For children, - Anger (Ghadab) and Islam: Anger management skills and techniques in Islam

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Anger is one of the conditions of the soul, and possesses three states.
1.The state of excess, which is defined as what would put one outside the bounds of Islam religion and its laws.
2.The state of deficiency, which is defined as the state in which one fails to take a violent action even though it is necessary for his self defense.
3.The state of moderation, in which anger is stimulated in appropriate and permissible circumstances. Thus it is clear that the first and the second states are amongst the vices of the soul (diseases of soul), while the third is amongst ethical virtues produced by courage.
Excessive anger is a fatal disease, which can be considered as a type of temporary madness. When it subsides, it is immediately followed by remorse and repentance, which represent healthy responses of a rational person.
Anger (Ghadab), Bad Temper and Human Vice according to Islamic teachings
Anger is a secret weapon of man towards evil but in the state of excess, it results in the destruction of many noble qualities. It snatches away the wisdom of man and thus he becomes a brute beast devoid of any sense. Anger is a temptation and deception of Shaytaan. Anger is the root of all evils. Anger is a spark of fire that is always bursting. Anger is a very bad condition that weakens the person Imaan (Faith). Anger is the strong feeling caused by extreme displeasure and hostility.
Imam Ali (as)has said: "Anger is a stroke of madness, since the afflicted later feels remorse and regrets. If someone does not feel any remorse after anger, it means that his madness has become fixed."
Imam Ali (as) has also said: "Protect yourself from anger for its beginning is insanity and its end is remorse."
Moreover, absolute absence of anger is also a vice, which drags man into humiliation, subjugation and inability to defend his rights. In order to cure excessive anger, one must first remove its causes. These may be pride, selfishness, stubbornness, greed and other such vices. One must also consider how unseemly excessive anger is, and how evil its consequences may be.
Secondly, he must examine the benefits of forbearance and self-restraint and associate with people who possess these qualities. He must also realize that Allah's (SWT) power is supreme, and everything is under His command, which would make him realize his own weakness compared with the infinite power of Allah (SWT).
Thirdly, he should know that a person in a state of anger is not loved by Allah (SWT); moreover, he may do something in anger, of which he will be ashamed later on.
The opposite of anger is mildness and forbearance characteristics which count amongst perfect qualities of the soul. They make a person forgiving and merciful, although he may have complete power to take revenge.
Noble Qur'an says: Keep to forgiveness, and enjoin what is fair, and turn away from the ignorant. (7:199)
And Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw)has said: "Forgiveness raises a man's station; forgive so that Allah (SWT) may honour you."







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Family, - Mutual Rights - Good Companionship - III

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One day, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, told ’Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, the lengthy Hadeeth of Umm Zar‘, which was narrated by Muslim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, and was explained by some scholars in volumes due to its enormous pearls of wisdom and meanings. After the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, told 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, how Abu Zar' treated his wife Umm Zar', the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“I am to you like Abu Zar‘ to Umm Zar‘.”He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, meant by this that he was perfect in good companionship and intimacy, just like Abu Zar' was with Umm Zar'.
In happy and cheerful moments, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, brought happiness and cheer to his family. It was authentically narrated that on the day of ‘Eed the Abyssinian boys arrived and played with spears in the mosque. Just look at the perfect Sharee‘ah of Islam and its sublime mission! On that day of 'Eed which is characterized by happiness, the souls need a type of peace and affinity to remove the state of apathy and weariness. On that day, the Abyssinians entered the mosque of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and paraded with their spears. Just look where the parade was held; it was held in the second most sacred House of Allaah, the Mosque of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam!
The mosque was taken as a place where people played with spears on the day of 'Eed because it was a merry occasion. Islam is a religion of perfection that gives everything its due right and estimation. 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, wanted to feel happy on that day. She, may Allaah be pleased with her, wanted to watch the Ethiopians parading with their spears. She, may Allaah be pleased with her, asked the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, to let her see the parade, so how did the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, reply to her? Did he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, tell her that she was immature or that she was wasting her time? Did he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, start reminding her that Paradise and Hell were approaching? No. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, stood up on his noble feet to allow her to watch the Ethiopians, not for the purpose of watching for its own sake, but because he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, knew that this standing would please Allaah The Almighty. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, who was the cream and most perfect of creation, kept standing to please Allaah without the least feeling of blemish or belittlement, because he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, felt that he was bringing affection, love and happiness to his family and translating his true love and perfect marriage by his standing. For that reason, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the best husband to his wife, and his behavior represents the perfect and best guidance for the Muslim who wants to live equitably with his wife.
His wife would prepare his food and drink, and when he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gathered with his family, beloved persons and wife under one roof, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would not say unpleasant words to her. If he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, found the food delicious, he would praise and appreciate it and thank the one who prepared it after thanking Allaah The Almighty. If he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, found fault with it, he would not dispraise or criticize it, nor would he dispraise the one who cooked it.
Living equitably requires sacrifice, true love and mutual emotions that indicate perfection in marriage and intimacy. Therefore, the guidance of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is the most perfect guidance.
It was authentically narrated that 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, said that she would bring broth or milk to the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and though he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the one who requested it, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would insist that she drink before him. 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, was a noble woman and daughter of a noble man, so she did not accept drinking before the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and preserved his right. When she gave him the drink, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would ask her to drink first, and when she refused, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would insist by taking an oath that she would drink first. As a result, she would take the container and drink and after that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would put his mouth in the same spot that her mouth had been. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not do so without reason; rather, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, wanted to let her know her value and to show her his love and affection. That is because just as the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, sought closeness to his Lord through prostration and bowing to Him, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, also sought closeness to Him through comforting his wife's heart, bringing her happiness and making her cheerful. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, sought closeness to Allaah by teaching the Ummah )Muslim nation( perfect manners and the best ways of treating families and wives.
These are very important matters that a Muslim should pay attention to. Sometimes the wife needs to feel happy in her home, so if the Muslim wants to make her so he should adopt the guidance of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Sometimes she wants to feel happy outside the house, so we find that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would go out with his wife to Qubaa' and race her. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and his wife started running, and she would beat him. Later, when she gained weight, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, raced her again and this time he beat her, saying: “Tit for tat.” All these things represent love and kind treatment in lifestyle.
Whenever man looks at, reflects upon or studies well the guidance of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, he will surely find good companionship in its perfect manner and best form, since he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the most perfect man in living equitably with his family. Muslim homes will never be happy until these warm emotions are observed. Look at the man who treats his wife with these true feelings and emotions and how Allaah blesses his family and wife. He surely leads a happy and serene life, since whoever fears Allaah, carries out His orders and lives in kindness with his wife, Allaah rewards him by granting them a happy life and good companionship. The same thing applies to the woman who fears Allaah and lives in kindness with her husband. They will only hear and see what makes them happy. Therefore, a Muslim should abide by the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, in fulfilling this great duty.
There is another very important point that we should consider, namely, the lack of reward for not reciprocating good companionship. In other words, it is very difficult for the husband to show affection, mercy and kindness to his wife while the wife in return shows misbehavior, harm, contempt or disobedience. Similarly, it is very difficult for the wife to show warm emotions, kind feelings and good manners to her husband, while he in return treats her with painful, harsh and hurtful sentiments that devastate her. So, what should Muslim spouses do?
Some scholars have said that the greatest and most perfect reward for good companionship takes place when the husband who observes good companionship with his wife is mistreated, or when the wife who observes good companionship with her husband is mistreated. This is the truest form of good companionship. One day, a man said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I maintain kinship ties with my relatives, but they sever them; I give them, but they deprive me; and I pardon them, but they are rough to me.” The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:“If you are as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes.”]Muslim[ This means that the man was the winner as he had gained the reward. Allaah who does not allow the reward of those who do good deeds to go astray.
Spouses who treat one another kindly are expecting a good reward and a happy end from Allaah The Almighty. A husband should not wait for a reward from his wife; he should wait for that from Allaah The Almighty. Every Muslim who wishes to possess good and perfect manners should not hope for reward from other people; rather, he should always be watchful of Allaah and abide by His Laws, not to have his goodness or kindness rewarded with a similar attitude, but to gain appreciation from Allaah who is above the seven heavens. He should do so in order to find his kind words, manners and good treatment written in the record of his good deeds on a Day when the contents of the graves will be scattered and that which is within the breasts exposed. If the man adopts good manners and proves to be a kind husband while his wife is evil and harms him, he should be patient. Perhaps Allaah will compensate him with something better.
Talking about Zakariyya )Zachariah(, may Allaah exalt his mention, Allaah Says )what means(:}And amended for him his wife.{]Quran 21:90[ Some scholars commented on this verse saying that when Allaah tested Zakariyya, may Allaah exalt his mention, by depriving him of offspring, he earnestly turned to Allaah in supplication. Allaah Says )what means(:}]This is[ a mention of the mercy of your Lord to His servant Zechariah. When he called to his Lord a private supplication. He said, “My Lord, indeed my bones have weakened, and my head has filled with white, and never have I been in my supplication to You, my Lord, unhappy. And indeed, I fear the successors after me, and my wife has been barren, so give me from Yourself an heir.”{]Quran 19:2-5[
Prophet Zakariyya, may Allaah exalt his mention, supplicated to Allaah at the age of one hundred and twenty without despair of His Mercy. He supplicated to Allaah at the end of his life to grant him a child, and Allaah fulfilled his need and more out of His Bounty. It always happens that when a person supplicates Allaah with certainty in troubles and hardships, Allaah answers his supplication and grants him even more than what he asked for. Thus, Allaah says )what means(:}And amended for him his wife.{]Quran 21:90[ Allaah granted him Yahya )John(, may Allaah exalt his mention, and amended his wife. Some scholars said that his wife would insult and harm him and that she was ill-mannered and harsh with him; yet, he, may Allaah exalt his mention, remained patient with her until the end of his life. Accordingly, Allaah compensated him by granting him a child and making his wife religiously observant who lived equitably with him.
Hence, if the man lives equitably with his wife and finds good in her, he should praise Allaah The Almighty; otherwise, he should be patient, fully believing that Allaah does not allow the reward of the person who does good deeds to go astray. This also applies to wives whose good companionship is returned with ill-treatment by their husbands. She should expect that Allaah would compensate her for her patience and comfort her pains, and compensate her in her religion, life and the Hereafter.






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Family, - The Muslim Child and Reading

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Reading is the basis for development in the field of modern sciences. Ever since the printer was invented and books became attainable, the world developed quickly.
Learning to read in our age has become one of the necessities of life. To be sure, the unlettered among the lettered is like the blind among the sighted.
Concerning the child, reading is a main source of knowledge and learning. Reading, in its simple sense of browsing through the pages of a book and seeing the pictures, is what concerns the child before he learns to read and enters school. The children’s book, in so many instances, is like a toy made of paper containing a lot of drawings, which encourage him to go through its pages and learn what it contains with the help of his parents and teachers, in order to obtain knowledge.
There are many levels of writing for children in terms of content, according to the addressed age. The younger the child is, the more drawings and the less words it has; and the older he is, the less drawings and the more words it has. Furthermore, the child's reading material develops to extend to the writing style and the quality of content. It varies in terms of content, style, formulation and even artistic presentation by the difference of age and environment in which the child lives.
The child's need for reading is essential in order to satisfy his desire for learning and to get acquainted with the things around him and the world in which he lives.
By time, it develops within him love for reading. Whoever is brought up on reading from his early childhood loves books when he grows up, and reading becomes his favorite hobby.
The development of the child's reading faculties does not ensue from filling the children's minds with information in so much as from carefully choosing what suits them, on the one hand, and what they need, on the other hand, without invalidating the foundations and constants the child has acquired from the family and which are supposed to spring from religion. In spite of the negative effect of the TV in our present time, as it distracts the children from reading, it is incumbent upon educators and instructors to take notice of their passive sitting in front of it for long hours. It indeed habituates them to laziness, as far as reading is concerned, and to many other things. In this study, we shall present a brief comment on these other negatives. It repels from them the innate inclination to read, and, so many times, makes them feel it is a heavy undesired burden.
When considering the children's inclination concerning reading, two points should be observed:
• The first is the child's own desires and inclinations
• The second is the objectives the educators seek to achieve, and the child's needs he likes to fulfill.
It is more useful to observe those two points, i.e. not to neglect the child's inclinations and desires. But at the same time, those inclinations and desires should be implied in cultural and educational materials, essential to him. But many times, the trace of this benefit could hardly be visible in him. This is even more confirmed in our present time, because a lot of foreign influences of information overlap on the child, and deviate him from his natural inclinations; rather, they direct him to things which may be, in so many times, unsuitable for him, or irrelevant to his needs.
The stages of a child's interest in reading:
• In the second year, the child shows some interest in pictures points at them, and tries to touch them if they are prominent.
• In the third year, he likes to listen to comments on those pictures, and simple tales related to them, and gives special care to the pictures and their meanings.
• In the fourth year, he memorizes the stories and tries to relate them, and is pleased with imagination, and likes to comment on all the pictures and their meanings, and why they appear in a certain position apart from another.
• In the fifth year, he likes to read letters and recognize their connotations.
• In the sixth year, he starts to learn reading depending on illustrative pictures and forms, and is happy to find somebody to read long stories for him with their accompanying illustrative pictures, and is pleased with their related details and events.
When developed, reading has a strong influence on the child. It opens to him the horizons of knowledge and the world of this life, and with it he learns the things and instruments surrounding him, and how he can avoid risks and accidents.
The child who reads books other than those of the school indeed develops his own experiences, refines his faculties, utilizes his free time, and makes a balance between his need for play and his need for learning.
What does the child read?
The child always loves to live in his daily environment. He likes the stories that are close to his reality, family, and daily life events.
In his early years, the child likes the stories of animals, and is fond of family affairs and the instruments he sees and lives with everyday. When the children grow a bit and their mental faculties develop, they incline to be interested in general knowledge, and stories of history, heroism and inventions.
With the progress of their life towards the age of adolescence, they start becoming interested in the stories about the reality of their community, and their intellectual faculties develop and they sometimes like to go through adult books.
The girls in their advanced years )before adolescence( have a desire for the stories of the family and social and emotional relations, far from heroism and detective adventures which the males incline to and like.
Characteristics of reading material favored by children:
Children like to read the materials which have the following characteristics:
- Stimulate and develop imagination.
- Sometimes use dialogue.
- Remind of heroism, adventures and events which reveal courage.
- Bring about delight and pleasure.
- Provide answers to questions that engage their minds.
- Talk about the animal world.
- Inspirational stories )e.g. religious stories(.
- Present sciences and inventions in a simplified manner.
- Imply the values and concepts of the community in a simple and easy manner.
- Contain suspense and mystery
All of this, and more, should be put within a framework of delightful drawings, pictures and colors that bring joy to the child.







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