Fathwa, - {Conflictsamong family members}, - The children believe theirparents are in a bad marriage

Question
My parents have throughout their marriage always argued and never liked each other and they have made us really miserable. They have reached divorce many times. Lately, things have gotten worse and although I have tried to keep them together and calm them down so many times they just hate each other. My brothers are now thinking that the best thing is to do is take my mum to live with them i.e. separate them. If they did this I am sure my dad will divorce her for real. I don't know what to do, I tell them its wrong but they think they are 'saving' her from him because he treats her really bad and they say they are doing it out of mercy for her. I do not want this to happen because I feel its Haraam to come between a man and his wife, and I do not approve of what my brothers will do but at the same time I too feel really bad that my mum is suffering with him. What do I do in a situation like this? What does Islam have to say about 'saving' someone from a bad marriage even if it is one of your parents?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
Allaah legislated marriage in order to achieve high objectives, the most important of which is stability within the family, so that it can instill the correct and real meaning of worship to Allaah Alone, and lead to population the Earth. The most important way to achieve this is for the husband and wife to observe their obligations towards each other and fulfil the rights that Allaah has ordered them to fulfil. Allaah says )which means(: }And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable.{]2:228[. There is no doubt that the arguments that your parents are having is a great affliction, so we advise you to be patient and fear Allaah in their regard and advise them. You can also seek the help of righteous and pious people of your family and others in order to reconcile them. If they succeed to do so then all perfect praise be to Allaah, otherwise even if your father is mistreating your mother, you still have to be kind and dutiful to him. Moreover, it is not permissible for your brothers to take your mother away from the house of your father without his permission because that could worsen the problem. However, it is permissible for your mother, if she fears any harm, to consult an Islamic centre or organization to look into the matter and remove the harm from her.
Allaah knows best.
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Fathwa, - {Conflictsamong family members}, - Distressed over poor parental relations

Question
I would like to start off by saying how wonderful it is to have a site like this to turn to in times of distress. May Allaah bestow his blessing upon whom has created it.
I am 25-years and have recently become well acquainted with my religion. I love it. Who could ever deny such purity? However, for years I have been living in the depths of a broken home due to alcohol and neglect by my father. My mother has been abused verbally and physically left to right and so has my brother and I. We grew up seeing nothing but fighting, the police and having to bail my father out of jail )Islam has never been a real factor in our lives(. Ever since I could remember it's been this way. In the past I have broken down weeping asking my father "where have we gone wrong, can we please fix this so we can live happily. My fathers always brakes down in front of me vowing to change his life around. Recently I approached him differently, this time armed with some Islamic books I had been reading quoting some verses from the Qur'aan. He yet again broke down in tears vowing to change. This Ramadhaan he swore he would fast and keep his covenant to Allaah. I should have known it would be an empty promise like all the rest. My father is neglectful to his wife and children. He is a liar, a coward and a trader. I pray that Allaah would change him from the ignorant person that he is to a humble, understanding person. But I have come to read that the ones Allaah chooses to guide cannot be misguided and the ones he misguides cannot be guided and I am content with that. But, he is my father and I love him and I am so hurt for him and I know that it is so wrong to speak ill about my father in this way, it is against Islam. "Cherish thy mother and thy father" it says, but how can I cherish him if cares nothing for me? I have started my quest to find who I am. I know now that I am a Muslim. And no matter what, I have to keep my composure which I tent to lose easily when fights brake out, only because I am so tired of the same issue rotating year after year. It seems so played out. My mother wants to leave him. I asked her why she stayed all these years, she replied "because of you and your brother". My brother and I are now old enough to see what's been happening and we are disgusted by it. I mean I don't want to be married and living with my husband and then hearing that there has been a disaster between the two, having to drop everything in my life like I always had in the past. They are 50 and 47 years old. They fight like children using the worse language. It's just not right. I am fed up! I pray and ask Allaah to guide me in what to say. And it seems as though my words are getting to be much wiser and more profound but his heart remains still and untouched. He brings me down to my last nerves testing my tolerance with his taunting ways questioning my faith in Islam. He brings his friends over and parties in the backyard and in the house with beer and music, disrespecting any one who performs Salat in this house. How do I pray in a home where there is alcohol and filthy magazines and DVD's? My mother and I make a fuse but our arguments remain babble to him. Yet, when he sees me practising Islam he thinks he is so knowledgeable about the matter and tries to teach me a thing or two. Ya-Allaah! Won't somebody help me? I feel trapped, I feel like running away, and many times I could have but only one thing keeps me, my loving mother who has fulfilled her Deen as a mother and as a wife. I know Allaah says to have patience and Perseverance but this is just unbearable. My worse fear has eventually come true, my brother is turning into him. My brother drinks everyday to sleep and has turned into someone I don't even know anymore. My mother is always in distress and i am always crying for her. I feel so alone. When ever my mother would but up a fuse about these issues my father would empty bank accounts a take off with all the funds, leaving us high and dry. I am tired of all of this. This is just but the tip of the iceberg. I wish I could continue, but it would take days to tell it all. Please tell me what to do. I feel like there is no hope. Allaah has given us everything, a big house to live in, comfortable beds to sleep in, food and clothing, jobs, money so that we could buy whatever we desire. What else could we need? Can he not see? Even the money he uses to buy his beer. Everything is from Allaah. Can he not see? Surely there are signs for those who are wise.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
You have to know that this life is a test for us, but a Muslim should be patient about the problems that he encounters as this is the best remedy. Among the things that will help you to be patient is to remember the good outcome of patience. The Prophetsaid: "The case of a believer is wonderful; there is good for him in everything and every affair of his, and this characteristic is exclusively for a Muslim. If he comes across something pleasant, he is grateful to Allaah and that is good for him, and if he experiences some troubles and adversity, he is patient and submissive, that is also good for him."]Muslim[ Therefore, we advise you to be patient and continue to advise your father and use all permissible means in order to turn him into a righteous man. First and foremost you have to seek the Help of Allaah then the help of whomever you think could influence him especially the righteous people. If he repents, then all perfect praise be to Allaah, otherwise his sons and daughters have still to be kind to him. It is also incumbent on your mother to obey him in what is permissible. The fact that he is committing those sins is not an excuse to be undutiful to him, and you have to be polite in the way you talk about him.
It is permissible, however, for your mother to ask for a divorce if he insists on committing those sins that you have mentioned but she has to balance between the benefit of staying with him and benefit of divorcing him, as divorce could lead to a greater harm like the breaking up of the family and the like.
We advise you not to take into consideration the thoughts that come to your mind like running away from home or being unwilling to get married as this is of a greater danger for you. It could be that getting married is one of the best ways to get away from these problems.
Finally, we would like to draw your attention to two matters:
Firstly, the existence of alcohol or other prohibitions in the house does not affect the validity of your acts of worship. It is more appropriate, however, to perform your prayer in a room that is free from these prohibitions.
Secondly, it is an obligation on you and your mother to wear the Hijaab in front of the friends of your father who are marriageable men to you.
Allaah knows best.
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Fathwa, - {Conflictsamong family members}, - How to deal with one's mother

Question
I currently live in theUnited Statesand I m a Arab American Muslim who is devoted totally to Islam spiritually and politically. I am the few who desires the political and “struggles” that the Muslims face today. My anger fuels off the occupation and torture of Muslims around the world especially the mistreatment of Muslim women. With today’s current issues of Americas so called “war on terror” and the confusion events in the Middle East, there is a big gap within my family that has distinguish "who supports what and who". My brother who in the high ranks in theU.S.military and who proudly and knowingly continues to participate in the war against Islam has made me to cause separation amongst the family. I have a cousin on my mother’s side of the family who has proudly participated in theIraqwar, but he is not Muslim. With the two actively in the military the family supports their causes. As a young college student I have my views and I try actively in spreading the concept of Muslims needing protection and the need for security in this Ummah. I fight and defend not only for Muslims rights throughout the whole would but anyone who is being oppressed or who is weak. And as for this, I'm rejected from the family and tag as a "terrorist". But my worry is my mother who has openly chosen to side with my brother and my cousin only because of ignorance and afraid of being disowned and left out by her side family. Plus also her pride in being a American. I also have an older sister who openly converted to Christianity and has married to a Christian man with the help of my mother's sister )the gay between my sister and brother is 19 years(. As for my father, I have successfully changed his view about Islam and the way it should be and Al-Hamdu Lillaah, he is my closes companion. I always gave Da'wa to my brother and especially to my mother. But none seem to accept the principles of Islam. They are the types who are only Muslims during the two Muslims holidays and the rest of the days it seems as if they are Christians. The weird thing is that they know Islam but they just don’t want to adopt it. Currently my father and I don’t speak to my brother and as for my mother, I only make some effort in talking to her but I don’t disregard her, only because she is my mother. As for my father and mother, they are separated. My question is with this situation as a Muslim how should I approach my mother and my brother?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammadis His slave and Messenger.
Dear brother, We supplicate Allaah to pour His blessings upon you, us and all Muslims and make us steadfast on His true religion. We advise you to be in the company of religious scholars to get more knowledge and to increase your adherence to Islam.
Parents have great rights on their children, especially the mother. So, you have to be obedient and compliant with them asking Allaah to show you the right path and bless you to follow it.
Allaah knows best.

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Hajj & Umrah, - Towards the Ancient House

Shaykh ‘Uthmaan Daabucomes from the Republic of Gambia in the far west of Africa. He lived to be over eighty years of age. I visited him before his death in his modest house in his small village near the city of Banjol. He spoke to me about his long journey fifty years ago to the Ancient House )i.e., the Ka'bah( walking with four of his friends from Banjol all the way to Makkah, crossing the continent of Africa from its west to its east. They did not ride on this journey except for very short periods on some riding animals till they reached the Red Sea, and then they boarded the ship to Jeddah harbor.
It was a journey full of wonders and strange occurrences which, if written, would be one of the most exciting and beneficial journey books ever. The journey lasted more than two years. They would settle every now and then in some cities to earn money, have a break and gain the expenses of their journey. Then they would proceed.
I asked him, "Is not performingHajjto the Sacred House enjoined upon the one who can afford it and you at that time could not afford it?
Hesaid,"Yes. But one day, we discussed the story of Ibraaheem )Abraham(, the intimate friend of Allaahwhen he went with his family to an uncultivated valley near the Sacred House of Allaah. One of us then said, 'We are now strong and healthy youth. Thus, what would be our excuse before Allaah The Almighty if we were to neglect proceeding towards His Sacred House, especially when we know that the passage of days will only make us weaker. So why should we delay?' Therefore, he encouraged and urged us to travel while seeking the help of Allaah The Exalted."
The five left their houses without having provisions except that which was sufficient for no more than a week. Their main purpose was to fulfill the order ofAllaahThe Almighty of performingHajjto the Ancient House. They suffered serious hardships, difficulties and calamities which onlyAllaahThe Exalted knows. On many nights, they slept so hungry that they were about to perish. On many nights, they were chased by wild animals which destroyed the sweetness of their sleep. On many nights, they were surrounded by fear from all sides as footpads blocked all the ways of the travelers.
Shaykh ‘Uthmaannarrated, "One night, I was stung during our journey. I was struck by extreme fever and great pain that prevented me from moving and sleeping and I smelt the stench of death running through my veins.
My friends would go to work while I would stay under the shade of a tree till they would return at the end of the day. Satan started to whisper in my heart, 'Would it not have been better for you to have stayed in your country? Why have you charged yourself with what is beyond your capacities? Has notAllaahenjoinedHajjonly upon those have the capacity' My soul became weaker and I was about to surrender. However, when my friends came, one of them looked at my face and asked me about how I felt. I turned my face and wiped a tear that had overwhelmed me. It is as if he had felt what was going on in my mind! He said, 'Go and perform ablution and then pray. You will not find except that which is good,Allaahwilling.AllaahThe Almighty Says )what means(:}And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive ]to Allaah[ who are certain that they will meet their Lord and that they will return to Him.{]Quran 2:45-46[
Thus, I felt comfortable andAllaahremoved my grief. All perfect praise be toAllaah."
Longing to reach the two Holy Mosques was their guide in all their states. It alleviated for them the pain of travelling and the hardship and dangers of the road. Three of them died on the way. The last one died in the middle of the sea. The wonderful thing is that his bequest to his friends was, "If you reach the Sacred Mosque, tell Allaah The Almighty about my longing to meet Him and ask Him to gather me and my mother in Paradise with the Prophet."
Shaykh ‘Uthmaansaid,"When our third friend died, I was struck by extreme sorrow and deep grief. This was the most difficult trial I faced in my journey. He was the strongest and most patient of us. I began to fear that I would die before being blessed with reaching the Sacred Mosque. I would count the days and hours on pins and needles!
When we reached Jeddah, I fell extremely ill and again feared dying before reaching Makkah. Thus, I asked my friend to shroud me in my Ihraam )clothing of ritual consecration( clothes and take me near Makkah or as close to it as possible if I died, in the hope that, perhaps, Allaah would multiply my reward and accept me among the righteous.
We stayed in Jeddah for some days and then proceeded to Makkah. My breaths were quick, cheerfulness filled my face and longing overwhelmed and shook my soul when we reached the Sacred Mosque."
TheShaykhkept silent for a while.
Hewiped his tears and swore byAllaahThe Almighty that he never experienced a pleasure like the pleasure of seeing the Honorable Ka‘bah! Then he said,"When I saw the Ka‘bah, I prostrated to Allaah to thank Him and kept weeping from fear and awe. I wept as children weep. What an honorable House and what a great place! Then, I remembered my friends who could not reach the Sacred Mosque and so I thanked Allaah The Exalted for His blessing and favor to me and then asked Allaah to record their steps and not to deprive them of the reward and to gather us with them in a seat of honor near a Sovereign who is Perfect in Ability."
I left the house of theShaykhwhile repeating the verse in whichAllaahThe Almighty Says )what means(:}And hasten to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden as wide as the heavens and earth, prepared for the righteous.{]Quran 3:133[
This is serious endeavor to obedience that is not prone to laziness or procrastination; an endeavor where pain and grief have little value and where all obstacles and impediments tumble. It is an endeavor with sincere determination and high mettle springing from a heart that is attached toAllaahand complying with His orders.
I left the Shaykh's house while repeating the verse in whichAllaahThe Almighty Says )what means(:}And proclaim to the people the Hajj ]pilgrimage[; they will come to you on foot and on every lean camel; they will come from every distant pass.{]Quran 22:27[
Then I reflected upon the state of many Muslims nowadays who meet all the Sharee‘ah-related pre-requisites for performingHajjto the Sacred House ofAllaahand yet procrastinate. Let them remember the Hadeeth in which the Prophetsaid:“Whoever wants to go for Hajj, let him hasten to do it, because he may fall ill, lose his riding animal or an excuse may arise to prevent him.”]Ahmad, Ibn Maajah[ ]Al-Albaani: Hasan )Sound([