Fathwa, - His wife wants to take Khul' without letting him see his daughter

Question
Respected Scholar, This further to my question ref:-2357206, As my
case in Islamic Court, I had issued Khula with conditions that 3 hours
custody and weekly meeting with my daughter. But my wife & in laws are
not agree over that? I am stick to my conditions. If we both )me &
wife( are stubborn to the said situation. Apparently my question, Qazi
Sb. may go for nullify the marriage )Faske Nikah( as the purpose of
marriage is not being taking place for 8 months? In the above
situation, what should I do in light of Islam? Jazakallah Khair
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad,
is His slave and Messenger.
You have already sent to us many questions about your issue and we
have responded to you with what is in conformity with the rulings of
the Sharee'ah in our view.
Since your case is presented to an Islamic judge, then answering it in
a Fatwa would be of no avail. If the judge issues his ruling, you
should agree and accept it. In principle, the ruling of a just
knowledgeable judge cannot be rejected unless there is a valid reason
as mentioned by the scholars.
Based on this, if there is a ground for appeal, then one may take the
case to a higher court so that it would reconsider the ruling.
Moreover, if the issue is a matter of Ijtihaad )a juristic opinion on
matters which are not specified in the Quran and the Sunnah(, then the
judge rules according to what he believes to be the preponderant and
correct view.
Allaah Knows best.

Fathwa, - Her husband does not fulfill her rights and refuses to give her Khul'

Question
i have been married for 4 years and my husband is working in call
center and he is always having night duty. He is having problem with
sexual intercourse and he cannot produce children as he is suffering
from severe oligospermia and premature ejaculation and he is not at
all interested in me. And he does not want to do any treatments and he
has to give about 90% of his salary at home and other 10% he will
spend on himself. I am earning and spending my own money on my needs
since my marriage, and my husband clearly says that he does not have
money to spend on me or to his own treatment , even his parents says
that I am not having any right on my husband's salary. And I am
BEARING his treatment EXPENSES. He always spends his time with his
friends outside and does not give me his time either . He behaves with
me so rudely even his family members will treat me like a slave. I am
unable to bear this and I have decided to take Qulah from him but he
is too cunning to give me Talaq or accepts my Qulah because he is
afraid that his weaknesses will come out and he is telling me that i
should remain like this only how iam today. When I consulted our
senior person at Qazayat office they are telling that until and unless
my husband accepts my Qulah then only i will be free from being his
wife. My husband is taking advantage of this that I can't do anything
and I am in his hands only. In Shariyat office also they are telling
the same that husband should accept my Qulah. I have done every single
thing for him to have a peaceful married life inspite of all everybody
is torturing me and his behavior towards me is Very Very BAD. I can't
stay with him now. I want to ask you according to islam, can Head of
the authorities at the Qazayat office or any other head office of
Shariyat office can grant me Qulah, if my husband does not want to
accept it. Please issue me fatwa on this.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad,
is His slave and Messenger.
A husband is Islamically required to have good marital relationship
with his wife and fulfill her rights as we clarified in Fatwa 88304.
There are a number of matters which are considered as rights of the
wife among which are the following:
1- Sexual intercourse: The husband should have sexual intercourse with
his wife according to her wish and his ability.
2- Spending: The husband is obliged to spend on his wife even if she
is rich. Besides, she has the right to ask him to reimburse her for
all the expenses that she had spent on herself ]while being married to
him[; for more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 85012. However, the wife
has the right to ask her husband for her rights, but she has no right
to object to his spending on his family.
3- Having children: The husband has no right to prevent his wife from
having children without a Sharee'ah-compliant reason.
In any case, if your husband is as you mentioned, then he is having
bad marital relationship with you and he is negligent about a number
of your rights upon him. Hence, we advise you to be patient with him
and supplicate Allaah to rectify him. Also, you should advise him in a
gentle manner and clarify to him these rights and that he is obliged
to fulfill them. You should also urge him to find a way for his
treatment whether in regard to premature ejaculation or in regard to
oligospermia. If he accepts and repels the harm off you, praise be to
Allaah, and if he refuses, then you have the right to ask for divorce
or Khul' and he should accept it. Some scholars are even of the view
that the husband is obliged to accept divorce or Khul' if the marital
relationship between him and his wife is impossible as we clarified in
Fatwa 174941.
Based on this, if your husband refuses to accept, you should take your
case to the Sharee'ah court and the judge should remove the harm off
you. He may oblige the husband to accept your divorce or Khul' as the
Sharee'ah came to remove harm, and among its known rules is that "the
harm should be removed" and this is taken from the saying of the
Prophet: "There should be no harm nor reciprocal harm."
On the other hand, we do not know whether what you mentioned is what
is applied in the Sharee'ah court in your country. In any case, if we
presume that the situation is as you mentioned, then you should look
for another means like seeking the help of some rational people from
your relatives or the relatives of your husband so that they would try
to convince him either to keep you in kindness or to release you in
kindness.
Allaah Knows best.

Fathwa, - Khul' under compulsion

Question
I married the man I love 3 years back. I did and sacrificed a lot for
him. But he left me for an another married woman without fulfilling
his responsibilities. Now I'm hurt and heart broken. He forced me to
give him a divorce. I did what he said, but I never signed the paper.
Now my parents want me to get married. But that is impossible for me.
I've never thought of any other guy accept my husband. And I don't
want to think. He hurt me a lot. But still I want him to understand
his mistakes and get back in my life. Because he is my husband. Every
day, every moment I pray to Allah to show me the right path. What
Allah says for this situation? What shall I do?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify
that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad,
is His slave and Messenger.
Among the rights of the wife upon her husband is that he has a good
marital relationship with her, and fulfills her confirmed rights by
virtue of the marriage contract. Indeed, we have already issued
Fataawa 85308and 85167on the rights of spouses towards each other, so
please refer to them. Hence, if your husband was negligent regarding
any of your rights without having a sound reason, then he is sinful.
As regards Khul', the scholars defined it as the separation of the
husband from his wife in return for a compensation which he takes from
her or from anyone else ]like her guardian[ while he utters words such
as "I grant you Khul'" and the like. For more benefit, please refer
to Fatwa 89039.
If this is what happened, and you accepted it, then Khul' has taken
place. As regards your statement 'he forced me to give him a divorce',
then if you mean that Khul' had taken place under moral compulsion,
then this is not an impediment from it taking place unless it reaches
the state of extreme compulsion which the scholars restricted to it
being from someone who could execute what he says, and it is
predominantly thought that he would execute what he says while there
would be a great harm involved, like killing or severe beating and the
like. This is the kind of compulsion that prevents the act done under
compulsion from being effective.
On the other hand, Khul' is one irrevocable divorce )with minor
separation( according to the preponderant view of the jurists. When
Khul' takes place, then the husband cannot take back his wife, and she
cannot go back to him except with a new contract - if this is not the
third divorce. But if it were the third divorce, then she becomes
divorced an irrevocable divorce )with major separation( and she is not
lawful for him unless she marries another man ]a valid marriage and he
consummates the marriage with her and then he divorces her or dies[.
For more information about the kinds of divorce, please refer to Fatwa
82541.
Based on the above, it is permissible for you to try to get back to
your husband if there is a legitimate way to it. Nonetheless, if your
husband does not want you any more, then you should not be attached to
him, especially if he takes girlfriends as there is no good in such a
husband in that case. Rather, you should supplicate Allaah to bless
you with a better husband, as men are so many, and you should not
refuse to remarry on the pretext that you do not want anyone except
your first husband. As regards love sickness, its treatment has
already been clarified in a Fathwa.
Allaah Knows best.

Marital Life, - 'You' and 'I': The Art of Communication in MaritalLife – II

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There is a huge difference between a positive statement such as:"I always look forward to you returning home in the evening to see you and talk to you", and a negative one such as:"You never care to listen to me even when we meet in the evening."
The use of the pronoun "I" in conversation is more influential and more effective than the use of the pronoun "you"; and "I" always reduces the severity of what you want to say. Try to compare the following two statements:
·"You don't care about the condition of the house"which is construed by the listener to be an accusation of negligence.
·"I feel lonely when I am doing the housework",which means the wife bears the responsibility for doing the housework even if she feels lonely, and she does the housework alone.
Dear brothers and sisters:
When the spouses use the subjective pronoun “I” more often in their dialogue, and include positive meanings in their words, their relationship will improve immediately and noticeably, and they may find solutions for their problems once they improve their manner of conversation and dialogue.
It is true that it is not easy to start using the subjective pronoun "I". This depends on the decision taken by each of the spouses to start bearing responsibility for their feelings and needs, and expressing themselves wisely. This requires the person to acquire a special skill in the ability to talk about oneself.
The use of the subjective pronoun "I" means that one will no longer use expressions such as:“You always…”, "You never…", "You make me feel…",which will be replaced with such expressions as:"I feel… ", “I wish…”, "I do not want to...".
Three important words that help one acquire the skills of listening and talking are: feelings, needs and wishes. These simple expressions:"I feel","I need", and"I wish"transmit to others what we like to say about ourselves, and what we need from others to help us. For example, we could say:
"I have been feeling so stressed out and tired lately."
"I need some rest."
"I wish you could understand what this means to me, so you could help me find a way to rest."
What is more important is that a person speaks subjectively, and talks about his own feelings briefly. It is difficult for some people to acquire this skill; and they may need a lot of encouragement and patience if they are slow in this respect.
In conclusion:
In this article, we have seen the means by which we can talk to each other more effectively. Thus, instead of blaming one another, by saying "you" more than "I", it is important that one should talk positively and subjectively, i.e. about himself, by using the subjective pronoun “I” more often. This helps us express our feelings, needs and wishes, especially when learning the skills of listening and talking, and keeping the channels of communication open with the other party.
Dear husband and wife,
The best way to practice the art of communication is not to blame the other by using "you", but instead, to try to use such positive words as "I" to express our feelings, needs and wishes. An earnest attempt to change what is said or done by the other party into something positive can help one appreciate or, at least, understand them better.
For example, you could say,"I am sorry that things have been tough and difficult for you lately",or you could interrupt the speech by saying:"I can't express how happy I am that you are listening to me like this! How comfortable this makes me feel!"
"I" is intended to express one's purpose:
We can express our purpose by using phrases starting with "I" such as: "I want", "I mean", "I would like to", and "I intend to". When we fail to express ourselves clearly, this failure leads to confusion and ambiguity, for the other party would not understand our wishes and purposes.
Choosing the right words:
Long-term relationships like marriage are characterized by habits that may cause each of the spouses to be heedless of what they says to their life partner, for each partner depends, in choosing words, on habit rather than on conscious selection. Hence, words of encouragement are lost and replaced with others that lead to tension and discontentment.
The following are some of the negative frustrating expressions that are often used:"You will never change","You're always cranky","You're wrong, and this is not the first time."We notice that "you" is most often used to express negative words and emotions.
Examples of encouraging words and expressions are:"I love you","I need you","I respect the way you handle matters. I like it","Can I help you?"We notice here that the word "I" is essential to all positive encouraging expressions.
Things to do:
1-Train yourself to use this manner of communication with your husband this week, and remember to use "I" instead of "you", and use your emotional intelligence in your reactions and dialogue with your husband.
2-The use of "I" instead of "you" is one of the ways you can keep communication open between you and your husband. It implies the concept of bearing responsibility, and carries positive meanings to encourage the other party to continue with the dialogue.







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