Fathwa, - Confusion on Limits to talking to the opposite sex

Question:
I have read up on talking to the opposite sex but have experienced
very different views on this matter. I wanted to know the exact rules
to conversing with a member of the oppposite sex, preferably supported
with quotes from the hadith/quran.
As it stands the situation is; i have met a brother and speak to him
on the intention of inshallah marriage, we regularly chat on msn in
order to get to know one another better. Could you please confirm if
this is allowed as we have heard that it is not allowed unless i have
asked permission from my Wali.
I also wanted to clarify whether it is permissable to talk on the
phone with one another (once again without permission from Wali) and
whether meeting up publicly is allowed (where ther would be many other
muslims present but not a mahram).
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Sister,
I pray this message finds you well.
The Islamic paradigm for gender relations comes from the Qur''anic
verse, "The Believers, men and women, are protectors one of another:
they enjoin what is just, and forbid what is evil: they observe
regular prayers, practise regular charity, and obey God and His
Apostle. On them will God pour His mercy: for God is Exalted in power,
Wise." (Al-Tauba, 9:71).
Here, the word used for protectors is awliya''. This word connotes
friendship and cooperation on the basis of faith in Allah and His
Messenger, piety, and righteousness.
The Qur''an also gives us details on how to interact with each other.
For example,
"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard
their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: And Allah
is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing
women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that
they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must
ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over
their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands,
their fathers..." [Al-Nour, 24: 30-31]
Finally, here is an example of a pious young woman:
"Afterwards one of the (damsels) came (back) to him, walking
bashfully. She said: "My father invites thee that he may reward thee
for having watered (our flocks) for us..." [Al-Qasas, 28: 25]
Qur''an commentaries note that the young woman approaches Prophet
Musa, peace be upon him, to make her request. However, she does so
shyly. She speaks directly and courteously.
There are also hadiths on gender interaction, one of the most serious
of which is:
"When a man and woman are alone together, Satan is the third." [Tirmidhi]
Ibn ''Abbas (Allah be pleased with them) reported: I heard Allah''s
Messenger (may peace be upon him) delivering a sermon and making this
observation: "No person should be alone with a woman except when there
is a Mahram with her, and the woman should not undertake journey
except with a Mahram..." [Sahih Muslim, Book 7, Number 3110]
"Tirmidhi reports from al-Mughira that when he got engaged to a woman,
the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, ''Look at her,
for it is likelier to last between you.''" [Reliance of the Traveller,
m2.2]
Please keep in mind that these are individual verses and hadiths.
There are many more texts that relate to gender interaction.
The best way to understand how to implement these texts is to look to
the example of the Prophet, peace be upon him, who was very respectful
and cautious in his interactions with the opposite sex. Consult
reliable scholars about the limits of gender interaction. There are a
lot of relevant articles available here at SunniPath. Additionally, I
recommend reading Reliance of the Traveller, a classical manual of
Sacred Law, particularly the chapter on marriage.
Here are some general guidelines to be aware of:
1.It is unlawful for you and the brother to be alone with each other.
You should always meet in the presence of your mahram, unmarriageable
male relative, such as your father, brother, grandfather, or uncle. If
you do not have a mahram, then he should meet you in the presence of
your mother. If none of these people are available, then you should
appoint a wali: an upright male member of the community.
2.Instant messaging is highly problematic and I would advise you to
leave it alone. Essentially, it is cyber khalwa, or seclusion. What
may start out as an innocent enough chat can turn into something else
if you are not extremely cautious. If you have a romantic interest in
one another, online chats should definitely be left alone. The
temptation for prospective couples to engage in romantic conversations
is heightened by the mere fact that there is no supervision.
3.It is crucial to get to know one another. However, this must be done
within certain limits. For example, it is fine for you to get to know
each other in the presence of family members. However, be cautious
about online chatting, as mentioned before. Also, be cautious about
unsupervised telephone conversations. In principle, there is nothing
wrong with talking on occasion, particularly if you have something
important to discuss. However, the limits of propriety must be
observed. If you talk on the phone, it should be with the permission
of your wali. Furthermore, you should avoid talking to him when you
are alone.
4.As far as meeting up in public places is concerned, once again be
cautious. It''s fine to give salaams and inquire about each other''s
health. What you do want to avoid is hanging out or anything that
gives the appearance of dating. On the other hand, if you are
accompanied by a mahram, then seeing the brother outside of the house
should not be an issue.
To sum up, just remember that getting to know the brother is
permissible. What is not permissible is being alone together,
flirting, or any type of physical contact.
Here are some relevant posts from SunniPath''s Fiqh section:
"Instant messaging with the opposite sex"
http://qa.sunnipath.com /issue_view.asp?HD=7& ID=7940&CATE=3600
"Interaction limits for engaged couples..."
http://qa.sunnipath.com /issue_view.asp?HD=1& ID=2423&CATE=146
May Allah bless you and your marriage.
And Allah knows best.

Fathwa, - The Islamic Social system and implications on gender interaction.

Question:
Aslamalaikum
I am struggling to understand the social system of Islam that governs
the relationship between the two sexes. To my understanding there are
certain shariah factors that define the permissibility of interaction.
1. Purpose of interaction (e.g. Trade, education, employment, dawah,
celebrations etc)
2. Where the interaction takes place (Shariah definitions of Public or Private)
Please could you provide information/opinions (Hanafi) on the following?
Question 1
Is it true that there is no Khalwa in a public place? If one was to
meet a work colleague of the opposite in a shopping mall would you be
able to greet them and have a conversation within the limits of Islam.
Question 2
What are the implications of a Private and Public defined place to the
ruling on social interaction between the sexes?
In a recent charity event the environment was "mixed". I was told this
was permissible on the following basis.
The event was public and open to anybody
The purpose of the event/interaction was for charity and not for social purposes
Seating arrangements were based on family tables.
The actual environment seems similar to certain cultural marriage
ceremonies (free mixing) which are prohibited due to the private
nature of the event.
Does the observation of Hijab by all females have any consequences to
the permissibility of the events, i.e. If all women are covered
appropriately then can there be interaction between the sexes.
Question 3
How does the event's purpose affect the ruling? The Interactions that
occur during trade and transactions, or interaction that takes place
during Islamic/dawah events are they different to those that take
place for purely social purposes?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Brother,
I pray that you are in good health and spirits.
I believe that there is a certain amount of confusion about what
constitutes free mixing and what is simply required in the way of
social graces.
Yes, free mixing of the genders is prohibited. However, and I pray one
of our scholars can elaborate further, in today's contemporary Western
societies, it is unrealistic to try to avoid any and all interaction
with members of the opposite sex.
Even when there's a purpose to the interaction, such as business or
work for example, it is inevitable that there will be a social aspect
to this contact.
Question 1
Is it true that there is no Khalwa in a public place? If one was to
meet a work colleague of the opposite sex in a shopping mall would you
be able to greet them and have a conversation within the limits of
Islam?
Khalwa takes place when one man, or more than one man, and one woman
are alone in a place that no one else can enter. Seeing someone in a
shopping mall is not khalwa. If you see a co-worker in a public place,
why would you ignore them? From the Muslim perspective, not talking to
the person may be interpreted as modesty and politeness. However, from
the non-Muslim's perspective, such behavior may be interpreted as
coldness or rudeness. It is important to look at the consequences of
our actions. Certainly a courteous greeting and an polite inquiry
after the person's health goes a long way in giving a good impression
of Islam. Remember that our actions are often interpreted as
representing the religion itself.
Question 2
What are the implications of a Private and Public defined place to the
ruling on social interaction between the sexes?
Certainly, the limits on gender interaction have to be more
scrupulously observed in private. By private, I assume you mean a
private function, such as a wedding. In that type of setting, which is
more conducive to free mixing, it is definitely better to be cautious.
However, I can't comment unless it's on a case-by-case basis. Every
wedding is different. Some weddings are strictly separated. Some are
mixed. Some wedding parties are very observant of hijab and gender
rules and others aren't. If you're in a situation where you're invited
to a wedding and you simply can't get out of it, then you can minimize
your contact with members of the opposite sex or simply not stay long.
As far as public functions are concerned, once again, that depends on
the community and their dynamics. Some public events are strictly
separated with the women sitting behind screens. Other events allow
guests to sit where they want. However, I have noticed that families
usually sit together, while other tables are reserved for single
brothers. This arrangement can work if people keep their interaction
modest and respectful.
However, if you are truly uncomfortable being in a mixed setting, even
if the women are covered, then you can choose not to attend. If it's a
fundraiser, why not drop off your check and keep on going?
Keep in mind that at some point in time you will have to interact with
Muslim sisters who do not observe hijab. As long as you guard your
gaze and observe the same decorum you would with any Muslim sister,
then insha'Allah, things should work out just fine.
Question 3
How does the event's purpose affect the ruling? The Interactions that
occur during trade and transactions, or interaction that takes place
during Islamic/dawah events are they different to those that take
place for purely social purposes?
I'm not sure what you mean by purely social purposes. When there is a
need, there is no problem with brothers and sisters interacting. The
important thing is to strike a balance. For example, you might be
working with sisters in organizing a dawah program. Obviously, you
will have to talk to them. However, you might see the sisters in a
different setting, like someone's house for example. From what I've
observed, people can maintain a good working relationship, but in more
private settings they observe a pleasant and modest distance. So if
you were to see the sisters at a dinner party, for example, you might
just give salaams and give them their space.
I hope this has been helpful.
And Allah knows best.

Errors and Innovations in Hajj - I

·Some men uncover their right shoulders as soon as they
assumeIhraam)the sacral state(.This is incorrect and should only be
done during theTawaaf)circumambulation( of arrival for'Umrah.
·Some people think thatIhraamis initiated by donning the clothes
ofIhraam, when in fact it is initiated by the intention in one's
heart. Therefore, wearing the clothes ofIhraamis actually the physical
preparation forIhraam.
·Some women mistakenly think that theirIhraamclothes should be of a
certain color, such as white or green, and this is incorrect. A woman
can wear her regular clothes, as long as they are within defined
Islamic limits, and she must avoid adornment or clothes that are tight
or transparent. This kind of garment is prohibited anyway at all
times.
·Men praying wearing the lower garment ofIhraamonly, which is wrong
because the Prophet,, said:"Let not any of you pray with a garment
which does not cover his shoulders."]Al-Bukhaari, Muslim[
·Shaving the beard when assumingIhraamis an act that is prohibited at all times.
·Some people believe that once they wear the clothes ofIhraamthey are
prohibited from removing them, even if they become dirty; when in fact
they can change or wash it.
·CollectiveTalbiyah.
·Combining the prayers in Mina when they are only permitted to shorten them.
·Not exerting extra effort in reciting the Quran and worshipping
Allaah The Almighty, when this is the place where they are supposed to
exert these extra efforts.
·Not spending the night in Mina on the night of the eighth
ofThul-Hijjahwithout a legitimate excuse.
·Some pilgrims choose a place to stay in without first finding out
whether they are inside or outside the boundary of 'Arafaatalthough
there are signs clearly indicating the boundaries of 'Arafaat.Standing
within the boundaries of 'Arafaat is a pillar without whichHajjis
incomplete; and the area calledWaadi 'Arunahis not within the
boundaries.
·Some people leave 'Arafaat before sunset, which is not permitted.
·Some people struggle to climb the mount, believing that it holds
certain virtues, which, according to them, makes it mandatory to climb
it - this has not been reported as being a practice of the Prophet,.
·Some people face the direction of the mountain of'Arafaatduring their
supplications, which is a mistake; theSunnah)Prophetic tradition( is
that they must face theQiblah.
·Some pilgrims waste time on that day in joking and idle chatter, and
abandoning supplications and the remembrance of Allaah The Almighty on
this great day.
·Many pilgrims take cameras and use them to shoot pictures of the
rituals, which is not what a pilgrim should be doing.
·Not making sure that the direction of the prayer is towards
theQiblahbefore prayingMaghrib, 'Ishaa'orFajr: it is compulsory to ask
anyone who knows the direction and to face it while praying.
·Some people collect their stones for stoning theJamaraatas soon as
they arrive in Muzdalifah and before offering
theirMaghriband'Ishaa'prayers, thinking that this is permitted. In
fact theSunnahis to collect them after leaving Muzdalifah as one heads
towards Mina, although it is permissible to collect the pebbles from
anywhere.
·Some people do not make sure that they are spending the night within
the boundaries of Muzdalifah.
·Delaying theMaghriband'Ishaa'prayer until after midnight: this is prohibited.
·Some people leave Muzdalifah before midnight without spending the
night there and without having a legitimate excuse; although this is a
compulsory rite ofHajj.
·Some people leaveMuzdalifah and head towards Mina even before
theFajrprayer, although they are strong and healthy and have no excuse
to leave early, as the weak or sick might.
·Staying up all night praying and remembering Allaah The Almighty, or
reciting the Qur'aan, which contradicts theSunnah.
·Delaying theFajrprayer close to sunset or later.
·Sleeping after prayingFajr.
·People rushing out with their cars harming others and perhaps even
causing accidents.
·Some people do not make sure whether their stones fall into the
stoning plate or not.
·Some people authorise others to stone on their behalf, which is only
permissible for people totally incapable of stoning due to sickness or
other valid reasons )such as for the elderly, women and children(.
·Some people use slippers or huge rocks to stone with.
·Some people say,"O Allaah! I stone to enrage Satan and please You."
To be continued …

Errors and Innovations in Hajj – II

… Continued
·Supplicating after stoning the bigJamarah.
·Some people think that they are actually stoning Satan and that he is
there physically, and start giving Satanic names to each of the
threeJamaraat. This is incorrect and is not permitted.
·Wasting the meat of the sacrificial animal after slaughtering it,
even though it is possible to distribute it amongst the poor.
·Running and uncovering the right shoulder )for men( duringTawaaf
Al-Ifaadhah, while this should only be done during the firstTawaaf.
·Some people push, shove and harm others in order to kiss the Black
Stone, they may even abuse others or hit them. This is not suitable
behavior for such a place, and Allaah The Almighty Says )what
means(:}Hajj is )during( well known months, so whoever has made hajj
obligatory upon himself therein )by entering the state of ihram(,
there is )to be for him( no sexual relations and no disobedience and
no disputing during Hajj{]Quran, 2: 197[
·Some people believe that the Black Stone benefits on its own and they
touch it with their hands then rub their bodies with them. This is
ignorance, because Allaah The Almighty alone is the One who benefits,
and 'Umar,said while he was touching it,"I know that you are merely a
stone which neither harms nor benefits, and had it not been that I saw
the Prophet,kissing you I would not have kissed you."
·Some people touch all corners of theKa'bah,and all four of its
walls.This is incorrect; theSunnah)Prophetic tradition( is to only
touch the corner which contains the Black Stone and Yemeni Corner.
·Kissing the Yemeni Corner when one is only supposed to touch it with
the hand if possible or else pass it without uttering"Allaahu Akbar"or
doing anything else.
·Some people commit to certain supplications duringTawaaf.
·Some people recite supplications aloud so that others can
collectively repeat after them. This is incorrect, because it disturbs
others around them and contradicts theSunnah.
·Some people push others in order to pray behind the station of
Ibraaheem.It is permissible to pray the twoRak'ahsafterTawaafanywhere
in the mosque.
·Some people recite the Quran for a long time during the
twoRak'ahsafterTawaaf, then raise their hands and supplicate.
·Some people performTawaafas a group while holding each other's hands,
thus make things extremely difficult for others trying to
performTawaaf.
·It is not permissible to go inside the semi-circular wall that begins
at the corner after the black stone, because this area is considered
as being inside theKa'bah. If this is done then one must repeat the
current circuit.
·Combining prayers in Mina.
·Not spending the night in Mina.
·Abandoning supplications after stoning the first twoJamaraat.
·Some people stone during times other than those designated for
stoning, which starts when the sun reaches its zenith.
·Some people think that they are actually stoning Satan and that he is
there physically, so they shout and scream. We must remember that this
rite was legislated so as to establish the remembrance of Allaah The
Almighty, and this is why the Prophet,, used to utter"Allaahu
Akbar"after each pebble.
·Supplicating after stoning the last one of the threeJamaraat.
·Some people do not stone the threeJamaraatin the correct sequence.
·Some people throw all pebbles at once, which is a serious mistake
that necessitates that they must re-throw, as the scholars have
said,"If someone throws all pebbles in one go, it will count as one
pebble only. One should throw only one pebble at a time."
·Some people authorise others to throw on their behalf whilst being
capable of doing it themselves, and this contradicts the command of
Allaah The Almighty for fulfilling the rites ofHajj.
·Some people authorise others to stone on their behalf and then return
to their countries without spending the nights in Mina during the days
ofTashreeq, and without stoning.
·Some people go from Minaon the day they are returning to their
countries of residence and perform the farewellTawaaf,they then return
to Mina and stone the last day's threeJamaraat.By doing so, they have
not made the farewellTawaafthe last act that they have performed.