Dought & clear, - Her husband has forsaken her and does not talk to her, but he refuses to give her talaaq and she is unable to get divorcedfrom him by means of khula‘

Share I am a revert women married 8 years back with born muslim. after few years of marriage every thing changed. i have no children. he stopped talking to me and even taking care. my health and especially mental health losses as i have no one besides Allah to handle all this. i prayed patiently for years that he become good to me. But things worse he hardly sees me for days and days but we r living in same house. Our understanding about islam and how to live life differs gradually. but i accept this and continue on my way bec i have get truth after great struggle and pain. Then he forced me to go away from him but i resist as i have no where to go. slowly i understand after so many years of anxiety,pain, loneliness that it is not going to work. i realize he has no pain ,care and love for me. Then when he assist to leave him i then tell him to divorce me otherwise i will not go. he then makes my life terrible. and i have total breakdown of health and mental health. Then i leave leave him in order to save myself. And in that health i live alone for months and then i decided to give one more chance with him. so i go to him live for 6 months but he doent utter a single word to me and i was alone there no body to talk. so i decided to come back to my non muslim parent house(they didnt interfere in follow my religion). I dnt know much muslim in community but few i know i tried to approach them by phone so that my husband divorce me. But they hardly understand and at last nothing happen. even i try to console my husband to leave me with dignity but of no use. So I leave all to Allah and patiently bearing all this thinking may Allah has something good in it. I am married but with no husband.Is it sin on me to live like this. I am so deeply hurt by all this that i lose trust in any people. My health deteriorates , difficult to live in such society and very bad memories.I thank Allah that HE take me out of the previous hell conditions. But now he is saying to come back bec of society pressure or what Allah knows. I dnt want to go back to him and even dnt want to live like this. I am not in such power to take kullah from him.Nor i cant trust anyone further. I ask u what should i do.Is it sin on me to live like this.My english is not so good. I pray to Allah that u understand what i tries to convey u.
Praise be to Allah.
Allah has commanded husbands to treat their wives kindly, as He, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):“And live with them honourably” [an-Nisa’ 4:19].
Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said: i.e., speak nicely to them, treat them kindly and make yourself look good for them, to the best of your ability. As you would like her to treat you, do the same for her. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) according to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228]. And the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The best of you are the best of you towards his wife, and I am the best of you towards my wives.” Part of the Prophet’s character was that he treated people kindly and was always cheerful; he used to joke with his wives, spent generously on them and treated his wives kindly, to such an extent that he raced with ‘Aa’ishah, the Mother of the Believers, out of kindness. He would meet with his wives every night in the house of the one with whom the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) was staying, and he would eat supper with them sometimes, then each of them would go back to her own home.
End quote fromTafseer Ibn Katheer, 2/242
Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) according to what is reasonable” [al-Baqarah 2:228],i.e., they have rights over men just as men have rights over them, so let each one of them fulfil the rights of the other, according to what is reasonable.
End quote fromTafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/609
Undoubtedly forsaking the wife and not talking to her for no good reason does not come under the heading of kind and honourable treatment; rather it causes her a great deal of harm, as was stated by the scholars.
It says inat-Taaj wa’l-Ikleel li Mukhtasar Khaleel(5/265): If the man stops speaking to his wife, or he turns his face away from her in bed, that comes under the heading of causing her harm. End quote.
InMawaahib al-Jaleel fi Sharh Mukhtasar Khaleel(4/17) it says: Part of causing harm is to stop speaking to her, turning his face away from her in bed, preferring another wife over her, and striking her in a manner that causes pain. End quote.
Although we acknowledge all the suffering that you have gone through, it is our opinion and our advice to you that you should give your husband another chance, especially after he calls you to go back to his house. The complicated situation you are in lead us to advise you to be more patient and think about the matter logically and from all angles. If he mends his ways and treats you better, then this is what you want, and praise be to Allah. But if he continues as he is, shunning you and mistreating you, then in that case you have the right to ask him for divorce (talaaq), and you are not to blame.
If he insists on not giving you a talaaq, then in that case you have no option but to refer to the Islamic court, if there is one; if not, then you should get divorced from him by means of khula‘, and his reckoning will be with his Lord. The Lord of the worlds, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):
“the Day when they will be brought back to Him, then He will inform them of what they did. And Allah is All-Knower of everything”
[an-Noor 24:64].
During this suffering, there is nothing more beneficial for you than constantly remembering Allah, may He be exalted, and reading His Book, whilst being keen to do that which Allah has enjoined upon you of prayers and all acts of obedience. Allah, may He be exalted, said (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Seek help in patience and As-Salat (the prayer). Truly! Allah is with As-Sabirin (the patient ones)”
[al-Baqarah 2:153].
And Allah knows best.


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Dought & clear, - Advice to someone who had a bad experience of marriage which has put them off the idea of ever getting married again

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i am a muslim man .i was married first in 2005 and divorced after 6 months. and again in 2008.i had sexual relations with both. my first wife had a boy friend who was her classmate which i did not know did not like my telling her not to talk to an indecent man and also my trying to be more islamic and she left me and asked for a divorce after a fight and i was forced to pronounce talaq 3 times at once with the demand being made by her to do so. subsequently i married for the second time and my father was seriously ill and i had to quit my job so as to look after him.he died 1.5 yrs later.my mother was in iddath and my second wife took all her jewellery and was not traceable for 10 days.after 10 days her father calls up and abuses me and my mother and says that if i wanted her i should leave my old mother and live with my wife separately. or else i should divorce her and that she was not willing to stay together. she and her father threatened to jail me and my mother and beat us up if we went to her house. i had no choice but to give talaq again.what troubles me is that i was forced on both occasions to give three talaaq at one go by both women.was i right? now i am single and hate the thought of marriage ever.
Praise be to Allah.
We ask Allah, may He be glorified, to help you cope with what has been decreed for you, and to help you to think straight and mend your ways, and to relieve you of your distress and sorrow, and to bestow upon you a great reward for having honoured your parents, for He, may He be glorified, is Most Generous. We advise you to not to be hasty with regard to the matter of divorce, as it should be the last resort, not the first option, because divorce is something that is disliked in and of itself, and nothing changes that fact except in cases where it is justified to resort to it.
You should understand that it is essential for the Muslim, from the outset, to choose a wife who meets the requirements that prescribed in Islam, and not hasten to get married without thorough checking and consideration. Rather he should think long and hard, research the matter and ask questions, so that he can find one who is religiously committed and of good character. Failing to look for one who is religiously committed and of good character, in pursuit of transient worldly standards that will fade and diminish, such as lineage, wealth and beauty, is what usually leads to separation and dissent first of all, then ultimately to divorce.
The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) encouraged us to look for a righteous wife. Al-Bukhaari (5090), Muslim (1466) and others narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).”
It was narrated by Ibn Abi Shaybah in hisMusannaf(17149) and Abu Ya‘la al-Mawsili in hisMusnad(1012) that Abu Sa‘eed said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for one of three characteristics: a woman may be married for her wealth, or for her beauty, or she may be married for her religious commitment. You should look for the one who is religiously committed and of good character, may your right hand be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).”
Classed as hasan by al-Albaani inSaheeh at-Targheeb wa’t-Tarheeb, no. 1919
With regard to divorcing your wife who used to talk to her male friend, you had the right to divorce her, especially after it became clear that she was persisting in doing that and she refused to accept advice, and she asked for divorce.
With regard to your wife who left the house because she objected to your honouring your parents and looking after them, although she was wrong to do that, you could have been patient with her and with her father’s offensive attitude, and you could have advised her and informed her of parents’ rights, and exhorted her in general with regard to this and other matters of religion, especially since you had neglected her rights. You should have examined the matter further, and tried to give each person his or her due rights.
But whatever the case, this is something that has passed, and perhaps it will be a lesson to you for the future. Whatever Allah wills happens and whatever He does not will does not happen. What matters is that you learn from this experience for the future.
Finally, we advise you not to let this previous experience influence your attitude towards marriage and make you prefer to remain single, because that is a mistake. Marriage is part of the way of the Prophets and Messengers. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):“And indeed We sent Messengers before you (O Muhammad SAW), and made for them wives and offspring” [ar-Ra‘d 13:38].
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen said, discussing what we learn from the verse (interpretation of the meaning):“And We said: ‘O Adam! Dwell you and your wife in Paradise” [al-Baqarah 2:35]:
… Marriage is an ancient practice, since the time Allah created Adam, and it continued among his descendants, the Messengers and Prophets, and others, as Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):“And indeed We sent Messengers before you (O Muhammad SAW), and made for them wives and offspring” [ar-Ra‘d 13:38].
End quote fromTafseer Soorat al-Baqarah, 1/130
Because of that, the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to a group of the Sahaabah who wanted to go to extremes in worship and strive hard in it:
“By Allah, I am the most pious among you and I fear Allah the most, but I fast and do not fast, I pray and I sleep, and I marry women. Whoever turns away from my Sunnah is not of me.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5063) and Muslim (1401).
However we should point out that the divorces did count as such at all times, if you agreed to it and meant it. If what you mean when you say that you were forced to do it is that you were compelled to do that in order to rid yourself of these wives and their defiant attitudes, then this is correct. But if what you mean by being forced to do it is that you were compelled in the shar‘i sense, i.e., that you are forced to do it in such a way that the divorce does not count as such, then this is not correct. Rather the divorce counts such because you decided and chose to do it, therefore it counts as such.
And Allah knows best.













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For children, - God in Islam: Does God Exist? God and Logic, God and Commonsense, Proof of God

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A man went to a barbershop to have his hair and his beard cut as always. He started to have a good conversation with the barber who attended him. They talked about so many things on various subjects.
Suddenly, they touched the subject of God. The barber said: "Look man, I don't believe that God exists as you say so."
"Why do you say that?" Asked the client
Well, it's so easy; you just have to go out in the street to realize that God does not exist. Oh, tell me, if God existed, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. "I can't think of a God who permits all of these things." The client stopped for a moment thinking but he didn't want to respond so as to prevent an argument.
The barber finished his job and the client went out of the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with a long hair and beard (it seems that it had been a long time since he had his cut and he looked so untidy). Then the client again entered the barbershop and he said to the barber: know what? Barbers do not exist.
"How come they don't exist?" asked the barber. "Well I am here and I am a barber."
"No!" - The client exclaimed. "They don't exist because if they did there would be no people with long hair and beard like that man who walks in the street."
"Ah, barbers do exist, what happens is that people do not come to me."
"Exactly!" - Affirmed the client. "That's the point. God does exist, what happens is people don't go to Him and do not look for Him that's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."











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*AS'SALAMU ALAIKUM (WR, WB)*
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Friday, May 9, 2014
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- Rajab 10 , 1435
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- * JUMMA MUBARAK! * -
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