Dought & clear, - How can he enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil with regard to his father who is older than him?.

As a young Muslim (26yrs) im often challenged with enjoining good and
forbidding the wrong with poeple much older than me, especially my
father who is muslim(from Egypt),howdo I do this when he acts unjust
with the wayhe talks to me,my brothers and my mother,not spending or
teaching that much for thier deen ,whilst they go extreamly
astray,seeing my father shaking hands or hugging wemon at work for
business puposses as he says not to make them feel uncomfortable or
think weird,,,or as a youth leader for a youth group ,the parents will
some times tell the children in my group while we are having a meeting
to do something wich is a bida' in front of me,,how do I correct
things like this in my position with out seeming disrespectfull to my
elders.
Praise be to Allaah.
Enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil is one of the
greatest duties that Islam enjoins upon Muslims; Allaah has madeit the
main quality of this ummah and a condition of it being the best of
people. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"You (true believers in Islamic Monotheism, andreal followers of
ProphetMuhammad and his Sunnah) are the best of peoples ever raised up
for mankind; you enjoin Al-Ma'roof (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all
that Islam has ordained) and forbid Al-Munkar (polytheism, disbelief
and all that Islam has forbidden), and you believe in Allaah"
[Aal 'Imraan 3:110]
"The believers, men and women, are Awliyaa' (helpers, supporters,
friends, protectors) of one another; they enjoin(on the people)
Al-Ma'roof (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to
do), and forbid (people) fromAl-Munkar (i.e. polytheism and disbelief
of all kinds, and all that Islam has forbidden); they perform
As-Salaah (Iqaamat-as-Salaah), andgive the Zakaah, and obey Allaah and
His Messenger. Allaah will have His Mercy on them. Surely, Allaah is
All-Mighty, All-Wise"
[al-Tawbah 9:71]
See also question no. 11403. This is indicative of the high status
that Islam gives to enjoining what is good and forbidding what is
evil.
With regard to the problems of undertakingthis duty with regard to
those who are older than you, especially yourfather, you can overcome
these problems to a great extent by understandingthat this duty must
be accompanied by three basic characteristics: knowledge, kindness and
patience. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: "These three are
essential: knowledge, kindness and patience: knowledge before
enjoining or forbidding, kindness when doing so and patience
afterwards, as it was narrated that one of the salaf said: No one can
enjoin what is good or forbid what is evil unlesshe understands what
he is enjoining or forbidding, and is kind in enjoining and kind in
forbidding, and is patience and forbearing when enjoining and when
forbidding."
Majmoo' al-Fataawa, 28/137
In order to solve these problems we should firstdraw attention to the
importance of being patient and forbearing. Do not be too harsh
withyour father, because he is first of all your father, and because
he is older than you. Seek help in doing that by choosing the right
time for each conversation, watching out for times when he is in a
good mood and is more likely to be influenced and respond. Also seek
the help of wise, righteous and sincere people. Before all that it is
essential to be sincere towards him in word and deed, and in all your
affairs, and to fear that the punishmentof his Lord may befall him,
and after that be patient in awaiting the decree of your Lord.
Whatever happens to you if you do this duty for the sake of Allaah, as
Luqmaan the wise said to his son:
"O my son! Aqim-is-Salaah (performAs-Salaah), enjoin (on people)
Al-Ma'roof (Islamic Monotheism andall that is good), and forbid
(people) from Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief in the Oneness of Allaah,
polytheism of all kinds and all that is evil and bad), and bear with
patience whatever befalls you. Verily, these are some of the important
commandments (ordered by Allaah with no exemption)"
[Luqmaan 31:17 - interpretation of the meaning]
You should always remember the Close Friend of the Most Merciful,
Ibraaheem, andhow he addressed his father when he told him not to
associate others with Allaah, which is worse than the things that your
father is doing;how he was loving towards him, felt pity forhim and
was sincere towards him, then he bore his bad response with patience.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And mention in the Book (the Qur'aan) Ibraaheem (Abraham). Verily, he
was a man of truth, a Prophet.
42. When he said to his father: 'O my father! Whydo you worship that
which hears not, sees not and cannot avail youin anything?
43. 'O my father! Verily, there has come to me of the knowledge that
which came not unto you. So follow me, I will guide you to the
Straight Path.
44. 'O my father! Worship not Shaytaan (Satan). Verily, Shaytaan
(Satan) has been a rebel against the Most Gracious (Allaah).
45. 'O my father! Verily, I fear lest a torment from the Most Gracious
(Allaah) should overtake you, so that you become a companion of
Shaytaan (Satan) (in the Hell-fire).'
46. He (the father) said: 'Do you reject my gods, OIbraaheem
(Abraham)? Ifyou stop not (this), I will indeed stone you. So getaway
from me safely (before I punish you).'
47. Ibraaheem (Abraham) said: 'Peace be on you! I will ask forgiveness
of my Lord for you. Verily, He is untome Ever Most Gracious.
48. 'And I shall turn awayfrom you and from thosewhom you invoke
besides Allaah. And I shall call upon my Lord and I hope that I shall
not be unblest in my invocation to my Lord'"
[Maryam 19:41-48]
With regard to the group that you are leading, this is an easier
matter, because their closeness in age makes iteasier for them to
acceptadvice from you, especially if they know you to be sincere and
honest, and that you practise what you preach. This practical
implementation of what you are calling them to is one of the most
effective means of da'wah, especially if speaking directly will cause
them to turn awayand be stubborn.
With regard to your advice and da'wah being undermined by their
parents' directions,you should avoid blatantly contradicting what they
say; rather you should look at the mistakes and teach themthe right
way. If it is the matter of a sin that they are committing, then teach
them to fear disobeying Allaah and tolove obeying Him. Instill in
their hearts a sense ofthe greatness of Allaah and the seriousness of
His prohibitions, then teach them about what has been narrated
concerning these particular sins. This is what you should do if it is
the matter of an innovation that you notice them engaging in. First
instill in their hearts the love of the Sunnah of the Prophet(peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and teach them that this is the
practical manifestation of love forthe Prophet(peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him). And instill in their hearts a hatred for bid'ah
and tell them how it is the way that leads to Hell even though the one
who follows it thinks that it isthe way that leads to Paradise. Tell
them of the advice of the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) to his ummahconcerning that, as narrated in the hadeeth of
al-'Irbaad ibn Saariyah (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said:
"The Messenger of Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
led us in praying Fajr then he turned to us and delivered an eloquent
exhortation that caused our eyes to flow with tears and our hearts to
melt. We said (or they said): 'O Messenger of Allaah, it is as if this
exhortation is a farewell,so advise us.' He said: 'I advise you to
fear Allaah and to listen and obey even if (your leader is) an
Abyssinian slave. Those of you who live will see great differences
after I am gone, so I urge you to adhere to my Sunnah and the path of
the Rightly-Guided Caliphs, and take hold of it firmly. And beware of
newly-invented matters, for every newly-invented matter is an
innovation and every innovation is a going astray.'" Narrated by
Ahmad, 16692 and others; classed as saheehby al-Albaani inal-Saheehah,
45.
So after this general advice we move to addressing the specific bid'ah
into which they have fallen.
It should be noted that your presence in this group should be for a
good purpose; as long asyour presence is more likely to do good or to
reduce any evils, then join them in their gatherings with this
intention. But beware ofletting your presence have any negative
effector make you get used to accepting mistakes, or lead you to make
similar mistakes. In that case you should leave the place where evil
things are happening. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And it has already been revealed to you in the Book (this Qur'aan)
that when you hear the Verses of Allaah being denied and mocked at,
then sit not with them, until they engage in a talk other than that;
(butif you stayed with them) certainly in that case youwould be like
them. Surely, Allaah will collect the hypocrites and disbelievers all
together in Hell"
[al-Nisa' 4:140]
Shaykh Ibn Sa'di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Whoever attends
a gathering in which Allaah is disobeyed, then he must denounce their
action if he is able to, or he must leave if he not able to dothat.
Tafseer Ibn Sa'di, p. 210.
May Allaah help us and you to do that which He loves and which pleases
Him, and make us steadfast in adhering to true guidance and the
straight path.

Dought & clear, - He looks for bad sites to send them to the centre which will block them. Is this good or bad?.

I was searching the webhunting down the unethical sites and sind them
to king abdulaziz city of sciences and technology to block them not to
be seen . is this work for me or against me as a moslem?.
Praise be to Allaah.
This brother is to be commended for his protective jealousy regarding
haraam things and for his hatredof sin and desire to combat it and rid
the people of its evils. But we do not advise him to look for bad
sites in order to tell the centre to block them. That is formany
reasons, including the following:
1 - the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has
informed us of and warned us against the temptation (fitnah) of women.
Undoubtedly the fitnah of naked women in different poses is very
great.
It was narrated that Usaamah ibn Zayd (may Allaah be pleased with him)
said: The Messengerof Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon
him) said: "I have not left behind me any fitnah that is more harmful
to men than women." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4808; Muslim, 2740.
2 - The Muslim is commanded to keep away from places of fitnah and to
flee from places where it is present and shun its people. Undoubtedly
seeking out these sites goes against all of that.
It was narrated that 'Imraan ibn Husayn (mayAllaah be pleased with
him) said: The Messengerof Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: "Whoever hears of the Dajjaal, let him flee from him,
for by Allaah, a manmay come to him thinking that he is a believer,
then follow him because of the specious arguments that he presents."
Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4319; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani inSaheeh
al-Jaami', 6301.
Ibn al-Jawzi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Beware - may Allaah have mercy on you - of exposing yourself to the
causes of calamity, for it is unlikely that those who approach fitnah
will be safe from it. Just as caution leads to beingsafe, so too
exposing oneself to fitnah leads todoom, and it is rare that one
remains safe from fitnah when approaching it; even those who are safe
from fitnah when they approach it will not be safe from thinking
aboutit or being influenced byit.
Dhamm al-Hawa, p. 126
3- The Muslim is commanded to lower hisgaze and avoid looking at
haraam things; checking on these permissive websites and what is in
them goes against this command.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden
things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexualacts).
That is purer for them. Verily, Allaah is All-Aware of what they do"
[al-Noor 24:30]
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
This is a command from Allaah to His believing slaves to lower their
gaze and avoid looking at that which is forbidden to them, so they
should not look at anything except that which Allaah has permitted
them to look at. If their gaze happens to fall upon something haraam,
then it is unanimously agreed (among the scholars) that if a person's
gaze falls upon something haraam unintentionally, then he should look
away immediately. It was narrated by Muslim in hisSaheehthat Jareer
ibn 'Abd-Allaah al-Bajali (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I
asked the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about an
accidental glance, and he told me to look away.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/282
4 - The saheeh text states that it is forbiddenfor a man to look at
the 'awrah of another man, so what about a man looking at the 'awrah
of a woman?
It was narrated from AbuSa'eed al-Khudri that theMessenger of
Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "No man should
look at the 'awrah of another man, and no woman should look at the
'awrah of another woman."
Narrated by Muslim, 338.
5 - The Muslim is forgiven the first glance,but repeatedly looking at
corrupt sites goes against that.
It was narrated that Buraydah ibn al-Husayb said: The Messenger of
Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to 'Ali:
"O'Ali, do not follow one glance with another; you are forgiven the
firstbut not the second." Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2777; Abu Dawood,
2149. classed as hasan byShaykh al-Albaani inSaheeh al-Targheeb, 1903.
It was narrated that Jareer ibn 'Abd-Allaah said: I asked the
Messenger of Allaah(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about
an accidental glance, and he told me to look away. Narrated by Muslim,
2159.
Al-Nawawi said:
What is meant by an accidental glace is if one's gaze falls upon a
non-mahram woman accidentally; there is no sin in that initially, but
he must look away immediately. If he looks away immediately, thereis
no sin on him, but if he persists in looking, then he has sinned,
because of this hadeeth, for the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) commanded him to look away. And Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden
things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexualacts)..."
[al-Noor 24:30]
Men must lower their gaze and avoid looking at women at all times,
except for sound and legitimate purposes, namely testimony, medical
treatment, proposing marriage, buying a slave girl, buying and
selling, etc. In these cases it is permitted to look only asmuch as is
necessary andno more. And Allaah knows best.
Sharh Muslim, 14/139
6 - The Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) called a
forbidden glance the "adultery of the eye". In addition to it being
haraam in the sense of transgressing the limits with regard to
looking, it is also an act of ingratitude for the gift of sight that
Allaah has bestowed upon the Muslim.
It was narrated from AbuHurayrah that the Prophet(peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allaah has decreed for the son of Adam
his share of zina(adultery), which will inevitably happen. The zina of
the eyes is looking, the zina of the tongue is speaking; the heart
hopes and wishes for that and the private parts confirm it or deny
it." Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5899; Muslim, 2657.
Al-Nawawi said:
What this hadeeth means is that a share of zina is decreed for the son
of Adam; in some cases zina will be in a real sense, namely unlawful
sexual relations; in other cases it will be zina in a metaphorical
sense, by looking at haraam things, or listening to stories of zina
and things that have to do with it, or by touching a non-mahram woman
with his hand or kissing her, or by walking to zina, or looking, or
touching, or speaking in haraam ways with a non-mahram woman, and so
on, or by thinking of it in one's heart. All these are metaphorical
kinds of zina.
"The private parts confirm that or deny it" means, zina with the
private parts may or maynot take place even though a person may have
been approaching that. And Allaah knows best.
Sharh Muslim, 16/206
7 - There are an estimated 8 billion permissive websites, up from
approximately half a billion in 1998. So howabout now? If you were to
give each website a quick glance, how would your heart end up? How
much time would you waste in seeking them out? Undoubtedly doing that
would destroy one's heart and body, and would be a waste of time.
8 - Continually looking at these evil and provocative sites may cause
one to become attached to them, so his heart would be filled with
forbidden love and become corrupted. Thus he will have exposed himself
to fitnah and doom after having been sound and healthy.
Ibn al-Jawzi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
A person may be exposed to the causes of love so he falls in love, and
he may see a personand this first glance doesnot create love, but
repeatedly looking at that person and mixing with him or her may lead
to what was unthinkable. Some people may look at a person and that
creates some kind of love, but then they keep away and the love
disappears, because continual looking may cause love to grow, like a
garden planted with seeds which, if it is neglected, will shrivel and
die, but if it is watered it will flourish.
Dhamm al-Hawa, p. 237
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The more looks follow one another, the more the heart becomes
attached, like water with which a tree is irrigated. If too much water
is given the tree isdamaged. Similarly if glances are repeated that
undoubtedly corrupts the heart. If the heart is exposed to this
problem, it will turn away from what it has been commanded and the
person will be faced with problems which will inevitably lead him to
commit forbidden actions, and his heart will be destroyed. The reason
for that is that the one who looks enjoys looking the first time, then
he wants to look again, like eating delicious food, when he takes the
first bite. But ifhe had lowered his gaze from the outset, his heart
would be at peace.
Rawdat al-Muhibbeen, p. 94, 95
And he said:
Letting one's gaze wander leads to becoming heedless about Allaah and
the Hereafter, and will makehim intoxicated with love, as Allaah says
concerning the lovers of images (interpretation of the meaning):
"Verily, by your life (O Muhammad), in their wild intoxication, they
were wandering blindly"
[al-Hijr 15:72]
Looking is like a glass of wine, and love is the intoxication that
results from that. The drunkenness of love is worse than the
drunkenness caused by wine, for the drunkenness caused by wine will
pass, but the drunkenness of love rarely passes until one is in the
throes of death.
Rawdat al-Muhibbeen, p. 104
9 - Repeatedly looking at those evil sites may lead a person to commit
haraam actions, or to imitate the things he sees. So it starts with
looking, and ends with committing haraam deeds.
Ibn al-Qayyim said:
Looking is the origin of most of the problems that befall man, because
looking generates thoughts, then thoughts generate ideas, and ideas
generate desires, and desires generate will, which then becomes
stronger and becomes firm resolve, in which case the deed
willinevitably be done unless there is something to prevent it. Hence
it was said that patience in lowering thegaze is easier than patience
in bearing the pain that comes afterwards.
Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi, p. 106
10 - Repeatedly looking at those evil sites causes other kinds of harm
too, such as desensitization, and after a while you will never regard
that thing as evil and you willget used to looking. This is a sign
that the heart has died and lost the shar'i sensitivity towardssin.
Another effect is thatyou expose yourself to suspicion, if someone
sees you going to these sites or if others see that on your computer.
Finally,
What you should keep away from is looking at these sites, even if the
purpose is to inform the authorities of them, for the Shayatan may
make you go to these sites on this basis and then lead you to worse
sins after that.
There are technical means available which mean that the Muslims does
not need to seek out these sites, and there are specialized committees
in some government departments and companies who block these sites.
Undoubtedly when a committee in a work place views such things, that
is not like a person viewing these sites alone at home, because the
person who is doing that alone is more likely to fall into the trap of
these sites.
We are not speaking of something imaginary or something that is
impossible or unlikely. We often hear stories of righteous young men
who have been tempted by these sites; they start with a glance, then
they waste their time with them.
You have no need of all that; protect your capitaland do not take
risks. We ask Allaah to write your reward in full and to make you
steadfast in adhering to truth and guidance.
And Allaah knows best.

Dought & clear, - He wants to do Hajj first and his father wants him to get married first

Will I be disobeying my father because of the following?
1. My father (may Allah have mercy on him) wanted me to start looking
to get married, but I refused because I wanted to complete my
postgraduate studies.
2. The money that I saved was sufficient to get married (the marriage
contract only). Please note that I have a job.
3. Then I was not able totravel in order to complete my postgraduate
studies, so I decided to start a small business in the hope that I
could earn some money with which to do Hajj. This project was a
partnership between meand him; it was a piece of land (the price of
which was not enough to do Hajj). We were planning to change the house
in which we live because of the annoyance caused by the neighbours,
may Allah guide them.
4. My father refused to do Hajj with this money because he said that
it was my money, not his.
5. After a discussion which did not lead anywhere, I said: I am going
to do Hajj, but he told me to get married first.
6. Now – after he died inRamadan – they are asking me to do what
hewanted me to do, but I am telling them that I want to do Hajj first.
7. The land is now yielding enough money to perform the obligatory
Hajj; he and I paid off the debt (the price of the land) before he
died.
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
Hajj is obligatory and should be done at the earliest opportunity
according to the more correct of the two scholarly opinions. This has
been discussed in the answer to question no. 41702.
If the available money is sufficient for either doing Hajj or getting
married, then precedence should be given to marriage if there is a
need for that and there is the fear of falling into haraam. If there
is no (urgent) need for marriage, then Hajj should be given
precedence.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said inal-Mughni(5/12): If
(the individual)needs to get married and fears that he may encounter
hardship, then he should give precedence to marriage,because it is
obligatory in his case and he cannot do without it, so it is like
spending on his maintenance. If there is no such fear, he should give
precedence to Hajj, because marriage is voluntary and should not be
given precedenceover the obligatory Hajj. End quote.
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked: Is it
permissible to delay Hajj until after getting married for one who is
able to do it? That is because of what the youth are facing nowadays
of temptation, both great and small.
He replied:
There is no doubt that marriage, for one who has the desire and urgent
need for it, takes precedence over Hajj, because if an individual has
overwhelming desire, in that case marriage becomes one of the
necessities of life, like eating and drinking.Hence it is permissible
for one who needs to get married and does not have any money to be
given zakaah funds with which to get married, just as the poorperson
may be given food to suffice him and clothes with which to cover his
'awrah out of the zakaah funds.
Based on that, we say: if he needs to get married,then he should give
marriage precedence over Hajj, because Allah, may He be glorified and
exalted, stipulated that in order for Hajj to be obligatory, one must
be able to do it, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And Hajj (pilgrimage to Makkah) to the House (Ka'bah) is a duty that
mankind owes to Allah, those who can afford the expenses (for one's
conveyance, provision and residence)"
[Aal 'Imraan 3:97].
In the case of one who isyoung and it does not matter for him whether
he gets married this yearor next year, then he should give precedence
to Hajj because it is not necessary for him to giveprecedence to
marriage.
End quote fromFataawa Manaar al-Islam, 2/375
Based on that, if you do not have any fears (of falling into haraam)
if you delay marriage, then you should hasten to do Hajj first, and
Allah will compensate you with good, because Hajj is one of the
important obligatory duties and rituals of Islam.
You do not have to carry out your father's wishes with regard to this
matter, either during hislifetime or after his death, because that
would result in your delaying Hajj when there is no need to do so.
Secondly:
You should have tried to please your father by giving precedence to
marriage over completing your postgraduate studies. It was narrated
from ImamAhmad (may Allah have mercy on him) that marriage is
obligatory if either of the parents tell you to get married.
Al-Mirdaawi said: Is it (marriage) obligatory if the parents, or one
of them, tell the son to get married? Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy
on him) said: If he has parents who are telling him to get married,
thenI tell him to get married. Or if he is a young man who fears that
he may commit sin, I tell him to get married.
By saying this, he made the parents' instructions to get married
equivalent to fearing that one may commit sin.
End quote fromal-Insaaf, 8/14
Thirdly:
There is nothing wrong with a father doing Hajj with his son's wealth;
in fact there is nothing wrong with a person doing Hajj with another
person's wealth in general. But if a person was not able to do the
obligatory Hajj because he could not afford the expenses, then he
became able to afford it if someone else pays for it, does he have to
accept this money in order to do Hajj? There is a difference of
opinion among the fuqaha' concerning that.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: He is not obliged to
do Hajj if someone else spends on it, and he does not become able to
do it thereby (and thus it doesnot become obligatory for him), whether
the one who gives him the money is a relative or otherwise, and
whether he gives him a means of transportation and provisions, or he
gives him money. However, it was narrated from ash-Shaafa'i that if a
person's son gives him money that enables him to do Hajj, then he is
obliged to do it, becausehe has enabled him to do Hajj without feeling
that he owes a favour to anyone, and no harm or annoyance will result
from that. Therefore he is obliged to do Hajj, as would be the case if
he possessed sufficient provisions and a mount.
In our view, the words of the Prophet (blessingsand peace of Allah be
upon him) make Hajj binding on one who has a means of transportation
and sufficient funds to cover the costs of the journey. However, in
the case where someone else offers to over these costs, he is not
regarded as having the means or the money to obtain the means, so Hajj
is not obligatory for him. The same applies if his fatheroffers to
help him, because we do not thinkthat the father will not feel that he
owes him a favour in this case.
End quote fromal-Mughni, 3/87
To sum up: it is obligatory for you to hasten to do Hajj, so long as
you do not think that you will fall into haraam as a result of
delaying marriage, and you should ask Allah, may He be exalted, for
forgiveness for having gone against your father's instructions when he
told you to get married first.
We ask Allah to help and guide you.
And Allah knows best.

Muslim Marriage Stories: Importance of Marriage in IslamSecrets of Happy Married Couples

A man and his fiance were married. It was a large celebration. All of
their friends and family came to see the lovely ceremony and to
partakeof the festivities and celebrations. A wonderfultime was had by
all.
The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding gown and the groom was
very dashing in his black tuxedo. Everyone could tell that the love
they had for each other was true.
A few months later, the wife comes to the husband with a proposal:"I
read in a magazine, a while ago, about how wecan strengthen our
marriage." She offered.
"Each of us will write a list of the things that we find a bit
annoying with the other person. Then, we can talk about how we can fix
them togetherand make our lives happier together."
The husband agreed. So each of them went to a separate room in the
house and thought of thethings that annoyed them about the other. They
thought about this question for the rest of the day and wrote down
what they came up with.
The next morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would
go over their lists.
"I'll start," offered the wife. She took out her list. It had many
items on it. Enough to fill 3 pages, in fact. As she started reading
the list of the little annoyances, she noticed that tears were
starting to appear in her husbands eyes.
"What's wrong?" she asked. "Nothing" the husband replied, "keep
reading your list."
The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her
husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands
over top of it.
"Now, you read your list and then we'll talk about the things on both
of ourlists." She said happily.
Quietly the husband stated, "I don't have anything on my list. I think
that you are perfectthe way that you are. I don't want you to change
anything for me. You are lovely and wonderful and I wouldn'twant to
try and change anything about you."
The wife, touched by his honesty and the depth ofhis love for her and
his acceptance of her, turnedher head and wept.
IN LIFE, there are enough times when we are disappointed, depressed
and annoyed. We don't really have to go looking for them.
We have a wonderful world that is full of beauty, light and promise.
Why waste time in this world looking for the bad, disappointing or
annoying things when we can look around us, and see the wondrous
things before us?
I believe that WE ARE HAPPIEST when we see and praise the good and try
our best to forego themistakes of our spouse. Nobody's perfect but we
can find perfection in them to change the way we see them. It is
necessary to understand the difficulties and be a helping hand to each
other....THAT BRIGHTENS THE RELATIONSHIP.