Fathwa, - {Conflictsamong family members}, - Wants to marry cousin from disputing relatives

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Question
My mother and uncle had a quarrel 8 years ago. They have severed their ties thereafter. Now I want to be reunited with my uncle, I'm also in love with my uncle's daughter and I want to marry her. But my auntie's behavior is very rude. She is also the main cause of conflict. I don't think that she would agree to marry her daughter to me. I often use to go to my uncle's home to see him and his daughter. But my auntie always greets me with anger. I'm very upset about this situation. I don't want to marry any one except my cousin. Would you please help me in the light of Qur'an and Sunnah?
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the World; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
First, try to reconcile your mother and her brother as soon as possible. You will get great reward for that if your aim is to please Allah by such an act. Allah Says )interpretation of meaning(:}There is no good in most of their secret talks save )in( him who orders Sadaqah )charity in Allâh's Cause(, or Ma'rûf )Islâmic Monotheism and all the good and righteous deeds which Allâh has ordained(, or conciliation between mankind, and he who does this, seeking the good Pleasure of Allâh, We shall give him a great reward.{]4: 114[.
You should use the wisdom and the appropriate means for this reconciliation. Remind them of Allah and tell them that whoever keeps good ties with his kinship )visiting them and doing good to them( Allah will bestow blessings upon him and whoever severs his ties with his kinship Allah will cut off ties with him; no doubt this will result in his destruction.
Allah Says )interpretation of meaning(:}Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allâh has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.{]47: 22-23[.
Abu Hurairahreported from the Prophet )Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam( that he said:"The gates of Paradise are not opened but on two days, Monday and Thursday, and then every servant )of Allah( is granted pardon who does not associate anything with Allah except the person in whose )heart( there is rancour against his brother. And it would be said: Look towards both of them until there is reconciliation; look toward both of them until there is reconciliation; look towards both of them until there is reconciliation".
This is about Muslims in general. The rule will have greater impact if this is between very close relatives people who are linked by very close family ties like a brother and a sister.
On the other hand, if your uncle's daughter is pious and good, do not hesitate to ask her for marriage. But this should be in an appropriate way so that your uncle who is the Wali )guardian( of the girl accepts your offer. If he accepts, that is what you desire. If he refuses because of the pressure from his wife try to get somebody who has an influence on them to mediate. This might have the results you want. Anyway, know that nothing will happen except that which Allah has predestined.
We ask Allah to guide you and us to do what pleases Him.
Allah knows best.

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Fathwa, - {Conflictsamong family members}, - Wants to reconcile relatives so he can marry his cousin

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Question
As soon as got the answer I went to my uncle and asked him to reconcile with my mother. I also quoted the some Hadith )s(. But, he refused and said that my mother and auntie would once again quarrel if we reconcile, therefore, it is better to be separate.
Please, give me an answer in detail so that I can convince my uncle. My uncle also told me that he would go for a Hajj next time.
I would also like to tell you that my uncle's daughter is 14 years old and I'm 23.
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the World; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
May Allah reward you for your good efforts to reconcile your uncle and mother. Do not be impatient to achieve the results; instead you should continue visiting your uncle at appropriate times. Show your respect and love for him and do what pleases him. Offering gifts at times may be useful to further your cause. Continue offering him good advice with good manners; probably Allah will guide him to the right path and open his heart to the truth. Know that the hearts are between two fingers out of the fingers of al-Rahman who turns them where He wants. If your uncle does not listen to your advice this time, probably he will listen to it another time. Also, try to convince your mother to visit your uncle or communicate with him. You may tell some lies to achieve this important matter; as some scholars permitted doing so based on the Hadith that the Prophet )Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam( said:"He who makes peace between the people by inventing good information or saying good things, is not a liar"]Reported by Imamsal-BukhariandMuslim[.
They take the Hadith according to its apparent meaning while other scholars say that it means using illusive words and expressions not clear lies.
Moreover, tell to your uncle in a good way that severing relations with your mother fearing there will be dispute with his wife is not a sound reason. Instead, he should rebuke the one who creates the problems and should set limits for her.
Also he should know that he could maintain good kin relations with your mother in spite of her dispute with your aunt. So, he should not make it a reason to cut off relations and expose himself to the anger of Allah.
Finally, we advise you again to be patient and continue to make efforts to reconcile them. Also you should resort to Allah, make Du'a to reunite them, help solve their problems and grant you goodness regardless of where it is.
Allah knows best.

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Fathwa, - {Conflictsamong family members}, - Her parents have poor relations with her spouse

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Question
I am a American Muslim convert and have been married to a Muslim husband for 2 years. I became Muslim before marriage and although my parents were not unhappy about my conversion, they were confused with the changes it brought me. Despite this, I remained close to my family, and even talk to my Mother everyday day until a few months ago.
Since my parents met my husband, they have never had a very good relationship with him. I have always felt that they do not trust him. They think my husband changed me a lot and they don't understand why he doesn't open up to them and talk to them and feel as close to them as I am.
Recently my father got very angry with my husband because he felt that my husband was rude to my mother )he actually just didn't agree with her on something(. The problem is that he started physically and verbally attacking my husband. I was very scared because he did this in front of me and could have severely hurt my husband. I knew my father has a bad temper but this was extreme. He pushed and shoved and tried to nearly choke him. My husband told me I should not contact my family anymore. We are afraid that with contact the relationship will just get worse.
I haven't talked to my family for several months and although I am upset with their actions, I miss them. I'm not sure what to do. I miss my family, naturally because they are my family, and because I know that even if our parents mistreat us we must respect them. I am not sure what to do, Islamicly I need to listen to my husband, but I am afraid that by severing ties with my parents, who are getting older in age, that I will punished by Allah. What should I do?
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the World; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
There is no doubt there are filial obligations upon children even if their parents are not Muslims. This, in fact, demonstrates the parents' right over their children. So, we advise the inquiring sister to reach an agreement with her husband concerning her obligation to visit her family, since failing to them may violate their rights for which she is accountable in Islam.
If your visit to your family will not produce harm in your religion and there is no legal justification to prevent you, then you have to do your best to convince your husband to allow you to visit your parents and treat them kindly, since this is your duty. If your husband refuses and persists that you have to obey him in such illegal action, then you are not obliged to obey him, since there should be no obedience to someone if such obedience constitutes disobedience to The Creator.
After all, we urge you to be kind and gentle with your parents, to return their offence in kind' to treat them mildly, and then, to overlook their wrong. This, Insha Allah, might constitute a good motive to make them embrace Islam.
Allah knows best.

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Discover Islam, - The message of the messengers

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Allaah, the All Wise, All Knowing, All Merciful and Just, created this Universe in order to test and examine His obedient slaves and reward them, and to punish the disobedient. He Says )what means(:"We did not create the heavens and the earth and that between them in play. We did not create them except in truth, but most of them do not know."]Quran 44: 38-39[
Allaah also made clear the main goal for the creation of mankind, Saying )what means(:"I did not create the Jinn and Mankind except for My worship"]Quran 51: 56[
Allaah, the Exalted, did not leave His slaves to rely upon their intellect and inclination to guide them to the correct way; rather He sent them Messengers as bringers of good tidings and warners. He sent the revealed Books with them to be a reference in those matters wherein they disagreed, so that no excuse would remain for the people and the proof would be established against them. Thus, after sending the Messengers, there would be no further excuse for people before Allaah.
Indeed, their mission covered every good and banished every evil. They brought to humankind everything needed for their well being and happiness in this world and the Hereafter. There is nothing good, which they did not inform the people about and nothing evil that they did not warn the people against.
‘Abdullaah bin `Amr bin Al-`Aas, may Allaah be pleased with him, said that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"There was never a Prophet before me except that it was a duty upon him that he should guide his nation to every good that he knew and warn them against every evil that he knew…"]Muslim[
Indeed, calling to Allaah was the mission of the Messengers in order to bring the people out from darkness into light. There are many basic principles upon which their calls were based, which were the starting point for calling to Allaah. These fundamental principles are:
1. Tawheed )Monotheism(
2. Prophethood
3. The Hereafter
Every book revealed by Allaah gave great importance to these points. The most important and sublime of these three principles and the most fundamental of them all is Tawheed )Oneness( of Allaah.
Allaah Says )which means(:"And We certainly sent into every nation a Messenger, )saying(: 'Worship Allaah and avoid Taaghoot )false objects of worship(.' "]Quran 16: 36[
Allaah has informed us about some of the Prophets, may Allaah exalt their mention, and how they faced their people. We see that all of them proceeded upon the universal way laid down by Allaah and followed the methodology Allaah established for all of them. Not a single one of them is at variance with it, Allaah Says )which means(:"And We had certainly sent Nooh to his people, )saying(: 'Indeed, I am to you a clear warner, that you not worship except Allaah. Indeed, I fear for you the punishment of a painful Day.'"]Quran 11: 25-26[
The noblest of all Prophets and the last of them, Muhammad bin ‘Abdullaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, )who was sent with the greatest, most complete and comprehensive message(, began with what all the Prophets, may Allaah exalt their mention, started their Da’wah )call( -- calling to the 'Aqeedah )creed( of Tawheed )Oneness of Allaah(, and calling for all worship to be made purely and sincerely for Allaah alone. Allaah's Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, started with the principle: 'Witness that none has the right to be worshipped except Allaah.'
Allaah Says )what means(:"Say, )O Muhammad(: 'O mankind, indeed I am the Messenger of Allaah to you all, )from him( to Whom belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth. There is no deity except Him; He gives life and causes death.' So believe in Allaah and His Messenger, the unlettered Prophet, who believes in Allaah and His words, and follow him that you may be guided."]Quran 7: 158[
The verses in this regard are many, what we quote here is just one example. With regard to the Sunnah )traditions and approved actions of Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam(, there are many clear indications that Allaah's Messenger began his call to Islam with Tawheed.
1.`Amr bin Abasah As-Sulami, may Allaah be pleased with him, said:"During the times of ignorance … I heard of a man in Makkah who received revelation. So I set upon my riding beast and came to him. At that time he was in hiding, due to the oppression of his people. So I behaved in a way that enabled me to gain access to him in Makkah. I said to him: "Who are you?" He replied: "I am a Prophet.' So I said: "And what is a Prophet?' He said: 'Allaah has sent me as a Messenger.' So I said: 'And what is it that He has sent you with?' He said: 'I have been sent to order the joining of ties of relationship, to break the idols, so that Allaah is worshipped Alone and nothing at all is associated in worship along with Him."]Muslim[
2.At the time of the peace of Hudaibiyyah, Hiraql )Heraclius( asked Abu Sufyaan some questions about Allaah's Messenger, among which he asked:"What does he )Muhammad( command you?" Abu Sufyaan replied: "He says, 'Worship Allaah Alone and do not worship anything else along with Him, and abandon what your fathers say. He also orders prayers, charity, and the joining of the ties of relationship.'"]Al-Bukhaari[
Consequently, the Prophets, may Allaah exalt their mention, did not come to bring about the downfall of one State to replace it with another. They did not seek sovereignty, nor did they organize political parties for this reason. Rather, they came for the guidance of humankind, to save it from misguidance and Shirk )polytheism(, and to take them out of darkness into light.
In this regard Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave an example about himself. He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"The similitude of me and the message with which Allaah has sent me, is like a man who came to some people and said: ‘I have seen the enemy forces with my own eyes and I am a mere warner )to you(. So, save yourselves, save yourselves!’ A group of his people obeyed him and went out at night, slowly and steadily and was safe; while another group belied him and stayed in their place until the morning when the army destroyed them. Such is the similitude of those who obey me and follow what I have brought )i.e., Message( and of those who disobey me and belie the Truth which I have brought."]Al-Bukhaari, Muslim and others[
The Message of the Messengers, by the Mercy of Allaah, revives and enlightens the believer’s soul. This enlightenment is the revelation of Allaah, which leads mankind from the darkness of Shirk )polytheism( and ignorance to the Light of Truth and Islam:"Allaah is the ally of those who believe. He brings them out from darkness into the light."]Quran 2: 257[
The Messenger and the Message are evidence against the disbelievers
Allaah sent His Messengers and His Books so that there can be no excuse for mankind on the Day of Judgment. The Quran says )what means(:")we sent( Messengers as bringers of good tidings and warners so that mankind will have no argument against Allaah after Messengers."]Quran 4: 165[
The Message of Allaah deals with the rights of Allaah on His bondsmen, the rights of man on His Creator, The Oneness of Allaah and its influence on the creation, knowledge, admonition, the wisdom behind the creation, righteousness, mutual interactions, refutation of incorrect beliefs and deviations, lawful and unlawful, migration and Jihaad. In totality, it is the complete code for righteous living, which results in delight, pleasure and harmony in this life and the Hereafter.
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