General Articles, - You who have iman, be steadfast; be supreme in steadfastness; be firm on the battlefield; and have taqwa of Allah; so that hopefully you will be successful. (Surat Al ‘Imran, 200)

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:-> Islam praises women Muslim Woman Is Noble A Muslim woman is noble; she has a character that does not stoop to simple attitudes and insignificant interests. She knows that jealousy, gossiping, sarcasm, caprice, hypocrisy and similar attitudes do not please Allah and that they are humiliating attitudes giving harm to one’s personality and distancing her from nobility. Therefore, she never deigns to any of these behaviors. She remains resolute about always assuming attitudes in compliance with the morality of the Qur’an as she knows that this will raise someone to the noblest state. Every moment she displays sedate character because she lives by the morality of the Qur’an. For instance, she never uses the flaws of others as an object of sarcasm; on the contrary she tries to compensate others’ flaws in the most pleasant way. When she sees someone having a superior trait, she praises that person rather than being jealous of him. She responds to every attitude in the noblest manner and conducts herself in compliance with the morality of the Qur’an. Even if people respond her with low behaviors, she never ceases to be noble and sedate, and remains persistent in her nobility. Muslim Woman Is Virtuous and Dignified In the Holy Quran: “If ye (but) eschew the most heinous of the things which ye are forbidden to do, We shall expel out of you all the evil in you, and admit you to a gate of great honour. (Surah An-Nisa, 31); Allah announces that He will grant the honour only to those who have a sincere effort in living Quranic morality and to those who fear Him deeply. True dignity is to disdain hypocrisy, lie, and small impostures for small interests and simple behaviors; as one fears Allah deeply and sincerely believes in the Hereafter. It is to be able to respond nicely, morally and maturely to those who act ignorantly. Muslim woman performs a dignified and sedate personality deriving from her deep faith in Allah. Knowing that performing behaviors in accordance with Quranic morality is the only thing that makes one superior; she never appeases from her modest, devoted character that pleases Allah. In many verses of the Quran, Allah emphasized the importance of virtue and the values it brings to a woman. Allah announces the importance of virtue in a Quran verse: “…that is most convenient, that they should be known (as such) and not molested.” (Surah Al-Ahzabi 59). Virtue brings respect and dignity to a woman and prevents her from being insulted in the society. Muslim women obey every single rule Allah announced them in the Quran and thus they attain dignity, sedateness and respect. It is possible to understand how virtuous and sedate she is from the looks, laughs, gestures, speeches and attitudes of that kind of person. Virtuous woman has natural nobility, a humane grandeur and trusted personality. Allah announces in a Quran verse that true believers might be known from their faces: “…On their faces are their marks, (being) the traces of their prostration” (Surah Al-Fath,29)

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Marital Life, - Resolving Marital Conflicts: Strategies and Solutions

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:-> What is the best solution when a married couple faces marital problems and conflicts? Contrary to popular practice, divorce or threatening a spouse with divorce is not the right solution. The best solution is patience, endurance and realizing that it is natural for differences to arise between married people. It is also necessary for each spouse to bear with his/ her partner and to overlook some of the words and acts that may be displeasing. After all, one does not always know where one’s best interest lies; you may like to do something that turns out to be bad for you. Besides, there are times when you do something that you do not like to do but it turns out to be good for you. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them -- perhaps you dislike a thing and Allaah Makes therein much good.{]Quran 4:19[ When the couple’s disagreement worsens, the ties between them start weakening. Then, the wife becomes disobedient, arrogant and negligent of her duties and her husband's rights. She may also deny her husband’s virtues. The remedy for this attitude in Islam is stated explicitly and it does not include divorce. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}But those ]wives[ from whom you fear arrogance -- ]first[ advise them; ]then if they persist[, forsake them in bed; and ]finally[, strike them. But if they obey you ]once more[, seek no means against them.{]Quran 4:34[ When dealing with the wife’s arrogance, first, the husband should advise her, admonish her, and remind of the husband’s rights over her and of the punishment of Allaah The Almighty. All this should be done tactfully and patiently, while adopting the approach of encouraging at times and dissuading at other times. Forsaking the wife in bed is a punishment for her arrogance and disobedience. It is worthy noting that Allaah The Almighty Says, “forsake them in the bed” not out of it. This means that the husband should not let anyone notice that he is upset with his wife. The purpose of this punishment is to solve the problem and not to humiliate the woman or violate the privacy of their marriage relationship. If the problem is not solved, stricter measures may be the answer. Some people are not affected by gentle advising and they grow more arrogant when they are treated kindly. When such people are treated strictly, they become calm and quiet. Every sensible man realizes that if temporary sternness could bring back discipline, and prevent the family from breaking up, it would be better than divorce and separation. This is a positive form of discipline, yet it is not meant to be applied for the sake of revenge or humiliation. It is a means to put matters right and to reform the married couple’s situation. If the wife fears her husband’s contempt or evasion, she should apply the following verse: Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion, there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them -- and settlement is best.{]Quran 4:128[ The solution is by making settlement but not by divorce or separation. Settlement may be giving up some of the financial or personal rights in order to retain the marriage relationship. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And settlement is best.{]Quran 4:128[ Indeed, settlement is better than disagreement, aversion, arrogance and divorce. This is a quick review and a brief reminder of one of the aspects of the religion of Allaah The Almighty and how to apply its rulings. How far do we apply it? Why do people disregard the role of the two arbitrators in attempting to settle a marital conflict? Is it because they abstain from reforming themselves or is it that they wish to separate families and children? In most cases, we see ignorance, injustice, lack of consciousness of Allaah The Almighty, desertion of many of His rulings, and tampering with His prescribed punishments. It was narrated by Ibn Maajah, Ibn Hibbaan and others that theProphet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Why are some of you tampering with the prescribed punishments of Allaah while I am still living among you?” Last resort for solving conflicts: When all the possible means of treatment prove ineffective and it becomes impossible to maintain marital ties, as the aims and wisdom of marriage stipulated by Allaah The Almighty are not achieved,Sharee‘ah)Islamic legislation( has made a way out for this problem. However, many Muslims are ignorant of the method ofdivorce legislated by theSharee‘ahlegislated and they continually repeat the words of divorce without considering the limits that are set by Allaah The Almighty and HisSharee‘ah. Divorce is prohibited when it occurs during the woman’s menstrual period, or during a period of purity in which an incident of intercourse takes place. A three-fold divorce, which is when the husband says that he divorces his wife all three times in one time, is also prohibited. These three kinds of divorce are prohibited and the person who does this bears a sin but the divorce is effected, according to the soundest opinions of scholars. TheSunnidivorce that Muslims should understand is the divorce for one time that occurs during a period of purity in which no incident of intercourse takes place or divorce during pregnancy. Divorce that takes place during such a period is a remedy, as it takes place after the husband has taken his time to think. While waiting for the time of purity where no intercourse took place, a husband thinks carefully and he may change his mind. His heart may be awakened and perhaps Allaah The Almighty will decree for them a different matter. The period of ‘Iddah)waiting period( is either counted by the month, the number of times when menstruation took place, or if it is to last until the pregnant divorcee has delivered her baby -- is a chance for family reunion that may return love and affection. Muslims are often ignorant of the fact that the divorcee should stay in her husband’s home without going out if her divorce was still revocable. Allaah The Almighty Says that these are the wives’ houses, in order to confirm their right to stay in them. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Do not turn them out of their houses,{]Quran 65:1[ Staying at the house of the husband gives him a chance to revoke the divorce and paves the way for arousing the feeling of love and the memories of their mutual life. In this case, the woman would seem far as she is divorced, but she would be close to the husband’s sight. This ruling aims at calming the storm and encouraging responsible reconsideration of the situation and deliberation of the affairs of the household and the children. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}O Prophet, when you ]Muslims[ divorce women, divorce them for ]the commencement of[ their waiting period and keep count of the waiting period, and fear Allaah, your Lord. Do not turn them out of their ]husbands'[ houses, nor should they ]themselves[ leave ]during that period[ unless they are committing a clear immorality. And those are the limits ]set by[ Allaah. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allaah has certainly wronged himself. You know not; perhaps Allaah will bring about after that a ]different[ matter.{]Quran 65:1[

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Marital Life, - Tips for a Happy Marriage

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:-> 1-Make your wife happy and you will be happy: You must give to take. This is one of the laws of life, and if you give happiness to your wife, you will receive happiness. You should know that the first one to benefit from your wife’s happiness is you. That is because if you succeed in making her happy, she will spare no effort to make you happy and return the favor. The woman is a delicate and sensitive creature who refuses to take without giving, because she inclines by nature to giving and sacrificing for the sake of those whom she loves. You can follow these steps to make your wife happy: ·Consult her in your affairs ·Be gentle with her ·Give her orders in a kind manner, without haughtiness and arrogance ·Provide her with enough money to meet her needs and the home appliances she needs. ·Joke and play with her from time to time ·Dedicate part of your time to her and never let your work distract you from entertaining her ·Let her know that you love her and feel protective about her ·Give her gifts ·Take into consideration her physical and psychological tensions and endeavor to solve her problems ·Overlook her simple faults and avoid overburdening her with demands 2-Pay attention toyour personalhygiene: Personal hygiene is one of the most important things that make both man and woman lead a happy life together. Neglecting this aspect makes each of the spouses repel the other. We have seen many marital disputes and problems that led to divorce because the husband is negligent regarding cleaning his mouth, body or armpits, or due to his insistence on smoking or leaving the bathroom unclean after using it, or other behavior that indicate that the man does not care much for his personal hygiene. Islam is the religion of cleanliness: Ibn Al-Jawzi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, I have noticed that many people neglect their personal cleanliness. Some of them do not clean their teeth after eating with a toothpick; some do not wash their hands thoroughly from the smell of meat and fats after eating; some almost never use the Siwaak )tooth stick(, apply Kohl, remove the armpit hair, and so on. This negligence has evil worldly and religious impacts. As for the religious evils, the believer is commanded to clean himself and take a bath on Fridays to prepare himself before the gathering of Friday Prayer. He is also forbidden from entering the mosque if he had eaten garlic, and the Sharee‘ah commanded us to clean the finger joints, trim the nails, use the Siwaak, shave the pubic hair, and so on. With regard to the worldly evils, some of those who neglect their personal cleanliness speak to me from a close distance, unaware of the harm they are causing. When they start speaking to me, I can not turn away from them because they wish to confide something to me and I therefore suffer greatly because of the smell of their mouths. This also may make one’s wife feel disgust; however, she may prefer not to tell her husband, but it ends up in her aversion towards him. Ibn‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, used to say, “I like to adorn myself for my wife, just as I like her to adorn herself for me.” The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the cleanest of all people and his smell was the best. No one ever smelled an unpleasant smell from him. The wise people said, “Whoever cleans his clothes, his worries diminish, and whoever maintains a good smell, his mind becomes sounder.” Moreover, people love the person who preserves his personal cleanliness for his cleanliness and good smell. Finally, such a man pleases his wife, since women are the counterparts of men and they dislike uncleanliness just as men dislike it. However, a man can show patience with what he dislikes, but the woman may fail to do so.]summarized fromSayd Al-Khaatir[ 3-Get rid of worries: Worry is the bitter enemy of happiness, and whoever lives while being captured with worries can never enjoy happiness. Some people may fear that their marriage would collapse, but they should know that worry is useless and will not solve the problem. On the contrary, worry worsens the problems and paralyzes the mind. In fact, worry is a problem in itself and we should treat it first before treating the other problems. Worry that is related to marriage is usually due to three causes: A-Fear of inability to provide for the family B-Fear of financial problems C-Fear of any change in the wife’s conduct in such a way the leads to separation D-Fear of inability to achieve sexual adjustment or satisfying the wife’s sexual needs E-Fear of a sudden death that may destroy the family This kind of worry is needless and it only obsesses the wavering people who rely on the means rather than Allaah The Almighty. One is only required to work and then leave the results to Allaah The Almighty along with absolute satisfaction with the Divine Decree and Judgment. Then, there is no harm in utilizing the available means along with complete reliance on Allaah The Almighty and asking Him to bestow safety and security upon one’s family. 4-Avoid irritability: Completely avoiding anger is very difficult; however, the wise man should not be irritable, or allow any act or behavior to provoke him. A reasonable man should not surrender to anger in such a way that turns it into one of his characteristics, because this will destroy his happiness and fill his life with misery and sorrow. If anger exceeds the proper limits, it will make one deal with others unjustly and cruelly. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“The strong man is not the one who is undefeatable in a fight , but the strong man is he who controls himself in a fit of rage”]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ The majority of divorce cases take place under the influence of anger. Then, when the man calms down, he regrets what he has done. However, this divorce may be irrevocable which means that regret will be of no use and the man will lose his beloved wife forever, unless another man marries and then divorces her. There is no doubt that this is very difficult for any man with dignity.

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M