Women site, - Push Your Husband Towards Success

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It is said that behind every great man there is a great woman. Have you ever thought of being that great woman who makes a great man of her husband? Many women wish to do so, but only a few of them endeavor to fulfill that precious wish in a practical way. In the following lines, we shall try to help you and your husband on to the way of success. We shall offer you the secrets of success and tell you what you are expected to do to make these possible and easy for your husband. The relevant source is a book written by Mr. ‘Aadil Fat’hi ‘Abdullaah about how the wife can push her husband towards success.
- Always remind your husband to have a righteous intention in every deed. Do not drive him into doing something that is beyond his capacity. If you do so, he might resort to unlawful or doubtful means to fulfill your requests. Let your constant advice to your husband be that of the righteous woman who said to her husband, "Fear Allaah in treating us, and do not feed us except lawfully earned sustenance, for we can endure hunger in life, but we cannot endure Hell in the Hereafter."
- Be realistic in setting your goals. If you find your husband setting imaginary goals, draw him gently back to reality. Follow the gradual approach in setting and achieving goals. A great goal can be divided into smaller ones, and whenever a minor goal is achieved, help your husband with the following one, and so on. Do not be hasty in achieving these goals, and do not hesitate to give up some of the things that you want for yourself for the sake of your family’s welfare.
- As long as the goals are set, there should be sound and disciplined planning to achieve them. The success of this rests on complete knowledge of the nature of work. Thereby, you should provide your husband with the suitable environment to help him achieve the task of planning for work with peace of mind. Help him to count all that he needs to achieve the task that he is working on, and help him set a five-year plan to achieve something important for the family every five years.
- AllaahThe Almighty orders us to do our work well and with perfection in all conditions and under all circumstances. Also, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Indeed, Allaah loves that when any one of you does something, he does it perfectly.”Hence, help your husband and encourage him to attain perfection.
- Help your husband to have self-confidence by praising his good qualities, reminding him of his successful achievements either during or before your marriage and by discovering his talents. Many people are quite unaware of their talents, and know them by virtue of others. As you are the closest person to him, you can help him discover his negative qualities and try to discuss and treat them. Do not forget to offer your advice in a beautiful and gentle manner.
- Always remember that life is made up of time, and that good utilization of time is one of the tasks that lead to success. To have well-managed time, you should prepare visits to your relatives and friends far in advance, and do not use such visits as a chance to waste time. Internal family problems, like the children's simple troubles, should be settled without wasting your husband's time. You can relieve him of some burdens by buying the household needs, so that you can save him time to resume his work or to rest. You may utilize the time wasted in chatting on the phone and watching television in helping your husband as much as you can.
- Any success in life is devoid of blessing unless it is associated with good deeds. We are not talking here about the obligations that Allaah The Almighty enjoins upon us, for the necessity to observe them is obvious. We mean the voluntary acts of worship, charity and acts of kindness done by Muslims as they seek to be close to Allaah The Almighty. Psychologists, even those who are Western, acknowledge the great effects of doing good deeds on the souls, pushing them towards success. Good deeds give peace of mind and great happiness. Therefore, you should kindly push your husband towards doing all sorts of good deeds.
- Many people work in many different fields and do many things which end up being worthless. Their time is wasted because of one simple reason, they never complete a task. There are many tasks which are either completed or left incomplete. Hence, help your husband to adopt an attitude of perseverance to achieve his tasks by not insisting that he fulfills your demands that are beyond his capacity. Such insistence might cause him to move to another kind of work without achieving anything in his previous one thus, losing success in both.
- Life is never free of difficulties and obstacles. However, the sound mind that proceeds on the way of success is always driven by high aspirations to overcome the obstacles and deal patiently with misfortunes. Allaah The Almighty addresses the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, Saying )what means(:}O you who covers himself ]with a garment[, Arise and warn, And your Lord glorify, And your clothing purify, And uncleanliness avoid, and do not confer favor to acquire more.{]Quran 74:1-7[
It is a divine call to wake up and struggle to construct life. To make your husband highly motivated, you should be highly motivated yourself.
- You should know that man needs nothing more in his life than patience. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship.”
Thus, patience is the way to achieve the pursued goal. To be patient is not only to endure adversities, but also to make no complaints except to Allaah The Almighty. With this sort of patience, one should neither be restless nor discontented. Patience should always be joined with being content with the divine decree and confidence in what is with Allaah The Almighty. This is always better and more lasting.
Futile Success
- In conclusion, you should be certain of the fact that not all successful people are happy. There are successful people whom we believe to be very happy, when in reality they are miserable and wish to get rid of all of their success, in exchange of a moment’s happiness. Success that is achieved at the expense of one's physical, psychological and moral health is indeed destructive. Failure is better than this kind of success. Therefore, be careful not to push your husband to succeed in something that will cost him more than failure does.
Life is a balance between many things, and any disturbance in this balance will lead to troubles, failure and loss. This balance can never be illustrated better than by the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, who said:“Your Lord has a right on you, and your family has a right on you, and your self has a right on you; so give each his due right.”

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Women site, - Negligence of AdornmentAfter Marriage and Its Effects

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At the beginning of marital life, the wife cares about adorning herself for her husband. However, as time passes, she might think that there is no formality between them so she ignores this. Painfully, her negligence of adornment is limited to her husband, as the wife does care about it when she visits her female friends or relatives.
The wife is not required to spend most of her day in front of the mirror to adorn herself for her husband. Adornment basically lies in observing cleanliness with simple touches that every woman knows. That the wife adorns herself for her husband is one of the rights he has upon her, and it is also binding upon her. In aHadeeth, the Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"Let me inform you about the best thing a man hoards: it is a righteous woman who pleases him when he looks at her, maintains her chastity and guards his interests when he is away from her, and obeys him when he gives her a command."
In the past, Umaamah bint Al-Haarith, may Allaah have mercy upon her, gave some well-known advice to her daughter before her wedding, saying,"Be careful of what your husband smells and sees. He should not see anything ugly on you or smell anything except a fine fragrance from you. Kohl is the best makeup available and water is the most pleasant of the rare perfumes."Adorning oneself for her husband does not mean exhausting him financially through buying a lot of new means of beautification.
Love of adornment is innate
Though love of adornment is part of the woman's innate disposition, and Allaah The Almighty confirms this in the Quran, Saying )what means(:}So is one brought up in ornaments and unable to give a clear account in a dispute]attributed to Allaah[?{]Quran 43:18[ a woman's care about adornment is often affected by her age. In the stage after the marriage contract, the girl cares about being the best and most beautiful in the eyes of her groom, but the importance of this care decreases after the )consummation of( marriage and bearing many responsibilities.
Three years after his marriage, a youth says, "This is not the beautiful girl whom I married." The wife replies by listing the daily work that she has to do and explains that she finds herself extremely tired and exhausted by the end of the day and has no time for adorning herself.
However, another woman points the finger at the wife and considers her negligent of her own right as well as of the right of her husband. The current cosmetics that are available make the woman take only half an hour to look her best. Moreover, love of adornment is innate in the woman and should not be abandoned because of her being busy.
The role of the husband
The husband can play an important role in his wife's care for or negligence of adornment. He may ignore her adornment or criticize it, so he frustrates her. Perhaps he neglects his adornment while she cares about hers. Such a husband forgets the guidance of the Prophet,sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, when he said:"Of the things of this world, women and perfume have been made dear to me, and my comfort lies in performing prayer."]An-Nasaa'i[ It is narrated on the authority of‘Aa'ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, that she said,“While in my menses, I used to comb the hair and massage ]the head[ of the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam.” It is narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: “A person who has hair should take care of it.”
The responsibility of the wife's negligence of adornment cannot fully rest on the husband, for wives often justify their negligence of their adornment on being busy. Thus, Noorah Sulaymaan, a social professional, calls for training girls before marriage in bearing various responsibilities, so that every girl will be responsible for taking care of children, a husband, a house and her adornment without prejudice to any of these. She adds,“Regretfully, we do not raise our children to make good use of time and divide it between different responsibilities. Hence, the wife often fails to distribute her time between her house, husband and children.”
Too old to adorn
Some women neglect adorning themselves after marriage under the pretext of a misconception about the function of beautification. Some girls think that only the periods of their engagement and the first days and years of marriage are the time for adornment, and when informed that adornment is part of their being a good wife, they reply that they are too old to do that.
These women forget that nothing should prevent the wife from adorning herself for her husband except what theSharee‘ahapproved, such as the mourning for the death of a close relative. Umm Sulaym, may Allaah be pleased with her, adorned herself for her husband on a distressful day. It is narrated on the authority of Anas, may Allaah be pleased with him, that he said,
A son of Abu Talhah from Umm Sulaym, may Allaah be pleased with them, died, and Umm Sulaym said to her family, ‘Do not inform Abu Talhah of the death of his son until I do it myself.’ Abu Talhah arrived home and she brought him his meal and he ate dinner and drank. Then, she got up, applied perfume to her body, and adorned herself, making herself more beautiful than she had ever been before. He then had intercourse with her. When she was sure that he was satisfied and had enjoyed the intercourse with her, she said, ‘O Abu Talhah, do you think that if some people lent something to others, then asked for it back, that they ]i.e., the indebted[ have the right not to give it back?’ He replied, ‘No.’ She said, ‘Seek the reward of Allaah The Almighty regarding your son ]i.e. he has died[.’ Thereupon, Abu Talhah went to the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, and related to him the story. The Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: ‘May Allaah bless what happened last night )i.e. the resulting child(.’

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Dought & clear, - Kissing the hand of one’s paternal or maternal uncle by way of showing respect and honour

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In our family I have to kiss the hands of my paternal and maternal uncles, as a kind of showing respect and honour to the elders of the family. Is this permissible in Islam?
Praise be to Allah
Kissing the hand of one’s father or mother, or paternal or maternal uncle, or a shaykh – if it is done by way of showing respect – is permissible and there is nothing wrong with it, so long as it does not lead to any obvious mischief, in which case it is disallowed because of the mischief.
Al-Bahooti (may Allah have mercy on him) said inKashshaaf al-Qinaa‘(2/157):
It is permissible to kiss the hand or the head as a sign of religious devotion, and to show respect and honour, so long as there is no possibility of provoking desire.
What appears to be the case is that it is not permissible if it is for some worldly purpose, in which case it is not allowed. End quote.
It says inal-Mawsoo‘ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 13/131:
It is permissible to kiss the hand of a pious scholar or just ruler, and to kiss the hands of one’s parents, teacher or anyone who is deserving of respect and honour. It is also permissible to kiss the head and forehead, and between the eyes. But all of that applies only if it is done by way of showing respect and honour, or love when meeting and parting, as a sign of religious devotion and a sign of respect, so long as there is no possibility of provoking desire.
Ibn al-Battaal said: Maalik disliked kissing of the hand, and he rejected what was narrated concerning it. Al-Abhari said: Rather Maalik disliked it if it was done by way of undeserved veneration and showing humility towards an arrogant man, but if it is done by way of drawing closer to Allah, because of a person’s religious commitment, knowledge or high status, then that is permissible. End quote.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
There is nothing wrong with kissing the hand to show respect to one who is deserving of respect, such as one’s father, a shaykh, or a teacher, unless there is fear of harmful consequences, namely if the one whose hand you kiss will be filled with self admiration and think that he is of high standing; in that case we would disallow it because of this negative consequence.
End quote fromLiqa’ al-Baab al-Maftooh, 177/30
Ibn Jibreen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked:
What is the ruling on kissing the hand? What is the ruling on kissing the hand of a person who has status, such as a teacher and the like? What is the ruling on kissing the hand of paternal and maternal uncles and others who are older?
He replied:
We think that this is permissible if it is done by way of showing respect to parents, scholars, people of virtue, and elders among relatives and the like. Ibn al-A‘raabi wrote an essay on the rulings on kissing the hand and so on; please refer to it.
If this kissing of the hand is done for older relatives and people of virtue, then it should be done by way of respect and not by way of showing humility, and it should not be done by way of veneration. We have seen some of our shaykhs objecting to that and not allowing it, and this attitude on their part appears to come under the heading of humility, not by way of deeming it haraam. And Allah knows best.

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