Question:
I have started to feel that I love a girl. Actually I usually talk to
her and find her very pleasing and I'm very comfortable with her. But
I have never gone out with a girl before and know that it is haram to
do so and still I'm not going out with this girl but only casually
meets her. The problem is that the girl had a boyfriend in the past -
I mean she went out with a boy and had done many haram acts but not
sexual intercourse. I don't know whether she is a good match for me
since she has been so long with her ex and did so many shameful acts
like kissing and many others. What do I do. if the girl isn't
appropriate for me islamically I'm ready to forget her but its just
that I like her very much.
Answer:
Wa alaik as Salam
Islamically from the legal point of view, there is no harm in marrying
the girl mentioned in your question no matter what she did in the
past. The decision is yours. If you really love her and will not use
her past to haunt you or her or damage the relation in any manner,
then you should go ahead and marry her.
If you think her past will haunt you or may lead you to dislike her in
the future, then it is not recommended for you to marry her.
If you do decide to marry her, then you must do so as soon as possible
as it is not permissible to meet her in privacy without a legal
marriage.
And only Allah Almighty knows best.
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Islam is a religion of Mercy, Peace and Blessing. Its teachings emphasize kind hear tedness, help, sympathy, forgiveness, sacrifice, love and care.Qur’an, the Shari’ah and the life of our beloved Prophet (SAW) mirrors this attribute, and it should be reflected in the conduct of a Momin.Islam appreciates those who are kind to their fellow being,and dislikes them who are hard hearted, curt, and hypocrite.Recall that historical moment, when Prophet (SAW) entered Makkah as a conqueror. There was before him a multitude of surrendered enemies, former oppressors and persecutors, who had evicted the Muslims from their homes, deprived them of their belongings, humiliated and intimidated Prophet (SAW) hatched schemes for his murder and tortured and killed his companions. But Prophet (SAW) displayed his usual magnanimity, generosity, and kind heartedness by forgiving all of them and declaring general amnesty...Subhanallah. May Allah help us tailor our life according to the teachings of Islam. (Aameen)./-
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Sunday, October 20, 2013
Fathwa, - Counsel regarding relations with a girl...
Our On Going Test
Nothing on earth is created in vain, but rather with wisdom.
Understanding this fact depends on the wisdom of people themselves.
One whose faith and consequently whose wisdom and prudence increase,
will happen to grasp this reasoning much better in time. One of the
most important precepts is that we are beingtested throughoutour whole
lives. Allah tests our sincerity and our faith on different occasions.
He may give favours to test whether we are grateful to Him or not. He
may create difficulties, for us, to reveal whether we behave with
patience or not:
"Every soul shall have a taste of death: and We test you by evil and
by good by way of trial. To Us you will be returned." ( Surat
al-Anbiya, 21:35)
Ways to Test
We are to be tested in various ways. This is explained in the Qur'an
in the verse below:
"Be sure we shall test you with fear and hunger, someloss in goods or
lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who
patiently persevere." ( Surat al-Baqara, 2:155)
Our lives have indeed been planned with the mystery of our being
tested. First of all, we are being tested in our physical beings. The
Qur'an states that
"Verily We created Man from a drop of mingled sperm, in order to try
him: So We gave him (the gifts of) hearing and sight." ( Surat
al-Insan, 76:2).
Consequently, everything we hear and see is actually apart of the
test. In all kinds of situations, we will be tested to see whether we
behave in accordance with the Qur'an or with our own vain desires.
Allah tests thesteadfastnessof the believers with variousdifficulties.
One of the most important of these is theoppression of the believersby
the unbelievers. All these misdeeds, like verbal attacks, mocking,
physical oppression and even torture and murder attempts, are only a
means of trial for the believers. In one of the verses; it is said:
"You shall certainly be tried and tested in your possessions and in
your personal selves; and you shall certainly hear much that will
grieve you, from those who received the Book before you and from those
who worship many gods. But if you persevere patiently, and guard
against evil, then that will be a determining factor in all affairs."
( Surat Aal-e- Imran, 3:186)
Special kind of Test
The most important point to comprehend is that all of these
deprivations and misadventures are created by Allah as aspecial kind
of test. One who does not understand this will become very
superficial. The Qur'an cites a pertinent tale of certain Jews.
"Ask them concerning the town standing close by the sea; when they
transgressed in the matter of the Sabbath. For on the day of their
Sabbath, their fish did come to them, openly holding up their heads,
but on the day they had no Sabbath, they came not: thus did We made a
trial for them, for they were given to transgression." ( Surat
al-A'raf, 7:163)
Only the individual who has wisdom can realize that he isbeing tested,
and can succeed in these tests by again using his wisdom. Therefore, a
believer should not forget that he is being tested throughout his
life. These tests cannot be passed or the heaven cannot be attained
simply by saying 'I believe'.
"Do men think that they will be left alone on saying 'We believe', and
that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah
will certainly know those who are true from those who are false." (
Surat al-Ankaboot, 29:2-3)
And in another verse Allah says:
"Did you think that you would enter Heaven without Allah testing those
of you who fought hard (in His Cause) and remained steadfast?" ( Surat
Aal-e-Imran, 3:142)
Understanding this fact depends on the wisdom of people themselves.
One whose faith and consequently whose wisdom and prudence increase,
will happen to grasp this reasoning much better in time. One of the
most important precepts is that we are beingtested throughoutour whole
lives. Allah tests our sincerity and our faith on different occasions.
He may give favours to test whether we are grateful to Him or not. He
may create difficulties, for us, to reveal whether we behave with
patience or not:
"Every soul shall have a taste of death: and We test you by evil and
by good by way of trial. To Us you will be returned." ( Surat
al-Anbiya, 21:35)
Ways to Test
We are to be tested in various ways. This is explained in the Qur'an
in the verse below:
"Be sure we shall test you with fear and hunger, someloss in goods or
lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who
patiently persevere." ( Surat al-Baqara, 2:155)
Our lives have indeed been planned with the mystery of our being
tested. First of all, we are being tested in our physical beings. The
Qur'an states that
"Verily We created Man from a drop of mingled sperm, in order to try
him: So We gave him (the gifts of) hearing and sight." ( Surat
al-Insan, 76:2).
Consequently, everything we hear and see is actually apart of the
test. In all kinds of situations, we will be tested to see whether we
behave in accordance with the Qur'an or with our own vain desires.
Allah tests thesteadfastnessof the believers with variousdifficulties.
One of the most important of these is theoppression of the believersby
the unbelievers. All these misdeeds, like verbal attacks, mocking,
physical oppression and even torture and murder attempts, are only a
means of trial for the believers. In one of the verses; it is said:
"You shall certainly be tried and tested in your possessions and in
your personal selves; and you shall certainly hear much that will
grieve you, from those who received the Book before you and from those
who worship many gods. But if you persevere patiently, and guard
against evil, then that will be a determining factor in all affairs."
( Surat Aal-e- Imran, 3:186)
Special kind of Test
The most important point to comprehend is that all of these
deprivations and misadventures are created by Allah as aspecial kind
of test. One who does not understand this will become very
superficial. The Qur'an cites a pertinent tale of certain Jews.
"Ask them concerning the town standing close by the sea; when they
transgressed in the matter of the Sabbath. For on the day of their
Sabbath, their fish did come to them, openly holding up their heads,
but on the day they had no Sabbath, they came not: thus did We made a
trial for them, for they were given to transgression." ( Surat
al-A'raf, 7:163)
Only the individual who has wisdom can realize that he isbeing tested,
and can succeed in these tests by again using his wisdom. Therefore, a
believer should not forget that he is being tested throughout his
life. These tests cannot be passed or the heaven cannot be attained
simply by saying 'I believe'.
"Do men think that they will be left alone on saying 'We believe', and
that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah
will certainly know those who are true from those who are false." (
Surat al-Ankaboot, 29:2-3)
And in another verse Allah says:
"Did you think that you would enter Heaven without Allah testing those
of you who fought hard (in His Cause) and remained steadfast?" ( Surat
Aal-e-Imran, 3:142)
No Monasticism in Islam
The stand of Islam is, on the one hand, prohibits fornication and
adultery, and blocks all ways leading to them. On the other hand,
Islam calls people toward marriage,
prohibitingrenunciationandcastration. (Renunciation means remaining
celibate and renouncing worldly activity for the sake of devoting
oneself to the worship of God. Castration denotes suppressing sexual
desire by removing the testicles.)
As long as he possesses the means to marry, the Muslim isnot
permittedto refrain from marriage on the grounds that he has dedicated
himself to the service or the worship of Allah and to a life
ofmonasticismand renunciation of the world.
The Prophet (peace be on him) noted a tendency toward monasticism
among some of his Companions. Declaring this to be a deviation from
the straight path of Islam and a rejection of his sunnah (recommended
practice), he thereby rid Islam's conceptual framework of such a
Christian notion.
Abu Qulabah narrated
"Some of the Companions of the Prophet (peace be on him) decided
torelinquishthe world,forsaketheir wives, and become likemonks. The
Prophet (peace be on him) told them with asperity, People before
youperishedbecause of theirasceticism; they made excessive demands on
themselves until Allah broughthardshipson them: you can still see a
few of them remaining inmonasteries and temples. Thenworship Allahand
do not associate anything with Him, perform the Hajj and the 'Umrah,
be righteous, and all affairs will be set right for you." (Reported by
'Abdur Razzaq, Ibn Jarir, and Ibn al-Mundhir).
Abu Qulabah said the following verse was revealed concerning them:
"O you who believe! Do not make haram the good of things which Allah
has made halal for you, and do not transgress; indeed, Allah does not
like transgressors." ( Surah 5: Verse 87)
Mujahid narrated, "Some people, including 'Uthman ibn Maz'un and
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar, intended to renounce their wives, castrate
themselves, and wear coarse clothing. Then the above verse and the
verse following it were revealed." (Reported by Ibn Jarir in his
Tafsir.)
It is reported by Al-Bukhari and others thatthree people cameto the
Prophet's wives and asked how the Prophet (peace be on him) conducted
his worship. When they were told about it, they seemed to consider it
but little, saying, "What a difference there is between us and the
Messenger of Allah (peace be on him), whose past and future sins have
been forgiven him by Allah!"
One of them said, "As for me, I willalways prayduring the night."
The other said, "I will have nothing to do with women and will never marry."
When the Prophet (peace be on him) heard about this, he explained to
them theirerror and deviation from the straightpath, saying, I am the
one who fears Allah the most among you, yetI fast and I break my fast,
I pray and I sleep, and I marry women. He who turns away from my
sunnah has nothing to do with me.
S'ad ibn Abi Waqqas said, Allah's Messenger (peace be on him) objected
to 'Uthman ibn Maz'un living in celibacy. If he had given him
permission (to do so), we (others) would have had ourselves castrated.
(Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
Addressing the young men of all times, the Prophet (peace be on him)
said, 'Young men, those of you who can support a wifeshould marry, for
itkeeps you from looking at womenand preserves your chastity.'
(Reported by al-Bukhari.)
From this statement some scholars have inferred thatmarriage is
obligatoryfor the Muslim who is able to support a wife and that the
avoidance of it is not permissible, while other scholars add the
furthercondition for its obligatorinessthat he should be afraid of
falling into sin.
In fact, it is not befitting that a Muslim should refrain from
marriage out of fear of poverty or of not being able to meet his
obligations. He should make every possible attempt to find employment,
seeking help from Allah, for He has promised to help those who marry
in order to protect their chastity and purity.
Says Allah Ta'ala:
"And marry those among you who are single and the virtuous ones among
your slaves, male or female. If they are in poverty, Allah will enrich
them out of His bounty".... ( Surah 24: Verse 32)
And the Messenger of Allah (peace be on him) said,
"There arethreewho have a right to the help of Allah: the one
whomarries outof the desire to live a chaste life, theslavewhose
master has agreed to his buying his freedom when he wishes to pay the
sum, and the one whofightsin the cause of Allah." (Reported by Ahmad,
al-Nisai, al-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and al-Hakim).
adultery, and blocks all ways leading to them. On the other hand,
Islam calls people toward marriage,
prohibitingrenunciationandcastration. (Renunciation means remaining
celibate and renouncing worldly activity for the sake of devoting
oneself to the worship of God. Castration denotes suppressing sexual
desire by removing the testicles.)
As long as he possesses the means to marry, the Muslim isnot
permittedto refrain from marriage on the grounds that he has dedicated
himself to the service or the worship of Allah and to a life
ofmonasticismand renunciation of the world.
The Prophet (peace be on him) noted a tendency toward monasticism
among some of his Companions. Declaring this to be a deviation from
the straight path of Islam and a rejection of his sunnah (recommended
practice), he thereby rid Islam's conceptual framework of such a
Christian notion.
Abu Qulabah narrated
"Some of the Companions of the Prophet (peace be on him) decided
torelinquishthe world,forsaketheir wives, and become likemonks. The
Prophet (peace be on him) told them with asperity, People before
youperishedbecause of theirasceticism; they made excessive demands on
themselves until Allah broughthardshipson them: you can still see a
few of them remaining inmonasteries and temples. Thenworship Allahand
do not associate anything with Him, perform the Hajj and the 'Umrah,
be righteous, and all affairs will be set right for you." (Reported by
'Abdur Razzaq, Ibn Jarir, and Ibn al-Mundhir).
Abu Qulabah said the following verse was revealed concerning them:
"O you who believe! Do not make haram the good of things which Allah
has made halal for you, and do not transgress; indeed, Allah does not
like transgressors." ( Surah 5: Verse 87)
Mujahid narrated, "Some people, including 'Uthman ibn Maz'un and
'Abdullah ibn 'Umar, intended to renounce their wives, castrate
themselves, and wear coarse clothing. Then the above verse and the
verse following it were revealed." (Reported by Ibn Jarir in his
Tafsir.)
It is reported by Al-Bukhari and others thatthree people cameto the
Prophet's wives and asked how the Prophet (peace be on him) conducted
his worship. When they were told about it, they seemed to consider it
but little, saying, "What a difference there is between us and the
Messenger of Allah (peace be on him), whose past and future sins have
been forgiven him by Allah!"
One of them said, "As for me, I willalways prayduring the night."
The other said, "I will have nothing to do with women and will never marry."
When the Prophet (peace be on him) heard about this, he explained to
them theirerror and deviation from the straightpath, saying, I am the
one who fears Allah the most among you, yetI fast and I break my fast,
I pray and I sleep, and I marry women. He who turns away from my
sunnah has nothing to do with me.
S'ad ibn Abi Waqqas said, Allah's Messenger (peace be on him) objected
to 'Uthman ibn Maz'un living in celibacy. If he had given him
permission (to do so), we (others) would have had ourselves castrated.
(Reported by al-Bukhari and Muslim.)
Addressing the young men of all times, the Prophet (peace be on him)
said, 'Young men, those of you who can support a wifeshould marry, for
itkeeps you from looking at womenand preserves your chastity.'
(Reported by al-Bukhari.)
From this statement some scholars have inferred thatmarriage is
obligatoryfor the Muslim who is able to support a wife and that the
avoidance of it is not permissible, while other scholars add the
furthercondition for its obligatorinessthat he should be afraid of
falling into sin.
In fact, it is not befitting that a Muslim should refrain from
marriage out of fear of poverty or of not being able to meet his
obligations. He should make every possible attempt to find employment,
seeking help from Allah, for He has promised to help those who marry
in order to protect their chastity and purity.
Says Allah Ta'ala:
"And marry those among you who are single and the virtuous ones among
your slaves, male or female. If they are in poverty, Allah will enrich
them out of His bounty".... ( Surah 24: Verse 32)
And the Messenger of Allah (peace be on him) said,
"There arethreewho have a right to the help of Allah: the one
whomarries outof the desire to live a chaste life, theslavewhose
master has agreed to his buying his freedom when he wishes to pay the
sum, and the one whofightsin the cause of Allah." (Reported by Ahmad,
al-Nisai, al-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and al-Hakim).
Mutual Rights of Husband and Wife
The significance of marriage and the aims and advantages that are
associated with it are self-evident. Peace of mind and a happy life
are greatly dependent on the mutual relationship that develops between
husband and wife.
The main objects of marriage are that both parties enjoy the pleasures
of life with purity, (which can only be possible through wedlock) and
that the continuity of the human race be, and is, maintained with
dignity. These objects can be realized best when the relations between
husband and wife are good and there is love, sympathy and good
understanding between them.
Themain purpose of the Prophet's teachings, regarding the rights and
duties of marriage, is that the marriage proves to be a source of joy
and satisfaction to both husband and wife, that their hearts remain
united and that the aims of the marriage be attained in the best
possible manner.
According to the Prophet's teachings, the wife should regard her
husband over and above everyone else and she should remain faithful to
him. She should leave nothing to be desired with regards to devotion
and earnestness and should believe that, for her. the happiness of
both worlds lies in his good pleasure. The husband, on his part, ought
to consider his wife as a blessing of Allah and he should give her.
ungrudgingly, his love, hold her in high esteem and look after her
needs and comforts to the best of his ability. If she makes a mistake,
he should over look it and try to correct her with tact and patience.
Obedience And Loyalty To The Husband
*.Aisha (ra) says that the Prophet (saw) said "The greatest claim on a
woman is that of her husband and the greatest claim on a man is that
of his mother".
*.In the marriage agreement it is necessary that the husband has the
position of leadership. Man has been declared the head of the family
in the Islamic Shari'ah and great responsibilities have been assigned
to him. The Quran says 'Men are the protectors and maintainers of
women".
*.As for the women, the commandment is that they obey the husband as
the head of the household and fulfill the domestic duties. Regarding
them, the Quran says "The righteous women are obedient and protect
(the husband's interest) in his absence, as Allah has protected them."
*.If the wife fails to submit to her husband, and instead of serving
him devotedly, she adopts an attitude of defiance and stubbornness,
then it will be disastrous for both and they will be losers in this
world and the hereafter.
*.The Prophet (saw), therefore, stressed upon the wives to be loyal
and faithful to their husbands and to seek their pleasure, -(A great
reward has been promised for this, in the hereafter.)
*.It is related by Anas (ra) that the Prophet (saw) said "if a woman
offers five times daily prayer, keeps the fasts of Ramadan, guards her
honor and obeys her husband, then she will enter Paradise by whichever
gate she pleases."
*.Here, loyalty and obedience to the husband has been mentioned along
with the Salah and Fast. It denotes that, in the Shariah, submission
to the husband is as important as the principal duties of Islam.
*.The Prophet (saw) has said "A woman who dies in the state that her
husband is pleased with her, shall go to Paradise."
It should be noted here, that, if a man is displeased with his wife,
without any fault of hers, she will be innocent in the sight of Allah
and the responsibility for annoyance shall rest with the husband.
Advice On Kind Treatment To The Wife
Abu Hurairah (R.A.) relates that the Prophet (saw) advised, "O people.
Follow my advice concerning the kind treatment of wives. (I order you
to treat your wives with kindness and love). The woman has been
created from the rib, and the rib is curved, by nature, and the
greatest curve is in its upper part. If you try to straighten the
curved rib by force, it will break, and if you leave it alone, it will
remain curved forever. So follow my advice and treat your wives kindly
and well."
*.If a man dislikes his wife for some reason, he should not adopt an
attitude of hatred towards her, and start thinking in terms of
divorce, but he should look for the good qualities in her, and learn
to admire her because of them.
*.The Prophet (saw) has said, "No believing man hates his believing
wife. If there is a bad quality in her, there will also be a good
quality."
This is the claim of Faith on a believing husband and the privilege of
a believing wife.
*.Addressing the Muslims, the Prophet (saw) said "The best of you are
those who are best to their wives."
*.It is related by Aisha (ra) that the Prophet (saw) said, "Good among
you are those who are good to their wives; and I, on my part, am very
good to my wives."
This shows that there is a special goodness in treating one's wife
well. To make the advice more effective, the Prophet added that he
himself was good and considerate to his wives.
associated with it are self-evident. Peace of mind and a happy life
are greatly dependent on the mutual relationship that develops between
husband and wife.
The main objects of marriage are that both parties enjoy the pleasures
of life with purity, (which can only be possible through wedlock) and
that the continuity of the human race be, and is, maintained with
dignity. These objects can be realized best when the relations between
husband and wife are good and there is love, sympathy and good
understanding between them.
Themain purpose of the Prophet's teachings, regarding the rights and
duties of marriage, is that the marriage proves to be a source of joy
and satisfaction to both husband and wife, that their hearts remain
united and that the aims of the marriage be attained in the best
possible manner.
According to the Prophet's teachings, the wife should regard her
husband over and above everyone else and she should remain faithful to
him. She should leave nothing to be desired with regards to devotion
and earnestness and should believe that, for her. the happiness of
both worlds lies in his good pleasure. The husband, on his part, ought
to consider his wife as a blessing of Allah and he should give her.
ungrudgingly, his love, hold her in high esteem and look after her
needs and comforts to the best of his ability. If she makes a mistake,
he should over look it and try to correct her with tact and patience.
Obedience And Loyalty To The Husband
*.Aisha (ra) says that the Prophet (saw) said "The greatest claim on a
woman is that of her husband and the greatest claim on a man is that
of his mother".
*.In the marriage agreement it is necessary that the husband has the
position of leadership. Man has been declared the head of the family
in the Islamic Shari'ah and great responsibilities have been assigned
to him. The Quran says 'Men are the protectors and maintainers of
women".
*.As for the women, the commandment is that they obey the husband as
the head of the household and fulfill the domestic duties. Regarding
them, the Quran says "The righteous women are obedient and protect
(the husband's interest) in his absence, as Allah has protected them."
*.If the wife fails to submit to her husband, and instead of serving
him devotedly, she adopts an attitude of defiance and stubbornness,
then it will be disastrous for both and they will be losers in this
world and the hereafter.
*.The Prophet (saw), therefore, stressed upon the wives to be loyal
and faithful to their husbands and to seek their pleasure, -(A great
reward has been promised for this, in the hereafter.)
*.It is related by Anas (ra) that the Prophet (saw) said "if a woman
offers five times daily prayer, keeps the fasts of Ramadan, guards her
honor and obeys her husband, then she will enter Paradise by whichever
gate she pleases."
*.Here, loyalty and obedience to the husband has been mentioned along
with the Salah and Fast. It denotes that, in the Shariah, submission
to the husband is as important as the principal duties of Islam.
*.The Prophet (saw) has said "A woman who dies in the state that her
husband is pleased with her, shall go to Paradise."
It should be noted here, that, if a man is displeased with his wife,
without any fault of hers, she will be innocent in the sight of Allah
and the responsibility for annoyance shall rest with the husband.
Advice On Kind Treatment To The Wife
Abu Hurairah (R.A.) relates that the Prophet (saw) advised, "O people.
Follow my advice concerning the kind treatment of wives. (I order you
to treat your wives with kindness and love). The woman has been
created from the rib, and the rib is curved, by nature, and the
greatest curve is in its upper part. If you try to straighten the
curved rib by force, it will break, and if you leave it alone, it will
remain curved forever. So follow my advice and treat your wives kindly
and well."
*.If a man dislikes his wife for some reason, he should not adopt an
attitude of hatred towards her, and start thinking in terms of
divorce, but he should look for the good qualities in her, and learn
to admire her because of them.
*.The Prophet (saw) has said, "No believing man hates his believing
wife. If there is a bad quality in her, there will also be a good
quality."
This is the claim of Faith on a believing husband and the privilege of
a believing wife.
*.Addressing the Muslims, the Prophet (saw) said "The best of you are
those who are best to their wives."
*.It is related by Aisha (ra) that the Prophet (saw) said, "Good among
you are those who are good to their wives; and I, on my part, am very
good to my wives."
This shows that there is a special goodness in treating one's wife
well. To make the advice more effective, the Prophet added that he
himself was good and considerate to his wives.
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