Dought & clear, - If the spouses have agreed on khula‘, can she allow her husband to have sex with her before pronouncing thekhula‘?

If the spouses have agreed on khula', can she allow her husband to
have sex with her before pronouncing the khula'?
Praise be to Allah.
It should be noted that one of the essential parts of khula', without
which it is not valid, is the pronouncing of the word khula' or words
that have the same meaning, whether that is explicit or implicit. It
is essential that the husband pronounce the word khula' or words that
carry the same meaning, so that the ruling may be applied and its
consequences follow on.
It says inal-Mawsoo'ah al-Fiqhiyyah(19/245): According to scholars
other than the Hanafis, there are five essential parts of khula':
moojib, qaabil, mu'awwad, 'iwad and seeghah.
The moojib (the one who issues the khula') is the husband.
The qaabil (the one who guarantees compensation) is the one who is
committed to pay compensation.
The mu'awwad (the thing for which compensation is given in return for
giving it up) is intimacy with the wife.
The 'iwad (what is agreed upon in return for foregoing the right to
intimacy) is the thing in return for which khula' is given
The seeghah is the wording by which khula' takes place.
With regard to the offer of khula' and acceptance thereof, these are
essential parts of khula' according to the Hanafis, if khula' is in
return for compensation. With regard to both, it is stipulated – as
was stated by the Shaafa'is – that the husband begins with an offer of
exchange, such as saying "I offer you khula' in return for such and
such." Acceptance is done by uttering words on the part of one who can
speak, or by gestures or writing in the case of one who cannot speak
(non-verbal). There should be no discussion of different matters, in
between the offer and acceptance, on the part of the one who is
expected to give an answer; however, a little general talk is allowed.
End quote.
See the answer to question no. 191484
Shaykh as-Sa'di (may Allah have mercy on him) said: If they have
agreed on khula' but have not done it yet – rather they only agreed
that he will give her khula' if she gives him compensation – this does
not count as an annulment of the marriage. Rather it is only a promise
from him to annul it. If he has not yet annulled it, he may change his
mind and not do it. End quote.
Fataawa al-Mar'ah al-Muslimah, 2/785; fatwa from Shaykh 'Abd
ar-Rahmaan as-Sa'di.
Based on that:
If the conditions of khula' are fulfilled by both husband and wife,
and he has indeed uttered the word of khula', then it is not
permissible for the wife to let the husband be intimate with her
because she is completely divorced from him [and if they want to
remarry they must do a new marriage contract].
But if the conditions of khula' have not been met – rather it is only
an agreement and a promise, and the husband has not uttered the word
of khula', or the qaadi (judge) has not yet decreed it – then she is
still his wife and she may allow him to be intimate with her. Who
knows, perhaps that will lead to them wanting to stay together and
reconcile.
And Allah knows best.

Dought & clear, - Ruling on celebrating ‘Aashooraa’ or taking it as a day of mourning

What is the ruling on what people do on the day of 'Aashooraa', such
as wearing kohl, taking a bath (ghusl), using henna, shaking hands
with one another, cooking grains (huboob), showing their happiness and
so on…? Has any saheeh hadeeth to that effect been narrated from the
Prophet peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) or not? If there is
no saheeh hadeeth to that effect, does doing these things constitute
bid'ah, or not? What about the things that the other people do, such
as mourning, grieving, going without anything to drink, eulogizing,
wailing, rending their garments, etc.? Is there any basis for that or
not?
Praise be to Allah
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked
this question and he replied as follows:
'Praise be to Allaah, the Lord of the Worlds. Nothing to that effect
has been reported in any saheeh hadeeth from the Prophet(peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) or from his Companions. None of the
imaams of the Muslims encouraged or recommended such things, neither
the four imaams, nor any others. No reliable scholars have narrated
anything like this, neither from the Prophet(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him), nor from the Sahaabah, nor from the Taabi'een;
neither in any saheeh report or in a da'eef (weak) report; neither in
the books ofSaheeh, nor inal-Sunan, nor in theMusnads. No hadeeth of
this nature was known during the best centuries, but some of the later
narrators reported ahaadeeth like the one which says "Whoever puts
kohl in his eyes on the day of 'Aashooraa' will not suffer from eye
disease in that year, and whoever takes a bath (does ghusl) on the day
of 'Aashooraa' will not get sick in that year, etc." They also
narrated reports concerning the supposed virtues of praying on the day
of 'Aashooraa', and other reports saying that on the day of
'Aashooraa' Adam repented, the Ark settled on Mount Joodi, Yoosuf
returned to Ya'qoob, Ibraaheem was saved from the fire, the ram was
provided for sacrifice instead of Ismaa'eel, and so on. They also
reported a fabricated hadeeth that is falsely attributed to the
Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), which says,
"Whoever is generous to his family on the day of 'Aashooraa', Allaah
will be generous to him for the rest of the year."
(Then Ibn Taymiyah discussed the two misguided groups who were in
Koofah, Iraq, both of whom took 'Aashooraa' as a festival because of
their bid'ah). The Raafidi group made an outward show of allegiance to
the Ahl al-Bayt although inwardly they were either heretics and
disbelievers or ignorant and bound by whims and desires. The Naasibi
group hated 'Ali and his companions, because of the troubles and
killings that had occurred. It is reported inSaheeh Muslimthat the
Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "In (the
tribe of) Thaqeef there will be a liar and an oppressor [???]." The
liar was al-Mukhtaar ibn Abi 'Ubayd al-Thaqafi, who made an outward
show of allegiance to and support of the Ahl al-Bayt, and killed
'Ubayd-Allaah ibn Ziyaad, the governor of Iraq, who had equipped the
party that killed al-Husayn ibn 'Ali (may Allaah be pleased with them
both); then he (al-Mukhtaar) made it clear that he was a liar, by
claiming to be a prophet and that Jibreel (peace be upon him) brought
revelation to him. People told Ibn 'Umar and Ibn 'Abbaas about this,
and said to one of them, "al-Mukhtaar ibn Abi 'Ubayd is claiming to
receive revelation [annahu yanzilu 'alayhi]." He said, "He is telling
the truth, for Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):'Shall I
inform you (O people) upon whom the shayaateen (devils) descend
[tanazzalu]? They descend upon every lying, sinful person.'
[al-Shu'ara' 26:221]."[Translator's note: the words translated as
"receive revelation" and "descend" both come from the same root in
Arabic]. They said to the other: "Al-Mukhtaar is claiming that he
receives inspiration." He said, "he is telling the truth.'… And
certainly, the Shayaateen (devils) do inspire their friends (from
mankind) to dispute with you…' [al-An'aam 6:121 – interpretation of
the meaning]." As for the oppressor , this was al-Hajjaaj ibn Yoosuf
al-Thaqafi, who was opposed to 'Ali and his companions. Al-Hajjaaj was
a Naasibi and al-Mukhtaar was a Raafidi, and this Raafidi was a
greater liar and more guilty of fabrication and heresy, because he
claimed to be a prophet…
There was much trouble and fighting between these two groups in Kufa.
When al-Husayn ibn 'Ali (may Allaah be pleased with them both) was
killed on the day of 'Aashooraa', he was killed by the sinful,
wrongdoing group. Allaah honoured al-Husayn with martyrdom, as He
honoured other members of his family, and raised his status, as He
honoured Hamzah, Ja'far, his father 'Ali and others. Al-Husayn and his
brother al-Hasan are the leaders of the youth of Paradise. High status
can only be attained through suffering, as the Prophet(peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him said, when he was asked which people
suffer the most. He said, "The Prophets, then righteous people, then
the next best and the next best. A man will suffer according to his
level of faith. If his faith is solid, he will suffer more, but if his
faith is shaky, he will suffer less. The believer will keep on
suffering until he walks on the earth with no sin."(reported by
al-Tirmidhi and others).Al-Hasan and al-Husayn achieved what they
achieved and reached the high status they reached by the help and
decree of Allaah. They did not suffer as much as their forefathers
had, for they were born and raised during the glory days of Islam, and
the Muslims respected and honoured them. The Prophet(peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) died when they were still young, and
Allaah blessed them by testing them in such a manner that they would
be able to catch up with the rest of their family members, as those
who were of a higher status than them were also tested. 'Ali ibn Abi
Taalib was better than them, and he was killed as a shaheed (martyr).
The killing of al-Husayn was one of the things that caused fitnah
(tribulation) among the people, as was the killing of 'Uthmaan, which
was one of the greatest causes of fitnah, because of which the ummah
is still split today. Thus the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "There are three things, whoever is saved from them
is truly saved: my death, the killing of a patient khaleefah, and the
Dajjaal ('antichrist')."
Then Shaykh al-Islam (may Allaah have mercy on him) mentioned a little
about the biography of al-Hasan and his just character, then he said:
"Then he died, and Allaah was pleased with him and honoured him. Some
groups wrote to al-Husayn and promised to support and help him if he
went ahead and declared himself khaleefah, but they were not sincere.
When al-Husayn sent his cousin [son of his paternal uncle] to them,
they broke their word and gave help to the one they had promised to
defend him against, and fought with him against [al-Husayn's cousin].
Those who were wise and who loved al-Husayn, such as Ibn 'Abbaas and
Ibn 'Umar and others, advised him not to go to them, and not to accept
any promises from them. They thought that his going to them served no
useful interest and that the consequences would not be good. Things
turned out just as they said, and this is how Allaah decreed it would
happen. When al-Husayn (may Allaah be pleased with him) went out and
saw that things were not as he had expected, he asked them to let him
go back, or to let him join the army that was defending the borders of
Islam, or join his cousin Yazeed, but they would not let him do any of
these things unless he gave himself up to them as a prisoner. So he
fought with them, and they killed him and some of those who were with
him, and he was wrongfully slain so he died as a shaheed whose
martyrdom brought him honour from Allaah, and so he was reunited with
the good and pure members of his family. His murder brought shame on
those who had wrongfully killed him, and caused much mischief among
the people. An ignorant, wrongful group – who were either heretics and
hypocrites, or misguided and misled – made a show of allegiance to him
and the members of his household, so they took the day of 'Aashooraa'
as a day of mourning and wailing, in which they openly displayed the
rituals of jaahiliyyah such as slapping their cheeks and rending their
garments, grieving in the manner of the jaahiliyyah. But what Allaah
has commanded us to do when disaster strikes – when the disaster is
fresh – is to bear it with patience and fortitude, and to seek reward,
and to remember that all things come from Allaah and we must return to
Him, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):"… but give glad
tidings to al-saabiroon (the patient ones), who, when afflicted with
calamity, say: 'Truly, to Allaah we belong and turly, to Him we shall
return.' They are those on whom are al-salawaat (the blessings) (i.e.,
who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are
those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones."
[al-Baqarah 2:155-157].
It is reported inal-Saheehthat the Prophet(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "he is not one of us who strikes his cheeks,
rends his garments and prays with the prayer of Jaahiliyyah." And he
said: "I have nothing to do with those who strike [their cheeks],
shave [their heads] and rend [their garments]." And he said: "If the
woman who wails does not repent before she dies, she will be raised up
on the Day of Resurrection wearing trousers made of tar and a shirt of
scabs." Inal-Musnad, it is reported from Faatimah bint al-Husayn, from
her father al-Husayn, that the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: "There is no man who suffers a calamity, and when
he remembers it, even if it is old, he says 'Innaa Lillaahi wa innaa
ilayhi raaji'oon(Truly, to Allaah we belong and truly, to Him we shall
return),' but Allaah will give a reward equal to the reward He gave
him on the day he suffered the calamity." This is how Allaah honours
the Believers. If the disaster suffered by al-Husayn, and other
disasters, are mentioned after all this time, we should say "Innaa
Lillaahi wa innaa ilayhi raaji'oon(Truly, to Allaah we belong and
truly, to Him we shall return)," as Allaah and His Messenger
commanded, so as to be given the reward like that earned on the day of
the disaster itself. If Allaah commanded us to be patient and
steadfast and to seek reward at the time of the disaster, then how
about after the passing of time? The Shaytaan made this attractive to
those who are misled, so they took the day of 'Aashooraa' as an
occasion of mourning, when they grieve and wail, recite poems of grief
and tell stories filled with lies. Whatever truth there may be in
these stories serves no purpose other than the renewal of their grief
and sectarian feeling, and the stirring up of hatred and hostility
among the Muslims, which they do by cursing those who came before
them, and telling many lies, and causing much trouble in the world.
The various sects of Islam have never known any group tell more lies
or cause more trouble or help the kuffaar against the Muslims more
than this misguided and evil group. They are even worse than the
Khawaarij who went beyond the pale of Islam. They are the ones of whom
the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "They
will kill the people of Islam and will leave alone the people who
worship idols." This group cooperated with the Jews, Christians and
mushrikeen against the members of the Prophet's household and his
believing ummah, and also helped the mushrik Turks and Tatars to do
what they did in Baghdaad and elsewhere to the descendents of the
Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), i.e., the
'Abbaasid rulers and others, and the believers; the Turks and Tatars
killed them, enslaved their women and destroyed their homes. The evil
and harm that they do to the Muslims cannot be enumerated by any man,
no matter how eloquent he is. Some others – either Naasibis who oppose
and have enmity towards al-Husayn and his family or ignorant people
who try to fight evil with evil, corruption with corruption, lies with
lies and bid'ah with bid'ah – opposed them by fabricating reports in
favour of making the day of 'Aashooraa' a day of celebration, by
wearing kohl and henna, spending money on one's children, cooking
special dishes and other things that are done on Eids and special
occasions. These people took the day of 'Aashooraa' as a festival like
Eid, whereas the others took it as a day of mourning. Both are wrong,
and both go against the Sunnah, even though the other group (the
Rafidis) are worse in intention and more ignorant and more plainly
wrong… But Allaah commands us to be just and to treat others well. The
Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Those of you
who live after my death will see many disputes. I urge you to adhere
to my Sunnah and the sunnah of my rightly-guided successors
(al-khulafa' al-raashidoon) who come after me. Hold onto it as if
biting it with your eyeteeth. Beware of newly-innovated matters, for
every innovation is a going astray." Neither the Prophet(peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) nor his rightly-guided successors
(the khulafa' al-raashidoon) did any of these things on the day of
'Aashooraa', they neither made it a day of mourning nor a day of
celebration.
But "when the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came
to Madeenah, he saw the Jews fasting on the day of 'Aashooraa'. He
said, 'What is this?' They said, 'This is the day when Allaah saved
Moosa from drowning, so we fast on this day.' He said, 'We have more
right to Moosa than you,' so he fasted on that day and commanded [the
Muslims] to fast on that day."
Quraysh also used to venerate this day during the Jaahiliyyah. The day
on which people were ordered to fast was just one day. When the
Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to Madeenah it
was Rabee' al-Awwal, and the following year he fasted 'Aashooraa' and
commanded the people to fast. Then in that year fasting in Ramadaan
was made obligatory and fasting on 'Aashooraa' was abrogated. The
scholars disputed as to whether fasting on that day ('Aashooraa') was
waajib (obligatory) or mustahabb (encouraged). Of the two best known
opinions, the more correct view is that it was waajib, then after that
whoever fasted it did it because it was mustahabb. The Prophet(peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not tell ordinary Muslims to
fast on 'Aashooraa', but he used to say, "This is the day of
'Aashooraa'; I am fasting on this day and whoever wishes to fast on
this day may fast." And he said: "Fasting on 'Aashooraa' expiates for
the sins of one year and fasting on the day of 'Arafaah expiates for
the sins of two years." When, towards the end of his life, the
Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) heard that the Jews
took the day of 'Aashooraa' as a festival, he said, "If I live until
next year, I will certainly fast on the ninth" – to be different from
the Jews, and not to resemble them in taking the day as a festival.
There were some of the Sahaabah and scholars who did not fast on this
day and did not regard it as mustahabb, but thought it makrooh to
single out this day for fasting. This was reported from a group of the
Koofiyeen (scholars of Kufa). Some other scholars said that it was
mustahabb to fast on this day. The correct view is that it is
mustahabb for the one who fasts on 'Aashooraa' to fast on the ninth
day [of Muharram] too, because this was the ultimate command of the
Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), as he said: "If I
live until next year, I will certainly fast on the ninth as well as
the tenth." This was reported with a variety of isnaads. This is what
is prescribed in the Sunnah of the Prophet(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him).
As for the other things, such as cooking special dishes with or
without grains, or wearing new clothes, or spending money on one's
family, or buying the year's supplies on that day, or doing special
acts of worship such as special prayers or deliberately slaughtering
an animal on that day, or saving some of the meat of the sacrifice to
cook with grains, or wearing kohl and henna, or taking a bath (ghusl),
or shaking hands with one another, or visiting one another, or
visiting the mosques and mashhads (shrines) and so on… all of this is
reprehensible bid'ah and is wrong. None of it has anything to do with
the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) or the way of the Khulafa' al-Raashidoon. It was not
approved of by any of the imaams of the Muslims, not Maalik, not
al-Thawri, not al-Layth ibn Sa'd, not Abu Haneefah, not al-Oozaa'i,
not al-Shaafa'i, not Ahmad ibn Hanbal, not Ishaaq ibn Raahwayh, not
any of the imaams and scholars of the Muslims.
The religion of Islam is based on two principles: that we should
worship nothing besides Allaah Alone, and that we should worship Him
in the manner that He has prescribed, not by means of bid'ah or
reprehensible innovations. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning):"… So whoever hopes for the Meeting with his Lord, let him
work righteousness and associate none as a partner in the worship of
his Lord." [al-Kahf 18:110].
Righteous deeds are those which are loved by Allaah and His Messenger,
those which are prescribed in Islam and in the Sunnah. Thus 'Umar ibn
al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) used to say in his
du'aa': "O Allaah, make all of my deeds righteous and make them purely
for Your sake, and do not let there be any share for anyone or
anything else in them."
(The above is summarized from the words of Shaykh al-Islam Ibn
Taymiyah – may Allaah have mercy on him.Al-Fataawa al-Kubra, part 5).
And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path.

For children, - Spiritual Stories for Children: Wife's CatWhat Goes Around Comes Around, Backfires

A man who absolutely hated his wife's Cat. One day decided to get rid
of him by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the
park.
As he was nearing home, the Cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day, he decided to drive the Cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.
As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the Cat! He kept
taking the Cat farther and farther away, but the darn Cat would always
beat him Home.
At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left,
past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he
reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left
the Cat there.
Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the Cat there?"
"Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn Cat on the phone. I'm lost
and I need directions!"

For children, - Spiritual Stories for Children: Don't be SelfishWhat Goes Around Comes Around

A couple, whom we shall call John and Mary, had a nice home and two
lovely children, a boy and a girl. John had a good job and had just
been asked to go on a business trip to another city and would be gone
for several days. It was decided that Mary needed an outing and would
go along too. They hired a reliable woman to care for the children and
made the trip, returning home a little earlier than they had planned.
As they drove into their home town feeling glad to be back, they
noticed smoke, and they went off their usual route to see what it was.
They found a home in flames. Mary said, "Oh well it isn't our fire,
let's go home."
But John drove closer and exclaimed, "That home belongs to Fred Jones
who works at the plant. He wouldn't be off work yet, maybe there is
something we could do." "It has nothing to do with us." Protested
Mary. "You have your good clothes on lets not get any closer."
But John drove up and stopped and they were both horror stricken to
see the whole house in flames. A woman on the lawn was in hysterics
screaming, "The children! Get the children!" John grabbed her by the
shoulder saying, "Get a hold of yourself and tell us where the
children are!" "In the basement," sobbed the woman, "down the hall and
to the left."
In spite of Mary's protests John grabbed the water hose and soaked his
clothes, put his wet handkerchief on his head and bolted for the
basement which was full of smoke and scorching hot. He found the door
and grabbed two children, holding one under each arm like the football
player he was. As he left he could hear some more whimpering. He
delivered the two badly frightened and nearly suffocated children into
waiting arms and filled his lungs with fresh air and started back
asking how many more children were down there. They told him two more
and Mary grabbed his arm and screamed, "John! Don't go back! It's
suicide! That house will cave in any second!"
But he shook her off and went back by feeling his way down the smoke
filled hallway and into the room. It seemed an eternity before he
found both children and started back. They were all three coughing and
he stooped low to get what available air he could. As he stumbled up
the endless steps the thought went through his mind that there was
something strangely familiar about the little bodies clinging to him,
and at last when they came out into the sunlight and fresh air, he
found that he had just rescued his own children.
The baby-sitter had left them at this home while she did some shopping.