For children, - Takabbur in Islam: Pride in Islam, Arrogance - Kibr is a barrier to Paradise

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A proud and arrogant person regards himself better and superior to others and by assuming vain and wishful thoughts in his mind, adopts the conduct of Shaitan (Satan) who said: "I have been created of fire while Adam has been created of earth and fire possesses superiority over earth." The first sin to have been committed in the world of creation was arrogance on the part of Shaitan (Satan).
This pride and prejudice on the part of Satan is what caused his downfall - and has the potential to affect each and every one of us. Satan felt that his physical makeup of 'smoke-less fire' was of a loftier composition, and that being made of fire, he had the potential and was naturally inclined to 'ascend' (just as fire does), whereas the makeup of Adam was of 'earth', a heavier compound, and that his natural inclination was to the base, lower desires, and to clinging to the 'earth'.
Thus, as for it being a vice, there can be no doubt or skepticism. Proud and arrogant individuals look down upon others and anticipate others to greet them and exhibit respect and deference towards them, always nurturing aspects of their superiority and greatness within their minds. This "puffed up" feeling which imparts a sense of "touch me not" is called pride (Kibr/Takabbur).
The condition of conceit and of one who considers himself to be greater than others, so long as it stays inwardly and has no outward manifestation, it is pride. If it gets out through the senses, it is called arrogance.
Arrogance is one of the consequences of vanity and self-conceit. When an individual thinks too highly of himself, it is self-conceit; and when he tends, moreover, to consider others as inferior to himself, that is arrogance. In contrast to these states, when one thinks of himself as small and insignificant, that is called modesty; and when, in addition to this, he considers others as superior to himself, that is called humility. In any case, arrogance is one of the most fatal of moral vices. This is so because arrogance is a thick veil which hides one's shortcomings from his own view, and thus prevents him from removing them and attaining perfection.
Arrogance is a mental state causing self-admiration and haughtiness against others in words or deeds. It is censured and dispraised in many texts in Noble Qur'anand Sunnah:
Truly Allah knows what they hide and what they manifest; surely He does not love the proud. Noble Qur'an (16:23)
Holy Prophet of Islam, Muhammad (saw) says: "He who has in his heart as much faith as a grain of mustard seed will not enter hell, and he who has in his heart as much pride as a grain of mustard seed will not enter paradise." Hence, Pride (Kibr/Takabbur) is a barrier to Paradise.
A proud man will not tolerate any other to be on equal terms with himself. In private and in public he expects that all should assume a respectful attitude towards him and, acknowledging his superiority, treat him as a higher being. They should greet him first; make way for him wherever he walks; when he speaks everyone should listen to him and never try to oppose him. He is a genius and people are like asses. They should be grateful to him, seeing that he is so condescending.
Virtues are the doors of Paradise, but pride and self-esteem lock them all. So long as man feels elated he will not like for others what he likes for himself. His self-esteem will deprive him of humility, which is the essence of righteousness. He will neither be able to discard enmity and envy, resentment and wrath, slander and scorn, nor will he be able to cultivate truth and sincerity, and calmly listen to any advice. In short, there is no evil which a proud man will not inevitably do in order to preserve his elation and self-esteem.
Being proud about ones own piety is a major sin. This pride can make all the prayers and supplications void. If a person understands the Greatness of Allah (SWT), then he will not be proud and vain at his exertions at prayer. The endowments of the munificent Allah (SWT) are so great that it is impossible to count His Blessings.
Imam Jafar al-Sadiq (as)who cites Holy Prophet of Islam, Muhammad (saw) in a tradition in which Hazrat Musa (Moses) son of Imranasks Satan. "Tell me about the sin which, when a son of Adam commits, you overtake him." Satan replied, "It is when he is proud of himself, thinks too much of his good deeds and his sin looks small in his eyes." It is known that when Satan overtakes someone, the result will be more sinning.
Imam Ali Reza (as)says that a pious person from Bani Israel offered intense prayers for forty years. Then he offered a sacrifice to Allah (SWT) that was not accepted. The person was disconsolate with sadness for his failure. He cursed his psyche blaming it for his failure. He received a Revelation that blaming his psyche and accepting the shortcomings pleased Allah (SWT) more than the prayers spread over the long period of forty years. For this reason Allah (SWT) accepted his long years of penance.
Imam Mohammed Baqir (as)says that two persons entered the mosque. One was pious and the other a transgressor. When they emerged from the mosque after the prayer, the transgressor was pious and the person with piety had turned a transgressor. The reason was that the pious person came out of the mosque with pride at his piety and the transgressor was penitent at his past misdeeds.
Imam Ali (as)says: "The sin that makes you sad and repentant is more liked by Allah (SWT) than the good deed which turns you arrogant."

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Fwd: A Big Thanks From Kerala Tourism For Sharing Your Experience

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: KeralaTourism <twitter@keralatourism.org>
Date: Thu, 20 Mar 2014 14:15:10 +0530
Subject: A Big Thanks From Kerala Tourism For Sharing Your Experience
To: aydnajimudeen@gmail.com

Dear Najimudeen,

Greetings from Kerala Tourism,

Read your article -
http://aydnajimudeen.blogspot.in/2014/01/tourist-place-best-of-kerala-india.html

It brings us a lot of happiness that the Kerala backwaters has captured the
imagination of writers like you. And a big thank you for sharing your
experience with your readers and helping us win their hearts.

We are glad to let you know about our latest campaign on Kerala Great
Backwaters. To promote this unique water stretches, we have launched the
campaigns on digital platforms such as Twitter and Facebook.
Visit http://greatbackwaters.com/ and be fascinated with the 8 Lakh fans of
God's Own Country from world over.

44 rivers, a vast network of lakes, 1500 kms of labyrinthine canals, snake
boat races, over 300 species of birds, floating markets... showcasing the
magnificence of Kerala backwaters, the campaign has reached out
to travellers and nature lovers from across the world.

We have attached 3 campaign images with this email. Can you please update
your current article with these images. Your readers would love to see
these images.

We will share your link on our twitter account (20K followers) and on our
Facebook page (850K fans).

Hope, this fascinating water world will continue to inspire you and will
feature more in your blogs.

Thanks & Regards

Kerala Tourism

[image: Kerala Blog
Express]<http://www.keralablogexpress.com/?utm_source=emailbanner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=KBE>

Family, - Our Children and the Battle of the Supermarket - I

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Every time four-year-old Khaalid goes to the supermarket with his mother, he asks for a box of candy, and his mother refuses right away. However, a few minutes later, he starts insisting on buying candy, and the mother persists in her refusal, saying to him, "No." At the mother's refusal of the child's request for the third time, Khaalid becomes furious, and his request takes on the form of an order, but the mother continues to refuse. On that Khaalid's face turns red, he stamps his feet and shakes the shopping cart. The mother threatens to punish him if he does not stop, but he does not give in. Upon asking for candy for the fifth time and the mother's refusal, Khaalid bursts into anger. The mother looks for a place to hide but she finds herself in the ice-cream section, while he is weeping, shouting, kicking and striking everything around him. Everybody is staring at them, and the mother cannot take it anymore, so she submits to his will and buys him a box of candy.
Both mother and child learn from each other:
Dear educator, both you and your children teach each other something of the affairs of family life every day. The things you and your child learn from each other later determine the way you deal with each other and form the basis of the relationship between children and parents.
From a father who is firm in all situations with his child, the child learns, from each situation, that his father is firm and does not accept half-solutions, and thus, he will deal with him on that basis.
From a father who is lax in all situations with his child, the child learns, from each situation, that his father is lax, and even if he grows angry once, with the first tear that flows down the child's cheek, he will forget everything and forgive all mistakes, and thus, the child will deal with his father on that basis.
Analysis of Khaalid's scene:
When you reflect on the example of Khaalid and his mother, which is almost typical in our society, you find that both the mother and the child learned from each other.
What did the mother teach her child? At first, she was persistent that she would not buy candy. However, after a lot of nagging from Khaalid, she submitted and responded to his request. But )unfortunately( the mother does not know that at the very moment that she lost control over her decisiveness, she taught Khaalid a set of rules which will embitter her throughout her life if she does not change her submissive ways.
What did Khaalid's mother teach her child?
Khaalid's mother taught her child three rules:
• The first rule: The word "No" is of no significance.
The mother's reactions went as follows: No, No, No, No, Yes. What the child learnt here is that when his mother says "No", it does not mean refusal, but it means "Ask again and again, and nag more than once. When your behavior becomes unbearable, I will change my refusal into acceptance." This resembles magic: that refusal turns into acceptance. In this way, the mother taught her child to persist in his negative behavior.
You should know, dear parent, that your children have to know that when you say "No", it means "No" and nothing else. When you say "No" to your children, you indeed want them to stop doing something. The word "No" should not be subject to discussion. However, as a lot of fathers and mothers are susceptible to changing their mind often, the children have learnt to wail, implore and throw a tantrum until they get what they want. When the word is changeable, the child's mind records that, while it is supposed to be placed in the part of the brain that responds without thinking.
According to Dr. Michele Borba, )a pediatrician(, parents should not give in if their child resorts to screaming and nagging, or asks for something illogical, or tells you to do something )unacceptable(. You should stop the discussion immediately and tell him decisively that by no means would you accept that behavior, and ask him to be polite and set another time for a logical discussion about the demand. When the child realizes that you mean what you say, you will have made a drastic change in behavior.
• The second rule: Good utilization of his moments of anger
Certainly, the mother did not do so intentionally, but this is what actually took place. Khaalid learnt that shouting and nagging give very effective results. If you cry and shout at the top of your voice for a sufficient amount of time, you will have the box of candy. The candy is the prize you get for shouting.
• The third rule: She does not mean what she says
The mother taught her child that she never means what she says. Although she threatens )to punish(, she never carries out her threat. She ordered him to keep quiet otherwise she would punish him severely, but what did she do? Instead of punishing him severely, she rewarded him by buying him candy.
)To be continued(







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Family, - Our Children and the Battle of the Supermarket - II

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In the previous article, what did the child teach his mother?
The mother learnt from her child that the means to have peace and quiet, and not to get involved in embarrassing situations is to execute the child's orders: i.e. to buy the box of candy.
Thus, the child has established a new behavioral type, and it is on this basis that the relationship between the mother and child will continue. The behavior of the mother along with the behavior of the child form and outline the nature of their relationship. If the child repeats the same behavior, the mother will repeat the same behavior she has previously done with him.
A fatal error!
This is the way many fathers behave when they face the anger of their children with submission, compliance and, subsequently, reward )the candy(. This is because this way teaches the child to increase his display of anger in order to receive the reward.
Additionally, anger is among the blameworthy attributes a man can have. When many sociologists and educationalists regard anger among the despicable vices and blameworthy habits, they mean the blameworthy anger which produces the most negative effects and leads to the most critical consequences -- particularly at the time of excitement and anger for personal interests and selfish motives. It is known that this anger disbands unity, breaks up the group, and exterminates the meanings of brotherhood, love, and purity in the community.
Another fatal error is made by fathers when they respond to the child's anger. It is called pampering, which is to be lax in dealing with the child in such a way as to satisfy the child's needs in the very time and manner he likes, and hasten to do all that he demands, no matter how unacceptable it might be. In other words, everyone around him does their best to obey him and be at his disposal, and never refuse any of his demands whatever they may be.
On the other hand, pampering makes the child unable to bear the responsibilities or burdens that are appropriate to his stage of life. This results in the child's slow emotional and social maturity. Such a child cannot easily undertake any matter, nor have the feeling of responsibility, nor appreciate it, nor resist the problems of life, nor confront the states of frustration. He is always vulnerable to psychological disorders when there is an obstacle or a problem standing in his way. More often, he inclines to be dependent on others rather than self-reliant. He also resorts to the method of avoiding, deferring or neglecting risks and problems.
A successful plan to tackle the supermarket battle:
To put an end to the supermarket battle with your child, and eradicate the roots of this problem peacefully, parents should do the following:
• Sit with the child before going to the supermarket.
• Clarify where you would go with him and what you would buy.
• Brief him on the shopping list.
• Ask him about what he would like to buy before going to the supermarket.
• Ask him to include what he would like to buy in the shopping list.
• Ask him to do something helpful and take charge of the shopping list. For example, he may be asked to hold it while shopping and tick the items that have been purchased to take it out of the list.
• Promise the child that if he does his part well, you will buy him the candy he likes, and if he falls short in his task, he will not have any candy.
• Parents should encourage the child by saying to him, "You are doing a good job following the list. Thank you and we appreciate your help. You are a co-operative child.”
• The mother rewards the child for his good behavior with candy.
At this very moment, the child learns three rules:
The first rule: Anger brings about nothing but loss:
That is because if he grows angry or raises his voice, he will get nothing: on the contrary, he will lose the candy because the mother will not surrender to his anger.
The second rule: Good behavior brings rewards:
When the child plays his role successfully and keeps quiet, he will have the candy he wanted.
The third rule: His parents mean what they say:
For example, if the mother threatens to deprive him of candy if he gets angry, the child will find that she is steadfast in implementing her decision.
At that very moment too, the mother will learn the following:
That the optimum means to have peace and quiet, and not to get involved in embarrassing situations is not to execute Khaalid's orders by buying the box of candy, but it is to teach Khaalid how to change his behavior; that punishment is the inevitable outcome of bad behavior, whereas reward is the pleasant outcome of good behavior.
In this way, the mother learns that to hush her child's cries, the solution is neither to surrender to him nor to beat him, in so much as to co-operate with the child to change his behavior.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M