Women site, - Mutual Rights-Good Companionship - I

The mutual rights that Allaah The Almighty has enjoined on both the
spouses represent His utmost justice. There are two major rights.
There are two main rights: the right to good companionship, and the
right to overnight stay and equal distribution. In this series we will
address the first of these rights.
First: The right to good companionship
Muslims will never find happiness or tranquility in their homes unless
they live together in a kind manner. Allaah The Almighty enjoined the
right of good companionship because it helps maintain the affairs of
the spouses and brings them happiness. Moreover, it was set to serve
as a real test for the spouses. Allaah The Almighty Says )what
means(:}And live with them in kindness.{]Quran 4:19[ This is a command
from Allaah The Almighty, which implies a sense of obligation.
Scholars said that living in kindness is an obligatory right whose
violator bears a sin while the one who fulfils it deserves reward.
Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Either retain them in kindness
or part with them kindness.{]Quran 65:2[
Good companionship requires essential matters that appear in a
person's heart, which is only known to Allaah The Almighty, in his
speech and words and in his behavior and actions.
Intention:
Good companionship has three aspects, the first and foremost of which
is the intention and what is hidden in the hearts of the spouses. The
husband cannot live in kindness with his wife, nor can she live in
kindness with him unless each has a good intention towards the other.
This is what Allaah The Almighty means by his Saying )what means(:}And
do not keep them, intending harm, to transgress ]against them[.{]Quran
2:231[ If the husband wants to keep his wife, he should have a good
intention towards her. Therefore, scholars have said that Allaah The
Almighty reveals whatever man conceals in his heart, good or bad, in
the slips of his tongue. For the man who intends good when marrying a
woman or bringing her into wedlock with the intention to treat her
kindly and live with her in kindness, Allaah will guide him and grant
him success in his life. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}If
Allaah Knows ]any[ good in your hearts, He Will Give you ]something[
better.{]Quran 8:70[
When Allaah The Almighty finds good intentions in the hearts of the
spouses, He will grant them success in their apparent behavior and
actions and bring about goodness through them.
Thus, the first advice given to the person who wants to live in
kindness is to have good intention. Some scholars said that the
husband has to renew his intention every day so that Allaah The
Almighty would increase his reward, particularly when his wife is
righteous or has an extra right over him, such as being his relative.
He should have in his heart a good intention towards her, and in this
case, Allaah The Almighty would reveal this intention through his
sayings and actions. Similarly, the woman should have in her heart
good intention towards her husband. Once this intention changes,
Allaah The Almighty will change the conditions of the spouses. Allaah
The Almighty Says )what means(:}Indeed, Allaah will not change the
condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.{]Quran
13:11[
When the spouses change their good intentions, Allaah The Almighty
will consequently change their conditions from good to evil, and from
better to worse. Thus, every husband should consider his intention and
look into his heart when he suffers troubles with his wife. In
principle, good companionship emanates from good and righteous
intention, and from a heart that harbors goodness. The effects of
these things are reflected on a person's actions. The Prophet,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"Indeed, there is a piece of flesh
in the body which, if it is sound, the whole body is sound, and if it
is corrupt, the whole body is corrupt. Indeed, that is the heart."
Speech:
The second point related to good companionship in one's speech is that
just as man should have good intention in his heart in order to live
in kindness, his speech should also be in accordance with the Pleasure
of Allaah The Almighty. Some scholars said regarding}And live with
them in kindness{that kindness is everything that is in accordance
with the Sharee'ah of Allaah The Almighty, and that evil is everything
that contradicts the Sharee'ah of Allaah The Almighty. Thus, the
husband, who wants to live on good terms with his wife, should fear
Allaah The Almighty regarding what he say, and likewise for wife. The
principle that the Book of Allaah and Sunnah of the Prophet,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, have affirmed is that every believing
man and woman should preserve his/her tongue and utter good words. The
Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:"Whoever believes in
Allaah and the Last Day, let him say something good or keep silent."
The signs of belief in Allaah The Almighty include controlling one's
tongue from saying anything but good to people in general and the
family in particular. Allaah The Almighty enjoined the believers in
the past, addressing us as well, Saying )what means(:}And speak to
people good ]words[.{]Quran 2:83[ Allaah The Almighty ordered us to
say good words that please Him, because good words benefit the person
who says them both in this world and in the Hereafter. On the other
hand, bad words harm the speaker in this life and in the Hereafter.
When words emerge from the tongue, they never return, and when hurtful
and harsh words are uttered, they break hearts, ruin them and alter
affection and love to an extent that only Allaah Knows. Allaah The
Almighty therefore enjoined preserving the tongue in the Quran and
through the words of His Messenger, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam.
Scholars listed the situations in which living in kindness through
speech occurs between the spouses:
1- When the spouses call one another.
2- When they request something from one another.
3- During discussion, conversation and jesting.
4- In disputes and arguments.
1- When the woman calls her husband or when he calls her, it should be
done in a nice manner. The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam,
would call 'Aa'ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, saying: "O
'Aa'ish, O 'Aa'ish." Scholars said that this manner of calling his
wife showed how the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, honored,
jested and fulfilled his role as a good husband to his wives. This is
a method for Muslim husbands - to use words of love and kindness when
calling their wives. Harsh and coarse addressing, which involves a
coercive and forceful style on the part of the husband or mockery and
sarcasm on the part of the wife, ruins love and severs ties of
intimacy between the spouses. Thus, the wife should call her husband
by the best names and so should her husband.
'Umar, may Allaah be pleased with him, said that affection and love
increases when a Muslim calls his Muslim brother with the best of his
names. This is one of the three factors that strengthen intimacy among
Muslims, so what would be its effect on the spouses? It is a mistake
when the husband chooses for his wife a name that embarrasses her or
exposes her to ridicule or belittlement. The same thing applies to the
wife with her husband. Some scholars would say that it is preferable
that the spouses do not call one other by their names; it is most
honorable that they call each other by their nicknames )i.e. father of
so and so or mother of so and so(. This is the best manner to adopt.
Scholars have also said that when a husband is used to calling his
wife affectionately, she does the same or even better since women were
created inclined to affection and love for gentleness, mercy and
intimacy. So, when the husband treats his wife on that basis, she
would react with him in a better way.
2- When the man requests something from his wife, he should ask her in
a manner that does not give her the feeling of servitude, humiliation,
contempt or belittlement. Similarly, when the woman requests something
from her husband, she should not overburden, hurt or harm him, nor
should she use troublesome words. This behavior helps to preserve
one's tongue and fulfill living equitably through speech. The Prophet,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, once asked 'Aa'ishah, may Allaah be
pleased with her, while he, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, was in the
mosque )Masjid(:"Give me the straw mat."She, may Allaah be pleased
with her, said, "I am menstruating." The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi
wa sallam, said:"Your menstruation is not in your hands."]Muslim[.
Just look at how the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, asked a
Mother of the Believers for something, and when she declined, she
mentioned her Sharee'ah-based excuse. She, may Allaah be pleased with
her, did not say no or that she could not without a justification;
rather, she, may Allaah be pleased with her, said that she was in her
menstruation, awaiting instructions on what to do. The Prophet,
sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, replied:"Your menstruation is not in
your hands,"meaning that she could simply hand it over since entering
a hand into the mosque is not like entering the whole body.
The lesson we learn here is kindness in calling or requesting
something. Marital problems may arise due to frequent requests.
Scholars mentioned that when a man burdens his wife with many demands
and his manner of demanding is bothersome, this would be one of the
major reasons that ruin affection and love. A woman in this case feels
as if she is a humiliated servant in her husband's house.
Wise men, with the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, before
them, advised giving reward upon request, at least with kind words.
For example, when the husband asks his wife to do something, and she
does it, he should say kind words to her, such as supplicating to
Allaah The Almighty to grant her goodness and bless her. Once the wife
realizes that her favor and goodness are appreciated, thanked and not
denied, she will appreciate this from her husband and will actively do
good to him and fulfill his needs. This will greatly help them live
equitably together.
3- In conversations and jesting. The spouses should not talk to one
another at inappropriate times. Some scholars said that it is harmful
that a woman talks to her husband when he is tired and exhausted or
that a man talks to his wife when she is tired and exhausted. This
entails boredom and contradicts living in the kindness that Allaah The
Almighty enjoined. They added that when a man jests with his wife, he
should use the best words, and when he relates something to her, he
should select the best event that positively and fruitfully affects
her.

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Women site, - Mutual Rights - Good Companionship - II

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4- In disputes and arguments. Living in kindness implies that when a dispute arises between the spouses, the husband should define the points of dispute and explain her mistake to her, if she is the one who is mistaken. This should be done in a way that involves no reproof or scolding, particularly if he wants her to admit something. When she admits, he has the choice to either reproach or forgive her. Attacking her hastily before explaining her mistakes would end the love and intimacy and hinder the process of living equitably, because she would feel that she has been wronged. Therefore, it is best that the husband explains to his wife her mistake kindly.
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, knew when his wife 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, was pleased or displeased with him. When she was pleased with him, she, may Allaah be pleased with her, would say, “By the Lord of Muhammad”; otherwise, she, may Allaah be pleased with her, would say, “By The Lord of Ibraaheem ]Abraham, may Allaah exalt his mention[.” The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, knew that she would not swear by the Lord of Ibraaheem, may Allaah exalt his mention, unless there was something wrong. In both cases, she, may Allaah be pleased with her, swore by Allaah, who is of course the Lord of Muhammad sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and the Lord of Ibraaheem, may Allaah exalt his mention, but she would use the latter to show that she was upset. This practice was the perfect politeness that only a noble and honorable lady would practice. Such a lady neither attacks nor scolds her husband for his mistakes, but rather behaves patiently and bashfully. Surely, no woman behaves patiently and bashfully, but Allaah will grant her success and a good end.
Also, no man encounters harm from his wife patiently and without saying hurtful or unpleasant words to her but Allaah The Almighty will grant him a good end in this life and a great Hereafter. It is reported that one day a student visited a scholar and saw his son serving him and showing him dutifulness in an amazing way. When the son left, the scholar asked his student, “Are you amazed at his dutifulness?” The student replied in the affirmative and said that he was very amazed at the dutifulness of the son. The scholar explained, “I lived with his mother for more than twenty years and she never smiled at me, but I reacted patiently. Thus, Allaah The Almighty compensated me with what you have seen.”
When a man encounters the harm of his wife with abuse, revilement and curses, she disdains and disparages him. As a result, she will not speak of his love or affection in his absence. People say that man becomes a subject of discussion after his death, so he should choose for himself the best speech. It means that all people who dealt with him will talk about him after his death. They will mention what he said and did.
The perfection of man appears in the flame of his anger when he controls himself and does not say anything but good. May Allaah endow His mercy upon a husband who abstains from saying unpleasant words to his wife!
Living equitably through speech is an important element in the reformation of Muslim homes, and Allaah The Almighty increases the reward of His slave according to the degree of his patience. Allaah The Almighty favored men over women and endowed upon them patience and wisdom that are not granted to others. Thus, the husband should show patience regardless of whatever he hears or sees from his wife. Also, the righteous woman should patiently endure any hurtful and harsh words of her husband, for Allaah The Almighty will make these words a cause for elevating her degrees, multiplying her good deeds and forgiving her sins. Indeed, when Allaah The Almighty loves a people, He tests them.
So Allaah may test a woman by giving her a husband who harms her and whom she hears unpleasant words from.
Kind treatment:
Living in kindness also entails kind treatment, which emanates from being an ideal husband, concord and mutual faithfulness of the spouses. Muslim homes will not be reformed except through righteous deeds and good companionship that reflect a person’s good nature, high morals and virtue. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, testified that the best of men are those who treat their wives kindly and become superior with their good deeds, manners and noble qualities.
It is not enough for the man to claim these qualities; he should translate them into action. When Allaah The Almighty wants to complete His favors over His slave and shower him with His blessings, He beautifies him with good conduct. So, a Muslim who adheres to Islam and follows the way of Allaah The Almighty should, after obeying Him, be keen to maintain noble morals and Islamic etiquettes whereby Allaah The Almighty would increase His reward. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Shall I inform you of those among you who will be closest to me in position on the Day of Resurrection? ]They are[ those of you who have the best morals”]At-Tirmithi[
The Companions, may Allaah be pleased with them, eagerly asked the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, about what causes men and women to enter Paradise, saying, “What are the deeds that cause man to enter Paradise the most?” The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied:“Fearing Allaah and ]having[ high morals.”]At-Tirmithi[ Words and actions are required for the spouses to live equitably, and the best person is the one who has the best and most perfect manners. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“The most perfect believers in faith are those among them with high morals.”]At-Tirmithi[
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, made man's wife and relatives the most entitled to his good manners. Therefore, he ordered dutifulness to one's parents due to their closeness. A man asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, who is the most deserving person of my good companionship?” The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, replied:“Your mother.”The man again, “Then who?”“Your mother,”The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, replied. The man asked again, “Then who?” He said:“Your mother.”He then asked, “Then who?” Thereupon, the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:“Your father.”]Al-Bukhaari & Muslim[
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, made the greatest share of man's good manners for his relatives, so the first thing we look for in the man whom Allaah has beautified and enhanced in his manners is his good manners with his family. This is because a man might behave in a kind and gentle way in front of people, but once he enters his own house, he behaves badly – this is the most evil creation even if he is kind with people. His kindness in this case is pretentious and hypocritical, but if he were to behave peacefully, kindly, mercifully and gently with his weak wife and children who are under his authority and power, it would be considered a sure sign that he is truthful in his good manners.
For this reason, the man who wants to behave in a good way should begin with his family. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, led the Muslim Ummah )nation( and stood on the pulpit, permitting what Allaah The Almighty made lawful, prohibiting what Allaah The Almighty made unlawful, explaining the Sharee‘ah of Allaah and guiding to His way. He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, led the armies to make the religion of Allaah The Almighty dominant and His word reign supreme. Yet, when he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, entered his house, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would enter with compassion, mercy, gentleness and kindness.
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the best man in treating his wives; the first thing he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would do was to use a Siwaak )toothstick( so that his wife would not find a bad odor. This indicates that the husband, through living equitably with his wife, should take care of his appearance. Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, would bring a Kohl container and apply Kohl before the mirror, saying, “I like adorning myself for my wife, as I like my wife adorning herself for me.” This is the perfection of Islam.
A Muslim man adopts certain practices and perfections with people when he goes out of his house. Once he returns to his family and wife, he treats each of them properly. The first thing the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would do upon entering his house was to use the Siwaak. When he was alone with his wives, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would be kind, use the best speech and act in the best way. When 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, was asked about the manners of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, at home, she said, “He was in the service of his family.” Sometimes he would stitch his clothes and had no feeling of belittlement; it was an honor and perfection as he was the most perfect, most honored and the highest in rank and status in the sight of Allaah The Almighty.
Seeing one’s family should be featured with modesty and humbleness. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Shall I inform you of those among you who are closest to me in position on the Day of Resurrection? ]They are[ those of you who have the best morals, and are the most humble.”]At-Tirmithi[ The wife is most entitled to this humbleness. When the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, visited his wives, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was keen to bring them happiness, so that they would feel his love, fidelity and the bond with him after his departure. To help strengthen this feeling, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would kiss his wives before he left, not out of sexual desire because once he heard the Athaan )call to prayer( he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would be busied by that, but rather because the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would kiss his wife out of affection and mercy so that she would realize her place in his heart and sentiment. A guided Muslim, who wishes to abide by the Sharee‘ah of Allaah regarding living equitably, should treat his family in an honorable manner. Moreover, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was keen to bring happiness to his wives when sitting with them, being sad on the sad occasions and being happy on the happy occasions. Nevertheless, he would never say anything but the truth.
)To be continued(

Women site, - Mutual Rights - Good Companionship - III

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One day, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, told ’Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, the lengthy Hadeeth of Umm Zar‘, which was narrated by Muslim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, and was explained by some scholars in volumes due to its enormous pearls of wisdom and meanings. After the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, told 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, how Abu Zar' treated his wife Umm Zar', the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“I am to you like Abu Zar‘ to Umm Zar‘.”He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, meant by this that he was perfect in good companionship and intimacy, just like Abu Zar' was with Umm Zar'.
In happy and cheerful moments, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, brought happiness and cheer to his family. It was authentically narrated that on the day of ‘Eed the Abyssinian boys arrived and played with spears in the mosque. Just look at the perfect Sharee‘ah of Islam and its sublime mission! On that day of 'Eed which is characterized by happiness, the souls need a type of peace and affinity to remove the state of apathy and weariness. On that day, the Abyssinians entered the mosque of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and paraded with their spears. Just look where the parade was held; it was held in the second most sacred House of Allaah, the Mosque of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam!
The mosque was taken as a place where people played with spears on the day of 'Eed because it was a merry occasion. Islam is a religion of perfection that gives everything its due right and estimation. 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, wanted to feel happy on that day. She, may Allaah be pleased with her, wanted to watch the Ethiopians parading with their spears. She, may Allaah be pleased with her, asked the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, to let her see the parade, so how did the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, reply to her? Did he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, tell her that she was immature or that she was wasting her time? Did he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, start reminding her that Paradise and Hell were approaching? No. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, stood up on his noble feet to allow her to watch the Ethiopians, not for the purpose of watching for its own sake, but because he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, knew that this standing would please Allaah The Almighty. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, who was the cream and most perfect of creation, kept standing to please Allaah without the least feeling of blemish or belittlement, because he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, felt that he was bringing affection, love and happiness to his family and translating his true love and perfect marriage by his standing. For that reason, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the best husband to his wife, and his behavior represents the perfect and best guidance for the Muslim who wants to live equitably with his wife.
His wife would prepare his food and drink, and when he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gathered with his family, beloved persons and wife under one roof, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would not say unpleasant words to her. If he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, found the food delicious, he would praise and appreciate it and thank the one who prepared it after thanking Allaah The Almighty. If he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, found fault with it, he would not dispraise or criticize it, nor would he dispraise the one who cooked it.
Living equitably requires sacrifice, true love and mutual emotions that indicate perfection in marriage and intimacy. Therefore, the guidance of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is the most perfect guidance.
It was authentically narrated that 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, said that she would bring broth or milk to the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and though he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the one who requested it, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would insist that she drink before him. 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, was a noble woman and daughter of a noble man, so she did not accept drinking before the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and preserved his right. When she gave him the drink, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would ask her to drink first, and when she refused, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would insist by taking an oath that she would drink first. As a result, she would take the container and drink and after that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would put his mouth in the same spot that her mouth had been. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not do so without reason; rather, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, wanted to let her know her value and to show her his love and affection. That is because just as the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, sought closeness to his Lord through prostration and bowing to Him, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, also sought closeness to Him through comforting his wife's heart, bringing her happiness and making her cheerful. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, sought closeness to Allaah by teaching the Ummah )Muslim nation( perfect manners and the best ways of treating families and wives.
These are very important matters that a Muslim should pay attention to. Sometimes the wife needs to feel happy in her home, so if the Muslim wants to make her so he should adopt the guidance of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Sometimes she wants to feel happy outside the house, so we find that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would go out with his wife to Qubaa' and race her. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and his wife started running, and she would beat him. Later, when she gained weight, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, raced her again and this time he beat her, saying: “Tit for tat.” All these things represent love and kind treatment in lifestyle.
Whenever man looks at, reflects upon or studies well the guidance of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, he will surely find good companionship in its perfect manner and best form, since he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the most perfect man in living equitably with his family. Muslim homes will never be happy until these warm emotions are observed. Look at the man who treats his wife with these true feelings and emotions and how Allaah blesses his family and wife. He surely leads a happy and serene life, since whoever fears Allaah, carries out His orders and lives in kindness with his wife, Allaah rewards him by granting them a happy life and good companionship. The same thing applies to the woman who fears Allaah and lives in kindness with her husband. They will only hear and see what makes them happy. Therefore, a Muslim should abide by the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, in fulfilling this great duty.
There is another very important point that we should consider, namely, the lack of reward for not reciprocating good companionship. In other words, it is very difficult for the husband to show affection, mercy and kindness to his wife while the wife in return shows misbehavior, harm, contempt or disobedience. Similarly, it is very difficult for the wife to show warm emotions, kind feelings and good manners to her husband, while he in return treats her with painful, harsh and hurtful sentiments that devastate her. So, what should Muslim spouses do?
Some scholars have said that the greatest and most perfect reward for good companionship takes place when the husband who observes good companionship with his wife is mistreated, or when the wife who observes good companionship with her husband is mistreated. This is the truest form of good companionship. One day, a man said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I maintain kinship ties with my relatives, but they sever them; I give them, but they deprive me; and I pardon them, but they are rough to me.” The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:“If you are as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes.”]Muslim[ This means that the man was the winner as he had gained the reward. Allaah who does not allow the reward of those who do good deeds to go astray.
Spouses who treat one another kindly are expecting a good reward and a happy end from Allaah The Almighty. A husband should not wait for a reward from his wife; he should wait for that from Allaah The Almighty. Every Muslim who wishes to possess good and perfect manners should not hope for reward from other people; rather, he should always be watchful of Allaah and abide by His Laws, not to have his goodness or kindness rewarded with a similar attitude, but to gain appreciation from Allaah who is above the seven heavens. He should do so in order to find his kind words, manners and good treatment written in the record of his good deeds on a Day when the contents of the graves will be scattered and that which is within the breasts exposed. If the man adopts good manners and proves to be a kind husband while his wife is evil and harms him, he should be patient. Perhaps Allaah will compensate him with something better.
Talking about Zakariyya )Zachariah(, may Allaah exalt his mention, Allaah Says )what means(:}And amended for him his wife.{]Quran 21:90[ Some scholars commented on this verse saying that when Allaah tested Zakariyya, may Allaah exalt his mention, by depriving him of offspring, he earnestly turned to Allaah in supplication. Allaah Says )what means(:}]This is[ a mention of the mercy of your Lord to His servant Zechariah. When he called to his Lord a private supplication. He said, “My Lord, indeed my bones have weakened, and my head has filled with white, and never have I been in my supplication to You, my Lord, unhappy. And indeed, I fear the successors after me, and my wife has been barren, so give me from Yourself an heir.”{]Quran 19:2-5[
Prophet Zakariyya, may Allaah exalt his mention, supplicated to Allaah at the age of one hundred and twenty without despair of His Mercy. He supplicated to Allaah at the end of his life to grant him a child, and Allaah fulfilled his need and more out of His Bounty. It always happens that when a person supplicates Allaah with certainty in troubles and hardships, Allaah answers his supplication and grants him even more than what he asked for. Thus, Allaah says )what means(:}And amended for him his wife.{]Quran 21:90[ Allaah granted him Yahya )John(, may Allaah exalt his mention, and amended his wife. Some scholars said that his wife would insult and harm him and that she was ill-mannered and harsh with him; yet, he, may Allaah exalt his mention, remained patient with her until the end of his life. Accordingly, Allaah compensated him by granting him a child and making his wife religiously observant who lived equitably with him.
Hence, if the man lives equitably with his wife and finds good in her, he should praise Allaah The Almighty; otherwise, he should be patient, fully believing that Allaah does not allow the reward of the person who does good deeds to go astray. This also applies to wives whose good companionship is returned with ill-treatment by their husbands. She should expect that Allaah would compensate her for her patience and comfort her pains, and compensate her in her religion, life and the Hereafter.

Women site, - How Advisable is Marriage Between Relatives?

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Marriage is a means of establishing new relationships, and expanding the sphere of connections within the community. However, marriage between relatives does not contribute to establishing new relationships as is the case in marriage to non-relatives. So, it is better for a Muslim woman to marry a non-relative if there is a potential husband who possesses the specifications that pleases her and her guardians.
In many cases, to marry a non-relative is necessary if there are no relatives available, who have the characteristics of the Muslim husband that are stipulated by Islam, with respect to piety, a good reputation, and a healthy body, soul and mind; or if there is such a man but the woman or her guardians did not accept him. Getting married to non-relatives provides the woman with a wider field of establishing connections, as a result of exposure to an environment and community other than the one she was brought up with.
Moreover, marriage between relatives might lead to weak offspring due to the accumulation of negative hereditary characteristics. It may be this factor which prompted ‘Umar bin Al-Khattaab, may Allaah be pleased with him, to advise the Muslims saying, "Marry from non-relatives lest your )offspring( would be weak."
Of course, this does not mean that marriage to relatives is prohibited or unfavorable, if the suitable conditions are met. Rather, this draws our attention to the danger of preventing marriage to non-relatives, as is prevalent in certain Muslim communities.