Question:
I find it difficult to forget about a brother who is already engaged,
what should I do?
Answer:
Wa alaikum assalam,
There is a concept, which in Arabic is known as �istidraj� which
simply means something that is seen as good for a person is in reality
a source of misguidance. In the case you have described [f: details
omitted for privacy], it is possible that now that you want to
wholeheartedly improve yourself, that the Shaytan is attempting to
misguide you back into wrongful action by continuing your fascination
with this brother.
The right thing to do would be to continue to improve yourself through
any means possible, and to forget this other brother who is already
engaged. It is not an easy task, but there is a great deal of reward
in leaving something a person deems great purely for the sake of Allah
Most High. Insha Allah He Most High will help you through this time.
Until you are able to truly forget about this brother, you should
avoid seeing him if possible (i.e. don�t go anywhere he is known to
hang out at) and when he is present you should lower your gaze and not
look at him.
Make a great deal of supplication to Allah Most High, to only let you
do what is pleasing to Him, and to help you find a more suitable
brother. There are many good, pious brothers out there, it is only the
Shaytan who would like to make it seem like this brother may be the
best of them. Insha Allah may you find someone much better than this
person who will help you (as you help him) on the path to Allah.
If you have any further questions, you can contact me again. I know
this is a trying time and the advice I have given is easier said than
done, however it is what is best for you at this point in time given
that the brother is already engaged.
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Monday, October 14, 2013
Fathwa, - I am in love with a Hindu girl who has a boyfriend
Question:
I am in love with a Hindu girl. She has a boyfriend with whom I am
pretty sure she has sexual relations. I have tried to forget her but
can't stop thinking about her. What can I do?
Answer:
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May the peace and blessing of
Allah be showered upon the Prophet Muhammad, his family, companions,
and those who follow them with sincerity.
First and foremost, turn to Allah. Only Allah can make you forget this
girl and heal the pain that you are feeling. I know it is difficult in
matters of the heart, but you need to be a little bit rational here.
Ask yourself why you love her. Is it for her character, her deen, or
her looks? She is Hindu. Have you thought about the ramifications for
your religion and your future if you were to pursue a relationship
with her? Would she make a suitable wife and raise Muslim children?
Also, there's the issue of virginity. Are you as a Muslim man willing
to deal with a woman that has a sexual history, especially when,
insha'Allah, you can find a woman that has remained chaste?
These are all issues that you need to consider. Insha'Allah, with much
prayer and striving toward Allah, it will be possible for you to find
someone much better. I know it is hard, but believe me, you can
recover and grow to love a Muslim woman who will make a much better
companion for you. Think about your future. And think about what type
of mother you would want for your own children.
If you have any contact with this girl, you need to cut that
immediately. Do not go to places or be with people that will remind
you of her. Try to focus on other things, your worship, your family,
your studies or work. If you focus on her, you will end up frustrated
and depressed.
Make salatul-hajah, a special prayer for needs and desires, and ask
Allah to send you someone better. Is it possible for you to talk to
your mother? She might be able to ease your heart. When you feel that
you are ready, ask your family and trusted friends to find a good
Muslim girl for you. There are many good sisters out there who need
good Muslim husbands.
Finally, pray to Allah to make your heart strong for the deen:
"Allahumma, ya muqallib al-qulub wa'l absar, thabbit qalbi ala
deenik." "O Allah, O Controller of the hearts and eyes, let my heart
hold fast onto your religion."
And Allah alone gives success.
And Allah knows best.
I am in love with a Hindu girl. She has a boyfriend with whom I am
pretty sure she has sexual relations. I have tried to forget her but
can't stop thinking about her. What can I do?
Answer:
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds. May the peace and blessing of
Allah be showered upon the Prophet Muhammad, his family, companions,
and those who follow them with sincerity.
First and foremost, turn to Allah. Only Allah can make you forget this
girl and heal the pain that you are feeling. I know it is difficult in
matters of the heart, but you need to be a little bit rational here.
Ask yourself why you love her. Is it for her character, her deen, or
her looks? She is Hindu. Have you thought about the ramifications for
your religion and your future if you were to pursue a relationship
with her? Would she make a suitable wife and raise Muslim children?
Also, there's the issue of virginity. Are you as a Muslim man willing
to deal with a woman that has a sexual history, especially when,
insha'Allah, you can find a woman that has remained chaste?
These are all issues that you need to consider. Insha'Allah, with much
prayer and striving toward Allah, it will be possible for you to find
someone much better. I know it is hard, but believe me, you can
recover and grow to love a Muslim woman who will make a much better
companion for you. Think about your future. And think about what type
of mother you would want for your own children.
If you have any contact with this girl, you need to cut that
immediately. Do not go to places or be with people that will remind
you of her. Try to focus on other things, your worship, your family,
your studies or work. If you focus on her, you will end up frustrated
and depressed.
Make salatul-hajah, a special prayer for needs and desires, and ask
Allah to send you someone better. Is it possible for you to talk to
your mother? She might be able to ease your heart. When you feel that
you are ready, ask your family and trusted friends to find a good
Muslim girl for you. There are many good sisters out there who need
good Muslim husbands.
Finally, pray to Allah to make your heart strong for the deen:
"Allahumma, ya muqallib al-qulub wa'l absar, thabbit qalbi ala
deenik." "O Allah, O Controller of the hearts and eyes, let my heart
hold fast onto your religion."
And Allah alone gives success.
And Allah knows best.
Articles, - A time for strengthening the family bond
The Prophetsaid:"No one who severs the ties of kinship will enter
Paradise."]At-Tirmithi[
The religion of Islam places great importance on maintaining the ties
of kinship between family members. All Muslims are to show kindness,
generosity, and respect toward both their nearest and most distant
relatives, whether they are Muslims or not. Allah Almighty places such
importance on maintaining the ties of kinship that whoever cuts off
the ties of their family, Allah Almighty cuts them off from Him. And
the Quran goes as far to say that the one who cuts off the ties of
kinship will be cursed.
Allah Almighty says in the Noble Quran )what means(:"But those who
break the covenant of Allah after contracting it and sever that which
Allah has ordered to be joined and spread corruption on earth – for
them is the curse, and they will have the worst home."]Quran 13:25[
These days are an excellent time to mend burnt bridges and reach out
to family members that you may have not seen in a long time or that
you are at odds with.
These blessed days serve to open our hearts and minds as we humble
ourselves before our Creator in sincere worship. Take the first step
in reconnecting with your kin for the sake of Allah Almighty and to
strengthen your family unit.
Take the First Step
Regardless of how much time has passed since you have seen a family
member or whatever transgression has made you keep your distance, use
this time to reach out to a relative that you have been estranged
from.
It's as easy as picking up the phone and inviting him or her to your
home for a meal or meeting in a neutral place, such as a cafe, for a
cup of coffee. The worst that can happen is that they turn you down or
hang up the phone on you. At least Allah Almighty will know that you
tried to fulfill your obligation of maintaining family ties.
But the best that can happen is that your desires for renewing the
relationship will be reciprocated.
Forgiveness is Key
There is no need to rehash the past once your estranged family member
is in your presence. Forgiveness is the key to reestablishing your
bond. So let bygones be bygones, even if in the innermost recesses of
your heart you still feel that your kinsman wronged you.
A perfect exemplar can be found in Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with
him. Word came to him that his very own cousin, whom he had been
giving much financial support, had publicly slandered his beloved
daughter 'Aa'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her. Abu Bakr, may Allah
be pleased with him, immediately stopped giving him charity. Allah
Almighty then revealed the celebrated verse )which means(:
"And let not those of virtue among you and wealth swear not to give
]aid[ to their relatives and the needy and the emigrants for the cause
of Allah, and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that
Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful." ]Quran
24:22[
No sooner did Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, hear this than
he resumed his cousin's financial assistance, and, indeed, increased
it over what he used to regularly give him.
United We Stand
A family that stands together is far stronger than one splintered into
factions. So even if you are not at odds with one of your kin, you
might know of family members who are not preserving their ties of
kinship. You can do your part as a Muslim by acting as a mediator to
reunite them under the same flag of Islam.
It might be difficult at first, especially since human emotions like
pride and anger get in the way. But remind your family members that it
is really Satan stoking the flames of discontent and that they must
make peace against all odds to maintain the family bond. Should you
find the situation too volatile to handle on your own, con-tact your
local imam or someone in your community known to offer good help in
counseling to assist you in your endeavor.
Watch the Garden Grow
A family that is content with its members is like a garden that bears
the most beautiful fruit and flowers that the human eye has ever
beheld. As the discontent and anger melts away between kin, you will
start to see the flowers in your family's garden blossom to reveal the
beauty that Allah Almighty intended.
To keep that garden flourishing, weed out problems before they take
root and nip familial discord in the bud. Most importantly, water your
garden with lots of blessings from Allah, the All-Powerful, to keep
your family together.
Trust in Allah Almighty and supplicate Him for assistance to keep your
family thriving for many years to come.
Paradise."]At-Tirmithi[
The religion of Islam places great importance on maintaining the ties
of kinship between family members. All Muslims are to show kindness,
generosity, and respect toward both their nearest and most distant
relatives, whether they are Muslims or not. Allah Almighty places such
importance on maintaining the ties of kinship that whoever cuts off
the ties of their family, Allah Almighty cuts them off from Him. And
the Quran goes as far to say that the one who cuts off the ties of
kinship will be cursed.
Allah Almighty says in the Noble Quran )what means(:"But those who
break the covenant of Allah after contracting it and sever that which
Allah has ordered to be joined and spread corruption on earth – for
them is the curse, and they will have the worst home."]Quran 13:25[
These days are an excellent time to mend burnt bridges and reach out
to family members that you may have not seen in a long time or that
you are at odds with.
These blessed days serve to open our hearts and minds as we humble
ourselves before our Creator in sincere worship. Take the first step
in reconnecting with your kin for the sake of Allah Almighty and to
strengthen your family unit.
Take the First Step
Regardless of how much time has passed since you have seen a family
member or whatever transgression has made you keep your distance, use
this time to reach out to a relative that you have been estranged
from.
It's as easy as picking up the phone and inviting him or her to your
home for a meal or meeting in a neutral place, such as a cafe, for a
cup of coffee. The worst that can happen is that they turn you down or
hang up the phone on you. At least Allah Almighty will know that you
tried to fulfill your obligation of maintaining family ties.
But the best that can happen is that your desires for renewing the
relationship will be reciprocated.
Forgiveness is Key
There is no need to rehash the past once your estranged family member
is in your presence. Forgiveness is the key to reestablishing your
bond. So let bygones be bygones, even if in the innermost recesses of
your heart you still feel that your kinsman wronged you.
A perfect exemplar can be found in Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with
him. Word came to him that his very own cousin, whom he had been
giving much financial support, had publicly slandered his beloved
daughter 'Aa'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her. Abu Bakr, may Allah
be pleased with him, immediately stopped giving him charity. Allah
Almighty then revealed the celebrated verse )which means(:
"And let not those of virtue among you and wealth swear not to give
]aid[ to their relatives and the needy and the emigrants for the cause
of Allah, and let them pardon and overlook. Would you not like that
Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful." ]Quran
24:22[
No sooner did Abu Bakr, may Allah be pleased with him, hear this than
he resumed his cousin's financial assistance, and, indeed, increased
it over what he used to regularly give him.
United We Stand
A family that stands together is far stronger than one splintered into
factions. So even if you are not at odds with one of your kin, you
might know of family members who are not preserving their ties of
kinship. You can do your part as a Muslim by acting as a mediator to
reunite them under the same flag of Islam.
It might be difficult at first, especially since human emotions like
pride and anger get in the way. But remind your family members that it
is really Satan stoking the flames of discontent and that they must
make peace against all odds to maintain the family bond. Should you
find the situation too volatile to handle on your own, con-tact your
local imam or someone in your community known to offer good help in
counseling to assist you in your endeavor.
Watch the Garden Grow
A family that is content with its members is like a garden that bears
the most beautiful fruit and flowers that the human eye has ever
beheld. As the discontent and anger melts away between kin, you will
start to see the flowers in your family's garden blossom to reveal the
beauty that Allah Almighty intended.
To keep that garden flourishing, weed out problems before they take
root and nip familial discord in the bud. Most importantly, water your
garden with lots of blessings from Allah, the All-Powerful, to keep
your family together.
Trust in Allah Almighty and supplicate Him for assistance to keep your
family thriving for many years to come.
Dought & clear, - Should the one who is slaughtering the sacrifice utter the intention at the time of slaughter?.
If the one who is slaughtering a sacrifice says, "This is on behalf of
So and so," i.e., he names the one on whose behalf the sacrifice is
being offered at the time of slaughter, is this uttering the
intention?.
Praise be to Allaah.
This is not uttering the attention, because if the one who is offering
the sacrifice says, "This is on my behalf and on behalf of my
household," he is stating what is in his heart. He has not said, "O
Allah, I want to offer a sacrifice," as would be said by the one who
wants to utter his intention. Rather he is only expressing what is in
his heart. The intention was already there, from the time he brought
the animal, lay it down and slaughtered it, so he had already formed
the intention. End quote.
So and so," i.e., he names the one on whose behalf the sacrifice is
being offered at the time of slaughter, is this uttering the
intention?.
Praise be to Allaah.
This is not uttering the attention, because if the one who is offering
the sacrifice says, "This is on my behalf and on behalf of my
household," he is stating what is in his heart. He has not said, "O
Allah, I want to offer a sacrifice," as would be said by the one who
wants to utter his intention. Rather he is only expressing what is in
his heart. The intention was already there, from the time he brought
the animal, lay it down and slaughtered it, so he had already formed
the intention. End quote.
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