Women site, - Mutual Rights - Good Companionship - II

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4- In disputes and arguments. Living in kindness implies that when a dispute arises between the spouses, the husband should define the points of dispute and explain her mistake to her, if she is the one who is mistaken. This should be done in a way that involves no reproof or scolding, particularly if he wants her to admit something. When she admits, he has the choice to either reproach or forgive her. Attacking her hastily before explaining her mistakes would end the love and intimacy and hinder the process of living equitably, because she would feel that she has been wronged. Therefore, it is best that the husband explains to his wife her mistake kindly.
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, knew when his wife 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, was pleased or displeased with him. When she was pleased with him, she, may Allaah be pleased with her, would say, “By the Lord of Muhammad”; otherwise, she, may Allaah be pleased with her, would say, “By The Lord of Ibraaheem ]Abraham, may Allaah exalt his mention[.” The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, knew that she would not swear by the Lord of Ibraaheem, may Allaah exalt his mention, unless there was something wrong. In both cases, she, may Allaah be pleased with her, swore by Allaah, who is of course the Lord of Muhammad sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and the Lord of Ibraaheem, may Allaah exalt his mention, but she would use the latter to show that she was upset. This practice was the perfect politeness that only a noble and honorable lady would practice. Such a lady neither attacks nor scolds her husband for his mistakes, but rather behaves patiently and bashfully. Surely, no woman behaves patiently and bashfully, but Allaah will grant her success and a good end.
Also, no man encounters harm from his wife patiently and without saying hurtful or unpleasant words to her but Allaah The Almighty will grant him a good end in this life and a great Hereafter. It is reported that one day a student visited a scholar and saw his son serving him and showing him dutifulness in an amazing way. When the son left, the scholar asked his student, “Are you amazed at his dutifulness?” The student replied in the affirmative and said that he was very amazed at the dutifulness of the son. The scholar explained, “I lived with his mother for more than twenty years and she never smiled at me, but I reacted patiently. Thus, Allaah The Almighty compensated me with what you have seen.”
When a man encounters the harm of his wife with abuse, revilement and curses, she disdains and disparages him. As a result, she will not speak of his love or affection in his absence. People say that man becomes a subject of discussion after his death, so he should choose for himself the best speech. It means that all people who dealt with him will talk about him after his death. They will mention what he said and did.
The perfection of man appears in the flame of his anger when he controls himself and does not say anything but good. May Allaah endow His mercy upon a husband who abstains from saying unpleasant words to his wife!
Living equitably through speech is an important element in the reformation of Muslim homes, and Allaah The Almighty increases the reward of His slave according to the degree of his patience. Allaah The Almighty favored men over women and endowed upon them patience and wisdom that are not granted to others. Thus, the husband should show patience regardless of whatever he hears or sees from his wife. Also, the righteous woman should patiently endure any hurtful and harsh words of her husband, for Allaah The Almighty will make these words a cause for elevating her degrees, multiplying her good deeds and forgiving her sins. Indeed, when Allaah The Almighty loves a people, He tests them.
So Allaah may test a woman by giving her a husband who harms her and whom she hears unpleasant words from.
Kind treatment:
Living in kindness also entails kind treatment, which emanates from being an ideal husband, concord and mutual faithfulness of the spouses. Muslim homes will not be reformed except through righteous deeds and good companionship that reflect a person’s good nature, high morals and virtue. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, testified that the best of men are those who treat their wives kindly and become superior with their good deeds, manners and noble qualities.
It is not enough for the man to claim these qualities; he should translate them into action. When Allaah The Almighty wants to complete His favors over His slave and shower him with His blessings, He beautifies him with good conduct. So, a Muslim who adheres to Islam and follows the way of Allaah The Almighty should, after obeying Him, be keen to maintain noble morals and Islamic etiquettes whereby Allaah The Almighty would increase His reward. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Shall I inform you of those among you who will be closest to me in position on the Day of Resurrection? ]They are[ those of you who have the best morals”]At-Tirmithi[
The Companions, may Allaah be pleased with them, eagerly asked the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, about what causes men and women to enter Paradise, saying, “What are the deeds that cause man to enter Paradise the most?” The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, replied:“Fearing Allaah and ]having[ high morals.”]At-Tirmithi[ Words and actions are required for the spouses to live equitably, and the best person is the one who has the best and most perfect manners. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“The most perfect believers in faith are those among them with high morals.”]At-Tirmithi[
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, made man's wife and relatives the most entitled to his good manners. Therefore, he ordered dutifulness to one's parents due to their closeness. A man asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, who is the most deserving person of my good companionship?” The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, replied:“Your mother.”The man again, “Then who?”“Your mother,”The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, replied. The man asked again, “Then who?” He said:“Your mother.”He then asked, “Then who?” Thereupon, the Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:“Your father.”]Al-Bukhaari & Muslim[
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, made the greatest share of man's good manners for his relatives, so the first thing we look for in the man whom Allaah has beautified and enhanced in his manners is his good manners with his family. This is because a man might behave in a kind and gentle way in front of people, but once he enters his own house, he behaves badly – this is the most evil creation even if he is kind with people. His kindness in this case is pretentious and hypocritical, but if he were to behave peacefully, kindly, mercifully and gently with his weak wife and children who are under his authority and power, it would be considered a sure sign that he is truthful in his good manners.
For this reason, the man who wants to behave in a good way should begin with his family. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, led the Muslim Ummah )nation( and stood on the pulpit, permitting what Allaah The Almighty made lawful, prohibiting what Allaah The Almighty made unlawful, explaining the Sharee‘ah of Allaah and guiding to His way. He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, led the armies to make the religion of Allaah The Almighty dominant and His word reign supreme. Yet, when he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, entered his house, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would enter with compassion, mercy, gentleness and kindness.
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the best man in treating his wives; the first thing he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would do was to use a Siwaak )toothstick( so that his wife would not find a bad odor. This indicates that the husband, through living equitably with his wife, should take care of his appearance. Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allaah be pleased with him, would bring a Kohl container and apply Kohl before the mirror, saying, “I like adorning myself for my wife, as I like my wife adorning herself for me.” This is the perfection of Islam.
A Muslim man adopts certain practices and perfections with people when he goes out of his house. Once he returns to his family and wife, he treats each of them properly. The first thing the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would do upon entering his house was to use the Siwaak. When he was alone with his wives, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would be kind, use the best speech and act in the best way. When 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, was asked about the manners of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, at home, she said, “He was in the service of his family.” Sometimes he would stitch his clothes and had no feeling of belittlement; it was an honor and perfection as he was the most perfect, most honored and the highest in rank and status in the sight of Allaah The Almighty.
Seeing one’s family should be featured with modesty and humbleness. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“Shall I inform you of those among you who are closest to me in position on the Day of Resurrection? ]They are[ those of you who have the best morals, and are the most humble.”]At-Tirmithi[ The wife is most entitled to this humbleness. When the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, visited his wives, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was keen to bring them happiness, so that they would feel his love, fidelity and the bond with him after his departure. To help strengthen this feeling, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would kiss his wives before he left, not out of sexual desire because once he heard the Athaan )call to prayer( he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would be busied by that, but rather because the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would kiss his wife out of affection and mercy so that she would realize her place in his heart and sentiment. A guided Muslim, who wishes to abide by the Sharee‘ah of Allaah regarding living equitably, should treat his family in an honorable manner. Moreover, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was keen to bring happiness to his wives when sitting with them, being sad on the sad occasions and being happy on the happy occasions. Nevertheless, he would never say anything but the truth.
)To be continued(

Women site, - Mutual Rights - Good Companionship - III

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One day, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, told ’Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, the lengthy Hadeeth of Umm Zar‘, which was narrated by Muslim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, and was explained by some scholars in volumes due to its enormous pearls of wisdom and meanings. After the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, told 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, how Abu Zar' treated his wife Umm Zar', the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said:“I am to you like Abu Zar‘ to Umm Zar‘.”He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, meant by this that he was perfect in good companionship and intimacy, just like Abu Zar' was with Umm Zar'.
In happy and cheerful moments, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, brought happiness and cheer to his family. It was authentically narrated that on the day of ‘Eed the Abyssinian boys arrived and played with spears in the mosque. Just look at the perfect Sharee‘ah of Islam and its sublime mission! On that day of 'Eed which is characterized by happiness, the souls need a type of peace and affinity to remove the state of apathy and weariness. On that day, the Abyssinians entered the mosque of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and paraded with their spears. Just look where the parade was held; it was held in the second most sacred House of Allaah, the Mosque of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam!
The mosque was taken as a place where people played with spears on the day of 'Eed because it was a merry occasion. Islam is a religion of perfection that gives everything its due right and estimation. 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, wanted to feel happy on that day. She, may Allaah be pleased with her, wanted to watch the Ethiopians parading with their spears. She, may Allaah be pleased with her, asked the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, to let her see the parade, so how did the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, reply to her? Did he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, tell her that she was immature or that she was wasting her time? Did he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, start reminding her that Paradise and Hell were approaching? No. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, stood up on his noble feet to allow her to watch the Ethiopians, not for the purpose of watching for its own sake, but because he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, knew that this standing would please Allaah The Almighty. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, who was the cream and most perfect of creation, kept standing to please Allaah without the least feeling of blemish or belittlement, because he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, felt that he was bringing affection, love and happiness to his family and translating his true love and perfect marriage by his standing. For that reason, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the best husband to his wife, and his behavior represents the perfect and best guidance for the Muslim who wants to live equitably with his wife.
His wife would prepare his food and drink, and when he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gathered with his family, beloved persons and wife under one roof, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would not say unpleasant words to her. If he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, found the food delicious, he would praise and appreciate it and thank the one who prepared it after thanking Allaah The Almighty. If he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, found fault with it, he would not dispraise or criticize it, nor would he dispraise the one who cooked it.
Living equitably requires sacrifice, true love and mutual emotions that indicate perfection in marriage and intimacy. Therefore, the guidance of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is the most perfect guidance.
It was authentically narrated that 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, said that she would bring broth or milk to the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and though he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the one who requested it, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would insist that she drink before him. 'Aa‘ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, was a noble woman and daughter of a noble man, so she did not accept drinking before the Messenger of Allaah, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and preserved his right. When she gave him the drink, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would ask her to drink first, and when she refused, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would insist by taking an oath that she would drink first. As a result, she would take the container and drink and after that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would put his mouth in the same spot that her mouth had been. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not do so without reason; rather, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, wanted to let her know her value and to show her his love and affection. That is because just as the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, sought closeness to his Lord through prostration and bowing to Him, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, also sought closeness to Him through comforting his wife's heart, bringing her happiness and making her cheerful. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, sought closeness to Allaah by teaching the Ummah )Muslim nation( perfect manners and the best ways of treating families and wives.
These are very important matters that a Muslim should pay attention to. Sometimes the wife needs to feel happy in her home, so if the Muslim wants to make her so he should adopt the guidance of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Sometimes she wants to feel happy outside the house, so we find that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, would go out with his wife to Qubaa' and race her. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and his wife started running, and she would beat him. Later, when she gained weight, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, raced her again and this time he beat her, saying: “Tit for tat.” All these things represent love and kind treatment in lifestyle.
Whenever man looks at, reflects upon or studies well the guidance of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, he will surely find good companionship in its perfect manner and best form, since he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was the most perfect man in living equitably with his family. Muslim homes will never be happy until these warm emotions are observed. Look at the man who treats his wife with these true feelings and emotions and how Allaah blesses his family and wife. He surely leads a happy and serene life, since whoever fears Allaah, carries out His orders and lives in kindness with his wife, Allaah rewards him by granting them a happy life and good companionship. The same thing applies to the woman who fears Allaah and lives in kindness with her husband. They will only hear and see what makes them happy. Therefore, a Muslim should abide by the Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, in fulfilling this great duty.
There is another very important point that we should consider, namely, the lack of reward for not reciprocating good companionship. In other words, it is very difficult for the husband to show affection, mercy and kindness to his wife while the wife in return shows misbehavior, harm, contempt or disobedience. Similarly, it is very difficult for the wife to show warm emotions, kind feelings and good manners to her husband, while he in return treats her with painful, harsh and hurtful sentiments that devastate her. So, what should Muslim spouses do?
Some scholars have said that the greatest and most perfect reward for good companionship takes place when the husband who observes good companionship with his wife is mistreated, or when the wife who observes good companionship with her husband is mistreated. This is the truest form of good companionship. One day, a man said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I maintain kinship ties with my relatives, but they sever them; I give them, but they deprive me; and I pardon them, but they are rough to me.” The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said:“If you are as you say, it is as if you are feeding them hot ashes.”]Muslim[ This means that the man was the winner as he had gained the reward. Allaah who does not allow the reward of those who do good deeds to go astray.
Spouses who treat one another kindly are expecting a good reward and a happy end from Allaah The Almighty. A husband should not wait for a reward from his wife; he should wait for that from Allaah The Almighty. Every Muslim who wishes to possess good and perfect manners should not hope for reward from other people; rather, he should always be watchful of Allaah and abide by His Laws, not to have his goodness or kindness rewarded with a similar attitude, but to gain appreciation from Allaah who is above the seven heavens. He should do so in order to find his kind words, manners and good treatment written in the record of his good deeds on a Day when the contents of the graves will be scattered and that which is within the breasts exposed. If the man adopts good manners and proves to be a kind husband while his wife is evil and harms him, he should be patient. Perhaps Allaah will compensate him with something better.
Talking about Zakariyya )Zachariah(, may Allaah exalt his mention, Allaah Says )what means(:}And amended for him his wife.{]Quran 21:90[ Some scholars commented on this verse saying that when Allaah tested Zakariyya, may Allaah exalt his mention, by depriving him of offspring, he earnestly turned to Allaah in supplication. Allaah Says )what means(:}]This is[ a mention of the mercy of your Lord to His servant Zechariah. When he called to his Lord a private supplication. He said, “My Lord, indeed my bones have weakened, and my head has filled with white, and never have I been in my supplication to You, my Lord, unhappy. And indeed, I fear the successors after me, and my wife has been barren, so give me from Yourself an heir.”{]Quran 19:2-5[
Prophet Zakariyya, may Allaah exalt his mention, supplicated to Allaah at the age of one hundred and twenty without despair of His Mercy. He supplicated to Allaah at the end of his life to grant him a child, and Allaah fulfilled his need and more out of His Bounty. It always happens that when a person supplicates Allaah with certainty in troubles and hardships, Allaah answers his supplication and grants him even more than what he asked for. Thus, Allaah says )what means(:}And amended for him his wife.{]Quran 21:90[ Allaah granted him Yahya )John(, may Allaah exalt his mention, and amended his wife. Some scholars said that his wife would insult and harm him and that she was ill-mannered and harsh with him; yet, he, may Allaah exalt his mention, remained patient with her until the end of his life. Accordingly, Allaah compensated him by granting him a child and making his wife religiously observant who lived equitably with him.
Hence, if the man lives equitably with his wife and finds good in her, he should praise Allaah The Almighty; otherwise, he should be patient, fully believing that Allaah does not allow the reward of the person who does good deeds to go astray. This also applies to wives whose good companionship is returned with ill-treatment by their husbands. She should expect that Allaah would compensate her for her patience and comfort her pains, and compensate her in her religion, life and the Hereafter.

Women site, - How Advisable is Marriage Between Relatives?

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Marriage is a means of establishing new relationships, and expanding the sphere of connections within the community. However, marriage between relatives does not contribute to establishing new relationships as is the case in marriage to non-relatives. So, it is better for a Muslim woman to marry a non-relative if there is a potential husband who possesses the specifications that pleases her and her guardians.
In many cases, to marry a non-relative is necessary if there are no relatives available, who have the characteristics of the Muslim husband that are stipulated by Islam, with respect to piety, a good reputation, and a healthy body, soul and mind; or if there is such a man but the woman or her guardians did not accept him. Getting married to non-relatives provides the woman with a wider field of establishing connections, as a result of exposure to an environment and community other than the one she was brought up with.
Moreover, marriage between relatives might lead to weak offspring due to the accumulation of negative hereditary characteristics. It may be this factor which prompted ‘Umar bin Al-Khattaab, may Allaah be pleased with him, to advise the Muslims saying, "Marry from non-relatives lest your )offspring( would be weak."
Of course, this does not mean that marriage to relatives is prohibited or unfavorable, if the suitable conditions are met. Rather, this draws our attention to the danger of preventing marriage to non-relatives, as is prevalent in certain Muslim communities.

Dought & clear, - Ruling on objecting to some of the shar’i rulingsthat have been prescribed by Allaah.

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A man says that some of the shar’i rulings need to be re-examined and they need to be changed, because they are not appropriate to the current age, such as the male's share of inheritance being equal to the share of two females. What is the shar’i ruling on those who say such things?.
Praise be to Allaah.
It must be understood that one of the basic principles of faith is referring to Allaah, may He be exalted, and His Messenger (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) for judgement, submitting to their ruling and being content with it. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“(And) if you differ in anything amongst yourselves, refer it to Allaah and His Messenger (صلى الله عليه وسلم), if you believe in Allaah and in the Last Day. That is better and more suitable for final determination”
[al-Nisa’ 4:59].
“But no, by your Lord, they can have no Faith, until they make you (O Muhammadصلى الله عليه وسلم) judge in all disputes between them, and find in themselves no resistance against your decisions, and accept (them) with full submission”
[al-Nisa’ 4:65]
“Do they then seek the judgement of (the days of) Ignorance? And who is better in judgement than Allaah for a people who have firm Faith”
[al-Maa’idah 5:50]
Every ruling that goes against the ruling of Allaah is a ruling of ignorance (Jaahiliyyah). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Is not Allaah the Best of judges?”
[al-Teen 95:8]
“The command (or the judgement) is for none but Allaah. He has commanded that you worship none but Him (i.e. His Monotheism); that is the (true) straight religion, but most men know not”
[Yoosuf 12:40]
Thus it is clear that refusing to refer for judgement to Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, and His Messenger (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him), or rejecting their ruling, or believing that the ruling of someone else is better than their ruling, constitutes kufr (disbelief) and puts one beyond the pale of Islam.
Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
With regard to the rulings which Allaah has prescribed for His slaves and explained them in His Holy Book or on the lips of His trustworthy Messenger (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him), such as the rulings on inheritance, five prayers, zakaah, fasting and other things which Allaah has explained to His slaves and on which the ummah is unanimously agreed, no one has the right to object to them or to change them, because this is clear legislation that was decreed for the ummah at the time of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) and after him until the Hour begins. That includes giving the male more than the female [in inheritance] among children, sons’ children, siblings through both parents and siblings through the father, because Allaah has explained it in His Book and the Muslim scholars are unanimously agreed on that, so it is obligatory to act upon that out of conviction and faith. Anyone who says that what is better is something other than that is a kaafir, and similarly the one who says that it is permissible to go against that is to be regarded as a kaafir because he is objecting to the rulings of Allaah, may He be exalted, and His Messenger (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) and to the consensus of the ummah. The authorities should ask him to repent if he is a Muslim; if he repents, all well and good, otherwise he is to be executed as a kaafir and an apostate from Islam, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever changes his religion, execute him.” We ask Allaah to keep us and all the Muslims safe and sound from misguiding turmoil and going against pure sharee’ah.