Marital Life, - Push Your Husband Towards Success

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:-> It is said that behind every great man there is a great woman. Have you ever thought of being that great woman who makes a great man of her husband? Many women wish to do so, but only a few of them endeavor to fulfill that precious wish in a practical way. In the following lines, we shall try to help you and your husband on to the way of success. We shall offer you the secrets of success and tell you what you are expected to do to make these possible and easy for your husband. The relevant source is a book written by Mr. ‘Aadil Fat’hi ‘Abdullaah about how the wife can push her husband towards success. - Always remind your husband to have a righteous intention in every deed. Do not drive him into doing something that is beyond his capacity. If you do so, he might resort to unlawful or doubtful means to fulfill your requests. Let your constant advice to your husband be that of the righteous woman who said to her husband, "Fear Allaah in treating us, and do not feed us except lawfully earned sustenance, for we can endure hunger in life, but we cannot endure Hell in the Hereafter." - Be realistic in setting your goals. If you find your husband setting imaginary goals, draw him gently back to reality. Follow the gradual approach in setting and achieving goals. A great goal can be divided into smaller ones, and whenever a minor goal is achieved, help your husband with the following one, and so on. Do not be hasty in achieving these goals, and do not hesitate to give up some of the things that you want for yourself for the sake of your family’s welfare. - As long as the goals are set, there should be sound and disciplined planning to achieve them. The success of this rests on complete knowledge of the nature of work. Thereby, you should provide your husband with the suitable environment to help him achieve the task of planning for work with peace of mind. Help him to count all that he needs to achieve the task that he is working on, and help him set a five-year plan to achieve something important for the family every five years. - AllaahThe Almighty orders us to do our work well and with perfection in all conditions and under all circumstances. Also, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Indeed, Allaah loves that when any one of you does something, he does it perfectly.”Hence, help your husband and encourage him to attain perfection. - Help your husband to have self-confidence by praising his good qualities, reminding him of his successful achievements either during or before your marriage and by discovering his talents. Many people are quite unaware of their talents, and know them by virtue of others. As you are the closest person to him, you can help him discover his negative qualities and try to discuss and treat them. Do not forget to offer your advice in a beautiful and gentle manner. - Always remember that life is made up of time, and that good utilization of time is one of the tasks that lead to success. To have well-managed time, you should prepare visits to your relatives and friends far in advance, and do not use such visits as a chance to waste time. Internal family problems, like the children's simple troubles, should be settled without wasting your husband's time. You can relieve him of some burdens by buying the household needs, so that you can save him time to resume his work or to rest. You may utilize the time wasted in chatting on the phone and watching television in helping your husband as much as you can. - Any success in life is devoid of blessing unless it is associated with good deeds. We are not talking here about the obligations that Allaah The Almighty enjoins upon us, for the necessity to observe them is obvious. We mean the voluntary acts of worship, charity and acts of kindness done by Muslims as they seek to be close to Allaah The Almighty. Psychologists, even those who are Western, acknowledge the great effects of doing good deeds on the souls, pushing them towards success. Good deeds give peace of mind and great happiness. Therefore, you should kindly push your husband towards doing all sorts of good deeds. - Many people work in many different fields and do many things which end up being worthless. Their time is wasted because of one simple reason, they never complete a task. There are many tasks which are either completed or left incomplete. Hence, help your husband to adopt an attitude of perseverance to achieve his tasks by not insisting that he fulfills your demands that are beyond his capacity. Such insistence might cause him to move to another kind of work without achieving anything in his previous one thus, losing success in both. - Life is never free of difficulties and obstacles. However, the sound mind that proceeds on the way of success is always driven by high aspirations to overcome the obstacles and deal patiently with misfortunes. Allaah The Almighty addresses the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, Saying )what means(:}O you who covers himself ]with a garment[, Arise and warn, And your Lord glorify, And your clothing purify, And uncleanliness avoid, and do not confer favor to acquire more.{]Quran 74:1-7[ It is a divine call to wake up and struggle to construct life. To make your husband highly motivated, you should be highly motivated yourself. - You should know that man needs nothing more in his life than patience. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship.” Thus, patience is the way to achieve the pursued goal. To be patient is not only to endure adversities, but also to make no complaints except to Allaah The Almighty. With this sort of patience, one should neither be restless nor discontented. Patience should always be joined with being content with the divine decree and confidence in what is with Allaah The Almighty. This is always better and more lasting. Futile Success - In conclusion, you should be certain of the fact that not all successful people are happy. There are successful people whom we believe to be very happy, when in reality they are miserable and wish to get rid of all of their success, in exchange of a moment’s happiness. Success that is achieved at the expense of one's physical, psychological and moral health is indeed destructive. Failure is better than this kind of success. Therefore, be careful not to push your husband to succeed in something that will cost him more than failure does. Life is a balance between many things, and any disturbance in this balance will lead to troubles, failure and loss. This balance can never be illustrated better than by the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, who said:“Your Lord has a right on you, and your family has a right on you, and your self has a right on you; so give each his due right.”

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Marital Life, - Negligence of AdornmentAfter Marriage and Its Effects

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:-> At the beginning of marital life, the wife cares about adorning herself for her husband. However, as time passes, she might think that there is no formality between them so she ignores this. Painfully, her negligence of adornment is limited to her husband, as the wife does care about it when she visits her female friends or relatives. The wife is not required to spend most of her day in front of the mirror to adorn herself for her husband. Adornment basically lies in observing cleanliness with simple touches that every woman knows. That the wife adorns herself for her husband is one of the rights he has upon her, and it is also binding upon her. In aHadeeth, the Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"Let me inform you about the best thing a man hoards: it is a righteous woman who pleases him when he looks at her, maintains her chastity and guards his interests when he is away from her, and obeys him when he gives her a command." In the past, Umaamah bint Al-Haarith, may Allaah have mercy upon her, gave some well-known advice to her daughter before her wedding, saying,"Be careful of what your husband smells and sees. He should not see anything ugly on you or smell anything except a fine fragrance from you. Kohl is the best makeup available and water is the most pleasant of the rare perfumes."Adorning oneself for her husband does not mean exhausting him financially through buying a lot of new means of beautification. Love of adornment is innate Though love of adornment is part of the woman's innate disposition, and Allaah The Almighty confirms this in the Quran, Saying )what means(:}So is one brought up in ornaments and unable to give a clear account in a dispute]attributed to Allaah[?{]Quran 43:18[ a woman's care about adornment is often affected by her age. In the stage after the marriage contract, the girl cares about being the best and most beautiful in the eyes of her groom, but the importance of this care decreases after the )consummation of( marriage and bearing many responsibilities. Three years after his marriage, a youth says, "This is not the beautiful girl whom I married." The wife replies by listing the daily work that she has to do and explains that she finds herself extremely tired and exhausted by the end of the day and has no time for adorning herself. However, another woman points the finger at the wife and considers her negligent of her own right as well as of the right of her husband. The current cosmetics that are available make the woman take only half an hour to look her best. Moreover, love of adornment is innate in the woman and should not be abandoned because of her being busy. The role of the husband The husband can play an important role in his wife's care for or negligence of adornment. He may ignore her adornment or criticize it, so he frustrates her. Perhaps he neglects his adornment while she cares about hers. Such a husband forgets the guidance of the Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, when he said:"Of the things of this world, women and perfume have been made dear to me, and my comfort lies in performing prayer."]An-Nasaa'i[ It is narrated on the authority of‘Aa'ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, that she said,“While in my menses, I used to comb the hair and massage ]the head[ of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam.” It is narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: “A person who has hair should take care of it.” The responsibility of the wife's negligence of adornment cannot fully rest on the husband, for wives often justify their negligence of their adornment on being busy. Thus, Noorah Sulaymaan, a social professional, calls for training girls before marriage in bearing various responsibilities, so that every girl will be responsible for taking care of children, a husband, a house and her adornment without prejudice to any of these. She adds,“Regretfully, we do not raise our children to make good use of time and divide it between different responsibilities. Hence, the wife often fails to distribute her time between her house, husband and children.” Too old to adorn Some women neglect adorning themselves after marriage under the pretext of a misconception about the function of beautification. Some girls think that only the periods of their engagement and the first days and years of marriage are the time for adornment, and when informed that adornment is part of their being a good wife, they reply that they are too old to do that. These women forget that nothing should prevent the wife from adorning herself for her husband except what theSharee‘ahapproved, such as the mourning for the death of a close relative. Umm Sulaym, may Allaah be pleased with her, adorned herself for her husband on a distressful day. It is narrated on the authority of Anas, may Allaah be pleased with him, that he said, A son of Abu Talhah from Umm Sulaym, may Allaah be pleased with them, died, and Umm Sulaym said to her family, ‘Do not inform Abu Talhah of the death of his son until I do it myself.’ Abu Talhah arrived home and she brought him his meal and he ate dinner and drank. Then, she got up, applied perfume to her body, and adorned herself, making herself more beautiful than she had ever been before. He then had intercourse with her. When she was sure that he was satisfied and had enjoyed the intercourse with her, she said, ‘O Abu Talhah, do you think that if some people lent something to others, then asked for it back, that they ]i.e., the indebted[ have the right not to give it back?’ He replied, ‘No.’ She said, ‘Seek the reward of Allaah The Almighty regarding your son ]i.e. he has died[.’ Thereupon, Abu Talhah went to the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and related to him the story. The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: ‘May Allaah bless what happened last night )i.e. the resulting child(.’

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M

Soul Purification, - Hardness of Heart

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:-> The hard heart is that which contains a mixture of harshness and toughness; a heart that is void of submission and the sense of turning to Allah The Exalted in repentance at all times. This is the severest punishment ever. This is why the disbelievers are punished with having a hard and harsh heart. Maalik ibn Deenaar, May Allah Have mercy upon him, said in this regard, "Allah The Almighty Punishes the wrongdoers in their hearts and bodies as well. They are punished with a hard and miserable life and laziness and indolence in carrying out acts of worship. However, there is no punishment that is severer than having a hard heart." ]Hilyat Al-Awliyaa’[ Furthermore, Imaam Al-Mar‘ashi, May Allah Have mercy upon him, stressed the same meaning saying, "No one was afflicted by a severer calamity than having a hard heart." ]Hilyat Al-Awliyaa’[ Dear readers, let us ponder over what Allah The Exalted Says )which means(:}Then your hearts became hardened after that, being like stones or even harder. For indeed, there are stones from which rivers burst forth, and there are some of them that split open and water comes out, and there are some of them that fall down for fear of Allah. And Allah Is not unaware of what you do.{]Quran 2:74[ This verse refers to the story of the children of Israel and the miracle of reviving the murdered man and to all the examples, warnings and adversities that had befallen the Children of Israel. Those Divine Miracles would cause huge mountains to shake and solid rocks to dissolve! Actually, it was worthier of their hearts to be softened by such amazing miracles, yet they did not. Allah The Exalted Clarified that their hearts had become more of rocks and even worse in hardness due to the fact that they rejected Imaan after knowing and understanding the requirements of attaining Imaan and its conditions. Hence, these hearts were like rocks and even worse in hardness. Indeed, rocks are a good example that people use to indicate hardness. Yet, Allah The Exalted Excluded some rocks from that absolute hardness, but Did not Exclude the hearts of the children of Israel. Allah The Exalted Says )what means(:}For indeed, there are stones from which rivers burst forth, and there are some of them that split open and water comes out, and there are some of them that fall down for fear of Allah.{]Quran 2:74[ Let us reflect on this description of the one who has a hard heart. Allah The Exalted Says )what means(:}… and his sin has encompassed him…{]Quran 2:81[ This means that his sins and wrongdoings have encompassed him totally from all sides until he was surrounded with his own sins and wrongdoings from all directions. These sins and wrongdoings worked as a separator that detached him from all that is around him. Undeniably, this is clearly evident when a sinner does not repent of his sin, he is tempted to commit it more and more. This incites him to preoccupy himself exclusively and be wholly taken up with committing such sins and even graver sins and wrongdoings. Hence, sins subdue and overwhelm such a person totally and take hold of his heart entirely. Accordingly, he becomes inherently inclined to committing sins, liking and loving them, believing that this is the ultimate and optimal way to relish happiness and pleasure, disliking all who would come on his way in attaining that fake happiness and joy, and disbelieving anyone who would advise him to avoid such sins. Allah The Exalted Says )what means(:}Then the end of those who did evil was the worst ]consequence[ because they denied the Signs of Allah and used to ridicule them.{]Quran 30:10[ Regrettably, this man's sins become like a thick tent that screen everything around him. He no longer senses or thinks of the fact that Allah The Exalted Sees him all the time. He loses sight of the enduring pleasures in Paradise, the promised and anticipated punishment in Hellfire, the evil schemes of the devil that are all set to mislead Mankind, and the pity of the kind angels. Such a sinner fails to notice all these facts while being wholly lost in his sins and wrongdoings. The Prophet, sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"When an adulterer commits illegal sexual intercourse, then he is not a believer at the time he is doing it, and when a drinker of an alcoholic liquor drinks it, he is not a believer at the time of drinking it, and when a thief steals, he is not a believer at the time of stealing, and when a robber robs, and the people look at him, he is not a believer at the time of doing robbery."]Al-Bukhari[

- PUBLISHERNajimudeeN M