Youth, - Sex and the single Muslimah

Okay folks, here it is. Let's talk about what no one else wants to
discuss. Single women and sex...yes, it's the "S" word. And, I am sure
we'll get a little more graphic as we move right along in this
article. I am about to be outright straightforward on this subject, so
those with a weak stomach may want to drink a glass of milk, have a
seat to get through this with me.
First off, I'd like to state upfront and get it right there on the
table: we all need love--each and every one of us. We all need to feel
loved and have that special closeness. It is a natural part of being a
human being, it is how we were created and there is nothing wrong with
it-- nothing to be ashamed of if you have these feelings. What is
unnatural is to be someone celibate for life )for no good
reason(....that is just wrong.
But perhaps temporarily going through celibacy is not a bad thing,
that is, when you are single woman . . . there is no other option. I
will get into the why's of that later--because there are a lot more
than some might think. So, when you are a Muslimah and single, how do
you handle it? It can be SO lonely, so tiresome. What do you do? What
can one do? How to cope?
It's not easy...and there is not a simple solution, save one, and that
is marriage.
Love is sexy, but is sex love?
The whole idea of falling in love with someone is so sexy really... it
is so unbelievably appealing. God help us all, we are so bombarded
with the notion at every turn. It's on TV even in children's animated
films. I mean, if those ridiculous cars can fall in love, why can't I
find the love of my life? At least, I am a human being, I can really
talk!!
Love is idealized, especially in the West. It is sold and promoted in
every way imaginable...and I don't have to lecture you on that. You
know it's true. But, what is so sad is that advertising )among other
things( has confused sex with love--and they are in no way the same
thing. Anyone can have sex, but not everyone can have love. In Islam,
there have been so many rewards attached with marriage itself, and
fulfilling a person's sexual needs through the sanctity and bond of
marriage that literally sex in the bounds of a marriage is rewarding
two-fold, both physically and spiritually.
Real love doesn't happen, at least far the most part, at first sight.
First sightings are merely far the eve. What does happen at first
sight is lust, and only lust. It is the physical attraction that draws
one's interest in the beginning--not love.
Real love vs. lust
Once someone emailed me a poem at work, and this is what it said:
"All love that has not friendship for its base, is like a mansion
built upon the sand." -quote by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
I sat there staring at my computer screen, thinking, "That is so true.
Nothing else could be so clear."
Love is built over time, through mutual care and understanding . . .
it does not happen in a few interactions. Lust, on the other hand, can
begin and end in an instant. Love is lasting, while lust is temporary.
Love is patient, while lust is impatient and impulsive. Love makes you
feel joyful and inspired, while lust only offers you shame and regret.
There is one thing to be certain, love and lust should never be confused.
I hope you don't blame or judge me for the quote I am about to use. I
am using it simply because it gives so much clarity on this issue of
love and lust. And, just as I would use a quote, if relevant, from
anyone else I use the following with the same intention:
"You know what love is?
It is all kindness, generosity.
Disharmony prevails when
You confuse lust with love, while
The distance between the two
Is endless. ]Rumi[
It is the last line that caught my eye in particular: "the distance
between the two is endless." How true.
A single Muslimah must constantly be on her guard to prevent confusing
these two emotions, and sometimes it can be difficult if one is
lonely.
A solution for solitude
Marriage is an amazing alternative to being single. Muslim women
should avoid living single for an extended time. In Islam, being
married is a major part of the deen )religion(.The Prophet Muhammad,
sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam, said: "Marriage is my way, )i.e.,
Sunnah( and a person who disdains to follow my way does not belong to
me."
So, living single for any extended period of time is--although not
haram--is essentially going against the Sunnah of the Prophet,
sallallaahu alayhi wa sallam.
But, you know, I am all for women's rights. I know women can do it
all. We can make our own money; we can raise the kids and take care of
the home. There is nothing we can't do ourselves.... Well, almost.
We can't be fathers. No woman can replace a dad. We can fill in if we
have to, but it is not the same thing.
Like everyone else, we need that family unit. Our children need a
Family unit-- and a family unit includes a mom and a dad. A husband and
a wife --a partnership.
For men or women, living alone and unmarried only invites sin into our
life. We maybe strong for a while, but eventually Satan starts
whispering and the longer we stay alone the louder he gets.
One quote on this subject; I hope you will appreciate as I do:
"The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being.
His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind
shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds
no other inspiration." - by Pearl S. Buck
I don't know much about Pearl Buck, but she is right.
True love awaits
So, what to do about marriage? How to find a mate? How can we attain
true love through a marriage contract?
If you are a single Muslimah and want to marry, for God sake )and I
know that can be hard to do( don't start looking online. Visit your
community, talk to those closest to you. Make a list of the things
that matter most to you so you will know what to discuss. Be your own
investigator--check him out through friends of friends of friends. I
know that you realize that, but this is, after all, someone you are
considering spending the rest of your life with.
And once you decide to meet with someone, talk about things on your
list and make sure you have some things in common---now and in the
future. Common goals always make for a better relationship.
The Islamic marriage contract and ceremony itself can seem dry
compared to the lavish ceremonies we see on television. But, what
matters is intention and sincerity.
Here's another quote I love from Thomas Carlyle: "The merit of
originality is not novelty; it is sincerity."
This aspect matters more than the world when searching for your life-mate.
Does love come right away in a contractual marriage? To be quite frank
with you, the answer is no, not always. But, on average, studies show
these types of marriages are lasting. I know you have heard it a
million times over, but developing a bond of friendship with your
spouse is what will last. Attraction comes and goes over time, but a
strong friendship and love only strengthens.
My hope is that this article help those who are still single think a
little more beyond what we already know about the difference between
lust and love.
True love and sexual happiness awaits you through the sincere bond of
marriage, and that is something that is truly worth waiting for and
worth saving yourself for upholding your dignity and self-respect is
paramount to your mental well-being and that of your children should
you have any.
Always keep this in the forefront of your mind as you go about your
life as a single woman:
You are a Muslimah. And to accept anything less than the sincerity of
an Islamic marriage is simply beneath you.
And then, start seriously looking for a good Muslim man to marry my
friend because Satan never sleeps.

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Dought&clear, - If he apostatized then repented,and he owed prayers, fasts or zakaah before he apostatized, then he must make them up

There is someone who apostatized, and before he apostatized, he had
some prayers and fasts that he had to make up but did not. If he comes
back to Islam, does he still have to make them up, or is everything
erased and does he become like someone who is new in Islam?
Praise be to Allah
Firstly:
If the apostate repents, he does not have to make up prayers or fasts
that he did not do during the time of apostasy, because repentance
erases what came before it.
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked:
Does the apostate have to make up prayers and fasts if he comes back
to Islam and repents?
He replied:
He does not have to make them up; whoever repents, Allah accepts his
repentance. If a person does not pray, or he does something that
nullifies Islam, then Allah guides him and he repents, then he does
not have to make them up.
This is the correct scholarly view, because Islam erases that which
came before it, and repentance erases that which came before it.
Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, said:"Say to those who have
disbelieved, if they cease (from disbelief) their past will be
forgiven" [al-Anfaal 8:38]. Here Allah, may He be glorified and
exalted, states that if the disbeliever becomes Muslim, Allah will
forgive him everything that he did in the past.
The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:
"Repentance erases that which came before it, and Islam erases that
which came before it."
End quote fromMajmoo' Fataawa Ibn Baaz, 29/196
See also the answer to question no. 197247
Secondly:
But if before he apostatized, the apostate had missed some prayers or
fasts or zakaah, then he must make them up, according to the majority
of scholars.
It says inal-Mawsoo'ah al-Fiqhiyyah(22/201-202):
If the apostate who has repented owed some prayers or fasts or zakaah
that he missed before he apostatized, does he have to make them up?
The majority of Hanafi, Shaafa'i and Hanbali fuqaha' are of the view
that it is obligatory to make them up, because omitting an act of
worship is a sin, and sins remain after apostatizing. End quote.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: In
the case of the apostate, he is not obliged to make up prayers, zakaah
and fasts that he missed during his apostasy, according to the
well-known scholarly view, but he has to make up anything that he
missed before he apostatized, according to the well-known view.
End quote fromMajmoo' al-Fataawa, 22/10
And Allah knows best.

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Dought&clear, - He thought of becoming a Christian; did he commit apostasy?

I have been living in Britain for four years, and a few months ago I
decided to become a Christian! But I did not do it. When I made that
decision, I was saying to myself: If any of them asks me, what is your
religion, I will say that I am a Christian and that Jesus is the "son
of God" (I ask Allah to forgive me for that). But I also used to say
to myself: No; Islam is the only true religion.
Then one day I heard an exhortation of yours on YouTube, and it moved
me deeply. I cancelled that intention that I had made to become
Christian; in other words, I did not go to the church and did not do
anything of that nature.
My question is: are the words that I said to myself sufficient to have
made me become a Christian? And therefore do I have to go to a mosque
and utter the twin declaration of faith (shahaadatayn)?
Praise be to Allah
We praise Allah, may He be exalted, for having opened your eyes to the
seriousness of what you did and your decision to turn to a religion
other than Islam, and for His blessing you so that you changed your
mind before it was too late. We would like to point out two things to
you here:
Firstly:
What you did of deciding to become a disbeliever, and making your mind
up to become a Christian constitutes apostasy from the religion of
Islam, even if you did not actually enter the church or do any of the
other actions that Christians do. Merely deciding to disbelieve
constitutes disbelief in Allah, may He be exalted. The same applies to
a person's indecision as to whether he should turn to another religion
or remain in Islam.
Imam an-Nawawi (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Deciding to become
a disbeliever in the future constitutes disbelief in the present. The
same applies to indecision as to whether to disbelieve or not; it
constitutes disbelief in the present. That also applies to making
disbelief conditional upon some future matter.
End quote fromRawdat at-Taalibeen, 10/65. Something similar was said
inNihaayat al-Muhtaajand elsewhere. See also:Majma' al-Anhaar(a Hanafi
book), 1/688
InHaashiyat al-Bujayrimi 'ala al-Khateebit says:
Intending to disbelieve now or to disbelieve in the future constitutes
disbelief in the present, because intending to be a Muslim forever is
essential, so if he decides to disbelieve (in the future), he has
already disbelieved.
InHaashiyat al-Jamal(5/122) it says something similar.
Secondly:
It is not one of the conditions of your repentance that you should
announce that in the mosque or Islamic centre, especially since you
made that decision in your own mind and it did not result in spreading
disbelief or mischief among the Muslims. As that is the case, it is
sufficient for you to repent sincerely to your Lord, may He be
glorified and exalted, to utter the Shahaadatayn, and adhere to the
religion of Allah, may He be exalted, in all your affairs, and to
disbelieve in all other religions.
If you do ghusl before that, that would be good, in sha Allah.
We advise you to seek knowledge and devote yourself to acts of worship
and obedience, because the one who does that will increase and
strengthen his faith. You should also be keen to offer supplication
(du'aa'), for it is the weapon of the believer, by means of which
Allah will ward off evil from you and will protect you, by virtue of
your remembrance of Him, from the tricks of your enemy and His enemy.
And Allah knows best.

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Dought&clear, - If a slanderer repents, can his testimony be accepted?

If a slanderer repents from his slander and mends his ways, can his
testimony be accepted or not?.
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has stipulated three punishments for slander. They are: the
hadd punishment; rejection of testimony; and describing the slanderer
as an evildoer (Faasiq).
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And those who accuse chaste women, and produce not four witnesses,
flog them with eighty stripes, and reject their testimony forever.
They indeed are the Faasiqoon (liars, rebellious, disobedient to
Allaah).
5. Except those who repent thereafter and do righteous deeds; (for
such) verily, Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful"
[al-Noor 24:4-5].
With regard to the hadd punishment, the fuqaha' are unanimously agreed
that the hadd punishment for slander is eighty lashes if the slanderer
is a free person [i.e., not a slave], man or woman, because Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
"flog them with eighty stripes"
[al-Noor 24:4].
As for his testimony not being accepted, the scholars are unanimously
agreed that the testimony of the slanderer should not be accepted so
long as he has not repented, because he has committed a major sin,
namely slander, and has not repented from it, so he cannot be
described as being of good character, and good character is a
condition of testimony being accepted; and because he is a liar and an
evildoer according to the text of the verse: "They indeed are the
Faasiqoon (liars, rebellious, disobedient to Allaah)."
"Why did they not produce four witnesses? Since they (the slanderers)
have not produced witnesses! Then with Allaah they are the liars"
[al-Noor 24:13].
The testimony of the evildoer and liar cannot be accepted, because
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):"And take as witness two
just persons from among you (Muslims)" [al-Talaaq 65:2]. So it is
stipulated that the witness should be of good character, and the
evildoer and liar are not of good character.
If he repents from slander and admits that he was lying, then the
majority of scholars (Maalik, al-Shaafa'i and Ahmad) are of the view
that his testimony may be accepted. They said:
1. Because repentance erases the sins that came before it, so if
he repents his sin and its effects are erased completely, and
non-acceptance of testimony is one of the effects of that sin.
Imam al-Shaafa'i said inal-Umm(7/94):
If he admits that he lied, his testimony may then be accepted, but if
he does not do that then his testimony cannot be accepted, until he
does that, because the sin for which his testimony is rejected is
slander, but if he admits that he was lying then he has repented. End
quote.
2. Because the expression "forever" in the verse applies so long
as he persists in evildoing. Hence after that the verse mentions after
the ruling that he is an evildoer: "and reject their testimony
forever. They indeed are the Faasiqoon (liars, rebellious, disobedient
to Allaah)." If the description of evildoer ceases to apply to him,
then the reason for rejecting his testimony also ceases to exist.
3. It was narrated from 'Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him)
that he said to those who had slandered al-Mugheerah ibn Shu'bah,
after he had carried out the hadd punishment of flogging on them:
"Whoever repents, his testimony will be accepted." Narrated by
al-Bukhaari in a mu'allaq majzoom report.
His repentance means that he admits that he was lying about the
slandered person whom he accused of zina. Hence the words of 'Umar
according to Ibn Jareer were, "Whoever admits that he was lying, his
testimony will be accepted."
If the slanderer repents and mends his ways, his testimony will be
accepted, like any other Muslim of good character.
Al-Mughni(12/386);al-Majmoo'(22/98-101).
And Allaah knows best.

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