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Sunday, July 28, 2013

Muslim Marriage Stories: Carry me in your ArmsImportance of Marriage in Islam

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand
and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate
quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to say it. But I had tolet her know what I
was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topiccalmly. She didn't
seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I
avoidedher question. This made her angry. She shouted atme, "you are
not a man!"
That night, we didn't talkto each other. She was weeping. I knew she
wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could
hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I hadlost my heart to a lovely
girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car.
Sheglanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for
her wasted time, resources and energy butI could not take back what I
had said, for I loved Dew so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected
to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release.The idea of
divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemedto be firmer and
clearer now.
The next day, I came backhome very late and found her writing
something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to
sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day
with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I
just didn'tcare so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She
requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a
life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son hadhis exams in a
month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out
of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going
crazy.
Just to make our last daystogether bearable I accepted her odd
request. I told Dew aboutmy wife's divorce conditions. She laughed
loudly and thought it wasabsurd. No matter what tricks she has, she
has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn't had
any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.
So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy.
Our sonclapped behind us, daddyis holding mummy in his arms. His words
brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then
to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed
her eyesand said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I
nodded, feelingsomewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She
went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest... I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. Irealized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. Irealized she
was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair
was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when Ilifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to
me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy
was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to
carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made
me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresseshave grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so
thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly
it hit me;she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at
the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing
his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his
life. My wife gestured to our son to come close and hugged him
tightly. Iturned my face away because I was afraid I might change my
mind atthis last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the
bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded
my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just
like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school.
I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked
intimacy. I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without
locking the door.I was afraid any delay would make me change my
mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened thedoor and I said to her,
Sorry, Dew, I do not wantthe divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, then touchedmy forehead. Do you have a
fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each
other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home
on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs
this world.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then
slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove
away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers
for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I
smiled and wrote: I will carry you out every morning until we are old.
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a
relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank
balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be
your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other
thatbuild a relationship.

Muslim Marriage Stories: Importance of Marriage in IslamSecrets of Happy Married Couples

A man and his fiance were married. It was a large celebration. All of
their friends and family came to see the lovely ceremony and to
partakeof the festivities and celebrations. A wonderfultime was had by
all.
The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding gown and the groom was
very dashing in his black tuxedo. Everyone could tell that the love
they had for each other was true.
A few months later, the wife comes to the husband with a proposal:"I
read in a magazine, a while ago, about how wecan strengthen our
marriage." She offered.
"Each of us will write a list of the things that we find a bit
annoying with the other person. Then, we can talk about how we can fix
them togetherand make our lives happier together."
The husband agreed. So each of them went to a separate room in the
house and thought of thethings that annoyed them about the other. They
thought about this question for the rest of the day and wrote down
what they came up with.
The next morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would
go over their lists.
"I'll start," offered the wife. She took out her list. It had many
items on it. Enough to fill 3 pages, in fact. As she started reading
the list of the little annoyances, she noticed that tears were
starting to appear in her husbands eyes.
"What's wrong?" she asked. "Nothing" the husband replied, "keep
reading your list."
The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her
husband. She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands
over top of it.
"Now, you read your list and then we'll talk about the things on both
of ourlists." She said happily.
Quietly the husband stated, "I don't have anything on my list. I think
that you are perfectthe way that you are. I don't want you to change
anything for me. You are lovely and wonderful and I wouldn'twant to
try and change anything about you."
The wife, touched by his honesty and the depth ofhis love for her and
his acceptance of her, turnedher head and wept.
IN LIFE, there are enough times when we are disappointed, depressed
and annoyed. We don't really have to go looking for them.
We have a wonderful world that is full of beauty, light and promise.
Why waste time in this world looking for the bad, disappointing or
annoying things when we can look around us, and see the wondrous
things before us?
I believe that WE ARE HAPPIEST when we see and praise the good and try
our best to forego themistakes of our spouse. Nobody's perfect but we
can find perfection in them to change the way we see them. It is
necessary to understand the difficulties and be a helping hand to each
other....THAT BRIGHTENS THE RELATIONSHIP.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Issues in which Men and Women are treated alike or Women are treated favorably

This chapter discusses issues, which carry little or no controversy.
1. Education
The Messenger of Allah ! once said: "Acquiring knowledge is compulsory
for every Muslim. (At-Tabarani)
This narration applies equally to men and women. "Knowledge" in this
context refers primarily to knowledge of the Qur�aan and the Sunnah as
no Muslim should be ignorant of his or her Faith, but it also covers
other areas of general education, which can contribute to the welfare
of civilization. It is preciselythe ignorance about their religion
among Muslims that has led to men oppressing women because they
believe it ispermitted, women not demanding their God-given rights
because they are ignorant of them, and children growing up to
perpetuate their parents' follies. Throughout Islamic history, men and
womenboth earned respect as scholars and teachers of the Faith. The
books of Rijal (Reporters of Hadith) contain the names of many
prominent women, beginning with 'Aishah and Hafsah.
2. Worship
It has already been discussed in detail that both men and women are
the slaves of Allah and have a duty to worship and obey Him. Men and
women have topray, fast, give charity, go on pilgrimage, refrain from
adultery, avoid the prohibited, enjoin the good and forbid the evil,
and so on. Because of women's roles as mothers, a role which does not
end at a specific time but is a roundthe-clock career, they have been
exempted from attending the Mosque for the five daily prayers or for
Jumu 'ah (Friday) prayer. Nevertheless, if they wish to attend the
Mosque, no one has the right to stop them.
3. Charitable Acts
Men and women are both encouraged to givecharity, and there is nothing
to stop a woman giving charity from her husband's income.
'Aishah reported that theMessenger of Allah ! said:
"A woman will receive reward (from Allah) evenwhen she gives charity
from her husband's earnings. The husband and the treasurer (who keeps
the money on the husband's behalf) will also be rewarded, without the
reward of any of them decreasing."
Asma' once said to the Prophet
"O Messenger of Allah, I have nothing except what Zubair (her husband)
brings home." The Prophet told her: "O Asma, give in charity. Don't
lock it lest your subsistence is locked."
4. The Right to own Wealth and Property
A woman has the right to keep her property or wealth, whether earned
or inherited, and spend it as she may please.
This right was granted to Western women only very recently, and the
women of India had to wait until 1956 for a right which Muslim women
have always taken for granted. Concerning the right to one's earnings,
the Qur�aan says:
"And wish not for the things in which Allah hasmade some of you excel
the others. For men there is reward for whatthey have earned, (and
likewise) for women there is reward for whatthey have earned, and ask
Allah of His Bounty. Surely, Allah is Ever All-Knower of everything."
(V. 4:32)
5. Freedom to express One's Opinion
Few societies exist in which the ordinary citizen can confront the
ruler face to face and challenge his policies. Even fewer societies
allow women to be so bold, yet the Islamic ideal has always been open
and accessible. Thisfreedom of expression isaptly demonstrated by a
famous incident involving 'Umar the second Rightly- Guided Caliph.
'Umar was once standingon the pulpit, severely reprimanding the people
and ordering them not to set excessiveamounts of dower at thetime of
marriage. A woman got up and shouted, "Umar! You have no right to
intervene in a matter which Allah the All-Mighty has already decreed
in the Qur�aan:
"But if you intend to replace a wife by another and you have given one
of them a Qintar (of gold, i.e., a great amount as Mahr bridal money),
take not the least bit of it back; would you take it wrongfully
without a right and (with) a manifest sin?" (V.4:20)
After being reminded of this Verse, 'Umar withdrew his order, saying,
"I am in the wrong and she is correct."
6. Participation in Jihad
The battlefield is a place,which frightens many men let alone women.
Due to the aggressive and violent nature of war, only men have a duty
to participate in Jihad (holy fighting in Allah's Cause) while women
are exempted. A woman once asked the Prophet to allow womento go on
Jihad with men because of its excellence and the unlimited reward
promised to Mujahidin (Muslim fighters) in the Hereafter.
The Prophet replied:
"For them is a Jihad without fighting," whichreferred to the Hajj and 'Umrah.
Nevertheless the Prophetdid permit women to nurse the injured and
supply provisions to the Mujahidin at some battles. A woman from the
tribe of Ghifar came with a large group of women to the Prophet when
he was preparing to leave for the conquestof Khaibar. She said:
"O Allah's Messenger, we wish to accompany you on this journey so that
we may nurse the injured and help the Muslims." The Prophet responded,
"Come may Allah shower His blessings upon you."
Umm 'Atiyyah an Ansari woman, once said:
"I have participated in seven battles with the Prophet. I used to
guard the camels of the Mujahidin in their absence, cook the food,
treat the injured and care for the sick."
Mu'adh bin Jabal reportsthat his cousin Asma' bint Yazid killed nine
Roman soldiers with a tent-pole during the battle of Yarmuk.
7. Freedom to choose Her Husband
The guardian of the girl, whether her father, brother or uncle, plays
an important role in her marriage, such as finding a suitable match
for her. But under no circumstance does this allow him to force his
choice on her against her wishes. She is free toaccept or reject his
choice, or make her ownchoice. A woman named Khansa bint Khidam once
came to the Prophet and complained:
"My father has forced meto marry my cousin in order to raise his own
status (in the eyes of the people)." The Prophet told her that she was
free to dissolve this marriage and choose whomever she wished to
marry. She replied, "I accept my father's choice, but my aim was to
let the women know that fathers have no right to interfere in the
marriage." (Ahmad, An-Nasa 'i and Ibn Majah)
8. A Woman's Guarantee in War is acceptable
If a woman gives surety to a war-captive or giveshim shelter, her
guarantee will be accepted. Umm Hani a cousin of the Prophet, said to
him after the conquest of Makkah: "I have given shelter to two of my
in-laws." The Prophet said: "O Umm Hani, we have given shelter to whom
you have given shelter."
According to another narrative, Umm Hani gave shelter to a man but her
cousin 'Ali tried to kill the man. She complained to the Prophet who
endorsed her act of giving shelter to the man.
9. The Right to custody of Children
Divorce is especially painful and difficult when the couple have had
children, and awarding custody to either party involves difficulties.
According to Western law, both fatherand mother have to prove to the
Court that they are more capable oflooking after the children, and
this often involves maligning the other party in order to strengthen
their own claims to custody. Islamiclaw has its own clear decision on
this issue. Custody of young boys and girls goes to the mother. The
son stays with his mother until he is about seven or nine years of
age, after whichhe is looked after by the father. The daughter remains
with her motheruntil she gets married. The exception is when the
mother herself re-marries, in which casecustody may be awardedto
someone else such as the girl's grandmother or aunt. This is based on
the Prophet's words to the divorcee:
"Your right to custody ofthe child is greater as long as you do not remarry."
10. Participation in extending cooperation for the promotion of good
and elimination of evil.
The Qur�aan deals with this subject in clear terms:
"The believers, men and women, are Auliya ' (helpers, supporters,
friends, protectors) of one another; they enjoin(on the people)
Al-Ma'ruf(i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to
do), and forbid (people) from Al-Munkar (i.e.. polytheism and
disbelief of all kinds, andall that Islam has forbidden); they perform
As-Salat (Iqįmat-as-Salįt), and give the Zakat, and obey Allah and His
Messenger. Allah will have His Mercy on them. Surely, Allah is
All-Mighty, All-Wise." (V. 9:71)

Issues in which Men and Women are treated as dissimilar

This chapter deals and as well as tempers with the issues, which raise
most of the questions and criticisms.
1.Hijab
Muslim men and womenhave to fulfill very different requirements
concerning Satr (parts ofthe body which have to be covered). The
following Verse deals with the observation of Satr for women inside
the home where only close male and female family members can mix
together freely:
"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their
private parts and not to show off their adornment except only that
which is apparent, and to draw their veils all over Juyubihinna
(i.e.,their bodies, faces, necksand bosoms) and not to reveal their
adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their
husband's fathers, or their sons, or their husband's Sons, or their
brothers or their brother's sons, or their sister's sons, or their
(Muslim) women (i.e., their sisters in Islam), or the (female) slaves
whom their right hands possess, or old male servants who lack vigor,
or small children who have no sense of feminine sex. And let them not
stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide ~of their adornment.
And all of you beg Allah to forgive you all, O believers, that you may
be successful." (V. 24:3 1)
Women can thus expose their objects of beautification such as make-up
and jewellery to other chaste women and the men listed in theabove
Verse only.
In front of other people, the Prophet's wives and all Muslim women
have been ordered to fulfill the requirements of Hijab by wearing a
Jilbab, which is a long outer garment that covers the entire body:
"O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the
believers to draw their cloaks (veils) all over their bodies (i.e.,
screen themselves completely except the eyes or one eye to see the
way). Thatwill be better that they should be known (as free
respectable women)so as not to be annoyed. And Allah is Ever
Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (V. 33:59)
Islam does not permit the free mixing of men and women outside the
close family group, and Western-style mixing even with wearing the
Hijab is not permissible as is seen in places of education and work.
TheQur�aan tells the believing men in the time of the Prophet:
"And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from
behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts."
(V. 33:53)
The wives of the Prophetwere models for all women and were regarded as
the Mothers of all believers. If they could only be addressed from
behind a curtain in order to avoid any temptation or impropriety, how
much more then is such a curtain necessary for ordinary women who can
be a much greater source of temptation? It is also clear from the time
of the Prophet that the Companions did not treat this Verse as
referring only to the Prophet' s wives but applied it to their women
as well, with the complete approval of the Prophet. The reason given
in the above Versefor such a curtain is"that is purer for your hearts
and for their hearts" and in another Verse we read:
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden
things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexualacts).
That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do."
(V. 24:30)
Islam wishes to establish a pure society in which there is no room
even for adultery of the eye. Free-mixing between the sexes is
forbidden, men and women are advised to marry at a young age so that
they can fulfill their desires lawfully, and all are told to "lower
their gazes" in public so that the eye may not be used as an
instrument of Satan. By observing Hijab, the woman's dignity and
decency is safeguarded. Her attire makes clear that she is not an
object for sale, advertising her beauty and availability for men's
lusting eyes and wolf whistles. We need little reminder of the immoral
society around us today in which the sexes mingle wearing indecent
clothes, and adultery is only frowned upon if committed after being
married. Before marriage individuals areencouraged to try different
partners, and the unfaithfulness, the misery, the jealousy and the
insecurities, which then take place, are a necessary result of such a
life style. The Muslims may well feel safe and secure within the
Islamicmoral and dress code, but they are often imitating too much of
the non-Muslims' behavior for complacency.
2. Polygyny
A man is allowed a maximum of four wives provided he treats them with
equality and justice. If he cannot support more than one wife or fears
that he willnot be just between them, he should remain monogynous. The
primary purpose behind polygyny is to provide for war widows and
orphans. The number of men in any society inevitably decreases after a
major war, and polygyny provides the only decent solution for the
widows and orphansleft alone. In such situations women may resort to a
monastic life, which is unnatural, or toan immoral and sinful life.
Islam also strictly forbids sexual relations outside marriage, and
polygyny is again the only decent and honest solution in cases where a
man wants more than one partner.
The widespread practicetoday of men having wives as well as mistresses
is demeaning for all the women involved, it is dishonesty and causes
untold misery. By marrying more than once, not only are all the woman
and the children involved legitimate, but the man also has to face up
to full responsibility for all the relationships he enters into.
3. Evidence of Women
The Qur�aan clearly states that the evidence of two women is
equivalent to that of oneman, giving the reason that if one forgets,
the other may remind her:
"And get two witnesses out of your own men. And if there are not two
men (available), then a man and two women, such as you agree for
witnesses, so that if one of them (two women) errs, the other can
remind her." (V.2:282)
Giving evidence in court can be a daunting experience, especially as
the judicial system will consist mainly of men, sothe women can give
each other moral support as well as reminders. It is a serious and
burdensome responsibility, which hasbeen lightened for women.
There are four situationsin which evidence is required:
a. Crimes related to penal ordinances and retaliation. If men and
women are both available, the men will be called to give witness and
the women will not be summoned.
b. In economic affairs related to wealth and property, which are
usually the domains of men, the evidence of two men is accepted. If
two men are not available, then one man and two women will be
accepted.
c. In affairs concerning women only such as pregnancy, birth, sexual
defects, the evidence of one woman alone is accepted.
d. In criminal cases where only women are the witnesses, the four
Imams (religious leaders) are unanimous in not accepting the evidence
of women. They reason that in casessuch as murder and rape, the women
will be emotional and may get confused. Such evidence becomes
suspicious, and a principle of Shar'iah (Islamic law) is that any
suspicion about the evidence makes the evidence null and void. In this
context the Zahiri school of thought is more credible.
It states that if women alone are the witness in a criminal case,
their evidence will be accepted according to the principle of two
women's evidence beingequivalent to that of oneman. So in cases of
adultery, the evidence offour men or eight women will be accepted.They
argue that to rejectwomen's evidence entirely in such cases will allow
much crime to go unpunished.
It is an established scientific fact that women cannot explain the
intimate details of events with the accuracywhich men are capable of.
This fact has been confirmed by much research, such as Dr. Harding's.
in his book 'The Way of All Women.' According to one Hadith,the
Prophet described women as being incomplete in reason and religious
practice because they are exempted from the five daily prayers and
fastingduring their monthly menstruation. Their incompleteness in
reason is taken into account in the field of legal evidence. Giving
evidence in court is a serious responsibility from which a woman is
relieved, just as she is relieved from attending the Mosque for the
five daily prayers and the Friday prayer.
4. Inheritance
A daughter receives half the share of inheritance compared with the
son in accordance with the following Qur'anic injunction:
"Allah commands you as regards your children's (inheritance): to the
male, a portion equal to that of two females;" (V. 4:11)
If the daughter has no brothers and only women are the heirs, then
this principle does not apply. The ruling of giving a woman half the
share of a man seems unjust at first glance, butin fact it is more
generous to women. It isbased on the Shari 'ah principle of "Benefits
in accordance with the scale of responsibility."
To illustrate, a brother will inherit twice the sum his sister
inherits. What she inherits is hers to keep and she need not spend it
on anyone, even her husband though he may be poor. The brother is,
however, responsible for maintaining his family, which includes his
unmarried sister, surviving parent, wife and children. At the timeof
his marriage, he will have to pay bridal money to his wife as well as
provide for her throughout their married life. The sister will in
contrast receive bridal money and will bemaintained by her husband.
Any income she has and her share of inheritance is hers exclusively,
with which her family cannot interfere.
It seems that this same wisdom is behind the 'Aqiqah ceremony when the
two sheep are sacrificed at the birth of a male child, and one sheep
at the birth of a female child. This principle of benefits according
to responsibility has wide applications in Islam.
For example, after a battle the Prophet would distribute the captured
booty on the same principle by giving two shares to the cavalryand one
share to the infantry. (Musnad Ibn Abu Shaibah)
5. Blood Money
According to the principle of 'Benefits according to responsibility',
the bloodmoney of a woman is half that of a man. It is important to
remember that blood money is not the price for the soul of a murdered
person, as there can be no such price. It is instead a
smallcompensation for the financial sufferings of the deceased's
family. Men are usually the breadwinners and maintainers of their
families, so the financial sufferings are greater if the man is
killed, but if the murder victim was a woman who was the sole
breadwinner for her family, then the Qadi(judge) has the authorityto
increase her blood money.
A precedent for such an increase is found in the Qur'aan where it
allows the Qadi to double the blood money of a personmurdered within
the precincts of the Sacred Cities, Makkah and Al-Madinah. The wisdom
behind is that just as virtuous actions are rewarded more if practiced
within Al-Haram (the sanctuary), so the punishment for crimes or sins
within Al-Haram is also increased.
6. Divorce
The man has the primaryright to divorce. Allah says:
"And if you divorce thembefore you have touched (had a sexual relation
with) them, and you have appointed unto them the Mahr (bridal money
given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage),then pay
half of that (Mahr), unless they (the women) agree to foregoit, or he
(the husband) inwhose hands is the marriage tie, agrees to forego and
give her full appointed Mahr. And to forego and give (her thefull
Mahr) is nearer to At-Taqwa (piety, righteousness). And do not forget
liberality between yourselves. Truly, Allah is All-Seer of what you
do." (V. 2:237)
This may seem unjust at first glance, but Allah theAll-Mighty has
given injunctions based on men and women's different temperaments. The
woman is controlledmore by her emotions than by reason, and this is
obviously an asset in the home. Her tender nature and ability to
sacrifice her own comfort for the sake of her child makes her a better
parent than the man. In a situation of marital conflict, her emotional
nature will bemore inclined to exaggerate the seriousness of the
conflict and to thus instigate divorce. The man will be more inclined
to think calmly about the situation before pronouncing judgment.
Neither of these characteristics is inferior or superior to the other;
both are complementary and bestsuited to the roles the sexes have to
play. In order to mitigate rash conduct by the husband,the Qur�aan and
the Sunnah have made provisions for cases when the man does pronounce
divorce but then regrets it. The divorce never becomes binding
immediately butgives him a period of three lunar months (the woman's
'Iddah or waiting period) in whichhe can either endorse the divorce or
revoke it and seek reconciliation.
It should be remembered that a woman is not helpless inthe matter of
divorce as is widely believed. Although she cannot pronounce divorce
like aman, for the reasons of her temperament already given, she can
obtain one through a Qadi or arbitrator. This process is called Khul
', and the woman asks for divorce in lieu of returning her bridal
money or any other gift to the husband.
In the Western world today, the high rates of divorce are widely
attributed, among other things, to the financial independence of women
and the ease with which they can obtain divorce for flimsy reasons.
The Islamic ethos encourages men and women to save theirmarriage for
the sake of their children and to uphold the family institution.
7. Right to trade or seek other employment
A women is allowed to trade and work in institutions for women only,
and at all times she must observe the relevant rules on Hijab and
Satr. A woman's primary place is in the home but she may work if she
has no one to support her or because her husband's income is not
sufficient for the family's needs. As has already been mentionedunder
the discussion of Hijab, Islam does not permit the free mixing of men
and women outside the close family circle. Women are allowed to go to
Mosques for worship, educational institutions, and the battlefield. In
the Mosques and educational establishments, the Muslims should provide
separate places where women may pray and study in privacy. On the
battlefield, women may nurse the injured if there is a shortage of
male nurses. Whenever men and women work or study in the same place,
there is an increase in temptation from Satan. Sexual harassment in
Western places of employment is a common problem for which the women
often have no remedy. Islam tackles the root of the problem by
separating the sexes and so avoiding situations of temptation, which
can lead to sin.