Women site, - Hidden Dangers in Raising Children - II

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Al-Ghazaali, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said, “A child is a trust with his parents, and his heart is a pure jewel which does not have any inscriptions or images on it. It is susceptible to whatever is engraved on it and inclines to whatever it is inclined to. If he is used to evil and is left like the beasts, he will be miserable and doomed. The sin will be tied to the neck of his guardian and the one responsible for him.”
Where is the father today who helps his child learn his religion by taking him to institutions where he can memorize the Quran, directing him to the circles of knowledge, bringing him books, tapes and CDs and teaching him how to glorify the obligations of Allaah in his heart?
Where is the father who becomes very angry with his child when he neglects the rights of Allaah The Almighty and rewards him when he constantly observes Islamic teachings?
A reversed image!
On the contrary, it is often seen that the father becomes very happy with his son's success in this life, but he does not become sad with his lack of development in religion. Be honest with yourself: will you not be happier with the success of your son in school more than with his complete memorization of the Quran? If you are given the choice between the two successes, will you not choose success in the worldly life? The catastrophe is that we bring our children up for our own selves, to benefit us and help us; we do not bring them up for the sake of Allaah, to become true believers on the right path and allies of Allaah The Almighty. This is the problem.
The danger lies in two matters:
First: Sincerity to Allaah in bringing up the children
We should ask ourselves: Why do we try our best to provide our children with a righteous upbringing?
„» To benefit us when we grow old and need them?
„» To take pride in them and boast about them in front of people?
„» To avoid being ashamed of them or criticized for their bad behavior?
All these intentions are unsound and indicate an impending tragedy. Perhaps they are the main reasons behind the corruption of children, since good actions are not accepted if done with bad intentions. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}Indeed, Allaah does not amend the work of corrupters.{]Quran 10: 81[ Therefore, if we want to have righteous offspring, we have to purify our intentions and bring them up only because Allaah The Almighty ordered us to do that. We have to be conscious of this responsibility.
Raising children is a duty ordained by Allaah The Almighty, and it is an obligation for which we deserve a reward if we carry it out well and punishment if we abandon it. We need to inculcate this feeling in our hearts: that we are carrying out a duty and an obligation, and Allaah is watching us and will hold us accountable. This helps the Muslim accomplish this mission according to what Allaah loves and is pleased with, not as he wishes and desires. This intention is also a reason for the slave to gain help, steadfastness and guidance from Allaah The Almighty. For that reason, we see many Muslims who are very concerned about bringing up their children, but they are not successful, and the results often come opposite of what they hoped for.
Second: Gratitude for the blessing of having children
Truly, we do not show gratitude for the blessing that Allaah grants us through children. It is a blessing that is realized only by people who are deprived of it. The first sign of showing gratitude is that we raise our children to become true slaves of Allaah who created them for us, gave them to us and enjoined upon us to look after them. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And ]remember[ when your Lord proclaimed, 'If you are grateful, I will surely increase you ]in favor[; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.'{]Quran 14: 7[ The one who denies and is ungrateful for the favor of Allaah, for him is the punishment of Allaah, which is very severe. Allaah may test him with the same type of blessing so that it becomes a curse for him. The children might overburden him with their demands, so that he cannot fulfill them, or they might sadden him by their deviant behavior and base manners, and oppress him with transgression and disbelief.
However, the believers who are grateful for the blessings of Allaah The Almighty and guard their children against misguidance, Allaah grants them good sustenance, so their children will be dutiful to them and a source of goodness in this life and in the Hereafter. Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}And as for the boy, his parents were believers, and we feared that he would overburden them by transgression and disbelief. So we intended that their Lord should substitute for them one better than him in purity and nearer to mercy.{]Quran 18: 80-81[
O Muslim father, what are you going to say when Allaah The Almighty blames you for your attitude towards His blessings? Allaah The Almighty will ask you:"Did I not give you hearing, vision and wealth? Did I not subdue horses and camels for you and give you an opportunity to rule over your subjects and gain booties? Did you not think that you would be meeting Me?" The person will reply: "No." Then Allaah Will Say: ‘I forget you today as you forgot Me’"]Muslim[ Allaah The Almighty will forget you as you forgot and squandered your children, and left them in the claws of ignorance until the devils from among the humans and the Jinn diverted them.
Be prepared for the meeting and reckoning of Allaah The Almighty who says )what means(:}The Day every soul will find what it has done of good present ]before it[ and what it has done of evil, it will wish that between itself and that ]evil[ was a great distance. And Allaah warns you of Himself, and Allaah is kind to ]His[ servants."{]Quran 3: 30[

PUBLISHER Najimudeen M

Women site, - Fight laziness to maintaina happy marriage

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Sometimes, after a period of being married, women become lazy as they lose the desire to do anything. In medicine, laziness is defined as, “A state of drowsiness and disinclination to activity or exertion arising from stress and nervousness, with the accumulation of responsibilities and diverse concerns.” Field studies have proven that women are more likely to suffer from laziness than men.
In order to treat this condition you should moderately accustom yourself to you physical and social activities; you should constantly assess your lifestyle and realistically set your goals. Some useful tips for those who suffer from laziness are:
• Formulate a weekly or daily plan for your basic activities.
• Receive each day with a positive spirit.
• Be determined to achieve more success in activities and relationships.
• Know that laziness is an abhorred quality that has serious effects on the health such as heavy breathing, anxiety, and depression, whereas activity increases women’s activity and liveliness.
• Do some of the housework yourself:
A new study has discovered that washing dishes and kitchenware eliminates the wife’s concerns and considerably improves her psychological state. The study was conducted on 700 women; 90 percent were in a good mood and had high spirits after completing the housework.
The study affirmed that the relation between housework and women’s mental relaxation lies in her attempt to get out of the vicious circle of anxiety. In this way, the vicious circle will be broken by a positive action. Despite the fact that washing dishes is an everyday process, it is still useful.
• Maintain quietness in your home:
A quiet home contributes to happiness, and this is why so many husbands and wives both complain about the lack of marital happiness because of continuous noise, clamor, and the sound of children yelling all day long.
In order for a couple to recover the lost aspect of their marital happiness, they have to accustom their children to be quiet and not to render the home a place for playing in a violent manner, or for yelling and shouting. The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, says:“There are four aspects of happiness: a righteous wife, a spacious home, a righteous neighbor, and a comfortable mount. )Similarly(, there are four aspects of misery: a bad wife, a bad neighbor, a bad mount, and a small home.”]Al-Haakim, Al-Albaani: Saheeh[ The more spacious the house is, the quieter it becomes as children can play in a part of the house without annoying anyone.
• Do not impose your opinion insistently:
One does not attain happiness by controlling others and forcing them to do what they do not believe in. On the contrary, true happiness lies in reaching the truth through persuasion, dialogue, and calm discussion.
Some women have an raging desire and find pleasure in forcing their husbands concur with their own beliefs. Their husbands might agree with them on some occasions just to boost their egos, but they might go too far, which drives the husbands to stop such attitudes regardless of how many problems might arise.
There is a tale called “The he-sparrow and the she-sparrow”. Once upon a time, a husband held a small sparrow in his hands and he and his wife looked at this beautiful bird. The husband said, “What a lovely he-sparrow!” The wife told him, “Excuse me, it is a she-sparrow!”, and they kept arguing about it as each of them held on to his/her opinion. The argument turned into an ugly fight, and they did not get over it until a long time had passed.
After one year, they recalled this incident, and the husband reminded his wife, “Do you remember that silly argument we had a year ago about the sparrow?” His wife said, “Oh yes, I do remember. I had considered divorce then, but thank Allaah The Almighty that it ended happily. Anyway, I admit to you dear, that you were totally wrong about this dilemma of the she-sparrow.”
The husband replied, “A she- sparrow! No, it was a he-sparrow.” The wife said, “No, I am telling you it was a she-sparrow,” and they started fighting again over it.
How many he-sparrows and she-sparrows there are behind the fights among husbands and wives! Dear sister, try not to impose your personal opinion on others, if you find others unwilling to adopt your opinion just drop it and spare yourself unnecessary trouble.
• Maintain your beauty and style:
Maintaining your beauty and style has a remarkable effect on your psychological state. Moreover, neglecting this makes it likely that your husband will dislike you, and may not tolerate sitting with or listening to you. Undoubtedly, this would severely affect the wife’s psychological state. The only way out of this dilemma is for the woman to pay more attention to maintaining her beauty and adorn herself for her husband.
An elegant woman, who pays great attention to her beauty without any extravagance, would be happy and would make her spouse happy as well. Allaah The Exalted has created women with an innate tendency to adornments and beauty; Allaah The Almighty Says )what means(:}“So is one brought up in ornaments while being during conflict cannot make herself clear? "{]Quran 43:18[
My dear sister, you should maintain your beauty, style, health, weight and good speech.
* You should not talk to your husband harshly with a tough voice.
* You should not use vulgar language with your spouse.
* You should not say anything that he hates, and you should not do any action in front of him that might appear repulsive to him.
* You should adorn yourself for your husband before he comes home so that he sees you at your best.
* You should wear nice and clean clothes and wear the perfume he likes.
* You can wear jewelry that he bought you; it is a nice gesture and he would surely love it. You should adorn yourself for him as if you are adorning yourself for a visit from your female friends or relatives.
• Get over anxiety:
Many wives get very anxious about the future of their marriage; some might worry about aging and losing their beauty, while others would be concerned about a potential financial crisis that may render her husband unable to financially maintain her. Furthermore, some might worry about their husbands having an affair. In fact, there are countless worries, fears, and reasons which drive wives to feel this way. Indeed, whoever surrenders to such worries and fears will never attain happiness.
A woman should take each day as it comes, and have an optimistic perspective about the future; only Allaah The Exalted knows what will happen tomorrow. Perhaps tomorrow will be better that today and yesterday, so why worry? Worry does not solve any problem and does not lead to any positive action; instead, it creates further problems, intensifies the current ones, and causes passiveness. On the contrary, optimism fosters sound thinking and drives one to find suitable solutions for each problem. Even if other problems emerge, the optimistic person, who duly trusts Allaah The Exalted, would find his way out of them.

PUBLISHER Najimudeen M

Warped Interpretations of the World: Disrespecting Human Life

Warped Interpretations of the World: Disrespecting Human Life: Since this is my first post in a while I wanted to address something that really bothers me.  There's a picture going around G+ recently...

Dought & clear, - Why will we be brought to account for things that are already written for us?.

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I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW, IF "ALLAH" HAS YOUR FATE WRITTEN ALREADY AND IN YOUR KISMAT IT SAYS YOU WILL KILL SOMEONE HOW DO YOU STOP THIS AND WHY SHOULD YOU BE PUNISHED FOR THIS AS THERE IS NO WAY U CAN STOP IT FROM HAPPENING.
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has decreed what He has decreed. One of the pillars of faith is to believe inal-qadaa’ wa’l-qadar(the Divine will and decree). Allaah has created people and He knows what they are going to do, because of His vast knowledge. He has given His slaves freedom of will, and has shown us the right path, so whoever does good, it is for his own benefit, and whoever does evil, it will count against him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning);
“So whoever does good equal to the weight of an atom (or a small ant), shall see it.
And whoever does evil equal to the weight of an atom (or a small ant), shall see it.”
[al-Zalzalah 99:7-8]
And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“By Nafs (Adam or a person or a soul), and Him Who perfected him in proportion;
Then He showed him what is wrong for him and what is right for him.
Indeed he succeeds who purifies his ownself (i.e. obeys and performs all that Allâh ordered…).
And indeed he fails who corrupts his ownself (i.e. disobeys what Allâh has ordered …).”
[al-Shams 91:7-10]
So it is not permissible for him to harm anyone unjustly, whether by killing or in any other way. Whoever does that deserves punishment in this world, and torment in the Hereafter, for going against the laws decreed by Allaah.

PUBLISHER Najimudeen M