Fathwa, - Talking to a girl I am intending to marry whilst living abroad

Question:
Firstly, jazakumullah khayran for the honorable service you are
rendering to the islamic community by making us more aware of our
responsibilities. I have browsed answers from your site relating to my
question. But I felt it could be somewhat different to what I have
seen so far, although it could also be that I have missed any such
points previously or an answer. I am intending to marry a girl from
whom I live away, as I am studying abroad. I must admit I don't feel
good about starting the relationship which happened quite a while
back, when I was not so aware of my obligations towards being a
muslim. We just went out to eat etc, a few times and it wasn't proper
conduct on our part. We have decided not to ever meet before marriage
inshAllah. There has been no formal engagement though. I have some
knowledge about few verses in the Quran and authentic hadiths which
relates to conduct of men and women. I don't claim to be an authority
on the subject, but what I have understood is that it is advised
primarily to close all avenues leading to Zina. So for that matter
even a 'harmless exchange of letters' can be a threat if the
participants are in the vicinity of each other. Now there is
absolutely no way for us to meet even if we wanted to, in the next 5-6
months. My query is -are we allowed to chat, talk or text; not to
necessarily engage in romantic conversations every time but just to
keep in touch? If I cut out talking on the phone owing to the fact
that women's voice are supposed to be part of her awrah (although one
of the reasons for this is to protect her from strangers' desire, who
are in the vicinity and the subsequent threat), can I still converse
online or send texts? Please excuse my points of view about the
following if I have misunderstood at all. Jarir ibn 'Abdullah said
concerning his wife, "(Before marriage) I used to hide under a tree to
see her." If persons intending to marry had all the same qualities as
strangers, wouldn't it be unlawful for a person to look at a woman's
awrah? I am also aware of the following hadith reported by Abu Dawud
-The Prophet (peace be on him) said, "When one of you asks for a woman
in marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry
her, he should do so." which probably indicates that developing love
before marriage is not unlawful. Finally, I'd like to know if there is
a strong hadith where there is an explicit command not to engage in
letter writing or similar purports between persons intending to marry,
who are living far apart.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Brother,
I pray that you are doing well and experiencing the joys of strong
iman and good health.
Thank you for your question.
We have actually addressed the issue of instant messaging and online
conversations previously, but I'd be happy to reiterate the key
points.
The etiquette of engaged couples, or those who have agreed to get
married, is the same etiquette followed by unrelated men and women in
general. Until you and your fiancee have signed your marriage contract
or had your nikah ceremony, then you are still, from the perspective
of Sacred Law, "strangers." What this means is that any contact you
have with each other must be chaperoned.
To my knowledge, there are no hadiths that address the issue of
letter-writing specifically. However, there are hadiths, such as the
one you mentioned above, that emphasize the permissibility of looking
at one's intended spouse.
For example:
Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported: I was in the company
of Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) when there came a man and
informed him that he had contracted to marry a woman of the Ansar.
Thereupon Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: Did you cast
a glance at her? He said: No. He said: Go and cast a glance at her,
for there is something in the eyes of the Ansar. (Muslim, Book 8, No.
3314)
Obviously, if the Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, advised
men to look at their prospective wives, then it follows that meeting
with one's prospective spouse and talking to him/her is also a good
practice. Cutting off the avenues to zina does not mean avoiding any
and all contact with your intended spouse. It means that when you are
together, you observe the boundaries of gender etiquette.
In this situation, online chat and instant messaging are more
problematic than talking on the phone. A woman's voice is not awrah,
and there is nothing wrong with calling your fiancee, provided that
you have her family's permission, and that she talks to you in the
presence of others. I would definitely steer clear of instant
messaging unless there is some urgent matter that needs to be
communicated. Letter-writing is less problematic, especially if you
observe the proper adab. However, online chat and emailing are best
left alone because it's easy to let one's guard down in these
contexts.
Again, if you'd like to stay in touch with your fiancee, which is only
natural, then I suggest that you confer with her and her family about
the most appropriate method. If you're planning to spend the rest of
your lives together, then you need to communicate.
I hope this is helpful.
And Allah knows best.

Fathwa, - Non-Muslim Courtesy

Question:
I am a non-Muslim living in America. I am studying the history and
culture of Islam and find myself overwhelmed by the intricate social
interactions. What greetings and phrases should I, as a non-Muslim,
refrain from using when conversing with Muslim friends and students?
What topics are taboo to speak of with Muslims, either male or female?
And finally, what customs should I be sure to observe to be confident
I will not inadvertently offend through my ignorance?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Questioner,
I pray that this message finds you in good health and spirits.
Thank you for your sensitivity to issues of social etiquette. This is
an important question.
First of all, please don't be overwhelmed. Islam's social structure,
particularly in the area of gender relations, might appear very
complicated. However, in reality, if you just stick to a few basic
rules, then you should have no problem interacting with Muslims.
1. Greetings and phrases:
You are free to use any greeting you wish. Some non-Muslims like to
use the Muslim greeting of peace when interacting with Muslims. If you
would like to try this, just keep in mind that some Muslims are
surprised to hear salaams from non-Muslims, and might not respond
automatically. Others, however, will have no problem with this.
Ultimately, use whatever greeting you are comfortable with.
I can't think of any particular phrases or expressions to avoid.
Consider the way you would speak to someone with whom you are getting
acquainted. Normally, you would avoid overly familiar or casual
speech. I think this is a rule that would apply to everyone, no matter
their religion.
2. Taboo topics:
Again, the context is important. When I studied Islam in Syria, the
Shaykh (religious scholar) who founded our school, Ahmad Kuftaro (may
Allah bestow His mercy upon him), spoke frequently about the concept
of hikma, or wisdom. He defined wisdom as the ability to do what is
appropriate at the time when it is appropriate, and in the manner that
is appropriate. He said that this was the hallmark of the Prophetic
Sunna, the living tradition of the Prophet Muhammad, Allah bless him
and give him peace.
Muslims try to apply this concept of wisdom to their social
interactions, particularly with members of the opposite sex.
If you are conversing with Muslims, and especially with Muslim women,
then you will want to steer clear of topics that are antithetical to a
pious Muslim life, such as premarital or extramarital sex, drinking,
drugs, partying, etc. I bring these things up because I have been in
situations where non-Muslim classmates have revealed details of their
lives that I would rather not have heard. A good rule of thumb is
this: is this a topic you would want your little sister discussing
with a guy? If not, then it's better to avoid it.
3. Customs:
Again, the only customs to observe when interacting with Muslim women
(and I'm assuming that you're male) are to avoid shaking the women's
hands or making any sort of physical contact. Observant Muslims avoid
the sort of casual physical contact with the opposite sex to which
we're accustomed here in America, such as shaking hands, hugging, etc.
Also, in terms of eye contact, you'll notice that observant Muslims
will avoid staring at members of the opposite sex. This lowering of
the gaze facilitates modesty and respect for the other person and
shouldn't be interpreted as a lack of confidence or unfriendliness.
To conclude, gender etiquette among Muslims is not as complicated as
you might think. As long as you avoid explicit or suggestive
conversation, don't make physical contact, and maintain a respectful
and modest demeanor, then interacting with Muslims of the opposite sex
should not be a problem.
And Allah knows best.

Fathwa, - Instant messaging for marriage

Question:
I am searching for a wife online. SunniPath Q&A's seem to discourage
or even seem to hint at prohibiting instant messaging with a
prospective spouse. However, I can't seem to figure out how then email
or phone would be any different. Phone is also "instant", and when you
need to get to know someone then emails could be going back and forth
pretty quickly, such that it's almost like chatting, but only slower.
If 2 people are outgoing and talkative, then the risk of getting
informal on the phone would probably be just as high as through
instant messaging. Thus, I really don't believe that instant messaging
with a prospective spouse in itself would be haram, rather it would
depend on how you use it. Could you please confirm? When you need to
get to know someone, instant messaging would make things a lot more
quicker and perhaps effective than email.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful.
Dear Brother,
I pray this message reaches you in good health, lofty spirits, and strong iman.
Generally, it is improper to engage in conversation with an unrelated
member of the opposite sex without need. However, as indicated in
previous SunniPath answers, it is permitted to talk to a member of the
opposite sex when there is some purpose. Obviously, talking to someone
with the intention of getting to know that person for marriage is both
purposeful and permissible.
Please see Can I Talk To My Fiancé?and Instant messaging with the
opposite sex. Both of these answers address your question. Obviously,
if you are searching for a wife online, any communication with that
sister will be online. Nonetheless, whichever method you choose to
communicate, please be sure to mutually adhere to Islamic adab. One
usually knows when one has crossed those boundaries. If you have any
doubts, then that is a definite indication that you need to find a
better way to communicate. As a matter of caution, you should avoid
chatting in private, and, particularly, at night. It's very easy for
an ostensibly legitimate conversation to digress into gray areas.
I hope everything works out for you.
And Allah knows best.

Knowledge in Islam and how to seek it

In this article we'll try to shed some light on knowledge from Islamic
perspective. Generally speaking, the Arabic word for knowledge is
'ilm, which, in most cases, indicates to Islamic knowledge or matters
related to Sheree'ah )Islamic Law(. Although, some of the Quranic
verses in this article refer to Islamic knowledge, yet they are
general in their meaning, and thus can be used to refer to learning in
general.
The importance of education is a none disputable matter. Education is
the knowledge of putting one's potentials to maximum use. One can
safely say that a human being is not in the proper sense till he/she
is educated.
This importance of education is basically for two reasons. The first
is that the training of a human mind is not complete without
education. Education makes man a right thinker. It tells man how to
think and how to make decision.
The second reason for the importance of education is that only through
the attainment of education, man is enabled to receive information
from the external world; to acquaint himself with past history and
receive all necessary information regarding the present. Without
education, man is as though in a closed room and with education he
finds himself in a room with all its windows open towards the outside
world.
This is why Islam attaches great importance to knowledge and
education. When the Quran began to be revealed, the first word of its
first verse was 'Iqra' that is, read. Allaah says, )what means(:"Read!
In the Name of your Lord Who has created )all that exists(. He has
created man from a clot )a piece of thick coagulated blood(. Read! And
your Lord is the Most Generous. Who has taught )the writing( by the
pen. He has taught man that which he knew not"]Quran, 96: 1-5[
Education is thus the starting point of every human activity. Allaah
created man and provided him with the tools for acquiring knowledge,
namely hearing, sight and wisdom. Allaah says )what means(:"And Allaah
has brought you out from the wombs of your mothers while you know
nothing. And He gave you hearing, sight, and hearts that you might
give thanks )to Allaah("]Quran, 16:78[
A knowledgeable person is accorded great respect in many prophetic narrations.
Because of the importance of knowledge, Allaah commanded His
Messengerto seek more of it. Allaah says )what means(:"and say: `My
Lord! Increase me in knowledge"]Quran, 20:114[
The Prophetmade seeking knowledge an obligation upon every Muslim, and
heexplained that the superiority of the one who has knowledge over the
one who merely worships is like the superiority of the moon over every
other heavenly body. Hesaid that the scholars are the heirs of the
Prophets and that the Prophets, may Allaah exalt their mention did not
leave behind any money, rather their inheritance was knowledge, so
whoever acquires it has gained a great share. Furthermore, the
Prophetsaid that seeking knowledge is a way leading toParadise.
Hesaid:"Whoever follows a path in the pursuit of knowledge, Allaah
will make a path toParadiseeasy for him.")Al-Bukhaari(
For example the Quran repeatedly asks us to observe the earth and the
heavens. This instills in man a desire to learn natural science as
well. All the books of Hadeeth have a chapter on knowledge. In Saheeh
Al-Bukhaari there is a chapter entitled "The virtue of one who
acquires learning and imparts that to others."
Islam calls us to learn all kinds of beneficial knowledge. Branches of
knowledge vary in status, the highest of which is knowledge of
Sharee'ah )Islamic Law(, then other fields of knowledge, such as
medicine, etc.
This is the knowledge )Sharee'ah( with which Allaah honoured His
Messenger; He taught it to himso that he might teach it to
mankind:"Indeed, Allaah conferred a great favour on the believers when
He sent among them a Messenger )Muhammad( from among themselves,
reciting unto them His Verses )the Quran(, and purifying them )from
sins by their following him(, and instructing them )in( the Book )the
Quran( and Al-Hikmah ]the wisdom and the Sunnah of the Prophet )i.e.
his legal ways, statements and acts of worship([, while before that
they had been in manifest error"]Quran, 3:164[
How great importance is attached to learning in Islam, can be
understood from an event in the life of the Prophet. At the battle of
Badr in which the Prophetgained victory over his opponents, seventy
people of the enemy rank were taken prisoner. These prisoners of war
were literate people. In order to benefit from their education the
Prophetdeclared that if one prisoner teaches ten Muslims how to read
and write, this will serve as his ransom and he will be set free. We
can freely say that this was the first school in the history of Islam
established by the Prophethimself with all its teachers being
non-Muslims. Furthermore, they were all war prisoners.
On the one hand Islam places great emphasis on learning, on the other,
all those factors which are necessary to make progress in learning
have been provided by Allaah. One of these special factors is the
freedom of research. One example of it is that in Makkah, the
birthplace of the Prophetdates were not grown. Afterwards the
Prophetmigrated to Madeenah, the city of dates. One day the Prophetsaw
that some people were atop the date trees busy in doing something. On
being asked what they were engaged in, they replied that they were
pollinating.
The Prophetsuggested them not to do so. The following year date yield
was considerably very low. The Prophetenquired them of the reason.
They told him that the date crop depended on pollination. Since
hesuggested them to do otherwise, they had refrained from that. The
Prophetthen told them to go on doing as they used to, and that, "You
know the worldly matters better than me." )Al-Bukhaari(
Also we should know that there is no goodness in knowledge which is
not confirmed by actions or words which are not confirmed by deeds,
Allaah the Almighty says )what means(:"O you who believe! Why do you
say that which you do not do? Most hateful it is with Allaah that you
say that which you do not do"]Quran, 61: 2-3[
Knowledge brings a great reward. The one who points the way to
something good is like the one who does it. When the knowledgeable
person dies, his reward with Allaah does not cease when he dies,
rather it continues to increase so long as people benefit from his
knowledge. The Prophetsaid:"When a man dies, all his deeds come to an
end except for three — an ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge or a
righteous child who will pray for him.")Muslim(
On other side, a person without knowledge is like someone walking
along a track in complete darkness. Most likely his steps will wander
aside and Satan can easily deceive him. This shows that our greatest
danger lies in our ignorance of Islamic teachings in the first place
and in our unawareness of what the Quran teaches and what guidance has
been given by the Prophet.
On the other hand, if we are blessed with the light of knowledge we
will be able to see plainly the clear path of Islam at every step of
our lives. We shall also be able to identify and avoid the dangerous
paths of disbelief, Shirk )associating with Allaah( and immorality,
which may cross it. And, whenever a false guide meets us on the way, a
few words with him will quickly establish that he is not a guide who
should be followed.
Knowledge is pursued and practiced with modesty and humility and leads
to dignity, freedom and justice.
The main purpose of acquiring knowledge is to bring us closer to our
Creator. It is not simply for the gratification of the mind or the
senses. It is not knowledge for the sake of knowledge. Knowledge
accordingly must be linked with values and goals.
One of the purposes of acquiring knowledge is to gain the good of this
world, not to destroy it through wastage, arrogance and in the
reckless pursuit of higher standards of material comfort.
Six etiquettes of learning
lbn Qayyim Al-Jawziyyahsaid: "There are six stages to knowledge:
Firstly: Asking questions in a good manner.
Secondly: Remaining quiet and listening attentively.
Thirdly: Understanding well.
Fourthly: Memorising.
Fifthly Teaching.
Sixthly- and it is its fruit: Acting upon the knowledge and keeping to
its limits."
Conclusion
According to Quranic perspective, knowledge is a prerequisite for the
creation of a just world in which authentic peace can prevail. In the
case of country's disorder or war the Quran emphasizes the importance
of the pursuit of learning, Allaah says )what means(:"Nor should the
believers all go forth together: if a contingent from every expedition
remained behind, they could devote themselves to studies in religion,
and admonish the people when they return to them - that thus they )may
learn( to guard themselves )against evil(."]Quran, 19:122[