Sex in Islam, - Kissing and Foreplay in Islam

Question:
My husband does not like foreplay, kissing on the mouth, or much of
anything of that sort, but I would like him to have a desire for these
things with me. I have told him several times in a humble way, but I
am very shy to tell him again and I feel embarrassed to ask him.
He is religious, though, and may listen to religious advice. Are there
any sunnahs that he can read, about playfulness with one's wife, in
regards to the intimacy that leads to intercourse? I am hoping that by
understanding and following our Prophet's (SAWS) example, my husband
will not feel shy anymore, inshallah.
Answer:
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
Foreplay between the spouses before actually engaging into sexual
intercourse is immensely important (especially for the wife) and a
vital ingredient for a happy and prosperous marriage, that which
should never be neglected.
The husband should sexually arouse his wife before having sex. It is
indeed selfish on the husband's part that he fulfils his sexual needs
and desires, whilst his wife remains unsatisfied and discontented.
Failure in satisfying the wife can have terrible consequences on one's
marriage.
It should be remembered that, just as Islam has given the husband his
right of sexual intimacy, and extreme emphasis has been laid upon the
wife to obey her husband in his request for sexual intimacy, at the
same time, Islam also recognizes a woman's need for love, affection
and foreplay. It is quite common in men to demand their sexual rights,
but they should also see whether they are giving their women their
rights in bed.
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) also
encouraged foreplay between the spouses.
Sayyiduna Jabir ibn Abd Allah (Allah be pleased with him) narrates: "I
was in the company of the messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give
him peace) in a battle……The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give
him peace) said to me: "Did you marry?" I answered: "yes". He said: "A
virgin or a non-virgin?" I said: "A non-virgin". The Messenger of
Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: "Why not a virgin so
that you may play with her and she can play with you?"… (Sahih
al-Bukhari, no. 1991)
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) also stated:
"Every game a person plays is futile except for archery, training
one's horse and playing with one's wife". (Sunan Tirmidhi, Musnad
Ahmad, Sunan Ibn Majah).
Imam al-Daylami (Allah have mercy on him) records a narration on the
authority of Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with him) that the
Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) is reported to
have said: "One of you should not fulfil one's (sexual) need from
one's wife like an animal, rather there should be between them
foreplay of kissing and words." (Musnad al-Firdaws Of al-Daylami,
2/55)
Imam Ibn al-Qayyim (Allah have mercy on him) reports in his famous
"Tibb al-Nabawi" that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give
him peace) forbade from engaging in sexual intercourse before
foreplay. (See: al-Tibb al-Nabawi, 183, from Jabir ibn Abd Allah)
There are many ways and methods that can be exercised during foreplay,
and it is best that we leave this to the mutual understanding of the
spouses, as each individual differs from another in exactly what
arouses and stimulates him/her, although the prohibited acts must be
avoided.
Importance of Kissing
However, as the questioner has asked about kissing, I would like to
end the article on a few notes with regards to it.
Kissing one's spouse is also of utmost importance during foreplay and
also in general. It is a Sunnah of our blessed Messenger of Allah
(Allah bless him & give him peace).
Sayyida A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger
of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would kiss one of his
wives and then leave for prayer (salat) without performing ablution
(wudu). Urwa says that I asked A'isha: "It must have been you?" (Upon
hearing this) A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) smiled."(Sunan
al-Tirmidhi, no. 86, Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 181 & Sunan al-Nasa'i, no.
170))
Sayyida A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) says: "The Messenger of
Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would kiss me before leaving
for prayers, and he would not perform an ablution." (Sunan
al-Darqutni, 1/49 and others)
The above two narrations indicate the recommendation of kissing one's
spouse. They also show the importance of greeting the wife when
entering the house with a kiss and departing with a kiss. This was the
Sunnah of the beloved of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace).
Thus, it is inappropriate for husbands to leave the home in a hurry
without even greeting the wife in a proper manner with hugs and
kisses, and then entering the house with the first question on whether
the food is cooked or not, or whether had someone called, etc…
Passionate kissing (or French kissing) is also the Sunnah of the
Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace).
Sayyida A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) narrates that the Messenger
of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) would kiss her whilst he
was fasting (m, refer to the fiqh of kissing during fast) and he would
suck her tongue." (Sunan Abu Dawud, no. 2378)
Allama al-Munawi (Allah have mercy on him) states:
"Foreplay and passionate kissing before sexual intercourse is an
emphatic Sunnah (sunnah muakkada), and it is disliked (makruh) to do
otherwise." (Faidh al-Qadir, 5/115, See: Hadith no. 6536)
In conclusion, it is important that your husband fulfils your right of
foreplay and kissing. It is not something that he should be shy or
reluctant about. Some individuals regard practices related to foreplay
to be "inappropriate" and consider abstinence from such activities to
be from piety (taqwa).
However, this is totally incorrect, for who can possibly be more
pious, pure and God-fearing than the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless
him & give him peace), yet not only did he encourage foreplay, etc,
but practically engaged in it with his wives, as we have learnt from
the many narrations quoted above.
Thus, it is not a sign of piety to abstain from such activities, for
there is no place for monasticism (rahbaniyya) in Islam. It is a
practical religion where one may fulfil his/her needs in a permissible
way. Explain to your husband in a kind and gentle manner, that
prosperity in this world and the hereafter lies in following the
example of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace).
And Allah Knows Best

Sex in Islam, - Fatwa on Phone Sex Between UnmarriedPersons

Question:Respected scholars, as-salamu `alaykum.
If a man and a woman, while having phone sex, address each other as
husband and wife and they actually mean it, will it amount to
marriage? Even during the normal course of telephone conversations
they occasionally call each other husband and wife. Does it mean they
are married or it just an over emotional sentiment? Is marriage
solemnized when a man tells a woman that she is his wife and the wife
says she is?
Jazakum Allahu Khayran
Answer:
Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be
upon His Messenger.
Dear sister, we appreciate your forwarding this question to us and we
ask Almighty Allah to strengthen your faith, save you from the traps
of Satan and enlighten your heart with the light of Islam!
Doing this act is a crime and leads to a grave heinous sin which is
zina (illegitimate sexual intercourse). Pronouncing the words of
marriage during your conversation does not authorize this act or mean
that you have made a marriage contract with that man. Marriage is a
solemn contract that has its own rules and conditions without which
any other kind of intimate relation is considered invalid and illegal.
Islam blocks all the ways that lead to illegitimate sexual
intercourse. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said:'The
eyes commit zina, the hands commit zina and the feet commit zina and
the genitals commit zina.'(Ahmad)
This is one of Satan's traps, so repent to Almighty Allah sincerely
and cut all your relations with this man. Almighty Allah says, (Do not
even come close to Zina. It is a shameful deed and an evil way.)
(Al-Israa' 17: 32)
In his response to your question, Wael`Abdul-Mut`aal Shihab, a
Shari`ah researcher at Al-Azhar University, stated,
First of all, phone sex and other forms of illicit relations between
men and women are strictly prohibited in Islam. Those who involve
themselves in such illegal practices should sincerely repent to
Almighty Allah, stop all illicit relations, fear Allah's punishment,
and return to the straight path before it is too late.
Just because a man calls a woman "his wife", whether on the phone or
during a face-to-face conversation, it does not amount to a legal
marriage. A legal marriage must fulfill the following requirements in
order to be valid:
1.The marriage must be expressed in clear and unequivocal terms
signifying the full consent of both male and female either in words or
in writing.
2.It should be witnessed by two reliable Muslim witnesses.
3.It should also be publicized.
4.The wife's guardian should give his consent.
5.A mahr should be paid to the bride.
Any arrangment that does not fulfill these conditions is not marriage,
no matter how sincere or earnest the parties might be.

Fathwa, - Meaning of laa ilaaha illa Allah Muhammadun rasool ullah

Question: What is the meaning of the words "laa ilaahah illa allaah
muhammadun rasool ullaah"?
Answer:
Bearing witness "laa ilaahah illa allah" and that "muhammadun rasool
ullaah" is the first pillar of the five pillars of Islam. And the
meaning of "laa ilaahah illa allah" is that nothing worshipped is
worthy of worship except Allah—it is simultaneously a denial and
affirmation. "laa ilaahah" is denial of all worship other than that of
Allah. "illa allaah" is affirmation that all worship is for Allah
alone without partners.
As for the declaration, "muhammadun rasool ullaa," its meaning is the
assertion of the message of Mohammed (peace and blessings of Allah be
upon him) and to believe in it and to adhere to it by speech, action
and faith, and to avoid all that is against it, whether it be sayings,
actions, or intentions… In other words, obeying him in what he ordered
and believing in what he said and relayed and avoiding what he has
forbid and denounced and not worshipping Allah except as he has
ordained.
wa-sall-allahu wa-sallim 'ala nabiyyina muhammadin wa-aalihi
wa-sahbih. (May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon our prophet
Muhammad and upon his families and companions).

Fathwa, - Is it possible to see Allaah in this world?

Question: I have read that no man has seen Allah (S) in this life, not
even the prophet (SM) in his mira'j. The book has been written by Sk.
Abu Ameenah Bilaal Philips. Now, I have heard from one scholar from my
country that Imam Malik saw Allah (S) hundred times in his dream. Is
that possible? May Allah (S) reward you.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Seeing Allaah in reality (as opposed to in a dream) is not possible in
this life, although no doubt it will happen after death. This is not
because seeing Him is impossible in itself, but because Allaah has
willed that it should not happen. This is for many reasons, some of
which have been found by the scholars, and others which remain known
only to Allaah. Among the reasons which we do understand is human
weakness, which is apparent from the story of Moosa (upon whom be
peace), which we will quote shortly. Another reason is that seeing
Allaah is a great blessing and joy, indeed it is the greatest
blessing, so it is withheld for the place of ultimate blessing and
joy, namely Paradise. Another reason is that this world is a mixture
of good believers and kuffaar, so this blessing is deferred until it
will be given exclusively to the believers in Paradise. Withholding
this blessing until the Hereafter also provides a strong motive to do
good in this world, so that one may see Allaah and feel secure and
content in nearness to Him in the Hereafter.
Evidence that it is not possible to see Allaah in this world
Allaah says, in the story of Moosa (peace be upon him) (interpretation
of the meaning): "And when Moosa came at the time and place appointed
by Us, and his Lord spoke to him, he said, 'O my Lord! Show me
(Yourself), that I may look upon You.' Allaah said, 'You cannot see
Me, but look upon the mountain, if its stands still in its place, then
you shall see Me.' So when his Lord appeared to the mountain, He made
it collapse to dust, and Moosa fell down unconscious. Then when he
recovered his senses he said, 'Glory be to You, I turn to You in
repentance and I am the first of the believers.'" [al-A'raaf 7:143].
The word lan (here translated as cannot in 'You cannot see Me')
conveys the meaning of 'You will not see Me in this life', because
there is evidence that man will see Allaah in the Hereafter, which
means that this lan is not eternal in application. (The negative
particle lan often carries a sense of eternal negation, that something
will never happen, but this is not the case here. Translator).
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "No vision can grasp Him,
but His Grasp is over all vision. He is the Most Subtle and Courteous,
Well-Acquainted with all things." [al-An'aam 6:103]. The commentator
al-Haafiz Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, in his
tafseer of this aayah: "Concerning the phrase No vision can grasp Him,
several comments regarding it have been narrated from the imaams of
the salaf, one of which is that it means, you will not be able to see
Him in this world, even though you will see Him in the Hereafter. The
reports that state this, narrated from the Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him), reach the level of mutawaatir
and are reported through more than one sound isnaad in the books of
Saheeh, Musnad and Sunan. [Translator's note: a mutawaatir report is
one that was narrated by so many to so many that it is inconceivable
that they could all have agreed on a lie].
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "It is not given to any
human being that Allaah should speak to him unless (it be) by
inspiration, or from behind a veil, or (that) He sends a Messenger to
reveal what He will by His Leave. Verily, He is Most High, Most Wise."
[al-Shoora 42:51].
Abu Hurayrah said: "Some people said, 'O Messenger of Allaah, will we
see our Lord on the Day of Resurrection?' He said, 'Do you have any
doubt about seeing the sun on a cloudless day?' They said, 'No, O
Messenger of Allaah.' He said, 'Do you have any doubt about seeing the
full moon on a cloudless night?' They said, 'No, O Messenger of
Allaah.' He said, 'You will see Him just as clearly on the Day of
Resurrection…'" (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6088). It is clear that the
idea that Allaah will not be seen in this life was well-entrenched in
the minds of the Sahaabah. They were asking about the Hereafter, and
this is what the Prophet's answer also referred to.
Abu Dharr said: "I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him), 'Have you seen your Lord?' He said, '(There
is) light, how could I see Him?'" This light, which prevented him from
seeing Him, is a veil of light, which is further explained in the
hadeeth of Abu Moosa, who said, "The Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) stood up and told us five things:
'Allaah does not sleep, and it is not befitting that He should sleep.
He lowers the scale and lifts it. The deeds in the night are taken up
to Him before the deeds of the day, and the deeds of the day before
the deeds of the night. His veil is the light. If He were to withdraw
it (the veil), the splendour of His countenance would consume His
creation as far as His sight reaches.'" (Reported by Imaam Ahmad and
Muslim, 263).
Further clear evidence comes in the hadeeth which warns against the
Dajjaal (antichrist): "Written between his eyes is (the word) kaafir,
which will be read by everyone who hates his works, or every believer
will read it. Know that none of you will see your Lord until he dies."
(Reported by Muslim, 5215).
So any claim that anyone but the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) can see Allaah in reality is impossible, according
to the consensus of the scholars. However, there is some disagreement
among the scholars as to whether or not the Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw Allaah on the night of the
Mi'raaj. The correct view is that he did not see Him physically, with
his own two eyes, because when he was asked about this, he said,
"(There is) light, how could I see Him?" According to another report,
he said, "I saw light." The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) did not see Him, but he saw His veil of light.
The question of whether Allaah may be seen in a dream does not
contradict the fact that Allaah cannot be seen in reality in this
world, because all the texts quoted above speak about physical vision
when one is awake, not the "vision" of the heart when one is asleep.
Proof that the latter kind of vision is possible is to be seen in the
hadeeth about the dispute of the "chiefs on high" (the angels). Ibn
'Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said, "The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, 'My Lord came
to me tonight in the most beautiful form.' I think he said, 'in a
dream. He said, "O Muhammad, do you know what the chiefs on high
disputed about?" I said, "No." He put His hand between my
shoulder-blades and I could feel its coolness on my chest (or just
beneath my throat), then I knew everything that is in the heavens and
on earth. He said, "O Muhammad, do you know what the chiefs on high
disputed about?" I said, "Yes." He said, "About expiation, and
expiation is staying in the mosque after prayers, walking to join
congregational prayers, and doing wudoo' properly in adverse
conditions. Whoever does that will live a good life and die a good
death, and will be as sinless as the day his mother bore him." He
said, "O Muhammad, when you pray, say Allaahumma innee as'aluka fa'l
al-khayraat wa tark al-munkaraat wa hubb al-masaakeen, wa idha aradta
bi 'ibaadika fitnatan fa'qbudni ilayka ghayra maftoon (O Allaah, I ask
you to make me do good deeds and avoid evil deeds, and to make me love
the poor and wretched. If You want to test Your slaves, then take me
unto You without subjecting me to the trial). One's status in Paradise
may be raised by spreading the greeting of salaam, feeding others, and
praying at night when people are sleeping."'" (Reported by Imaam
Ahmad, 16026; and by al-Tirmidhi, 3159, who said it is a saheeh hasan
hadeeth).
Some of the scholars have commented that it is possible to see Allaah
in a dream.
Imaam al-Daarimi said, in his refutation of Bishr ibn Ghiyaath, "This
seeing took place in a dream, and in a dream it is possible to see
Allaah in any shape or form." (p. 166)
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said, "A believer may see his Lord in a
dream, in various forms according to his faith and belief. If his
eemaan is correct, he can only see Him in a beautiful form, and if his
faith is lacking, this will be reflected in the way he sees Him.
Seeing Allaah in a dream is not like seeing Him in reality. It may
have different interpretations and meanings referring to something in
reality." (al-Fataawa, 3/390)
He also said, "Whoever sees Allaah in a dream sees Him in a form that
corresponds to his own state. If he is righteous, he will see Him in a
beautiful form, which is why the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) saw him in the most beautiful form. (al-Fataawa,
5/251)
Shaykh 'Abd al-Azeez ibn Baaz was asked about the ruling concerning
one who claims to have seen the Lord of Glory in a dream, and whether
it was true, as some claim, that Imaam Ahmad ibn Hanbal had seen the
Lord of Glory in his dreams more than one hundred times. The Shaykh
answered as follows:
"Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) and
others said that it is possible for a man to see his Lord in a dream,
but what he sees is not reality, because there is nothing like Allaah,
may He be glorified and exalted. Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning): '… There is nothing like unto Him, and He is the All-Hearer,
the All-Seer.' [al-Shoora 42:11]. Nothing in His creation is like unto
Him. A person may dream that his Lord is speaking to him, and no
matter what kind of image he sees, that image is not Allaah, because
there is nothing that is like Allaah in any way. Shaykh Taqiy al-Deen
(may Allaah have mercy on him) mentioned that dreams differ according
to the state of the person who is dreaming. The more righteous and
closer to goodness a person is, the more correct his dream will be,
but the truth is still something other than what he sees, because the
guiding principle is still that there is nothing like unto Allaah.
He may hear a voice and be told such-and-such, or to do such-and-such,
without any clear image resembling anything in creation, because there
is nothing at all like unto Allaah… Some people may imagine that they
have seen their Lord when in fact this is not the case. The Shaytaan
may deceive a person and make him imagine that he is their Lord, as it
was reported that he made 'Abd al-Qaadir al-Jeelaani see him on a
throne above water, and said, 'I am your Lord and I freed you from
doing any duties (worship, etc.).' 'Abd al-Qaadir al-Jeelaani said,
'Get lost, O enemy of Allaah! You are not my Lord, because the
commands of my Lord are not cancelled for anyone,' or some similar
words.
As for whether Imaam Ahmad saw his Lord, I do not know if this is true
or not. It is said that he saw his Lord but I do not know if this is
true." And Allaah knows best.