Family, - Mutual Rights-Good Companionship - I

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The mutual rights that Allaah The Almighty has enjoined on both the spouses represent His utmost justice. There are two major rights. There are two main rights: the right to good companionship, and the right to overnight stay and equal distribution. In this series we will address the first of these rights.
First: The right to good companionship
Muslims will never find happiness or tranquility in their homes unless they live together in a kind manner. Allaah The Almighty enjoined the right of good companionship because it helps maintain the affairs of the spouses and brings them happiness. Moreover, it was set to serve as a real test for the spouses. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And live with them in kindness.{]Quran 4:19[ This is a command from Allaah The Almighty, which implies a sense of obligation. Scholars said that living in kindness is an obligatory right whose violator bears a sin while the one who fulfils it deserves reward. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Either retain them in kindness or part with them kindness.{]Quran 65:2[
Good companionship requires essential matters that appear in a person’s heart, which is only known to Allaah The Almighty, in his speech and words and in his behavior and actions.
Intention:
Good companionship has three aspects, the first and foremost of which is the intention and what is hidden in the hearts of the spouses. The husband cannot live in kindness with his wife, nor can she live in kindness with him unless each has a good intention towards the other. This is what Allaah The Almighty means by his Saying )what means(:}And do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress ]against them[.{]Quran 2:231[ If the husband wants to keep his wife, he should have a good intention towards her. Therefore, scholars have said that Allaah The Almighty reveals whatever man conceals in his heart, good or bad, in the slips of his tongue. For the man who intends good when marrying a woman or bringing her into wedlock with the intention to treat her kindly and live with her in kindness, Allaah will guide him and grant him success in his life. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}If Allaah Knows ]any[ good in your hearts, He Will Give you ]something[ better.{]Quran 8:70[
When Allaah The Almighty finds good intentions in the hearts of the spouses, He will grant them success in their apparent behavior and actions and bring about goodness through them.
Thus, the first advice given to the person who wants to live in kindness is to have good intention. Some scholars said that the husband has to renew his intention every day so that Allaah The Almighty would increase his reward, particularly when his wife is righteous or has an extra right over him, such as being his relative. He should have in his heart a good intention towards her, and in this case, Allaah The Almighty would reveal this intention through his sayings and actions. Similarly, the woman should have in her heart good intention towards her husband. Once this intention changes, Allaah The Almighty will change the conditions of the spouses. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Indeed, Allaah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.{]Quran 13:11[
When the spouses change their good intentions, Allaah The Almighty will consequently change their conditions from good to evil, and from better to worse. Thus, every husband should consider his intention and look into his heart when he suffers troubles with his wife. In principle, good companionship emanates from good and righteous intention, and from a heart that harbors goodness. The effects of these things are reflected on a person’s actions. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Indeed, there is a piece of flesh in the body which, if it is sound, the whole body is sound, and if it is corrupt, the whole body is corrupt. Indeed, that is the heart.”
Speech:
The second point related to good companionship in one's speech is that just as man should have good intention in his heart in order to live in kindness, his speech should also be in accordance with the Pleasure of Allaah The Almighty. Some scholars said regarding}And live with them in kindness{that kindness is everything that is in accordance with the Sharee‘ah of Allaah The Almighty, and that evil is everything that contradicts the Sharee‘ah of Allaah The Almighty. Thus, the husband, who wants to live on good terms with his wife, should fear Allaah The Almighty regarding what he say, and likewise for wife. The principle that the Book of Allaah and Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, have affirmed is that every believing man and woman should preserve his/her tongue and utter good words. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Whoever believes in Allaah and the Last Day, let him say something good or keep silent.”
The signs of belief in Allaah The Almighty include controlling one's tongue from saying anything but good to people in general and the family in particular. Allaah The Almighty enjoined the believers in the past, addressing us as well, Saying )what means(:}And speak to people good ]words[.{]Quran 2:83[ Allaah The Almighty ordered us to say good words that please Him, because good words benefit the person who says them both in this world and in the Hereafter. On the other hand, bad words harm the speaker in this life and in the Hereafter. When words emerge from the tongue, they never return, and when hurtful and harsh words are uttered, they break hearts, ruin them and alter affection and love to an extent that only Allaah Knows. Allaah The Almighty therefore enjoined preserving the tongue in the Quran and through the words of His Messenger, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.
Scholars listed the situations in which living in kindness through speech occurs between the spouses:
1- When the spouses call one another.
2- When they request something from one another.
3- During discussion, conversation and jesting.
4- In disputes and arguments.
1- When the woman calls her husband or when he calls her, it should be done in a nice manner. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would call 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, saying: “O 'Aa‘ish, O 'Aa‘ish.” Scholars said that this manner of calling his wife showed how the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, honored, jested and fulfilled his role as a good husband to his wives. This is a method for Muslim husbands - to use words of love and kindness when calling their wives. Harsh and coarse addressing, which involves a coercive and forceful style on the part of the husband or mockery and sarcasm on the part of the wife, ruins love and severs ties of intimacy between the spouses. Thus, the wife should call her husband by the best names and so should her husband.
‘Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, said that affection and love increases when a Muslim calls his Muslim brother with the best of his names. This is one of the three factors that strengthen intimacy among Muslims, so what would be its effect on the spouses? It is a mistake when the husband chooses for his wife a name that embarrasses her or exposes her to ridicule or belittlement. The same thing applies to the wife with her husband. Some scholars would say that it is preferable that the spouses do not call one other by their names; it is most honorable that they call each other by their nicknames )i.e. father of so and so or mother of so and so(. This is the best manner to adopt. Scholars have also said that when a husband is used to calling his wife affectionately, she does the same or even better since women were created inclined to affection and love for gentleness, mercy and intimacy. So, when the husband treats his wife on that basis, she would react with him in a better way.
2- When the man requests something from his wife, he should ask her in a manner that does not give her the feeling of servitude, humiliation, contempt or belittlement. Similarly, when the woman requests something from her husband, she should not overburden, hurt or harm him, nor should she use troublesome words. This behavior helps to preserve one's tongue and fulfill living equitably through speech. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, once asked ‘Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, while he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was in the mosque )Masjid(:“Give me the straw mat.”She, may Allaah be pleased with her, said, “I am menstruating.” The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Your menstruation is not in your hands.”]Muslim[.
Just look at how the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, asked a Mother of the Believers for something, and when she declined, she mentioned her Sharee‘ah-based excuse. She, may Allaah be pleased with her, did not say no or that she could not without a justification; rather, she, may Allaah be pleased with her, said that she was in her menstruation, awaiting instructions on what to do. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied:“Your menstruation is not in your hands,”meaning that she could simply hand it over since entering a hand into the mosque is not like entering the whole body.
The lesson we learn here is kindness in calling or requesting something. Marital problems may arise due to frequent requests. Scholars mentioned that when a man burdens his wife with many demands and his manner of demanding is bothersome, this would be one of the major reasons that ruin affection and love. A woman in this case feels as if she is a humiliated servant in her husband's house.
Wise men, with the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, before them, advised giving reward upon request, at least with kind words. For example, when the husband asks his wife to do something, and she does it, he should say kind words to her, such as supplicating to Allaah The Almighty to grant her goodness and bless her. Once the wife realizes that her favor and goodness are appreciated, thanked and not denied, she will appreciate this from her husband and will actively do good to him and fulfill his needs. This will greatly help them live equitably together.
3- In conversations and jesting. The spouses should not talk to one another at inappropriate times. Some scholars said that it is harmful that a woman talks to her husband when he is tired and exhausted or that a man talks to his wife when she is tired and exhausted. This entails boredom and contradicts living in the kindness that Allaah The Almighty enjoined. They added that when a man jests with his wife, he should use the best words, and when he relates something to her, he should select the best event that positively and fruitfully affects her.
)To be continued(







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Family, - Rights of the Husband)Tangible Rights( - IV

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)Continued(
Tangible Rights:
The second section is the tangible rights of the husband on his wife, which include the wife serving her husband. Allah The Almighty created the woman and equipped her with characteristics that qualify her to carry out housework, manage her house and take care of its affairs. When the wife does the work of the marital house properly, she will comfort her husband. He will be pleased with her and feel that the rights of his house are fulfilled and its interests are considered, which satisfies his heart. Allah The Almighty mentioned this right in general, Saying )what means(:}And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them, according to what is reasonable.{]Quran 2:228[ It means that the wives owe some rights as men owe them rights, and the husbands owe some rights as women owe them rights – all in accordance with what is reasonable. What is reasonable in the verse, according to the majority of scholars, may refer to people's customs, which are the criteria that people refer to in this issue. The customs of the righteous Muslims at all times and everywhere require the woman to serve the house of her husband.
Just look at the Mothers of the Believers, may Allah be pleased with them! They served in the house of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Mother of the Believers, ’Aa‘ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, said, “We would prepare Siwaak ]a tooth stick[ and water for ablution for the Messenger of Allah, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam; he would wake up at night ]to pray and use them[.” ]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ Mother of the believers Maymoonah, may Allah be pleased with her, said, “I prepared water for the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, ]to make ritual bathing[ wherewith he purified from Janaabah ]post sex impurity[.” Thus, scholars unanimously agreed that women should serve their husbands. This is the opinion of the majority of scholars, except for very few scholars whose opinion is weak, who said that a woman is not obligated to serve and look after her husband. This is certainly is a weak opinion, as there are no women who are better than the Mothers of the Believers, may Allah be pleased with them, who would serve their husband.
Even the noble daughter of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, served her husband until her hands swelled up due to grinding date stones. Scholars said that hands of Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, were scratched because of her frequent grinding of date stones to provide fodder for animals. Therefore, how would she have served her husband? Scholars also said that a woman should even take care of her husband's mount if custom requires that.
It was authentically narrated that Asmaa‘, may Allah be pleased with her, served Az-Zubayr, may Allah be pleased with him. She would go out on foot to his farm which was two-thirds of a Farsakh )one Farsakh is about 5 km(, carrying date stones on her back.
It was commonly known among the women of the believers throughout the history of Muslims that women serve and look after the houses. This service never belittles the status of the woman or decreases her position. This is the nature upon which Allah The Almighty has created all people. No change should there be in the creation of Allah The Almighty.
Some people may deem serving in the house an insignificant matter, but it brings about appreciated results in the psychology of the husband when he leaves his house, feeling that his wife has taken care and looked after it. So, he enters his house with his affairs set right, his soul is calm and his heart is assured. He will not find things that confuse him or embitter his life or create trouble between him and his family. When women deviated from this sound nature, the houses of the Muslims looked antiquated where the husband finds unpleasant scenes to the extent that he is obliged to sweep it himself, do the laundry and cook the food.
Imaam Ibn Al-Qayyim, may Allah have mercy upon him, said, “When the woman lives in luxury and her husband sweeps the house, cooks the food, kneads the dough and bakes the bread, this will be evil.” This means that this state is the evil that Allah The Almighty never ordained. The woman should do what Allah The Almighty created her for and the man should do what Allah The Almighty created him for. Allah The Almighty did not create the man to do the housework. Thus, it is an evil word that a woman may utter when she asks her husband to serve himself or do for himself what he wants. In doing so, she contradicts her nature.
The woman who mistreats her husband and loses his pleasure, which is the cause of her entering Paradise, will be in great loss. The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“A woman whose husband dies while he is pleased with her will enter Paradise.”
When the woman overburdens her husband to accomplish the housework, whereas she lives in luxury and comfort, or that she asks him to bring someone to serve him and manage his affairs in a manner that sometimes causes temptation, all these things contradict the Fitrah )innate nature(. Only when it is necessary is the woman allowed to ask her husband to bring someone to serve her. One day, Faatimah, may Allah be pleased with her, asked the Messenger of Allah, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, to bring her a servant, but he, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied:“Shall I guide you to something better than a servant…?”This indicates that there is no blame on the woman to ask for a servant, but only when necessary and needed. However, when she asks for a servant out of her desire to lead a luxurious life and out of arrogance or believing that she was not created for these matters and they are not her duty, this is against the Fitrah that Allah gave her and the good companionship that a woman should give her husband.
The woman should observe these things for her husband, and the righteous woman fully knows that there is nothing more perfect than the Sharee‘ah and religion of Allah The Almighty. Surely, whoever accepts the Sharee‘ah of Allah, Allah will be pleased with him and make him pleasant. When the woman responds to the calls or the customs and habits that contradict the Sharee‘ah of Allah and turns away from the Fitrah, she will not be sure to be saved from their evil consequences. They may apparently sound good, but in fact, they bring about unappreciated ends. The duty of the woman is to abide by the matters that she has perceived in her innate disposition and guidance of the righteous women from among the righteous predecessors, who looked after their husbands and fulfilled their rights in a manner that pleased Allah The Almighty. A woman cannot fulfill these rights properly unless she prepares herself in the following way:
First: She should ask Allah The Almighty to help her fulfill the rights of her husband and to guard her against negligence or failure. Allah The Almighty approves that she fulfills her duties toward her husband and disapproves of her neglecting them. So, she should frequently ask Allah The Almighty to help her fulfill her husband's rights.
Second: She should prepare herself psychologically to submit to the orders of Allah The Almighty, knowing that she is commanded by the Sharee‘ah of Allah to obey her husband, respect his role of being in charge and live with him equitably, which implies serving him, seeking his permission before leaving the house and observing his rights, trusts and secrets. Once she assuredly knows these things, she will respond according to her level of faith. A believing woman is expected to obey the orders of Allah The Almighty. Therefore, scholars said that Allah The Almighty began the Quranic verses which state these rights by saying:}O you who believe{because no person responds to the Commands of Allah The Almighty perfectly like the believer.
Third: She should firmly believe that she fulfills these rights without expecting compensation or reward from the husband. Rather, her main concern and great reward she focuses on would be the pleasure of Allah The Almighty. No believing woman seeks the pleasure of Allah except one would find her mostly obedient to her husband and observant of his rights in the most perfect way.
A righteous man said that he married a woman who would not find happiness or comfort except in fulfilling his rights. He added, “I might do wrong to her and become displeased with her, but she would spend the night weeping, asking me to forgive her even though it was my mistake.” This is the effect of strong faith. When the soul of the believing woman is purified, refined and responds to Allah The Almighty, she becomes fearful and keen to please her husband in all of her behavior, feelings, emotions and sayings. It is neither a shame nor a fault nor humility nor disgrace that a woman obeys her husband. Instead, it is perfection, superiority and success that Allah The Almighty grants her. Obedience to the husband by no means blemishes the perfection of the woman because this is the Fitrah that Allah The Almighty created people on. When the woman feels that this is not a defect, but is rather perfection, she will not only submit and find rest and reassurance, but she will also take the initiative and be vigorous enough to respond to the order of Allah The Almighty to fulfill these rights.
Also, the woman should exhaust the means that help her respond to the orders of Allah The Almighty, mainly by reading the biography of the female Companions, may Allah be pleased with them, and the women of the righteous predecessors as well as their state of being good wives to their husbands. She should also reflect on the Hadeeths of the Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, which endear fulfilling the rights of the husbands to the women and encourage them.
Fourth: She should look at the good consequences that she will have in this life and in the Hereafter. Her house will be stable; she will find rest and reassurance; and her husband will also find rest and reassurance. On the other hand, she should look at the bad consequences that she might have if she neglected the husband's role of being in charge. As a result, the husband will soon feel that he is inferior, and if he gets this feeling, he would try to sap the strength of the woman. If she behaves haughtily and the husband persists, he may break her by divorcing her – Allah forbid! He may hit her in order to make her feel that he is more capable of fulfilling these rights than her. The woman should know that neglecting rights always produces the most evil results. Evil is not assuaged with evil, nor is a bad action encountered with a bad action. A bad action is encountered by a good one. Pondering on these matters greatly helps the woman to correct herself and correct her conduct with her husband.
Fifth: The last advice given to the Muslim woman is that she should not allow a third party to interfere in her affairs with her husband, because some women incite the wife against her husband and urge her to rebel against him, disobey him and neglect his rights. A bad companion causes unwelcome consequences. Thus, the wife should avoid talking with other women about the affairs of her house and the private matters she has with her husband. This would more probably guarantee her safety and a happy ending.









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Dought & clear, - The ruling on one who steals robs or rapes at knife-point or gun-point.

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What is the ruling on gangs or individuals who steal from people, or kidnap women and violate their honour, all at knife-point or gun-point?.
Praise be to Allaah.
These crimes, which are committed by some people who have no religious commitment, are given a severe punishment in sharee’ah, which is known to the scholars as the hadd for haraabah (waging war against Allaah and His Messenger) orquta’ al-tareeq(banditry). This is mentioned in the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“The recompense of those who wage war against Allaah and His Messenger and do mischief in the land is only that they shall be killed or crucified or their hands and their feet be cut off from opposite sides, or be exiled from the land. That is their disgrace in this world, and a great torment is theirs in the Hereafter”
[al-Maa’idah 5:33]
The Council of Senior Scholars in the Land of the Two Holy Sanctuaries, under the leadership of Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) issued a statement concerning these crimes, in which it says:
The Council has studied what the scholars have mentioned about the shar’i rulings which in general dictate the obligation to protect the five essentials of life and ensure that they remain safe. They are: religion, life, honour, mental health and wealth. Islam acknowledges the great danger that can result from crimes of aggression against the sanctity of the Muslims’ lives, honour and wealth, and the threat to public security that this can pose in the land.
Allaah has guaranteed protection for the people’s religion, physical well-being, lives, honour and mental health by means of the punishments which He has prescribed to attain security on both the public and private levels. Implementing the verse concerning the hadd punishment for haraabah in accordance with the rulings of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning muhaaribeen guarantees security and peace of mind, and deters those who would think of committing such crimes and transgressing against the Muslims.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“The recompense of those who wage war against Allaah and His Messenger and do mischief in the land is only that they shall be killed or crucified or their hands and their feet be cut off from opposite sides, or be exiled from the land. That is their disgrace in this world, and a great torment is theirs in the Hereafter”
[al-Maa’idah 5:33]
Inal-Saheehaynit is narrated that Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: Some people from ‘Ukl came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and were in al-Suffah. The climate of Madeenah made them sick, so they said: O Messenger of Allaah, get us some milk. He said: “I think the best thing for you is to go to the camels of the Messenger of Allaah.” So they went there and drank some of their milk and urine, then when they had recovered and gained weight, they killed the herdsman and drove away the camels. Someone came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) shouting for help, and he sent a party out in pursuit of them. Not much of the day had passed before they were caught and brought to him. He ordered that branding irons be heated and their eyes were put out, and their hands and feet were cut off, and not cauterized, then they were thrown into the harrah where they asked for water but they were not given any, until they died.
Abu Qilaabah said: They stole, killed and waged war against Allaah and His Messenger.
Based on the above, the Council has determined the following:
(a)
The crimes of kidnapping, robbery and transgression of the Muslims’ sanctity by way of open and audacious hostility is a type of muhaarabah (waging war against Allaah and His Messenger) and doing mischief in the land, which deserves the punishment mentioned by Allaah in the verse in al-Maa’idah, whether that aggression is against people’s lives, wealth or honour, or it is scaring wayfarers and cutting off routes (banditry). It makes no difference whether that happens in cities, villages, the desert or the wilderness, as is the correct view of the scholars (may Allaah have mercy on them).
Ibn al-‘Arabi said, telling of the time when he was a judge: Some bandits were brought before me who had gone out to attack a group of travellers. They took a woman by force from her husband and the group of Muslims who were with him, and carried her off. Then they were hunted down, caught and brought to me. I asked one of the muftis with whom Allaah tested me about them and he said that they were not muhaaribeen, because haraabah (the crime of waging war against Allaah and His Messenger) applies only with regard to wealth, not rape! I said to them: To Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return (said by Muslims at times of calamity). Do you not know that haraabah (aggression) against honour is worse than aggression against wealth? All people would agree to lose their wealth and have it confiscated from them rather than to see aggression committed against their wives or daughters. If there were any punishment more severe than that which Allaah has mentioned, it would be for those who kidnap women. end quote.
(b)
The Council believes that in the verse in which Allaah says “The recompense of those who wage war against Allaah and His Messenger and do mischief in the land is only that they shall be killed or crucified or their hands and their feet be cut off from opposite sides, or be exiled from the land” the wordaw(or) means that there is a choice, as is the apparent meaning of the verse. This is the view of the majority of scholars, may Allaah have mercy on them.
(c)
The majority of the Council believes that the deputies of the ruler – the judges – have the obligation to prove the type of crime and to pass judgement accordingly. If it is proven that it is a crime that constitutes war against Allaah and His Messenger (muhaarabah) and spreading mischief in the land, then they have the choice of issuing a sentence of execution, crucifixion, cutting off a hand and foot on opposite sides, or exile from the land, based on their ijtihaad and paying attention to the situation of the criminal and the circumstances of the crime, as well as its impact on society and what may best achieve the interests of Islam and the Muslims, unless the muhaarib has killed, in which case he should definitely be executed, as Ibn al-‘Arabi al-Maaliki narrated that there was consensus among the scholars on this point. Among the Hanbalis, the author ofal-Insaafsaid: There is no dispute on this point. End quote from a paper published by the Council of Senior Scholars under the titleal-Hukm fi’l-Satw wa’l-Ikhtitaaf wa Muskiraat, p. 192-104.

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