Dought & clear, - What are the limits within which parents may interfere in their son’s marriage? Is he sinning if he goes against their wishes?.

I have got to know a girl who recently became Muslim (she was
Christian before) and we have agreed to get married, but my family are
strongly opposed to that.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We hope that you will pay attention to the things you have done that
go against sharee'ah, such as getting to know that girl who is a
stranger (non-mahram) to you, talking to her, making friends with her
and other shortcomings to which you have admitted. You should
understand that these sins mean that you must give them up, regret
doing them and resolve not to do them again, as well as praying a
great deal for forgiveness and doing righteous deeds.
With regard to your relationship with this girl, it is not permissible
for you to talk to her or see her, let alone make friends with her and
be alone with her. It is good that you and she have thought of
marriage, because it is the only legitimate shar'i way that you can be
together, so do your best to attain that; but if that is not possible
for you, then this relationship should be ended completely and perhaps
Allaah will compensate you with someone better than her and will
compensate her with someone better than you.
We have discussed the issue of correspondence between the sexes being
haraam in the answer to question no. 26890and 10221.
With regard to haraam infatuation and its effects, and marriage to the
one with whom one is infatuated, please see the answer to question no.
47405.
Secondly:
With regard to your family's objections to this marriage, you should
note that the parents' relationship to their son's marriage may take
several forms, such as the following;
1-
Not approving of any girl whom he chooses for himself as a wife.
2-
Not approving of a girl whom he chooses, but their objection is for
legitimate shar'i reasons, such as if she has a bad reputation, or she
is not Muslim – even though marriage to a Christian or Jewish woman is
basically permissible.
3-
Not approving of a girl whom he chooses, but it is not for any
legitimate shar'i reason, rather it is for personal or worldly
reasons, such as if she is not beautiful or is not from a good family,
and he is not infatuated with her and he does not fear any harm to
himself if he does not marry her.
4-
The same scenario as that mentioned above, but he is infatuated with
her, and fears fitnah for himself if he does not marry her.
5-
Forcing him to marry a girl whom they choose for him, even if she is
religiously committed and of good character.
It seems to us from the rulings on the scenarios mentioned above that
the son should obey his parents in the second and third cases, and
that it is definitely obligatory for him to do so in the second case.
In the second case the matter is clear and he has to obey them,
because he is going to do something that is bad for their son and may
also affect them.
In the third case it is permissible for him, but obeying them is
obligatory, and what is obligatory takes precedence over what is
permissible.
As for the first, fourth and fifth scenarios, it does not seem that he
is obliged to obey them, because choosing a wife is the son's right,
not the parents'; they may intervene in some cases but not in all.
Preventing him from marrying any girl he chooses, regardless of
whether she is religiously-committed or not, is pointless and he does
not have to obey them.
The same applies if he is infatuated with a woman and fears fitnah if
he does not marry her. In this case he does not have to obey them if
they tell him to leave her and not marry her, because that may lead to
evil and fitnah that Islam came to prevent.
It is definite that he should not obey them in the fifth case, which
is where they force him to marry a girl whom they have chosen. This is
not a matter in which he is obliged to obey them. Rather it is akin to
food and drink: he may choose whatever he wants to eat and drink, and
they have no right to control that.
Ibn Muflih al-Hanbali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The parents have no right to force their son to marry someone he does
not want. Shaykh Taqiy al-Deen (i.e., Ibn Taymiyah – may Allaah have
mercy on him) said: Neither of the parents has the right to force
their son to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses
then he is not sinning by disobeying them, because no one has the
right to force him to eat food he finds off-putting when there is food
that he wants to eat, and marriage is like that and more so. Food that
one is forced to eat is unpleasant for a short while, but a forced
marriage lasts for a long time, and it harms a person and he cannot
leave it. End quote.
Al-Adaab al-Shar'iyyah(1/447)
Based on this, we say:
If that girl has embraced Islam and become a good Muslim, and you are
infatuated with her, and you fear fitnah if you leave her, then we
think that you should marry her, even if your mother does not agree.
That applies even more so if you fear that her religious commitment
may be affected if she has no one to look after her.
We advise you to try to convince your parents so that you can combine
two good things: obeying them and marrying the one with whom you are
infatuated. You can get married without your mother's knowledge, and
try to guide her and advise her, and say du'aa' for her and for your
father.
You should remember that because it is permissible for you to marry
whomever you want and you do not have to obey your parents (in this
matter), you should not fear their du'aa' against you or their being
angry with you, because that is a sinful du'aa' which Allaah will not
accept from them, in sha Allaah, unless you are wronging them and
transgressing against them. Because it is permissible for you to marry
without adhering to their wishes, you will not be sinning or doing
wrong.
See the answers to questions no. 82724and 84052.
See also 21831and 5512.
In those answers you will see more examples of that which we have
discussed above.
See also the answer to question no. 5053for a discussion on the rights
that your mother has over you, and your rights over your mother.
Thirdly:
You should remember that it is not permissible for you to marry this
girl without her having a wali (guardian). If she has a wali from
among her family who is Muslim, then he must agree to the marriage –
but a kaafir cannot be her guardian if she becomes Muslim. If there is
no Muslim among her guardians then a Muslim should act as her wali,
such as a shar'i judge (qaadi) or Mufti, or the imam of an Islamic
centre. Whatever the case, it is not permissible for her to get
married without a wali.
And Allaah knows best.

Dought & clear, - The mother’s rightsover her daughter are great but the husband’s rights over his wife are greater.

I have two situations that are related with which I ask two questions.
I hope I can be helped. The situation is as follows and I do not know
how to fix it. My mother is very demanding and fights with me all the
time about my husband who has been very good to me and my children and
her. She wants him to take her traveling and other things that involve
spending a lot of time with her and he does not wish to do due to his
demanding job as a doctor and because he feels that they will not get
along. She visits our home at least 4-5 months every year and makes me
take her out on a daily basis not even worrying that it makes me
neglect my home and children. She is also very busy trying to make her
own businesses so she fought with me about taking my brother or sister
to live with me (they are 16 and 18) and tells me it is my right and I
don't need to even have my husband's permission on the matter. She
also refuses to pay a loan that her and my father (who passed away 2
years ago) made me take when I was in college attending a university I
didn't even want to attend when I was 16 years old, this loan has
destroyed my name making it impossible for me to buy anything with my
name. She has done this to many people she owes money. On top of this,
before my father passed away, he had written all properties and money
in her name to make it easier to disperse to each of us (we are four
girls and one boy) rather than involving an outside party; after he
died, she said it is all in her name, and that she paid for a lot of
his businesses before they succeded so she will keep all the money as
her own until she dies. I even gave her about $100,000 (all the money
I have ever saved and worked for) because she pretended that she was
going to use it to pay off my dad's debts and she used it for a summer
house instead and denies I ever gave her a penny since I never told
anyone else because I wanted it between me, my mom and Allah swt even
though I know she has a lot of money of her own. My husband was tired
of this (and many more bad situations) and so he confronted her about
the least of these problems – the old school loan, that was taken over
6 years before we were even married and keeps on multiplying in debt
and on my name. He then continued to confront her about the many wrong
things that have happened and involved his family too. She got very
angry and didn't want to speak to either of us. Naturally, I wanted to
fulfill my obligations to my mother so I managed to get on good
speaking terms with her so I do not defy silaat al rahim. We speak
fine most of the time but after a couple weeks of that she will go
back to insulting my husband, telling me to defy him and disobey him
in order for him to apologize to her, and insulting me and my husband
with very hurtful and shameful words. This relationship is badly
affecting my marriage and my time at home and with my children. I
cannot think about anything else and my husband doesn't want to
apologize because he is right and feels my mom has not changed her bad
ways and will not even pay off the old loan. And at the same time it
is extremely difficult to communicate with her on a healthy level. We
live in two different countries (me in America and her in Egypt) and
she says if I love her and don't want to upset Allah swt that I will
bring my three kids and visit her, my husband does not want me to
leave him and she knows this and insists that I am being a bad muslim
and that Allah swt will punish me for disobeying my mother. I have
tried to advise her to fear Allah swt and she gets mad and says I
should obey her and be against my husband. My husband tells me to try
to keep good ties with her as much as I can, and is a very good
husband and father otherwise, Alhamdolilah we have a very happy
marriage and three healthy children. And so my questions are: 1. What
are my obligations to my mother in such an ugly situation, keeping in
mind that she continues to insult my husband in our phone calls (we
live in two different countries) and asks me to disobey and defy him
and cause problems in order for him to apologize to her. This
communication has left me emotionally drained, it is what I think
about most of my days and it wastes so much of time that I can use
with studying or caring for my home. What is the minimum in regards to
visiting and speaking to her so that Allah swt will not be angry with
me and at the same time I will fulfill my obligation to her and not
have to worry about her saying that Allah swt is upset. 2. Who is
responsible for this loan. Keeping in mind that I was forced to attend
this university, told to take a loan by mother and father, was only
16-18 years old and my husband was not told about this loan before
marriage. Also, my mother has more than enough money to pay it off.
Your help is deeply appreciated and greatly needed as soon as
possible.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The mother's status in sharee'ah cannot be denied. Allaah has enjoined
that her children should honour her, and He has forbidden them to
disobey her; He has ruled that the mother is the most entitled of
people to one's good company, as it says in the well-known hadeeth,
when a man said: O Messenger of Allaah, which of the people is most
deserving of my good companionship? He said: "Your mother, then your
mother, then your mother, then your father, then the next closest and
the next closest." Narrated by Muslim (2548).
This is the mother's right, and that is her status. It is not
permissible for her to consume her children's wealth unlawfully,
rather she must give each one his or her rights, and divide the estate
in accordance with the laws of Allaah. It is also not permissible for
the mother to incite her daughter against her husband and spoil the
good relationship between them. These actions of this mother are evil
deeds which are not acceptable in Islam, and they bring the threat of
sin and punishment.
Perhaps the greatest way in which you can honour your mother is by
deterring her from consuming haraam wealth and doing haraam things,
and stopping her from wronging people unlawfully, and remind her of
the sin involved in spoiling the relationship between husband and
wife, and the sin of gheebah (backbiting), reviling and insulting
others, and other haraam things that she is doing, such as tabarruj
(wanton display) and travelling without a mahram, if these are true in
her case.
With regard to your siblings who want your mother to live with you and
your husband, you are not obliged to do that according to sharee'ah,
rather it is the duty of your mother, and in this case the right
belongs to your husband: if he agrees to that, all well and good,
otherwise you are not obliged to do this, rather we do not advise your
husband to accept this situation, because they are not neglected or in
need of such a thing, they are not poor and in need of someone to
spend on them, and your mother is not unable to take care of their
affairs. Taking this responsibility from her is helping her to do the
things that she is doing that go against Islam, and to neglect her
duties, and pass on this burden to your husband, and put pressure on
you and your household with something that is not required of you in
the first place, let alone the unacceptable things that may result
from your sister living in the same house as a man who is not her
mahram (your husband). We do not advise you to accept this situation
under any circumstances.
Secondly:
The status and rights of the mother do not supersede the rights of the
husband, rather the husband's rights are greater and take precedence
over your mother's rights. Your obedience to him takes precedence over
your obedience to her, and the wise wife strives to please her husband
by doing what he wants so long as it is not contrary to sharee'ah, and
she strives to honour her mother in ways that do not go against her
husband's commands. If there is a conflict of interest, then she
should put her husband's commands and wishes first.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked
about a woman who got married, and was no longer under her parents'
care. Which is better – honouring her parents or obeying her husband?
He replied: When a woman gets married, her husband has more authority
over her than her parents, and obeying her husband is more obligatory
for her. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):"Therefore the
righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their
husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allaah orders them
to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband's property)" [al-Nisa'
4:34]. And in a hadeeth the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "This world is temporary conveniences and the best of
its comforts is a believing wife, who when you look at her she pleases
you and if you tell her to do something she obeys you, and if you are
away from her she protects you with regard to herself and your
wealth.". InSaheeh Abi Haatimit is narrated that Abu Hurayrah said:
The Messenger of Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "If a woman offers her five (daily prayers) and fasts her month
and guards her chastity and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise
from whichever of its gates she wants." In al-Tirmidhi it is narrated
that Umm Salamah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger
of Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Any woman
who dies when her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise."
This was narrated by al-Tirmidhi, who said it is a hasan hadeeth. It
was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: "If I were to order anyone to prostrate to
anyone, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands."
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi who said it is a hasan hadeeth. It was also
narrated by Abu Dawood with the wording: "I would have ordered women
to prostrate to their husbands because of the rights that Allaah has
given them over them." Inal-Musnadit is narrated from Anas that the
Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "It is not
acceptable for any human to prostrate to another, but if it were
acceptable for any human to prostrate to another, I would have ordered
women to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the
rights they have over them. By the One in Whose hand is my soul, if
there were sores from his feet to the top of his head flowing with
pus, then she licked them, she would not have given him all his
rights."
And he quoted ahaadeeth about the virtue of obeying the husband.
There are many ahaadeeth on this topic from the Prophet(peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him). Zayd ibn Thaabit said: The husband
is a sayyid (lord or master) in the Book of Allaah. Then he quoted the
verse (interpretation of the meaning):"They both found her lord (i.e.
her husband) at the door" [Yoosuf 12:25]. 'Umar ibn al-Khattaab said:
Marriage is slavery, so let one of you look to whom he is giving his
beloved daughter to be a slave to. In al-Tirmidhi and elsewhere it is
narrated that the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: "I urge you to treat women well, for they are like prisoners
with you."
So the woman is like a slave of her husband, or like a prisoner; she
should not go out of his house without his permission, whether she is
told to do so by her father, her mother or anyone else, according to
scholarly consensus.
If a man wants to take her to another place, so long as he is doing
what is required of him, and observing the sacred limits of Allaah
with regard to her, and her father tells her not to obey him in that,
then she must obey her husband and not her father, because in that
case the parents are wrongdoers, and they have no right to tell her
not to obey someone like this husband, and she does not have the right
to obey her mother if she tells her to leave him or to cause trouble
to him so that he will divorce her, such as demanding more maintenance
and more clothing, and demanding (the deferred portion of) her mahr so
that he may divorce her. It is not permissible for her to obey either
of her parents by divorcing him if he fears Allaah with regard to her.
In the fourSunansandSaheeh Ibn Abi Haatimit is narrated that Thawbaan
said: The Messenger of Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when there is
nothing wrong, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her."
According to another hadeeth: "The women who ask for khula' and the
women who make a wanton display of themselves are indeed hypocrites."
But if both or one of her parents tells her to do something that
involves obedience to Allaah, such as praying regularly, speaking the
truth and fulfilling trusts, and tells her not to squander or waste
her money, and other things that have been enjoined or forbidden by
Allaah and His Messenger, then she must obey them in that, even if the
command comes from someone other than her parents, so how about if it
comes from her parents?
If her husband tells her not to do something that is enjoined by
Allaah, and he tells her to do something that Allaah has forbidden,
then she should not obey him in that. The Prophet(peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "There is no obedience to any created
being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator." If a master
orders his slave to do something that involves disobedience towards
Allaah, it is not permissible for him to obey him by disobeying Him,
so how can a woman obey her husband or one of her parents by
committing sin? All goodness is in obeying Allaah and His Messenger,
and all evil is in disobeying Allaah and His Messenger. End
quote.Majmoo' al-Fataawa(32/261-264).
This is a strong answer based on knowledge, and it is sufficient to
explain what is meant, which is that it is not permissible for your
mother to spoil the relationship between you and your husband, and it
is not permissible for you to obey her in that, and your husband's
right to your obedience is greater than your mother's.
Thirdly:
Just as you are not obliged to take care of any of your siblings
because of your commitment of your husband and the requirement that he
should first agree to that, the same applies to your visiting your
mother with your children. This is not permissible except with the
consent of your husband, and you have done well to refuse your
mother's request. We affirm that this refusal is Islamically
acceptable, especially since you have no mahram to travel with you.
With regard to limiting the number of your mother's visits to you,
this is something that is also up to your husband, and you can work it
out with him. The husband has the right to prevent anyone who he
thinks is a trouble-maker from entering his house, even if they are
your family. As you are in agreement and you have a good relationship,
then the matter is simple. All you have to do is agree on a specific
number and time for her visits, and stipulate that to her. Your
husband has every right to do this; indeed we think that if he stops
her altogether he will be doing the right thing, but there is the hope
that if her visits are restricted to only a few, and do not affect
your family's happiness, then there is no reason why they should be
prevented, and there is nothing wrong with tolerating them.
Determining the limit is up to you and you should consult one another
and come to some agreement.
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-'Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said: "And not allow into your houses anyone whom you dislike"
means, they (wives) should not allow anyone to enter the house if you
(the husband) do not want him or her to enter, even if it is her
mother or her father. It is not permissible for her to let her mother,
father, sister, brother, paternal uncle, maternal uncle, paternal aunt
or maternal aunt into her husband's house, if he objects to that.
Attention is drawn to this because some women – Allaah forbid – are
bad even to their daughters. If they see that the daughters are
settled and happy with their husbands, they become jealous – Allaah
forbid – even though they are mothers, and they try to spoil things
between the daughter and her husband. So the husband has the right to
stop such a mother from entering his house, and he has the right to
say to his wife: She should not enter my house. He has the right to
prevent her according to sharee'ah, and he has the right to prevent
his wife from going to see her, because she is namaamah (one who
spreads malicious gossip) and a troublemaker. The Prophet(peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No spreader of malicious
gossip will enter Paradise." End quote.Sharh Riyaadh
al-Saaliheen(2/91, hadeeth no. 276),
Fourthly:
It seems that the sin of the riba-based loan that is mentioned in your
question is borne by you, because you were an adult and responsible
for your dealings. So try to get back what is rightfully yours from
your mother, and stop the mounting interest payments that result from
your delay in repaying it. Try not to pay back anything but the
original amount without the interest (riba). If you are not able to do
that, then there is no blame on you, but it is essential to repent
sincerely, because riba is a major sin.
We ask Allaah to guide your mother and to reconcile between you and
your husband.And Allaah knows best.

For children, - Islamic Ethics and Morality: Allegations against a believer (Mo'min)

What is an allegation? To reveal the bad quality of a believer, which
is actually found in him is Gheebat (backbiting). However, to reveal
detestable traits of a believer, which are not found in him is called
Tohmat (allegation). The sole purpose behind leveling allegations is
to defame the believer.
There are two words for backbiting, one is GHEEBAT, and the other is
TOHMAT. When you speak about someone, and what you say is TRUE, then
this is GHEEBAT. When you speak about someone, and what you say is
FALSE, then this is TOHMAT.
The Prophet Mohammed (s.a.w.s.) once said, "O Abu Zar, keep yourself
away from backbiting because it is worse than adultery ... After
committing adultery, if one repents, Allah forgives him, but the
backbiter can not be pardoned unless he has been pardoned by the one
about whom he has been backbiting."
Imagine you saw someone you know go into a pub (a place where people
go to drink alcohol). If you were to tell the world that this man has
been drinking, then that is Tohmat. How do you know he was drinking?
He could have broken down, and gone in the pub to use the phone, or
ask directions.
In Islam, you should always give the benefit of the doubt to others.
Even if someone does do something bad, you should hide it, and not
tell the whole world. How would you like it if Allah (SWT) told the
whole world the evil that you or I perform? We all commit sins at one
time or another. If Allah (SWT) can hide our faults, then you should
hide the faults of others.
In Dua e Kumail, we say to Allah (SWT), "O He who covers defects ... "
In the Noble Qur'an, Allah (SWT) tells us: "... And do not spy nor let
some of you backbite others. Does one of you like to eat the dead
flesh of his brother?" (49:12)
This shows us that backbiting is as bad as eating the flesh of your
dead brother. This means that once someone you know, i.e., your
brother/sister in Islam has done something bad, they have killed their
own reputation. By telling others what they have done, you are
enjoying and gaining at their loss. It is as if you are eating and
feasting on the reputation they have already destroyed.
In the early days of the first few Imams, there were two men. Let us
call the fist one Haroon and the second one Khalid. One day Khalid
started telling everybody bad things about Haroon. Khalid was
spreading lies all around. After a few days Haroon heard about this.
The first thing he did was to go home and put all his money, valuable
gold and silver in a big bag and then took the bag to Khalid's house.
When Khalid saw Haroon coming he became scared because he thought that
Haroon had come to beat him up. Khalid came out of his house and fell
on his knees and begged to Haroon, "O Haroon, I am really sorry, I did
not mean to tell tales about you, O please do not beat me!"
Haroon said, "I have not come to beat you, I have come to give you
this money, and this wealth."
Khalid had the shock of his life. Haroon continued, " Khalid, I have
come to thank you, here have this wealth of mine."
Khalid stood up and asked, "Why are you giving me wealth when I have
insulted you and spoilt your name among the people?"
Haroon replied. "The Prophet Mohammed (s.a.w.s.)has said that if one
person TALKS BEHIND THE BACK of another, the thawaab (reward) of the
first person gets transferred to the second." he continued, "So now
that you have spoken bad of me behind my back, I am thanking you for
giving me all your thawaab. This money is too little for the amount of
thawaab that you have given me."
This shows how bad Gheebat and Tohmat are.
Once there was a man who did Tohmat of our Sixth Imam Sadiq (a.s.).
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) did no know about it until a few days later when one
of his 'friends' came to him and said, "Oh Imam, I have heard terrible
news. This person has been going around and saying this about you."
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) became angry at his 'friend'. He said, "Think of the
person who did Tohmat towards me as if he shot an arrow at my body. I
did not hear him so it is as if the arrow missed me; But by telling me
this news, you have picked up the arrow from the ground and have hit
me with it."
It is the duty of a good Muslim to stop others from speaking ill of a
person, and if that is not possible he should go away from the people
who are talking ill.

For children, - Islamic Ethics and Morality: Why are Gheebat and Tohmat Haraam?

They are Haraam because they spoil people's names and characters. When
you speak badly of someone, you make others think badly of them.
Another reason why it is bad is because the people are not there to
defend themselves. If you hear wicked things about others, you should
give the others a chance to defend themselves by explaining, before
you believe what you hear.
Gheebat and Tohmat are a result of Jealousy. If a person is respected,
has done good, has helped others, there will always be people who are
angry and bitter that such a person is respected by all. The result is
to try and slander and destroy this reputation by sowing seed of venom
in their character, by telling the world lies so that the respect
turns to outrage and shame. Such people are cursed by Allah (SWT), and
are referred to as the evil whispers of mankind.
Allegation is more severe sin than backbiting. It is clear from
traditions that anyone who levels allegations against a believer is
condemnable.
Prophet Mohammed (s.a.w.s.) declared, If a person levels an allegation
against a believing man or woman for an act, which he/she has not
done, then on the Day of Judgment, Allah, the Almighty, shall put him
on a piece of fire until he is chastised for leveling that allegation.
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) narrates, When a believer levels an allegation
against another believer, his faith dissolves just as salt dissolves
in water.
Imam Sadiq (a.s.)said further, If a believer accuses another believer
(while the latter is innocent), then the honour and dignity that
exists between two believers will vanish.
That is why we have been instructed in traditions to restrain
ourselves to the best of our ability from thinking evil of a believer.
Rely on the positive points of your believer brother's conduct until
you don't get confirmed evidence which prevails upon your existing
knowledge of the brother. Do not think evil about the words of a
believer in whose defense you can find at least one good fact.
Ameerul Momineen (a.s.) exhorts, Consider the word or action of a
believer brother to be good, even if you are offended, and always
think optimistically (about him) to the utmost. Do not think bad about
him. If you do not get excuse in good actions, search for it over and
over again, until the number (of excuses) reaches 70, if you still
cannot find it, then think that we ourselves cannot think good about
him.
Many times we find that our conversation with somebody about another
believer turns out to be completely false. A person asked Ameerul
Momineen (a.s.), What is the distance between right and wrong? Imam
Ali (a.s.) replied, 'Four fingers'. Imam Ali (a.s.) then placed his
four fingers between the eye and ear and said, 'that which is seen by
the eye is true and that which is heard by the ear is mostly wrong or
false.'
That is why before accusing anybody we should ponder on this fact.
Ameerul Momineen (a.s.)reveals, Happy is that person who is busy in
searching for his own defects and is unaware of the defects of others.
Make your intellect suspicious (accuse yourself) of your own defects,
for in most cases, self-confidence and self-reliance are the chief
causes of mistakes.
In another tradition it is narrated, One who calls himself bad, is
saved from Satan's deception.
Just as leveling allegations against someone is prohibited, in the
same way a person should refrain from going to places where he may
become the target of accusation.
Imam Ali (a.s.) advises: Refrain from the assemblies of allegation and
suspicion because the companion of bad people is often deceived by
them.
Prophet Mohammed (s.a.w.s.) said, He is more accused of Tohmat
(allegation) who sits with the gathering of accusers.
Imam Ali (a.s.) revealed, He who sits in a place where Tohmat
(allegations) are leveled, should not blame those who entertain bad
ideas about him.
The one who is seen in the assembly of dubious and suspicious
characters will find himself a target of accusations and allegations.
These traditions highlight that even sitting or being seen with evil
people can be harmful for our reputation (even if we don't participate
in their evil).
Ridiculing others- a despicable trait: Satan rules when the hearts are
constricted and thoughts are perverted. Then man tends to exaggerate
even the smallest of matters. Under Satan's domination, he begins to
humiliate and ridicule his friends and colleagues. He brands this
ridiculing as bravery and courage and prides himself on it. As a
matter of fact, he even expects praise and acclaim for this.
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) narrates on the authority of the Prophet Mohammed
(s.a.w.s.): O Ali, there is no poverty greater than ignorance and
there is no wealth superior to intellect.
According to the prophetic tradition narrated above, the most ignorant
of all people today are the Muslims because we have lagged the others
in pursuit of knowledge. We have embraced this world as if earning
money is the sole objective of life. To acquire money we are prepared
to forego religion, faith, certainty and intellect, while the Prophet
Mohammed (s.a.w.s.) has made intellect the most superior wealth.
Indeed we must reflect on the fact that with the wealth of intellect,
the world will be at our feet and we will not have to chase the world.
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) relates from Ameerul Momineen (a.s.), Pride and
egotism are signs of weak intellect.
It is a fact that arrogance, pride and egotism may apparently make a
man seem very successful in this world, but these very traits are the
root cause of his destruction. Pride and conceit are the best
indicators of a weak intellect and a person with a weak intellect is
capable of initiating a step that can prove ruinous for him socially
and/or personally. This is the disease that afflicts most Muslims. We
have been split into so many groups and sects because of these evil
traits. The soul of Islam has been torn apart due to this and what
little dignity and honour is left in it also seems to be waning fast.
That is why it is important for us to maintain its (soul of Islam's)
dignity and nobility.
The Prophet Mohammed (s.a.w.s.) declared, The most humiliating of men
is the one who ridicules others.
These words of the Prophet Mohammed (s.a.w.s.) highlight the fact that
there is no place for narrow-mindedness, prejudice and bias in Islam.
On the one hand, Islam emphasises the Majesty and Glory of Allah and
on the other hand highlights brotherhood and fraternity between the
creatures. The level of ethics and morals in Islam can be gauged from
the saying of the Prophet Mohammed (s.a.w.s.) when he (s.a.w.s.) calls
the ridiculing person as the most degraded of people. That is why as
believers and Muslims, it is important for us to respect and uphold
the dignity and honour of others around us.
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) exhorts the Shias: Fear Allah! Be a source of
ornamentation for us and do not be a source of disgrace for us.
These words of Imam Sadiq (a.s.) not only are an invitation towards
goodness and virtue, they are also an indication of the standard of
love and Wilayat of Ahle Bait (a.s.). Being Shias of Ahle Bait (a.s.),
it is important that we always keep these standards in mind.
The true Shia of Ahle Bait (a.s.) always abstains from sins and
abominable acts (makroohat). At the same time, they always hasten
towards the obligatory and recommended (mustahabbat) acts. That is why
if we truly love the Ahle Bait (a.s.), we must observe the laws of
Shariat at all times and try to be a source of pride and happiness for
them. With this, even the people of the world will be able to
appreciate the true greatness of the Ahle Bait (a.s.).