Women site, - Compatibility between Spouses - II

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What does it mean?
Islam did not stipulate freedom as a condition for the validity of marriage, as evident from the following instances of marriage:
·Zayd ibn Haarithah, may Allaah be pleased with him, married Zaynab bint Jahsh, may Allaah be pleased with her
·Usaamah bin Zaid, may Allaah be pleased with him, married Faatimah bint Qays, may Allaah be pleased with her
·Abu Huthayfah, may Allaah be pleased with him, gave his niece Hind bint Al-Waleed ibn ‘Utbah ibn Rabee‘ah, may Allaah be pleased with her, in marriage to his ex-slave Saalim, may Allaah be pleased with him
·Al-Miqdaad ibn Al-Aswad, may Allaah be pleased with him, )the ex-slave of Al-Aswad ibn ‘Abd Yaghooth( married Dhubaa‘ah bint Az-Zubayr ibn ‘Abdul-Muttalib, may Allaah be pleased with her, from the Banu Haashim.
Thus, the compatibility which counts between the spouses is that of religion. Commenting on the story of Prophet Moosa )Moses(, may Allaah exalt his mention, with the righteous man of Midian, Al-Qurtubi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said,
"Compatibility is considered in marriage, but scholars differed if it is in terms of religion, wealth, family background or some of them only. The preponderant opinion is that it is permissible that ex-slaves marry Arab women or women from the Quraysh, since Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allaah is the most righteous of you.{]Quran 49:13[Moosa came to the righteous man of Midian alone as a stranger, a fugitive, scared, hungry and with not enough clothes. Nevertheless, when the righteous man was sure about his religiosity and good state, he wedded him to one of his daughters, totally overlooking everything else."
The preponderant opinion, hence, is that compatibility which is required in marriage is compatibility in terms of religion, and scholars are in agreement on this point.
InFath Al-Baari, Ibn Hajar, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said,"There is a unanimous agreement on considering compatibility in religion, so the Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a disbeliever."
InZaad Al-Ma‘aad, Ibn Al-Qayyim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said,"The Sharee‘ah ruling implies considering compatibility in religion in terms of the spouse being a Muslim as a basic rule and being religiously committed as well. . Hence, it is not permissible to give a chaste woman in marriage to a dissolute man. In fact, the Quran and Sunnah did not consider compatibility in anything else."
There are ample proofs on this opinion in the Quran andSunnah. In the Quran, for instance, Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:
●}And good women )are( for good men, and good men )are( for good women.{]Quran 24:26[
●}Indeed, the most noble of you in the Sight of Allaah is the most righteous of you.{]Quran 49:13[
●}The believers are but brothers.{]Quran 49:10[
After Allaah The Almighty listed the women whom a man is prohibited from marrying, He Says )what means(:}And lawful to you are ]all others[ beyond these.{]Quran 4:24[ He also did not stipulate noble family background or wealth. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Marry those that please you of ]other[ women.{]Quran 4:3[
Proofs from theSunnahinclude:
·The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam,said:"There is no superiority of an Arab over a non-Arab or of a non-Arab over an Arab, nor is there superiority of a white )person( over a black )person( or of a black person over a white person except by virtue of piety. All people are from Aadam )Adam(, and Aadam was created from dust."]Ahmad with an Authentic chain of narrators[
·The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Such-and-such family is not my ally; my allies are the pious Muslims wherever they are."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
·It was narrated on the authority of Abu Haatim Al-Muzani, may Allaah be pleased with him, that the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"If a man proposes to you and you approve of his religiosity and morals, accept him; otherwise, there will be temptation and great corruption on earth."]At-Tirmithi: Hasan[
The Quranic verses and the generalHadeethsmentioned above stress compatibility in religion, stipulating no other forms of compatibility as a condition for the validity of marriage. However, the guardians of the woman should take into consideration compatibility in some aspects other than religion, which suit the condition of the woman in order to keep the marital life running smoothly without discord or aversion that may result due to financial, temperamental, social or other differences.
For example, if a female doctor, who is a director of a hospital, married a janitor in the same hospital, even though it is definitely lawful and permissible, arrogance, boastfulness and aversion will mostly arise on the part of the wife over her husband. The same will happen if the woman is richer than the husband or if she works and financially supports her house; in addition to the fact that the husband will lose part of his right to be in charge of her and will no longer be able to control her, especially with the lack of religious drive these days.
Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Men are in charge of women by ]right of[ what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend ]for maintenance[ from their wealth.{]Quran 4:34[
The husband's being in charge of his wife stands for two factors:
·An innate factor, which Allaah The Almighty created in man's nature.
·An external factor, which is spending from his money, including the dowry and supporting the house.
Being in charge of the wife is fulfilled when these two conditions are met; otherwise the equation will be disturbed. When the woman financially supports her house, she will certainly share part of the man's right to be in charge, which usually causes problems in the house. Similarly, it is not preferable for a female doctor to marry a worker in a café shop, a tinker, or a shoemaker )with due respect to all those people and this does not belittle their status(. This does not often happen due to differences in moral and academic levels, and the woman, who has a high position, status, wealth and knowledge, will not accept to submit to a man whom she is superior to academically, financially, morally and educationally. Even if she submits to him in the early days of her marriage, her real nature will appear in hard times which might cause big problems to arise in the marriage.
Based on the discussion above, it is clearly recommended that we should consider compatibility in the other aspects, and though it is not a condition for the validity of marriage, it is a basic requirement to guarantee the continuation of life and to avoid aversion and discord in the future. The following is evidence that supports this:
·When Faatimah bint Qays, may Allaah be pleased with her, consulted the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, about the proposal of Mu‘aawiyah and Abu Jahm, may Allaah be pleased with them; although compatibility in religion existed; besides the merit of being a Companion, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said to her:"As for Mu‘aawiyah, he is a poor man, having no property, and as for Abu Jahm, he often beats women".]Muslim[
·Buraydah, may Allaah be pleased with him, said,"Abu Bakr and ‘Umar proposed to Faatimah, but the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, told them that she was young. However, when ‘Ali proposed to her, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave her in marriage to him."]An-Nasaa’i[
In his marginal notes onSunanAn-Nasaa’i,As-Sindi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said:
"The context of the Hadeeth indicates that ‘Ali, may Allaah be pleased with him, proposed to Faatimah, may Allaah be pleased with her, immediately after Abu Bakr and ‘Umar, may Allaah be pleased with them. It is obvious that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, considered her young age in relation to them, which was not the same case with ‘Ali, may Allaah be pleased with him, so he gave her in marriage to him. This shows that agreement or closeness in age is considered because it greatly helps in creating harmony. The case may not be applied for a greater reason, such as the case of the Prophet's, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, marriage to ‘Aa'ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her. Allaah knows best."
InRawdhat At-Taalibeen, Imaam An-Nawawi, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said,"Ash-Shaafi‘I, may Allaah have mercy upon him, stated that the soundest opinion is that the aged man is not competent to marry a young woman )we previously stated that compatibility is not a condition(, for how could there be harmony between an aged man whose habits and traditions are different from that of the time of the girl and whose sexual capabilities fall short to fulfill her needs? Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And due to the wives is similar to what is expected of them.{]Quran 2:228[”
·It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, that the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“A virgin should not be given in marriage except after taking her permission; and a previously married woman should not be given in marriage except after consulting her ."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ In another narration, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“A previously married woman should not be given in marriage except after consulting her; and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after taking her permission."People asked, "O Messenger of Allaah, how is the permission of the virgin taken?" The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Her permission is her silence.”]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
To summarize:
Compatibility in religion is the only condition that must be met in marriage; other aspects are not conditions. Nevertheless, the guardians of the woman have the right to choose a husband who is suitable for or equal to her, and with whom she could live a harmonious life. They should choose the husband with whom the stability and harmony of the family can be achieved, and the causes of discord, harm and disturbance are removed. However, if the woman accepted the husband who is not suitable for her in terms of family background, profession, wealth or the like, her marriage is without doubt valid.
Lessons and notes:
·Compatibility, according to scholars who believe it to be a condition for the validity of marriage, occurs on the part of the woman and her guardians. It means that if the woman and her guardians accept an incompatible husband, the marriage would be valid. Neither Imaam Ahmad, may Allaah have mercy upon him, nor any scholar said that it would be invalid
·Many scholars, who did not believe compatibility to be a condition for the validity of marriage, held that it is a mandatory condition. It means that if a marriage is concluded in the presence of compatibility, it will be binding; if a marriage is concluded in the absence of compatibility with the consent of the woman and her guardians, the marriage will be valid; if one of the guardians does not agree, he has the right to dissolve it. This is the opinion of the Shaafi‘i scholars, the predominant opinion of the Hanafi scholars and the preponderant opinion of the Maaliki and the late Hanbali scholars.
·Compatibility applies to the man, not the woman. There is no harm at all if a man marries a woman who is not equivalent to him because the man has the right to be in charge of his wife, the children are attributed to him and the right to divorce is given to him. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, married women from the Arab tribes, who were not equivalent to him in religion or lineage, and he had bondswomen. He also said:"Whoever has a slave-girl whom he teaches well and treats kindly, then, he freed and marries her, he will have a double reward."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
·A woman should choose a religious and well-mannered man, even if he is poor. If the woman is wealthy and chooses her husband on the basis of his religiosity, and assists him with her money to call to Allaah The Almighty, she would gain a big reward from Allaah The Almighty. By doing so, she would be imitating the good example of the Mother of the Believers Khadeejah bint Khuwaylid, may Allaah be pleased with her.
·A scholar is competent to marry any woman. In his book‘Awdat Al-Hijaab, Shaykh Muhammad Ismaa‘eel Al-Muqaddim said,"It should be noted that the Muslim jurists who tenaciously and broadly stipulated compatibility in marriage said that a scholar is equivalent to every woman, regardless of her age, even if his family background is not known. That is because the honor of knowledge is superior to every lineage and every honor.Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:
●}Are those who know equal to those who do not know?{]Quran 39:9[
●}Allah Will Raise those who have believed among you and those who were given knowledge, by degrees.{]Quran 58:11[
It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, that the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was asked,"‘O Messenger of Allaah! Who is the most honorable among people?’ He said:‘It is Yoosuf )Joseph( ibn Ya‘qoob )Jacob( ibn Is-haaq )Isaac( ibn Ibraaheem )Abraham(.’They said, ‘We are not asking you about this.’ He said,‘Then, they are the most pious among them.’They said, ‘We are not asking about this either.’ He said:‘Then you want to ask about the descent of the Arabs? Those, who were the best in the pre-Islamic era, are the best in Islam provided that they comprehend religion.’"]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[

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Women site, - Compatibility between Spouses – I

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What does it mean?
Compatibility amounts to equality and similarity. In aHadeeth)Prophetic narration(, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Muslims are equal in their inviolability of life."]Abu Daawood[
Compatibility in marriage means equality and closeness between the spouses in terms of religiosity and morality, as well as social and financial aspects. Compatibility between the spouses certainly contributes to the success of their marriage, whereas lack of compatibility causes a sort of aversion and leads to separation and discord.
Compatibility includes:
Compatibility in religion: It is considered the foundation of a marriage, and it even constitutes a condition for its validity, according to the unanimous agreement of scholars. Therefore, it is not permissible for a woman to marry a non-Muslim by consensus. A guardian should not give a righteous woman, who is in his charge, in marriage to a Muslim, yet corrupt man. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Wicked women )are( for wicked men, and wicked men )are( for wicked women; and good women )are( for good men, and good men )are( for good women.{]Quran 24:26[
Though this condition is not a requisite for the validity of the marriage contract, it is very important to consider it. Sometimes the guardian of the woman gives her in marriage to a wicked man and prefers him to a religious man because the wicked man is wealthy or has a high position. The wicked man may work in unlawful jobs, turning away from obedience to Allaah The Almighty and neglecting His Orders. Such guardians will be held accountable before Allaah The Almighty for destroying their daughters.
It was narrated on the authority of Anas, may Allaah be pleased with him, that the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Allaah will ask every caretaker about everything that was entrusted to him, whether he preserved it or wasted it, and He will ask the man about his family."]Ibn Hibbaan[
InBidaayatul-Mujtahid wa Niyaayatul-Muqtasid, Ibn Rushd, may Allaah Have mercy upon him, said,"The Maaliki School of Fiqh states that when the father gives his virgin daughter in marriage to a man who consumes intoxicants )liquor( or a wicked man in general, the daughter has the right to prevent him from establishing conjugal relations with her. In such instances, the judge should investigate the case and separate them. The same ruling applies to the woman whose father gave her in marriage to a man whose money is ill-gotten or who frequently swears by divorce."
Compatibility in family background: the majority of scholars take this type of compatibility into consideration, with the exception of Imaam Maalik, may Allaah have mercy upon him.
Compatibility in wealth: Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Men are in charge of women by ]right of[ what Allaah has given one over the other and what they spend ]for maintenance[ from their wealth.{]Quran 4:34[ This is considered by both the Hanafi and Hanbali scholars as well as in one opinion of the Shaafi‘i scholars.
Compatibility in freedom: Both the Hanafi and Hanbali scholars considered compatibility in freedom, with the exception of Imaam Maalik, may Allaah have mercy upon him.
Compatibility in work and profession: This is considered by the Hanafi, Shaafi‘i and Hanbali scholars.
Freedom from defects )intolerable defects(: This is considered by the Maaliki and Shaafi‘i scholars as well as Ibn ‘Aqeel, may Allaah have mercy upon him, from the Hanbali scholars.
However, there is a question in this regard: Is compatibility a condition for the validity of marriage? Scholars hold two opinions in this matter.
First:Compatibility is not a condition for the validity of marriage. This is the preponderant opinion, which represents the opinion of the majority of scholars, including Abu Haneefah, Maalik, Ash-Shaafi‘i and Ahmad, may Allaah have mercy upon them, in one of his two opinions. This was also reported on the authority of ‘Umar and Ibn Mas‘ood, may Allaah be pleased with them.
The following is evidence that supports this:
·The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave Zaynab bint Jahsh, may Allaah be pleased with her, )who was from the Banu Asad, which was one of the noblest Arab sub-tribes( to Zayd ibn Haarithah, may Allaah be pleased with him )who was an ex-slave(. The story was mentioned in the Quran. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And ]remember, O Muhammad[, when you said to the one on whom Allaah bestowed favor and you bestowed favor, "Keep your wife and fear Allaah," while you concealed within yourself that which Allaah Is to disclose. And you feared the people, while Allaah has more right that you fear Him. So when Zayd had no longer any need for her, We married her to you.{]Quran 33:37[
·The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, )who was from the Banu Haashim( gave his two daughters in marriage to ‘Uthmaan ibn ‘Affaan, may Allaah be pleased with him, )who was from the Quraysh. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Allaah selected Kinaanah from the sons of Ismaa’eel, and selected Quraysh from Kinaanah, and selected Banu Haashim from the Quraysh and He selected me from Banu Haashim."]Muslim[ Thus, the one who is from the Banu Haashim is higher in lineage than the one who is from the Quraysh. Nonetheless, the marriage was concluded and became valid.
·The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave Faatimah bint Qays, may Allaah be pleased with her, )who was from the Quraysh( to Usaamah ibn Zayd, may Allaah be pleased with him, )who was an ex-slave(. When Faatimah, may Allaah be pleased with her, came to consult the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam,about her proposals of marriage from Mu‘aawiyah and Abu Jahm, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“As for Mu’aawiyah he is a poor man and has no property, while Abu Jahm does not put down his cane from his shoulder )i.e. frequently beats his wives(. So, marry Usaamah.”]Muslim[
·Boasting of family backgrounds is a bad habit of the pre-Islamic era. It was narrated on the authority of Abu Maalik Al-Ash‘ari, may Allaah be pleased with him, that the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"My Ummah has four characteristics that belong to the pre-Islamic era, which they will not abandon: boasting of noble ancestries, vilifying other peoples' genealogies, seeking rain by stars and wailing."]Muslim[
·Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allaah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allaah is All-Encompassing and Knowing.{]Quran 24:32[ Poverty at the time of marriage does not hinder the marriage because it is probable that money will be gained in the future.
·Abu Sa‘eed, may Allaah be pleased with him, said that Zaynab, the wife of Ibn Mas‘ood, may Allaah be pleased with them, said:"O Prophet of Allaah! Today you ordered people to give charity and I had an ornament and intended to give it as charity, but Ibn Mas‘ood said that he and his children deserved it more than anybody else.’ The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied:‘Ibn Mas‘ood spoke the truth. Your husband and your children have more right to it than anybody else.’"]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ This indicates that she was wealthier than Ibn Mas‘ood, may Allaah be pleased with him. Allaah knows best. Besides, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, concluded the marriage of a poor man, who had only hisIzaar)lower garment(, to the woman who offered herself to the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Moreover, Bilaal, may Allaah be pleased with him, married the sister of ‘Abdul-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf, may Allaah be pleased with him.
·Abu Hurayrah, may Allaah be pleased with him, said,"Abu Hind cupped the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, in the middle of his head. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:'O Banu Bayaadhah, marry Abu Hind )to your daughters(, and ask him to marry )his daughters( to you. '"Abu Hind was an ex-slave of the Banu Bayaadhah, not from them, and was working as a cupper. Cupping was considered the most menial profession at that time.
·‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, said,"I paid the price of Bareerah's manumission, but her family put the condition that her inheritance would be for them. She mentioned this to the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and he gave her the choice to leave or remain with her husband. Bareerah said, ‘Even if he gave me such-and-such )money(, I would not stay with him."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[ In another narration on the authority of Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:"Why do you not return to him?"She said,"O Messenger of Allaah! Do you order me to do so?"He said:"No, I only intercede for him."She said, "I do not want him."]Al-Bukhaari[ The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would not intercede to ask her to return to her slave husband unless the marriage was valid.
This is the first opinion with the proofs that compatibility is not a condition for the validity of marriage.
Second: Compatibility is a condition for the validity of marriage )the less preponderant opinion(, which represents the view of Imaam Ahmad, may Allaah have mercy upon him, in his well-known opinion, Ath-Thawri, may Allaah have mercy upon him, and some Hanafi scholars. They mentioned a list of proofs most of which are not authentic. Even the authentic proofs do not explicitly stipulate compatibility, nor do they overcome the texts mentioned above.
After a deep study of the case, Islam does not stipulate compatibility between the spouses except in terms of religion and morals. Also, compatibility requires that the spouses are free from defects which hinder the fulfillment of the purposes of marriage in Islam, such as, when the husband is impotent or abstains from intercourse with women or is bisexual. Therefore, Islam did not stipulate compatibility in family background, as we mentioned earlier.
Moreover, the Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, married Safiyyah bint Huyayy, may Allaah be pleased with her, who was a Jew, and married Juwayriyyah bint Al-Haarith, may Allaah be pleased with her, while her family members were polytheists. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave his daughter Zaynab, may Allaah be pleased with her, in marriage to Abu Al-‘Aas ibn Ar-Rabee‘, may Allaah be pleased with him, and Al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali, may Allaah be pleased with him, married a non-Arab woman from Persia who gave birth to his son ‘Ali Zayn Al-‘Aabideen, may Allaah have mercy upon him.

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Women site, - Make-up of a successful wife – III

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She can be grateful:
Each of us likes to be told that we are doing a good job. This is also important in a marriage. We should always tell or show our husbands that we sincerely appreciate all of their efforts. Allaah has charged them with providing for their wives and families. This job is not easy. Everyday they meet challenges and problems and they keep trying to improve and contribute for the sake of their families. Because most of us don't see their struggles all day, every day, we should regularly take time to show them that we appreciate that they work hard to overcome obstacles in order to support us.
She is beautiful:
When we marry, we come to our husbands as a precious gift. Our beauty will draw them closer to us and keep him from entertaining thoughts of other women. We must understand the significance of our physical appearance on the only Halaal intimate relationship we can experience. We must do all that we can to maintain our physical appearance as if it were a precious gift. We should consider that our husband may be looking forward to seeing us when he returns from work. We should not neglect our hair, and clothing so that our appearance is displeasing. We should take time on occasion to present ourselves in a special way to refresh his attraction to us.
Ibn `Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: "Shall I show you a woman of Paradise? I said: `Yes.' He said: `This black lady came to the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam, and said: `I get attacks of epilepsy and my body becomes uncovered; please invoke Allaah for me.' The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam, said to her:“If you wish, you can be patient and enter Paradise; and if you wish, I will invoke Allaah to cure you: She said: `I will be patient,' and added, `but my body becomes uncovered so please invoke Allaah for me that I may not become uncovered.' So he invoked Allaah for her."']Al-Bukhaari[
In addition, we should show great respect for how modest, dignified and self respecting the female companions were. They used to go to great lengths to ensure that their bodies never became exposed in the presence of strangers and that their feminine charms were never put on display. Dear sisters, if we are to be pious wives then we must be as concerned about concealing our beauty as our pious female predecessors. Modesty is a part of Eemaan )faith( - it isn't just the clothes we wear, rather it must be a part of our natural disposition to go out of our way to conceal ourselves in public. We must really and truly desire to reserve our beauty for our husbands, we must train ourselves to be as shy, dignified, self-respecting and modest as the female companions of Muhammad, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam.
She is a good mother
Ibn 'Umar, may Allaah be pleased with them, related that the Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam, said:"Every one of you is a protector and guardian of his immediate charge and is responsible for the action of those persons who are committed to his charge. A ruler is also a steward )and is accountable for those who are put under his charge( a man is steward in respect of his family members of his house, a woman is a steward in respect of her husband's house and his children. In short, every one of you is a steward and is accountable for those who are placed under his care."]Al-Bukhaari and Muslim[
While a wife is subordinate to her husband, she must maintain a leadership role as a mother. It is through her daily example that their children will embrace Islam and follow it by choice. The mother's responsibilities are unending. She must educate her children on everything including praying, language, table manners, and appropriate social behavior just to name a few. She should coordinate activities within the household, always emulating an Islamic lifestyle and perspective. Her children will be able to read and learn about Islam from many other sources, but if they do not see their mother practicing the same, they will not have the same strength of their religion as they would if she were.
Islam allows a woman to work outside of her home under certain conditions. Her primary role and responsibility is as a wife and mother-the role she was created to fill, the position for which she is best suited and therefore, most likely to excel. It must be the primary concern of every married Muslim woman to ensure that the rights of her husband and family are fulfilled before pursuing other aspirations. It is the husband's right to be well taken care of by his wife, and the children's right that their mother provides a pious example for them and a foundation of Islamic education. She must never allow other activities to become more important than these primary responsibilities. Islam certainly needs female doctors, nurses, educators, etc. But, what Islam needs most of all, is pious wives and mothers- women
Because we live in a predominantly non-Muslim society, the average workplace is full of potentially undesirable situations, and therefore a woman is discouraged from working if she is married, has children, and her husband's income sufficiently provides the necessities of life. If the family's financial situation does not dictate that she must work, it would be better for her, her husband, and her children, if she did not work outside the home.
A job no less than Jihaad:
Allaah Almighty Says what means: }Invite ]mankind[ to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord Knows best who has gone astray from His Path and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided. And if you punish ]your enemy[, then punish them with the like of that with which you were afflicted! But if you endure patiently, verily, it is better for the patient. And endure you patiently, your patience is not but from Allaah. And grieve not over them and be not distressed because of what they plot. Truly, Allaah is with those who fear Him, keep their duty unto Him, and those who are doers of good for Allaah's sake alone.{ ]Quran 16:125-128[
It is not easy to fulfill Allaah's requirements consistently. This life is filled with obstacles, injustice and temptations. We have the tools we need to succeed, we must fill our hearts with determination and live to please Allaah above anything else. Remember, everything that we experience was intended by Allaah. }Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas with Allaah is a great reward.{ ]Quran 64:15[ He has promised us that he will not cause us to endure any hardship that is beyond our means.
The Prophet, sallallaahu `alayhi wa sallam, said:"On the Day of Judgment, Allaah, the most High, will ask: ‘Where are those persons who love each other for the sake of My pleasure? This Day I am going to shelter them in the shade provided by Me. Today there is no shade except My shade.'"]Muslim[
Tools for problem-solving
Enlist help:
We all see that we could have done things differently if we had only known then what we know now. We can enlist the help of happily married Muslim couples who have withstood the test of time. It seems that they have discovered how to best deal with adverse conditions. Many times they are willing to give friendly advice on problem-solving techniques.
Overlook faults:
Allaah Almighty Says what means: }And be quick for forgiveness from your Lord, and for Paradise as wide as are the heavens and the Earth, prepared for the pious. Those who spend ]in Allaah's cause[ in prosperity and in adversity, who repress anger, and who pardon men; verily, Allaah loves doers of good for His sake alone.{ ]Quran 3:133-134[
Imagine a perfect world where no-one hurts any-one's feelings, people stay within bounds and there is no traffic. Guess what, it's not in this life. The best part about being able to overlook others faults is that they will be more likely to overlook yours. People always remember the person who insisted to the end that they were right. We should always be willing to forgive as each of us has strengths and weaknesses and thereby make mistakes.
Patience:
Allaah Almighty Says what means: }And obey Allaah and His Messenger, and do not dispute )with one another( lest you lose courage and your strength depart, and be patient. Surely Allaah is with those who are patient.{ ]Quran 8:46[
One rule of parenting is that as soon as a child's annoying habit has lasted so long you think you will die to live with it another day, it disappears. Also, one of the most common things we would choose to change about past behaviors is to be more patient. We can clearly see that a given problem would have worked itself out.
Many times people need something inside their control to happen in order realize that they are in error. When we exhibit patience, we allow people to come to their own conclusions over time, enabling them to recognize it sooner in the future. Also, we avoid the risk of making a situation worse. Allaah controls everything and we should offer advice.

- PUBLISHED by" NajimudeeN_M-INDIA "