Fathwa, - {Conflictsamong family members}, - Overwhelmed by family problems

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Question
My father & my mother in-law are brother & sister. My mother died in 1981. My father married my mother stepsister who is 1/3 of my father age. My mother in-law & father is living very near. My father has two sons from second marriage. His elder son is 15, the other is 12. I have 5 brothers in-law. My husband is eldest son of his family. My father in-law died when my husband was only 15. There is a very big land in front of my father's house. Two and ½ portions are my in-law's land, ½ is a other person's and 1 portion is for my father. This land is used in dry reason for harvesting paddy; in rainy reason it used as fishing pond. My father agreed with my in-laws that they can use it in rainy days for fisheries. They are getting a good amount by selling fishes which my father cannot tolerate; as a result he insist that I tell my in-laws to vacate that land, or sell that land to my father. If I sell that land it will make a good quarrel between them. I did not do so as a result my father )please Allah forgive me( tells lies that my husband with his brother tryed to kick him off that land and many other lies which make my life totally miserable. For last one year I am suffering from these problems )blame and frustration(. All my brothers and sisters have cut their relationship; my father is very unhappy and doesn't talk to me. I am very afraid! Did my father curse me, my children, my husband? Is Allah unhappy because I am not helping my father? These question are making my mind confused; as a result sometime I cannot concentrate on prayers )Talawatay Qu'ran Pak.( Whenever I get time I offer lots of du'aa' recite, Qur'an Sharif but still feel upset, helpless, and guilty.
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
You are asked to help your father and your husband in the permissible limits of the Sahri'ah. If one of them is a transgressor then you should exhort him and try to keep him away from injustice as the Prophet taught us; he said: "Help your brother whether he is an oppressor or oppressed person. A companion asked; Messenger of Allah )it is true( I will help him if he is an oppressed person, but please tell me how I am to help him if he happens to be an oppressor. The Prophet said: "Check him from doing injustice. Because preventing him from committing aggression is a help to him". ]Bukhari[.
Try your best to be a good mediator between them because both of them have their rights on you. You are not obliged to force any of them to give up his rights. Moreover, it may be out of your ability. You should be patient and tolerate the disturbance you are facing from your father. Try your best to be in good terms with your father and to please him. Do not cut off your relations with him or with your family members. Put a trustworthy mediator to solve this problem if possible. If you do so, you will fulfill what is, in fact, your responsibility. Allah does not impose a burden greater than one can bear.
Believe that all the good Islamic acts you are performing such as prayers, supplications, recitation of the Qur'an and invocations etc. are good deeds. We appreciate you for this and advise you to keep on doing them.
Do not be concerned about these problems, believe that all matters are in the Hand of Allah. He alone can drive them away and, no doubt, soon He will relieve you from those problems.
Allah knows best.

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Fathwa, - {Conflictsamong family members}, - Wife's visitation rights to her parents

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Question
What is the ruling on the girl's visitation rights to her parent's house after marriage? Husband does not like her to visit her parents because of past family problems. Should the girl ignore her husband's wishes and go against him in this matter. The girl fears that parents are not happy because she has not visited them in a year. And they )parents( don't want to have any contact with the girl because of this situation. Who should the girl be more obligated to listen: her husband or her parents )her husband is not against having other forms of contact like telephone, letters …(.
I know in Islam one should not make one's parents unhappy by their actions. I don't understand what I did wrong, when I am going by my husband's wishes. Similar issues have happened in the past and the girl respected and followed her parents wishes, but this created a lot of tension between the two families. I know I am supposed to act as a diplomat between the two families but it seems like this will never work. For every time someone or the other is not happy, and the girl seems to blame herself for it happening. This situation is stressful for the girl. She wants to keep both sides of the family happy, but she does not know how. Please help, by giving me the correct advice..
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
This girl should be very careful and tactful in dealing with her problem. She should be patient and wise and try to settle the problem between her family and her husband. She should seek the Help of Allah in reconciling their hearts on the truth. She should also try to remind them of the kinship that exists between and warn them of breaking off these ties. She could seek the help of one of her pious relatives.
Remind the husband of the rights of the parents. In fact, the child must obey his parents. Allah has linked their obedience to His Worship, their rights to His. So, it is a great matter. Allah Says )interpretation of meaning(: }Worship Allâh and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents,{ ]4:36[. Allah also Says )interpretation of meaning(: }And We have enjoined on man )to be dutiful and good( to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination.{]31:14[.
Allah forbids disobeying one's parents. Indeed, breaking ties with them is among the worst disobediences one can do to them.
On the other hand, the scholars state that the husband has no right to prevent his wife from visiting her parents as long as there is no fear for her religion or her behaviour or her honour.
We hope that if this girl does what we have described to her she would solve her problem, mend what has been dismantled and live a peaceful life, Insha Allah.
But if her husband insists on preventing her from visiting her parents, then she should not go without his permission, as doing so might lead to greater harms for her and her home.
If this husband does not have any sound legal reason to prevent his wife from visiting her parents, then he would commit a sin, as he will be the cause for her disobeying her parents.
But if there is a reason acceptable by the Sharia, like her parents are dissolute and he fears for his wife to go astray, then his preventing her from visiting them is the right thing to do and she must abide by his orders.
Allah knows best.

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Fathwa, - {Conflictsamong family members}, - Family relations broken by sister's fabricated story

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Question
What does Islam say about a sister who damaged the relationship between the son who is 36 years old and his entire family by fabricating a story about the lady he is marrying and hence the son's mother disowned him?
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
Having good relations with relatives in general and with blood relatives in particular is a great obligation on every Muslim. This fact is established in many texts of Shariah. No doubt, whoever tries to sever kin relations through talebearing even though they are true commits a great sin since he/she combines two great sins, i.e. talebearing and severing kinship. If accusing people and fabricating stories against them is added to the above two sins, then the matter becomes greater and the sin becomes very awful and repulsive. Therefore, every Muslim should fear Allah regarding others. Allah Says )interpretation of meaning(: }Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship?{]47:22[. He also Says: }And those who annoy believing men and women undeservedly, bear on themselves the crime of slander and plain sin.{]33:58[. The Prophet said: "A talebearer does not enter in the Paradise". ]Reported by Imam Muslim[.
No doubt what your sister did is evil. Despite that we advise you to treat her in good manners and compensate her for her bad deeds with forgiveness, showing affection to her. Allah Says )interpretation of meaning(: }…Repel )the evil( with one which is better )i.e. Allâh ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly(, then verily! he, between whom and you there was enmity, )will become( as though he was a close friend. But none is granted it )the above quality( except those who are patient, and none is granted it except the owner of the great portion )of the happiness in the Hereafter i.e. Paradise and in this world of a high moral character({ ]41:34-35[. It is narrated in a Hadith that a person came to the Prophet and said: "I have relatives with whom I try to keep the ties of relationship but they sever relations with me; and whom I treat kindly but they treat me badly, I am gentle with them but they are rough to me.'' He )Blessing and peace be upon him( replied, "If you are as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes, and you will be with a supporter against them from Allah as long as you continue to do so"]Muslim[.
Allah knows best.

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Welcome to Islam, - Islam and human happiness

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If we examine all the orders and laws of Islam, we find that every single law or order aims at bringing happiness to the individual. This applies to Islamic regulations with regard to worship, economics, penal laws and all other aspects of life.
The Belief in Allaah and Psychological Security
When a person believes in Allaah, this belief gives him a strong feeling of security, which is a basic psychological need. This belief in Allaah gives the believer a strong support in critical moments and gives him continuous hope against all sources of despair. This belief gives strength to the sick and hope to the hopeless.
The Belief in Allaah and Ethical Responsibility
A person who believes in Allaah tends to be more ethically responsible than a person who does not believe. This belief makes a person feel that he is being observed by Allaah everywhere and on all occasions. This feeling makes a person try to be as uncorrupted and as far from sin as possible.
The Belief in Life after Death and the Feeling of Continuity
A Muslim believes in life after death. This belief gives the person a feeling of continuity. To a Muslim, death is not the end of life; rather it is a transition from the first life to the second one. A Muslim is not horrified by death because he knows that death is a change into another life.
The Day of Judgment and God's Justice
A Muslim believes in the Day of Judgment, a day when every person is rewarded or punished for his deeds in this life. This belief gives the person a feeling of satisfaction with the justice of Allaah. Allaah is fair; everybody is responsible for his actions. This responsibility makes everybody watch himself and his own deeds.
A Connection with God
A Muslim prays five times a day. This prayer is a connection between the believer and Allaah. Without this continual daily prayer, the man-God connection becomes weak. The stronger the man-God connection is, the more obedient to Allaah man becomes.
Self-Control
A Muslim should fast for one month every year. This fasting trains the man's will and frees him from being enslaved by his own habits. Fasting also makes man more sympathetic with others suffering poverty or deprivation.
A Sense of Belonging
A Muslim is urged to perform prayers with other men in groups. The Friday noon prayer must be a collective prayer. Pilgrimage is a collective practice. These practices help man to grow socially and to feel that he belongs. The feeling of belonging is one of the basic psychological needs of man.
Away from Tension
Islam regulates the relations of the two sexes and discourages any unnecessary intermingling of the two sexes. This helps both sexes to be away from any source of sexual temptation or tension.
Away from Sin
Islam instructs both men and women to cover certain parts of the body. The woman should cover all her body except the hands and face. The purpose is to protect both the man and the woman from sin and tension. It has been proved medically, that neurological tension ends up causing many diseases in the heart and the digestive system.
No Alcoholic Drinks
Islam prevents the drinking of alcoholic drinks in order to protect the human body from their damaging effect. Such drinks also damage the functions of the mind and the nervous system.
Preventing Crimes
Islam legislates killing of the murderer, because this is the most effective way to protect society from more murders by the same murderer or new murderers. Islam legislates severe punishments for robbers and thieves because this is the best way to stop such crimes.
Protecting Family
Islam prohibits adultery and legislates a severe punishment for adulterers and adulteresses, in order to protect marriage as a sacred institution, to protect the family as the best social cell for human life and to protect children from homelessness. Islam punishes a false accuser of adultery, because no liar has the right to spoil others' lives.
No Interest in Economy
Islam prohibits interest because individuals in the same society should be partners. In the interest-banking system, the depositor requires a certain interest on his deposited money, whether the bank profits or loses. The interest system is a big blow to social solidarity. In Islam, interest is not allowed. The alternative in Islam is partnership, where all partners share the profit or loss in proportion to their invested shares. This system of Islamic sharing is fairer and often more profitable to a greater number of partners.
Ready Solutions
Islam gives man solutions to his major problems. These solutions simplify the way and give him help and the guidance that he needs. Without these solutions, man is unable to reach a decision on many issues. If we look around, we find that many countries have several political parties that adopt contradictory policies and give contradictory answers to the questions of economics, politics and law.
This shows us that man is not capable of solving his basic problems on his own. If we examine Western civilization, we find that people there disagree on everything: the existence of Allaah, the role of religion, divorce, marriage, racial discrimination, crime and punishment.
Constant Ethical Values
Islam gives man a stable system of ethical values. Islam makes it clear to believers that certain acts are good and certain acts are bad, that certain acts are allowed and certain other acts are prohibited. Islam gives man a clear reference to refer to in all aspects of life. With this reference, man's chances to make mistakes are minimized.
The Just Ruler
Islam orders the ruler to base his rule on justice and consultation. Islam orders subjects to obey the ruler as long as he obeys Allaah. Islam gives the ruler fair rights and fair duties and gives subjects fair rights and fair duties as well.
Basic Needs
In Islam, the ruler must secure the basic needs to everybody under his rule regardless of religion or race. The individual is entitled to the rights of housing, eating, clothing, learning and medical care.
Equality of All
Socially and ethically, Islam emphasizes the equality of all persons before law and the equality of all humans in origin since all humans belong to the same father, Aadam )Adam(, may Allaah exalt his mention. Islam emphasizes fraternity and mercy as two major qualities of good believers.
Every single verse in the Quran and every single tradition of the Prophet Muhammad,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam,)may Allaah exalt his mention( aims at the happiness of the individual. Let us pray that Allaah guide us all to His right way. Let us submit to Allaah. Let us believe in all His Prophets and all His Apostles, may Allaah exalt their mention. Let us believe in all Revealed Books and the final Revealed Book, The Holy Quran.

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