Dought & clear, - He wants to do Hajj first and his father wants him to get married first

Will I be disobeying my father because of the following?
1. My father (may Allah have mercy on him) wanted me to start looking
to get married, but I refused because I wanted to complete my
postgraduate studies.
2. The money that I saved was sufficient to get married (the marriage
contract only). Please note that I have a job.
3. Then I was not able totravel in order to complete my postgraduate
studies, so I decided to start a small business in the hope that I
could earn some money with which to do Hajj. This project was a
partnership between meand him; it was a piece of land (the price of
which was not enough to do Hajj). We were planning to change the house
in which we live because of the annoyance caused by the neighbours,
may Allah guide them.
4. My father refused to do Hajj with this money because he said that
it was my money, not his.
5. After a discussion which did not lead anywhere, I said: I am going
to do Hajj, but he told me to get married first.
6. Now – after he died inRamadan – they are asking me to do what
hewanted me to do, but I am telling them that I want to do Hajj first.
7. The land is now yielding enough money to perform the obligatory
Hajj; he and I paid off the debt (the price of the land) before he
died.
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
Hajj is obligatory and should be done at the earliest opportunity
according to the more correct of the two scholarly opinions. This has
been discussed in the answer to question no. 41702.
If the available money is sufficient for either doing Hajj or getting
married, then precedence should be given to marriage if there is a
need for that and there is the fear of falling into haraam. If there
is no (urgent) need for marriage, then Hajj should be given
precedence.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said inal-Mughni(5/12): If
(the individual)needs to get married and fears that he may encounter
hardship, then he should give precedence to marriage,because it is
obligatory in his case and he cannot do without it, so it is like
spending on his maintenance. If there is no such fear, he should give
precedence to Hajj, because marriage is voluntary and should not be
given precedenceover the obligatory Hajj. End quote.
Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked: Is it
permissible to delay Hajj until after getting married for one who is
able to do it? That is because of what the youth are facing nowadays
of temptation, both great and small.
He replied:
There is no doubt that marriage, for one who has the desire and urgent
need for it, takes precedence over Hajj, because if an individual has
overwhelming desire, in that case marriage becomes one of the
necessities of life, like eating and drinking.Hence it is permissible
for one who needs to get married and does not have any money to be
given zakaah funds with which to get married, just as the poorperson
may be given food to suffice him and clothes with which to cover his
'awrah out of the zakaah funds.
Based on that, we say: if he needs to get married,then he should give
marriage precedence over Hajj, because Allah, may He be glorified and
exalted, stipulated that in order for Hajj to be obligatory, one must
be able to do it, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And Hajj (pilgrimage to Makkah) to the House (Ka'bah) is a duty that
mankind owes to Allah, those who can afford the expenses (for one's
conveyance, provision and residence)"
[Aal 'Imraan 3:97].
In the case of one who isyoung and it does not matter for him whether
he gets married this yearor next year, then he should give precedence
to Hajj because it is not necessary for him to giveprecedence to
marriage.
End quote fromFataawa Manaar al-Islam, 2/375
Based on that, if you do not have any fears (of falling into haraam)
if you delay marriage, then you should hasten to do Hajj first, and
Allah will compensate you with good, because Hajj is one of the
important obligatory duties and rituals of Islam.
You do not have to carry out your father's wishes with regard to this
matter, either during hislifetime or after his death, because that
would result in your delaying Hajj when there is no need to do so.
Secondly:
You should have tried to please your father by giving precedence to
marriage over completing your postgraduate studies. It was narrated
from ImamAhmad (may Allah have mercy on him) that marriage is
obligatory if either of the parents tell you to get married.
Al-Mirdaawi said: Is it (marriage) obligatory if the parents, or one
of them, tell the son to get married? Imam Ahmad (may Allah have mercy
on him) said: If he has parents who are telling him to get married,
thenI tell him to get married. Or if he is a young man who fears that
he may commit sin, I tell him to get married.
By saying this, he made the parents' instructions to get married
equivalent to fearing that one may commit sin.
End quote fromal-Insaaf, 8/14
Thirdly:
There is nothing wrong with a father doing Hajj with his son's wealth;
in fact there is nothing wrong with a person doing Hajj with another
person's wealth in general. But if a person was not able to do the
obligatory Hajj because he could not afford the expenses, then he
became able to afford it if someone else pays for it, does he have to
accept this money in order to do Hajj? There is a difference of
opinion among the fuqaha' concerning that.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: He is not obliged to
do Hajj if someone else spends on it, and he does not become able to
do it thereby (and thus it doesnot become obligatory for him), whether
the one who gives him the money is a relative or otherwise, and
whether he gives him a means of transportation and provisions, or he
gives him money. However, it was narrated from ash-Shaafa'i that if a
person's son gives him money that enables him to do Hajj, then he is
obliged to do it, becausehe has enabled him to do Hajj without feeling
that he owes a favour to anyone, and no harm or annoyance will result
from that. Therefore he is obliged to do Hajj, as would be the case if
he possessed sufficient provisions and a mount.
In our view, the words of the Prophet (blessingsand peace of Allah be
upon him) make Hajj binding on one who has a means of transportation
and sufficient funds to cover the costs of the journey. However, in
the case where someone else offers to over these costs, he is not
regarded as having the means or the money to obtain the means, so Hajj
is not obligatory for him. The same applies if his fatheroffers to
help him, because we do not thinkthat the father will not feel that he
owes him a favour in this case.
End quote fromal-Mughni, 3/87
To sum up: it is obligatory for you to hasten to do Hajj, so long as
you do not think that you will fall into haraam as a result of
delaying marriage, and you should ask Allah, may He be exalted, for
forgiveness for having gone against your father's instructions when he
told you to get married first.
We ask Allah to help and guide you.
And Allah knows best.

Muslim Marriage Stories: Importance of Marriage in IslamSecrets of Happy Married Couples

A man and his fiance were married. It was a large celebration. All of
their friends and family came to see the lovely ceremony and to
partakeof the festivities and celebrations. A wonderfultime was had by
all.
The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding gown and the groom was
very dashing in his black tuxedo. Everyone could tell that the love
they had for each other was true.
A few months later, the wife comes to the husband with a proposal:"I
read in a magazine, a while ago, about how wecan strengthen our
marriage." She offered.
"Each of us will write a list of the things that we find a bit
annoying with the other person. Then, we can talk about how we can fix
them togetherand make our lives happier together."
The husband agreed. So each of them went to a separate room in the
house and thought of thethings that annoyed them about the other. They
thought about this question for the rest of the day and wrote down
what they came up with.
The next morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would
go over their lists.
"I'll start," offered the wife. She took out her list. It had many
items on it. Enough to fill 3 pages, in fact. As she started reading
the list of the little annoyances, she noticed that tears were
starting to appear in her husbands eyes.
"What's wrong?" she asked. "Nothing" the husband replied, "keep
reading your list."
The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her
husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands
over top of it.
"Now, you read your list and then we'll talk about the things on both
of ourlists." She said happily.
Quietly the husband stated, "I don't have anything on my list. I think
that you are perfectthe way that you are. I don't want you to change
anything for me. You are lovely and wonderful and I wouldn'twant to
try and change anything about you."
The wife, touched by his honesty and the depth ofhis love for her and
his acceptance of her, turnedher head and wept.
IN LIFE, there are enough times when we are disappointed, depressed
and annoyed. We don't really have to go looking for them.
We have a wonderful world that is full of beauty, light and promise.
Why waste time in this world looking for the bad, disappointing or
annoying things when we can look around us, and see the wondrous
things before us?
I believe that WE ARE HAPPIEST when we see and praise the good and try
our best to forego themistakes of our spouse. Nobody's perfect but we
can find perfection in them to change the way we see them. It is
necessary to understand the difficulties and be a helping hand to each
other....THAT BRIGHTENS THE RELATIONSHIP.

Moral stories, - Muslim Marriage Stories: How to stay young after marriage?Importance of Marriage in Islam

A group of people went to ask the three brothers of Banu Ghannam for a
solution for their complicated question.
As they met the first one, who was old man, and asked him for a
solution, he referred them to his brother saying, 'You may find a
solution with him because he is older than Iam.'
When they went to meet his brother, they found a middle-aged man.
Havingsought a solution from him, he said, 'You may see my third
brother and,because he is older than Iam, you can find a solution with
him.'
Hence, they went to the third brother to meet a young man. As they
couldno longer conceal their astonishment, they askedhim about his two
brothers and his manner.He answered: 'My brotherwhom you first met is
theyoungest among us. Unfortunately, he had to suffer the misbehaviors
of his ill-tempered wife because he anticipated an intolerable matter
if he would divorce her. Hiswife therefore has been the main reason
beyond his growing old at an earlier time. The second one you met is
the middle among us. His wife has gathered both good and bad
mannerism. She sometimes pleased him, but she also displeased him.
Hence, you can see him as middle-aged man.I have a well-mannered wife
who never shows misbehavior with me. Hence, I could keep my youth with
her.
Importance of marriage in Islam or Islamic marriage sayings
Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: "(Mostly) the doers of good of my
Ummah are the married ones, while the vicious ofthem are unmarried."
Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: "The person who marries gains half
ofhis Faith, then he must fear of Allah (swt) for the next remaining
half."
Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: "A two rak'at prayer that a married
person establishes is worthier than when a bachelor keeps up prayers
at nights and fasts during the days."
Holy Prophet Muhammad (saw) said: "The sleep of a married person is
better with Allah (swt) than an unmarried one who fasts during the day
and keeps vigil at night, establishing prayers."
Imam Ali (as) said: "In anycondition conciliate the wives, and talk
with them warmly and through kind words, thereby, they may change
their actions into good ones."
Imam Baqir (as) said: "He who takes a woman (marries) should
certainlyrespect her, because the wife of anyone of you is a means of
your pleasure,so the one who marries awoman should not spoil or
disgrace her (by disregarding her respectable rights)."

The exemplary justice of the Prophet (saas)

In the Qur'an, Allah commands believers to"Be upholders of justice,
bearing witness for Allahalone, even against yourselves or your
parents and relatives. Whether they are rich orpoor, Allah is well
able tolook after them. Do not follow your own desires and deviate
from the truth..."(Surat an-Nisa': 135). With the rules he imposed on
Muslims, his just and tolerant attitude towards those of other
religions, languages, races and tribes, and his way of not
discriminating between rich and poor, but treating everybody equally,
Allah's Messenger (saas) is a great example to all of mankind. Allah
says this to His Prophet (saas) in one verse:
They are people who listen to lies and consume ill-gotten gains. If
they come to you, you can either judge between them or turn away from
them. If you turn away from them, they cannot harm you in any way. But
if you do judge, judge between them justly. Allah loves the
just.(Surat al-Ma'ida: 42)
The Prophet (saas) abided by Allah's commands, even with such
difficult people, and never made any concessions in his implementation
of justice. He became an example for all times with the words,"My
Lordhas commanded justice…"(Surat al-A'raf: 29).
A number of incidents testify to the Prophet (saas)'s justice. He
lived in a place where people of different religions, languages, races
and tribes all co-existed. It was very difficult for those societies
to live together in peace and security, and to check those who sought
to spread dissension. One group could grow aggressive towards and even
attack another over the slightest word or action. Yet, the justiceof
the Prophet (saas) was a source of peace and security for those other
communities, just as much as it was for Muslims. During the timeof the
Prophet (saas), Christians, Jews and pagans were all treated equally.
The Prophet (saas) abided by the verse"There is no compulsion where
the religion is concerned…"(Surat al-Baqara: 256), explaining the true
religion to everyone, butleaving them free to make up their own minds.
In another verse, Allah revealed to the Prophet (saas) the kind of
justice and and conciliation he needed to adopt towards those of other
religions:
So call and go straight asyou have been ordered to. Do not follow
their whims and desires but say, "I believe in a Book sent down by
Allah and I am ordered to be just between you. Allah is our Lord and
your Lord. We have our actions andyou have your actions. There is no
debate between us and you. Allah will gather us all together. He is
our final destination."(Surat ash-Shura: 15)
This noble attitude of the Prophet (saas), beingin total harmony with
the morality of the Qur'an, should be taken as an example of how
members of different religions today should be treated.
The Prophet (saas)'s justice brought about understanding between
people of different races. In many of his addresses, even in his final
sermon, the Prophet (saas) stated that superiority lay not in race but
in godliness as Allah states in the verse:
Mankind! We created you from a male and female,and made you into
peoples and tribes so that you might come to know each other. The
noblest among you in Allah's sight is that one of you who best
performs his duty. Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.(Surat al-Hujurat:
13)
Two hadiths report the Prophet (saas) as saying:
"You are sons of Adam, and Adam came from dust. Let the people cease
to boast about their ancestors." ( 1)
"These genealogies of yours are not a reason torevile anyone. You are
all children of Adam. No one has any superiority over another except
in religion and taqwa (godliness)." (2)
During his final sermon, the Prophet (saas) called on Muslims in these terms:
"There is no superiority for an Arab over a non-Arab and for a
non-Arab over an Arab; nor for white over the black nor for the black
over the white except in piety. Verily the noblest among you is he who
is the most pious." (3)
The agreement made with the Christians of Najran in the south of the
Arabian Peninsula was another fine example of the justice ofthe
Prophet (saas). One of the articles in the agreement reads:
"The lives of the people of Najran and its surrounding area, their
religion, their land, property, cattle and those of them who are
present or absent, their messengers and their places of worship are
under the protection of Allah and guardianship of His Prophet." (4)
The Compact of Medina, signed by the Muslim immigrants from Mecca, the
indigenous Muslims of Medina and the Jews of Medina is another
important example of justice. As a result of this constitution, which
established justice between communities with differing beliefs and
ensured the protection of their various interests, long years of
enmity were brought to an end. One of the most outstanding features of
the treaty is the freedom of belief it established. The
relevantarticle reads:
"The Jews of Banu 'Awf are one nation with the Muslims; the Jews have
their religion and the Muslims have theirs…" (5)
Article 16 of the treaty reads: "The Jew who follows us is surely
entitled to our support and the same equal rights as any one of us. He
shall not be wronged nor his enemy be assisted." (6)The
Prophet(saas)'s companions remained true to that article in the
treaty, evenafter his death, and evenpracticed it with regard to
Berbers, Buddhists, Brahmans and people of other beliefs.
One of the main reasons why the golden age of Islam was one of peace
and security was the Prophet (saas)'s just attitude, itself a
reflection of Qur'anic morality.
The justice of the Prophet (saas) also awoke feelings of confidence in
non-Muslims, and many, including polytheists, asked to be taken under
his protection. Allah revealed the following request from the
polytheists in the Qur'an,and also told the Prophet (saas) of the
attitude he should adopttowards such people:
If any of the idolators ask you for protection, give them protection
until they have heard the words of Allah. Then convey them to a place
where they are safe. That is because they are a people who do not
know. How could any of the idolators possibly have a treaty with Allah
and with His Messenger, except for those you made a treaty with at the
Masjid al-Haram? As long as they are straight with you, be straight
with them. Allah loves those who do their duty.(Surat at-Tawba: 6-7)
In our day, the only solution to the fighting and conflict going on
all over the world is to adopt the morality of the Qur'an, and, like
the Prophet (saas), never to depart from the path of justice, making
no distinction between different religions, languages, or races. The
Prophet (saas)'s human love, kind thought and compassion, which turned
those around him to true religion and warmed their hearts to faith, is
that superior morality which all Muslims should seek to reproduce.
(For further reading about the attributes of the Prophet(saas), see
"The Prophet Muhammad (saas)" by Harun Yahya)
1 Sunan Abu Dawud, Book 41, Number 5097
2 Ahmad, 158/4
3 Prophet Muhammad's Last Sermon ( http://www.stanford.ed u/~jamila/Sermon.html)
4 The Pact of Najran, Article 6, http://www.islamicresou
rces.com/Pact- of-Najran.htm
5 The Constitution of Madina, http://www.islamic-
study.org/jews-prophet- p.-2.htm
6 The Constitution of Madina, http://www.islamic-
study.org/jews-prophet- p.-2.htm