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Monday, September 2, 2013

Story, - I got involved by myself in this mess, but how can I get out now?

Hello!
I read your stories and I got the courage to ask for your advice,
because Idon't know any more what to do.
So that's my story. I am 27 year old, married for two years, I have
normal relationship with my husband, sometimes we understand each
other, sometimes we fight, we make compromises, but he is not my
biggest love and that's the problem, he is not very interested in me –
where I am and what I do.
I've met the other before I got married – we were just friends in a
same company, we were travelling, together I thought I was so much in
love with him, but he was just friendly kind without a sense of carnal
interest from his side.
One day I stopped to stand for a relation, who seemed impossible I got
married, but in spite of this we keep on being good friends and
meeting sometimes. I caneven say that our friendship became stronger
during the past two years.
Recently I felt inconsolably, in love withthis man. I will play that
game I said to myself this time. I arranged to spendtwo days just the
two of us, far from anybody who knows us and with some women finesse
we found ourselves in the bed.
In the very sublime moment it comes out thathe has problem with
erection – there's not at all such. Anyhow we've both done our best to
getpleasure, but I am confused. I suspect that his problem is not new.
In fact I haven't heard of any intimate friend of hisbut he is 45 year
old and his last relationship I know about had finishedyears ago, and
the lady got married to somebodyelse.
I do like this man, but thesex is also very importantto me. What am I
supposed to do? I need your advice!

17 The Markets of the Garden: [Jannah: The Garden from the Qur'an and Hadith ]

Markets are places where people are able to acquire the goods they
need. In them thereare all kinds of food and other articles. People go
to these places looking forward to eating good food, trying different
tastes, buying stylish clothes and appliances to make their work
easier; they buy things they like which they think will make them
comfortable. So, if people enjoy this blessing even a little in this
world, Allah will make it perfect in the Garden. The markets in the
Garden, with their countless variety of blessings and their sights
that create a pleasing sense of abundance, appeal to the desires of
the peopleof the Garden. In addition, in the Garden many kinds of
inconveniences associated with worldly markets will disappear. For
example, when people go through markets in this world, they quickly
become weary even though they enjoy themselves. Most people do not
have as much time as they wouldlike to go around in them. Besides
those few people who have enough money to buy what they want, most
people cannot purchase everything they desire and there are many
whocannot afford to buy even what they need. As long as they can pay
the price they can select what they want from theabundance. But if
they cannot afford it, they must be content only with browsing in
these places. However, the Messenger of Allah tells us that people can
have as much as they want of everything in the markets of the Garden.
There, it will not be a matter of shopping; everyone will be able to
have whatever he likes. There will be a variety ofblessings in these
markets that people have never seen or even imagined before. In His
great kindness, Allah willgive everyone what theydesire and no one
will want for anything.
As for those who believe and do right actions, We will lodge them in
lofty chambers in the Garden, with rivers flowing under them,
remaining in them timelessly, for ever. How excellent is the reward of
those who act. (Surat al-'Ankabut: 58)
This situation is described in the hadith:
So we will come to a market surrounded by angels in which there is
that which eyes have never seen the like of, the ears have never heard
and which has never occurred to human hearts. That which we desire
will be carried to us, and nothing will be sold in it or bought. In
that market the people of theGarden will meet each other, so that a
man of high rank will come forward and meet those who are lesser than
himself [and none of them will be low people]and the clothes he has on
will amaze and delight him. Before he ceases speaking, an evenfiner
raiment will appear upon him. That isbecause it is not fitting for
anyone to sorrow in it. (Narrated by Abu Hurayra, Sunan Ibn Majah;
at-Tirmidhi) There is in the Garden a market wherein there will be no
buying and selling, but forms of menand women. So when a man wishes a
form, he will enter into it. (Narrated by Ali, at-Tirmidhi)
Another blessing mentioned in the hadith is the physical features of
men and women. To be able to change one's style at will and to appear
wearing different fashions is something that many people in this world
dream about. Most people would like to have a beautiful, healthyand
unblemished face and body. From birth, people have been given a
certain hair colour, iris colour, facial features, skin tone, and
height and body type. However,in the Garden there is noworldly sense
of monotony from the existence of one kind of beauty; a person's looks
change when and however he may desire, as in this hadith containing
the transformation of the man's clothing in an instance. This is
another blessing.
Platters and cups of gold will be passed around among them and they
will have there all that their hearts desire and their eyes find
delight in. You will remain in it timelessly, for ever. (Surat
az-Zukhruf: 71)
In another hadith, we are told about the pleasant social life in
themarkets of the Garden where believers sit in beautiful, fragrant,
comfortable places, and meet and converse with one another:
It is certain that thereare such markets in the Garden in which no
goods are exchanged. When the inmates of theGarden arrive there, they
will recline on fresh and bright pearly earth of musk. They will meet
with each other asthey did in this world. They will talk of how they
were in this world and how they worshipped our Lord, of how they
enlivened the nights in prayer, of how they fasted during the day, of
the wealth and poverty of the world, of death… and of how they are the
people of the Garden. (Mukhtasar Tadhkirah al-Qurtubi, p. 326/565)
But those who have taqwa of their Lord will have high-ceilinged Halls,
and more such Halls built one above the other, and rivers flowing
under them. That is Allah's promise. Allah does not break His promise.
(Surat az-Zumar: 20)
The Food of the Garden
In both the Qur'an and the hadith we are told that there are many
delicious foods in the Garden. In particular meat and various fruits
will be offered in abundance to the inmates of the Garden. Allah tells
us in the Qur'an about the quality of these gifts to the People of the
Garden:
And any fruit they specify and any bird-meat they desire… (Surat
al-Waqi'a: 20-21)
… as recompense for what they did. (Surat al- Waqi'a: 24)
We are also told that some of the blessings offered to the People of
the Garden resemble things in this world. In one verse, Allah says:
Give the good news to those who have iman and do right actions
thatthey will have Gardens with rivers flowing under them. When they
are given fruit there as provision, they will say, "This is what we
were given before." But they were only given a simulation of it. They
will have there spouses of perfect purity and willremain there
timelessly, for ever. (Surat al-Baqara: 25)
Every kind of food offered in the Garden is aesthetically pleasing and
delicious. Especially wonderful are the appearances of the fruitsand
their colours, smells and particular tastes.
For example, many people like the taste andsmell of strawberries. In
spite of this, some people have an allergic reaction when they eat
them. This is one of the drawbacks of this life. Like all the
blessings of this world, fruit also has imperfections. They haveto be
grown, bought, washed and cleaned. In spite of this care they
sometimes go bad and sometimes have no taste. In short, when we eat
food, we must deal with some problems anddeficiencies. As usual in
this world, food is created with some imperfections so that people
will yearn for real blessings. No matter how much a person appreciates
a particular food, the delight in its taste diminishes if he eats it
constantly.
The food and fruits of the Garden come to the people there without
flaw, and without effort on their part. Allah tells us in the Qur'an
that these fruits are very accessible. "Its shading branches will
droop down over them, its ripe fruit hanging ready to be picked."
(Surat al-Insan: 14)When they are picked from the trees they are not
dusty but already clean and have a wonderful taste. In another verse,
Allah says the following about the fruits of the Garden:
That is the Garden you will inherit for what you did. There will be
many fruits in it for you to eat. (Surat az-Zukhruf: 72-73)
In the Garden, food is not eaten out of necessity, but as a blessing
and free gift from Allah. People will be freed there from weaknesses
such as hunger and thirst.
A quality of the blessingsof the Garden mentioned in both the Qur'an
and the hadith is their abundance. Allah revealed in Surah Sad that
provision there will be without cost and will never be used up:
This is what you are promised on the Day of Reckoning. This is Our
provision which will never run out. (Surah Sad: 53-54)

16 The Cool Pavilions of the Garden: [Jannah: The Garden from the Qur'an and Hadith ]

Many hadith describe the tents that are amongthe dwellings of the
Garden. Some of these hadith are as follows:
A tent [in the Garden]is like a hollow pearl, thirty miles in height
and in every corner of the tent, a believer will have a wife who
cannotbe seen by the others. (Narrated by Abu Musa al- Ash'ari; Sahih
al-Bukhari, vol. 4, hadith no: 466)
In the Garden the believer will have a tent made of a single hollow
pearl, whose width will be sixty miles. The believer will have wives
in it, and he will go to each of them with out any of them seeing
eachother. (Narrated by Abu Bakr ibn Abdullah ibn Qais, Sahih
Muslim, vol. 4, hadith no: 2838)
The least of the people of the Garden in rank is the one who willhave
eighty thousand servants and seventy two wives, and for whom will be
set up a dome of pearls, aquamarine and rubies similar in dimensions
to the distance between Jabiyah and San'a. (Abu Sa'id al-Khudri,
at-Tirmidhi)
Everything in the Gardenhas been created in the most perfect way and
the pavilions are as comfortable as possible to give pleasure,
comfortand relaxation to believers. The Messengerof Allah tells us
that these pavilions are extraordinarily capacious and made of
precious jewels. In the hadith we are told that those who belong to
thepeople of the Garden live a wonderful life with their families and
friends within broad and lofty pearl. Certainly this is a wonder from
the incomparable creative power and artistry of our Lord. A person who
lives within the countless deficiencies, imperfections and
restrictions of this world is delighted just to imagine such beauty.
This splendour together with the numbers of servants there will be in
these tents of the Garden made of emeralds and rubies is an
announcement of glad tidings for those who work in this world in the
hope of pleasing Allah, obtaining His mercy and entering the Garden.
They will say, "Praise be to Allah Who has fulfilled His promise tous
and made us the inheritors if this land, letting us settle in the
Garden wherever we want. How excellent isthe wage of those who work!"
(Surat az-Zumar: 74)

15 The Palaces of the Garden: [Jannah: The Garden from the Qur'an and Hadith ]

In one hadith, the palaces of the Garden are mentioned:
In the Garden, there are palaces built of emeralds and jewels and in
each building there will be 70 rooms of red colour and in each room 70
sub-rooms of green colour and in each sub-room there will be one
throne… There will be 70 dining cloths in each room and 70 kinds of
food on each dining cloth. There will be seven servants in each room…
(Imam Ghazzali, Ihya Ulum ad-Din, vol. 4)
... and will reward them for their steadfastness with a Garden and
with silk. (Surat al-Insan: 12)
We are told that the palaces of the Garden are made of the most
precious stones, that they are decorated in the most beautiful and
pleasing manner and that they are full of blessings. Believers who are
not content with the life of this world and who are not deceived bythe
attractions of this transitory world will be blessed in the Hereafter
with real gifts that are perfect and everlasting. Because they have
had apure iman, and have willingly made serious effort toward the
attainment of the Garden, they will have true delight forever in its
beautiful dwellings. As well as containing every luxury and splendid
wealth, this environment will be a pure and noble place where the
people of the Garden always remember Allah and giveHim heartfelt
thanks. In the Qur'an, Allah tells us that the people of the Garden
live there in continual thankfulness and happiness:
They will say, "Praise be to Allah Who has fulfilledHis promise to us
and made us the inheritors of this land, letting us settle in the
Garden wherever we want. Howexcellent is the wage of those who work!"
(Surat az- Zumar: 74)