written in paper but engraved in your heart and engraved in your conscious.
51. Allah( swt) said 'live with your wives in kindness.' Treat them with kindness and goodness. It means in happy times and in sadness treat her with goodness and fairness.
52. Prophet (saw) showed that there is a messenger at the time of intimacy which is foreplay. Don’t jump on your wife like an animal!
53. When you have a dispute with your wife don’t tell everyone. It’s like leaving your wounds open to germs so be careful who you share your problems and disputes with.
54. Show your wife you really care for her health. Good health of your wife is your good health. To care for her health shows her that you love her.
55. Don’t think you are always right. No matter how good you are you have shortcomings. You are not perfect as the only one who was perfect in character was prophet (saw). Get rid of this disease.
56. Share your problems, your happiness, and your sadness with her.
57. Have mercy on her weakness. Have mercy when she is weak or strong as she is the fragile vessel. Prophet (saw) said that your wife is a trust in your hand.
58. Remember you are her strength, someone to lean on in times of hardship.
59. Accept her as she is. Prophet (saw) said that women are created from the rib which is bent. If you try to straighten her you will break her (divorce). Prophet (saw) said that you may dislike one habit in her but you will like another manner in her so accept her as she is.
60. Have good intention for your wife all the time, Allah monitors your intention and your heart at all times. Allah (s.w.t) said Among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.
May Allah (swt) fill your homes and heart with tranquility, love and Mercy. AMEEN.

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